Jump to content
Battlefront is now Slitherine ×

Joe Shaw

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    9,270

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Gamey, gamey, gamey, gamey I'm SICK to death of GAMEY this and GAMEY that and tourneys cancelled (not that I care about THEM) because players are being FREAKIN' GAMEY! They want to see GAMEY, LET'S GIVE THEM GAMEY!

    While Mace was roundly and deservedly shouted down for his skill based tourney, I propose a tourney BASED ON GAMEYNESS! That's right, I propose that we sponsor the First Annual CessPool Gamey Tourney.

    I mean, Hell, it's about time we gave something back to the community isn't it? Let's set up a series of the gamiest maps we can think up, insist that every player make the gamiest purchases they can and that every single gamey tactic under the sun be used by each player. So who wins? The player who shows the most gameyness of course. We get reports from all players and the one who shows most CessPool gameyness is the winner. What do they win? Who the hell cares!

    GAMEY IS AS GAMEY DOES. It's about time that we GAMEY players get the respect we deserve.

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Berli stupidly remarked: Have I mentioned that Joe is an idiot lately?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hah! So you admit that it's only LATELY that I've been an idiot ... no, wait, that didn't come out right.

    In any case, I wasn't the one who was taken in by that obvious ICQ spam. And furthermore I counted the EDIT markers, three on one and two on the other. The TRUTH is out there Berli and so are you. You're not ... Australian by any chance?

    Joe

    [ 08-14-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    My Lord Lorak, may it please Your Lardship ... sorry, sorry, meant to say LORDship, slip of the tongue, won't happen again Your Lordship, please accept my apology. Where was I ... oh yes, I rise before the assembled quality (no snickering damn it, this is a solemn occassion) to address a grevious lack in the ranks of the CessPool. I refer my fellow Knights and their attendant squires to the following, taken directly from the scroll of Dishonor maintained by Our Gracious Lord Lorak:

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Check6- 0/1/0

    Treeburst155- 0/1/0

    Ellros- 0/2/0

    Abbott- 2/0/0

    Col.Sanders- 0/1/0

    Stalin's Organ- 2/1/0<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Note that of the listed Serfs ONLY Stall In Oregon is still posting! That's right my fellow Knights, we HAVE NO SERFS! It is true that Geek Funnel, as Whuppin Boy, is still around at times but what ARE we going to do without a sufficiency of Serfs from whence to pluck Squires?

    I propose that a commission be formed to look into this deficit, but in the meantime I propose that Jar O' Dish be given the "rank" of Serf. As an SSN he seems less ... offensive ... than most and is certainly FAR less offensive than, say, Failed Marshal.

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The reason why we find ourselves in a position of impotency is not because the Australians have sent men to invade our shores, but rather because of the traitorous actions of those who have had all the benefits that the wealthiest nation on earth has had to offer - the finest homes, the finest college educations, and the finest jobs in Government we can give, and yet live amongst us as secret Australians.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn all public relations staff, that's what I say. I had PLANNED to expose (sit down Bauhaus, and by the way, how do you fell about King Tigers in deep snow) this nefarious conspiracy here, in the CessPool, first but my intern was ... uh ... sleeping in and time just got by her. Lovely girl but a bit scatter-brained you know.

    It is true, as Seanachai has stated (which must be something of a first in and of itself), that the Down Under Conspiracy is alive and festering here in the CessPool and the staff of the office of The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool shall not rest until all Australians are rooted out (I understand that "rooted" has a different connotation in Australia but I don't care).

    As our first act, The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool orders that from this point forward, all references to Australia be italicized. We're not sure WHY we're doing this, except that we are.

    Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool

    p.s. New Zealand is still under investigation.

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>My loyal and trusty squire Lars was moved to exclaim: Aaaarrgghhh! I think she was on the boat this weekend! I’ll get you for this Shaw. I’m heating your milk to 109F! Ha, take that!

    Mormon Wives, this must be why Berli invented darkness. Just when I was starting to be able to keep down solid food again too!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah lad, I must apologize. While you ARE my squire it is also true that you are ONLY my squire and not trained in the arcane arts of which I am master ... nor the arcade arts either, you should see me on pinball ... but I digress. The use of Mormon Wives is not to undertaken lightly and will, I fear, NOT be part of your education. I tried to get Agua Perdido to attempt it and, well, you see where that led.

    Get some sleep Berli, five edits in two posts must be a personal best for you.

    Joe

    edited to make Berli feel less of a complete bozo than we know him to be.

