Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>If Joe is going to hack the game and give me some goober nation to command, he oculd do better than the FRENCH!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ummmm, no ... no I don't think so. Just running through the list of goober nations I can't think of ONE that would be better, as a goober nation you understand, than the French. They're just about as goober as they come.
As to the choice of sides, young MrSpkr, neglects to mention that the scenario description SPECIFICALLY states that the game is likely more difficult as the Germans. Of course, he WOULD "neglect" to mention that wouldn't he.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Geez - you all ARE wankers.
[ 08-17-2001: Message edited by: Dweezil44 ] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Geez, he had to edit a one liner ... and WE'RE the wankers!
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>[serious] Elvis, tell Mike my family will keep him in our prayers and wish him
and his family well. Also, Has anyone heard from Von Shrad? Or have any news as to how his surgery went?[/serious]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> [serious] May I add my wishes to Hiram, we miss him and wish him all the best. I haven't heard from Von Shrad, but did receive a very nice email from him just prior to the surgery, let's hope all is well there too. [/serious]
Congratulations Jar O' P*ss, now you just have to find some brain dead ... uh I mean, worthy Knight to take you to squire.
In other 'pool news, sources close to Sir Joe Shaw have reported that he has completed and sent the setup for the battle between him and Sir MrSpkr. When asked for his comment to this news, Sir MrSpkr appeared distraught and was seen wandering away muttering, "Ohmigawd, what have I done, what have I done, how stupid of me." This reporter couldn't help but agree with his statement.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I haven't played it. How about you, Josef?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What is this, Madame Fife's Friendly Opponent Finder? No I haven't played it and yes I did DL it and yes I'll send the bloody setup ... haven't you ever heard of email ... sheesh.
Joe
[ 08-17-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I do grant that he did a good job on posting the rules, so perhaps a polite little golf clap is due. No, how about we forget the
golfing part of it and just give him the clap...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Oh I SAY ... JEEVES, JEEVES I say.
Yes Sir, may I assume from your tone that the recent posting by Herr Oberst has caught your attention?
Oh ... well, I mean, well yes Jeeves I mean just look at it, it's ... it's ...
Quite so Sir, it's hardly up to standard is it Sir.
But Jeeves, well dash it all man, we can't just let it GO man, it's just not ... done.
Indeed Sir, Herr Oberst does have something of a talent for ... the coarser side of things. But I shouldn't worry if I were you Sir.
Not worry Jeeves? How can I not worry when that Hairy Obreast chap is speaking IN PUBLIC of ... of ... of ... well, of THAT. And he MIGHT be back, Jeeves, granted he shows up hardly at all but still ...
Yes Sir, the possibility might exist were he not otherwise occupied.
Otherwise occupied? Ah ... you've already taken steps then Jeeves?
I hope it meets with your approval Sir, but I suspect that Herr Oberst will shortly be occupied in a LENGTHY debate with Username. I would seem Sir, that Herr Oberst has posted a statement that Username doesn't know ... if I may use the words HE apparently used ... his butt from a bulldozer.
But why would this Obreast chap do that?
Ah Sir, these days, who can say who actually posted something and who didn't.
... Jeeves, I don't pay you enough.
I do attempt to give satisfaction Sir. Now Sir, the Puma? Perhaps NOT in middle of the field Sir.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stick Around!?! You idiot. Didn't we just finish sending the Bard off to the gulag for inviting the Boardies in? And now you want them to stay!?!
Stoning is too good for you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well I like that ... I got to ALL the work of putting together a new and improved set of rules and do I get a single word of thanks? I do NOT.
Look you to the rules, how many times do I have to say SOD OFF? How many times must I invite them to leave? But we know, oh how well we know from bitter experience, that some small percentage WILL persist. IN THAT CASE I thought it correct to point out that they will be in it for the long haul. We have only to look to the list of Serfs to see a long and indistinguished roster of those who came and DID NOT STICK AROUND.
Of course we want them to SOD OFF, and as MadMatt himself pointed out, I repeated it MANY times. But for those who choose to try their luck, be warned, this is not a part time, on again off again commitment, THIS ... IS THE CESSPOOL.
As to YOU MrSpkr I spit on your offer to send a setup. I have more important things to do ... trimming toenails comes to mind, if you wish to fight me, then YOU send a setup or, preferably, a scenario reputed to be balanced which HAS NOT BEEN PLAYED BY EITHER OF US ... you see, I know you too well.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Nice title Joe. Been working on that one for awhile, have you?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And unto me came a visage of BTS in all it's might and glory and lo he was fearsome in raiments of levis and denim jacket. And upon the jacket was writ in fell runes the words "Hels Angles, OKland" ... apparently spelling wasn't one of the more emphasized area of the cirriculum in OKland. And unto me he doeth saith "To thee shall be given the honor of the next incarnation of the MBT"
"But surely others are more worthy of this honor than I, MadMatt?" for indeed it was he.