    [ 08-13-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>"But Dale," you cry, "won't there be a lag between the increased load and the buildout, so that our porn downloads will slow down?"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> To alleviate THAT tragedy, allow me to continue a CessPool tradition that has been sadly neglected of late, that's right, it's time for WWW.HOTMORMONBABES.COM and their BABE O' THE MONTH ...

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    Might want to be sure the wife and kids are out of the room first!

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    This one is REALLY something!

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    MBYOUNG.JPG

    Joe

    [ 08-13-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    All right, enough's enough ya bunch of maroons. The next jerk that forwards a bogus ICQ message to me gets it right between the eyes. I refer you gullible clowns to :ICQ - The TRUTH Is Out There The facts are very simple, much like Mace and Berli who BOTH forwarded a bogus message to me, ICQ will NOT be asking everyone to forward anything to everyone on their list, this is just another in a LONG line of jerks who thinks it's funny to get everyone to clog up the system with bogus messages. The FIRST CLUE that this was bogus MIGHT have been that the link they gave ... WAS BAD! The SECOND CLUE might be common sense, but in the case of Mace] and Berli I guess we can eliminate THAT. If you forward a message to everyone on your list, they will get the message to forward it to everyone on THEIR list and, hello, that includes YOU!

    Knock It Off, Damnit!

    Thank you for your attention to this detail.

    Joe

    0

    Surrender or Die trying?

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What is considered the most honorable course of action? While I try to avoid the dreaded "gameyness" label, I play to have fun.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If the bottom line for you is to have fun (as it is for me), then you have every right to stop playing when it's no longer fun for you. Surrender is perfectly correct and honorable in that situation and is MUCH preferred to simply not returning files, which has also been done.

    As to being labelled "gamey", however, you should realize that some players get annoyed when their opponents surrender before the bitter end. I suppose they enjoy torturing cats too. Just be advised that in some cases you may run into this type of player.

    From a practical standpoint, I very rarely surrender as strange things can and do happen in this game ... as they do in real life. I've rarely been so decimated that I don't have a hope of winning. Sometimes that hope turns out to be unrealistic but I usually fight it out to the end.

    It's YOUR decision in the final analysis and if your opponent doesn't like it, TOUGH, they got their win. Of course I'M not too likely to want to play them again because they usually AREN'T in it for fun.

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Sigh... I hate fricking politics. Especially when brought to the MBT.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well I could see THAT coming ... look guys, let's just acknowledge that if the problem in Northern Ireland (or the Middle East, or the American South or ...) was EASY it would have been solved years ago. These things are NEVER easy and are all rooted in centuries of issues that continue to this day. Let's just ... let it drop when it comes to the CessPool.

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I did a QB against the computer with low-quality troops, me on the attack with green troops, and it chose conscript Sturmkompanies, Volksgrenadier SMG troops, Motorized troops, and 105mm howitzers. Gamey bastard!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> {sigh} David how MANY times must we say it? AGREE FIRST before you play the scenario and you don't have to worry about gamey buys. Now you just have to take your medicine and get it over with AND THEN NOT PLAY THE GAMEY SWINE AGAIN! That's right, no matter how much he begs or pleads, no matter how many setups appear in your Inbox, you have to be resolute and refuse to play him. Sooner or later he'll get the message.

    Btw, Lorak, why isn't the A.I. a Knight?

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I demand the right to be called Juardis!!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Jar O' P**s, I do SO wish I could accomodate you (we have a lovely dungeon here in Castle Shaw, complete with a working rack, brazier and tongs and my loyal and trusty squire Lars has been complaining about not getting sufficient training on their use for extracting confessions ... and other things. Btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Lars, take the night off ... after you complete the 23 page thesis on "Scum Sucking Newbies REALLY Suck". You should find TONS of material with Jar O' P**s alone) but alas and alack the rules are quite clear that only Squires and Knights of the CessPool may have their names properly spelled and bolded. Since you are, by definition, a SSN I am REQUIRED to make sport of your name ... and yourself as well of course.

    Where is this rule you ask? In fact you've asked several times as I recall. It EXISTS ... and that's all you need know. I'd explain further but you can't seem to comprehend the rules we've provided for you on the first page of this thread so you certainly can't be trusted with the other, more select set of rules. While I won't cover ALL of the rules written on page one, allow me to summarize:

    (1) Sound off like you've got a pair.

    (2) Don't sound off ABOUT your pair.

    (3) Challenge someone specific, in your case another SSN would do nicely since none of US think you're worth a plugged nickle.

    Should the above happen AND you show some wit, some verve, some humor, then PERHAPS (and I wouldn't bet the farm on it were I you) you MIGHT be allowed to join us as a SERF ... of course your name would still be made fun of BUT you would then have the opportunity to be chosen as a Squire by a Knight of the CessPool ... in your case it would likely be a Knight of VERY low standing and likely low habits as well but beggars can't be choosers and you are, trust me, a beggar here now.

    There you have it, now go away.

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe (aka Idiot), Mensch is not Teutonic by blood. He is a Cunuk buy blood. He is Teutonic by transplantation<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ohmigawd that's even worse! First he lives in Germany without actually being German, then he's a Canuck so, well, he's CANUCK. Then he BUYS BLOOD, I mean what kind of sick, deviant does THAT and finally he does TRANSPLANTS, what the hell is this guy, DR. FRANKENSTEIN?

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Peng admitted his ignorance (among other things, when he stated: As far as the thing with MrPShaw goes, well we are just a tad confused as to how to procedecake. we have an unsullied map, we have a bit of an idea about what we want to buy to put on the map, but well, what do we

    do next?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> OTOneH, I find I must agree with Peng, disgusting though that may be. The map and (I hesitate to use the word as it dignifies it beyond imagination) "instructions" from Berli were, shall we say, sparse. So I shared Peng's discomfort ... well, not ALL of his discomfort, I understand that medications available over the counter can do much to relieve the pain and itching. OTOtherH, I had the native wit and intelligence to ... hello ... ASK about that of which I was unsure.

    Berli was, big surprise, of NO help whatsoever, but Mensch, my true and faithful second in this desperate affair, soon gave me to understand that HE would be using the map to create the scenario, complete with setup zones and finalized troop purchases.

    In the area of the last requirement, he did suggest that I could either run a QB setup and BUY my forces then relay the OOB to him OR he could purchase a reasonable OOB for me. I chose the former course since Mensch is, after all, German and not to be trusted. I hasten to add that I am of German descent and, therefore, also not to be trusted, though to a lesser degree than one who is of full Teutonic blood. Here's hoping that if I offended anyone ... it was well done.

    I do SO hope that this post has cleared up the misunderstanding and that you will find your OWN way to the pharmacy for your ... other ... problem.

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Jar 'o This has suggested: I demand better!!! Maybe I should take me ole, SOD OFF, and drop into another hole that has a lock over it and a picture of a bald-guy saying stay out!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> See, that wasn't so hard was it? Just SOD OFF and all will be well. Do be sure to SOD OFF, however, since you apparently can't be bothered with actually READING the rules. However, before you SOD OFF (now don't forget, that's very important), you might note the section dealing with CHALLENGES ... this being the Peng Challenge Thread, aka The Mutha Beautiful Thread, aka The One The True CessPool and sometimes simply called ... the 'Pool. So if, by some mischance, you don't SOD OFF, and we REALLY would prefer that you DO ... SOD OFF that is, then you might consider READING the rules and actually challenging some other low-life SSN (Scum Sucking Newbie) ... otherwise feel free to SOD OFF.

    Joe

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Are you suggesting a Cesspool tourney or somfink?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmmmm, a TOURNEY eh? With a prize no less, very interesting. Quick MrSpkr I think it's time for an executive council meeting of the Committee on UnCessPudlian Practices! By Gawd, well root these subversive bastiches out yet, so we will.

    Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool

    [ 08-08-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

    0

    It Was the Best of PENG CHALLENGES, It Was the Worst of PENG CHALLENGES

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>This thread, such as it is, is hereby blessed by the bald one.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Bah! A mere squire, and Panzer Leader at that starting a new thread? Have you taken leave of your senses MadMatt? ... okay strike that last. {Sigh} Since YOU seem to have control of the board I suppose we must resign ourselves to the ignominity of it all, but ... well ... dash it all.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Thanks, b-but if I lose are you going

    to m-make f-f-f-f-fun of me?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Of course not ... we'll make fun of you win OR lose ... here, let me start ... yours is probably the most uninspired handle since ... well ... mine or David Aiken, and at least OURS only apply to people with the same names, whereas yours applies to everyone here ... except for Dame YK2, Lady of the Pool.

    AND, SSNs should note the following rules addendum since Panzer Leader did such a disreputable job of the rules:

    Rule 34.6/3/a.iii amended: Should you choose to challenge someone here, and please don't feel under any obligation to do so, in fact you should feel an obligation to SOD OFF at the earliest opportunity, but IF you do kindly refrain from challenging Old Ones, Seniour Knights, Knights in Ordinary, Juniour Knights ... in fact everyone EXCEPT fellow SSNs or a squire that some particularly annoyed Knight has thrown your way.