"Nay," sayeth he, "thou shalt create it and it shall be done as it is written for I find it to be cool."
"Thy will be done, oh great one," I tremulously agreed, "it shall be as you say."
"Damn right." sayeth he to me.
And thus was it done.
Joe
[ 08-17-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah
Be it Know to One and All Sundry that this is The One The True CessPool, The Mutha Beautiful Thread, the PENG CHALLENGE THREAD returned from it's ignominious tenure under the handle of a Squire and back under the control of a True Knight of the CessPool. Harken ye to the RULES:
(ii) This is NOT your father's ladder, lad, it's the Peng Challenge Thread and you are NOT worthy and should, frankly, just SOD OFF and be done with it.
(XIV) Are you brain dead? SOD OFF!
(1.43) There are SIX (6) kinds of people in the world, Old Ones, Seniour Knights, Knights, Squires ... Serfs ... and Scum Sucking Newbies (SSNs). All but the last of these are relatively worthy, (the jury's still out on the Serfs but they ARE recognized) but the last, the SSNs are worthless and to be despised by all right thinking individuals. If you are an SSN ... SOD OFF.
(ref. e) You may have come here thinking that you are special and unique among SSNs and that you have What It Takes to be one of us ... YOU ARE WRONG SO SOD OFF.
(
If you MUST stick around, and we'd much prefer that you just SOD OFF, remember that this is the Peng CHALLENGE Thread, so perhaps you might consider actually CHALLENGING someone to a game of CM. IF you do, and don't overlook the advantages of simply SODDING OFF, remember the following:{34} Challenge someone of your own stature, which is non-existant, by choosing another SSN, a Serf or perhaps, PERHAPS a squire. How do you find these people you ask ... mostly because you're an idiot ... you find them here:
{Uiv} SOUND OFF LIKE YA GOT A PAIR! None of this mamby pamby, "Oh please good sir, might I have the honor of participating in a game of CM with you or yours at your earliest convenience?" BAH! This is the place for bile and venom, for taunts and insults and is NOT for children but only for MEN (and a few good WOMEN ... though in my experience BAD WOMEN are to be preferred) of substance, of STYLE, of WIT and HUMOR.
{87/87) Do NOT sound off ABOUT your pair. We tolerate no racial, sexual, political or ethnic crusades ... only good old fashioned PERSONAL attacks.
{Stick Around Damn It, we're tired of people who wander in and waste our time and then never show up again ... or you could just SOD OFF} 1.
{vii} Have Half A Brain, this will be a stretch for most SSNs but give it a shot.
{Don't} think that just because you're good at CM that you have a place HERE! We don't care ... we care about taunting, insulting and generally being Gamey, underhanded swine. That's right ... GAMEY ... we LIKE GAMEY because the Outerboards DON'T.
NOW ... wouldn't it be easier all around to just SOD OFF?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>{meekly} Yes, Sire, as you command.
And oh, Sire? You forgot the Boot.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Quite right lad, quite right, please forgive me on several levels. Real Life intruded for a moment and I forgot myself.
***KICK***
Becuase you see, lad, I have no right to tell you or anyone who or how often they should play.
***KicK***
I mean that goes against my entire philosophy and I must beg your forgiveness.
***KICk***
Also you are quite correct in pointing out that I did forget the boot, again that was my failing and you have done well to remind me of it.
***kICK***
May I also commend you for your course of study to date and your record of 4 games played. Why in no time at all you'll be a full fledged Knight of the CessPool.
***KICK***
Well done lad. You've made an old Knight very proud.
***KIIICCKKKKKK***
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>My Liege Shaw, could you consult with the Old Ones and direct me to a nice balanced Operation suitable for this Blood Hamster? Failing that, a balanced Rune or Berli scenario will suffice. I leave it in your capable hands, Sire.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I trust that you mean a SCENARIO and not an operation, I can't imagine a squire of mine having the time to mess around with an SSN for an entire operation.
In the meantime, perhaps Berli could take time off from crowing about the victories HE'S BEEN GIVEN in our Peng created abortion and suggest a balanced match for you and what's his name.
Joe
edited to add the following: I don't give a rip WHAT you play, but if Berli can forward something that would be a GOOD thing. And I absolutely forbid you to play more than one game with this SimPlayer thing.
[ 08-17-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>SimPlayer predictably replied: I'll bet you're just like Joe Shaw: talk
the tough talk, but when it comes to
proving it in a game you squawk the chicken squawk, BWAWK bwakbwakbwak BWAAAAWK!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh come now, are we in the tenth grade? Chicken? Apparently I have to remind you of three salient facts: (the following is for Mace despite the fact that I find it objectionable)
(iii) KNIGHTS of the CessPool, and especially Seniour Knights, don't play SSNs except under very special circumstances ... since I've seen no actual cash from you ...