    Joe

    0

    My MG's Can't Run Fast Enough for the Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>From a thread far, far away: right oops on the turn thing.. second. I sent you file 6... oh well I'll SEND IT again.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Goof! I already had that one and replied. OH WELL, I'LL SEND IT AGAIN. Germans, sheesh, you can't live with 'em and you can't have a good war without them. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>on the match thing you may want to ask the fuzzy opponent of yours. You see I am waiting for his purchase of troops.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> That would be YOU Peng, either that or I'll just claim a win (damnit) and you can go on ignoring reality ... you are SO good at that. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So don't go yelling at the Designer or you get crapy set up zones, ya

    hear?!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa ... be sure to give me some good setup zones so I can emplace my AT guns WITHOUT TRANSPORT ... bwahahahahaha.

    Joe

    0

    thats gamey!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I paid extra for the wheels that brought my guns to the battlefield, and forfeited the ability to conceal them so effectively as yours. You saved points by effectively getting the wheels free – your guns just magically appeared in situ, and you were able to spend the points on extra firepower.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Very true David, however let's look at the flip side. Since you purchased your transport you now have the ability to MOVE your guns after emplacment. He, OTOH, is pretty much stuck and if he guessed wrong on the LOS or your line of advance ... he's just wasted ALL his points.

    I also agree with the poster who said it depends on your definition of an ME. When I play an ME I have no compunction about placing my vehicles and units within my setup zone so that they can cover specific areas.

    David has a good point in that troops placed within a setup zone are NOT in foxholes and presumably JUST got there. By the same token, there's no reason to suppose that the guns couldn't have JUST gotten there, been dumped by their transport and the transport moved off map for safety. Since the transport is now unavailable during the game and can't perform it's function, i.e. moving the guns, the player shouldn't be charged for them.

    Perhaps what we need is another type of ME in which there are NO setup zones and everyone moves onto the map?

    Joe

    0

    Immobile Victory Flags are not historical

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And finally, the ultimate GROG (at least while Fionn is gone), Germanboy deigns to enter the fray: Unlike you, of course. Imposter. Everyone and their Grog knows that while mobile flags were a vital ingredient to the Ultimate Allied Victory (just check the pictorial evidence in this thread - seen one

    Axis flag? Thought so - QED)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Firstly, I am no imposter, I am the REAL Joe Shaw as you have learned to your dismay. Next, no one, repeat NO ONE, has suggested otherwise you great Teutonic oaf. The EXISTENCE of MVFs is well documented, the ONLY question is whether they are mobile WITHIN THE SCOPE AND SCALE OF CMBO! Finally, if you are going to use "authorities" to bolster your shaky stand, at least be so kind as to establish their credentials ... who IS this chap QED and why should we pay him mind? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>MASH's do not, did not and will never exist and are in actual fact an invention of Robert Altman, or whatshisname the TV director.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Haha, I have you there you English dwelling refugee. MASH is ON TV regularly and shows actual MASH units in the performance of their duties (I can't believe that the US Army spent so much time and money on filming that ONE MASH unit in Korea, you'd think they would have filmed a combat unit or Dugout Doug or something). <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Moron.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Andreas, don't confuse the outerboards, THEY don't know that Germanboy and Moron are one and the same, be consistent and just sign your posts as Andreas.

    Joe

    0

    My MG's Can't Run Fast Enough for the Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As sad as it is to see one of our own behaving in such a fashion, we cannot ignore his actions. I would ask his Honor, Judge Lorak, to appoint an investigator to look into this grave matter. Perhaps Sir Seanachai

    would be available for such duties.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Don't be STUPID MrSpkr ... hmmm, not bad that, STUPID MrSpkr, has kind of a ring to it in fact. ONLY the Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool can be trusted to handle a case of this nature. Now, who's the defendant eh? Bring out the guilty basta ... uh I mean the presumed innocent party.

    What's that?

    ME!

    Well ... harrrummmphhh ... May it please Your Lordship Lorak, the CessPool hereby charges Sir Joe Shaw with conduct unbecoming a Knight of the CessPool in that on or about August 6th, in the year of our Peng 2001, he did ...

    What did he do? Really? That seems unlikely but, oh well ...

    ... he did, with malice and aforethought, behave in a groggly manner upon the outerboard. Your Lordship, the CessPool intends to ask for the death penalty in the case.

    Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool

    0
×
×
  • Create New...