(14.567/3.1416) The rules specifically stated that you, as a disgusting SSN, should challenge yet another SSN rather than just jump right into the fire of playing a Seniour Knight such as myself.
(XLVII) WINNING MEANS NOTHING ... it's the taunting that accompanies the game that's of value ... and so far my lad ... you're losing badly.
And this after I've taken the initiative and tried to help you with your pathetic handle. Just look at the interest it's received. Why that's more notice than you'd have received in months otherwise. Sheeesh, SSNs these days. I note that Lorak has not yet acted on my proposal that young Jar O' P*ss be made a Serf but then it IS Lorak we're talking about.
Speaking of clowns ... (nice segway huh?) ... has anyone had any Goanna sightings in the past week or so? I sent him my last disastrous (for him) turn on the 8th but apparently it so disheartened him that he's not replied.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>23.4) I'm sorry, but you have failed to follow correct MBT procedure, you have been sequential!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I have examined the currently popular non-sequential numbering and have found it passe ... and besides numbering in order annoys Elvis.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>A.12.78 and a bit) Have you thought that the reason they only paid you once is to stop you singing?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, I see they have ignored irony in Australian schools AS WELL. That was, you see, the point of my statement. Hit 'em over the head and ship their butts off to Oz. The English did do SOME things right.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I look forward to your continuing abuse, and your turnfile.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No doubt having abuse hurled at you is better than no communications at all. As to my file, how many times would like me to send it? I sent it once, you deleted it by your own admission, now I've sent it again. Shall I send it yet a third time in anticipation of your once again deleting it?
Joe
[ 08-16-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>But seriously...I can't think of a good handle...i try and try...and ask my wife
but she just rolls her eys...i'm not creative or witty thats the problem...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now SimsPlayer, I can't play you right now because I don't want to, you see I could have come up with some bogus excuse but the fact is that I really don't want to play an SSN right now ... or ever actually.
But do not despair, for the CessPool is nothing if not compassionate ({snort}), no really we are really swell guys (and let's not forget Dame YK2, The Lady of the Pool, I mean she's got compassion just oozing off her) and we WANT to help.
What do you say guys, shall we come up with a new handle for SimPlayer? Here, I'll start the ball rolling:
KnottPfhunney
Anyone else?
We're here for you guy.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>actually Joe.. you have a point please errase your post.. send in your bloody surrender and cower at my feet! And join me in the song<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, now see there lads, a nice POLITE request. And to show my appreciation for that, allow me to state (a) I can't surrender until you send another turn (
I'm unlikely to surrender even then since I've seen not ONE allied soldier to whom I can surrender © Are those feet then? They must be, they're at the end of your legs (NOTE: Credit for the last insult to "Bored of the Rings" by the Harvard Lampoon") (d) I used to sing professionally you know, people PAID me to sing ... well not more than once but that's not the point and finally (e) Sod OFF mate, I'll not touch a smidgen of my brilliant post.Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>A MASSIVE amount of gibberish posted by SIM Player purporting to be an expose of Peng ... as if we don't ALREADY believe the worst of him ... and ending with: The letter you just read should be seen as a starting point for dialogue on this controversial issue. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I've a better plan, let's pretend it NEVER happened AT ALL! You could reinforce this plan by a selective edit of everything starting with ... actually ... just delete EVERYTHING and replace it with an apology for wasting the space.
There's a good chap. Now go find a decent handle that doesn't apply to everyone here.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I can see where it would behoof one to become a serf.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> OH ... I GET IT ... Toejam ... behoof ... wow, that's just ... just ... hmmmm.
Moriarty don't be an idiot ... opps, too late. How would it prove that YOU'RE the gamiest of them all to have your opponent buy your troops? You're right about Mace of course, I found myself with equal measures of outrage and admiration.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>WTH does a serf do and why are they rank?! Do they bring out the dead and not wash afterwards? Polish the boots of the big and fearsome Keeenights? Shovel the ****e out of the stables and then thank the lawds profusely? Suck up, bow down, kiss ash?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ummm, yeah basically. Actually it just gives you ... recognition. Before you (I'm speaking generically here, wouldn't do to give YOU ... as in Jar O' P**s YOU ... anything before Lorak recognizes it) are a Serf you're an SSN and worthless to boot ... meaning that you aren't WORTH putting the boot in as is done frequently to Squires.
Lars come here a moment.
Yes my liege, you require something, more okra perhaps, chocoate or something stronger?
No, just this ... **Kick**
{tears well in Lars eyes} ... thank you Sir, may I have another?
Not just now, making a point you see, back to your paper ... what was it again?
"Berli and the Effects of Getting Up on the Wrong Side of the Brimstone" my liege.
Quite so, carry on.
So you see, as a Serf you're still worthless BUT you are recognized AND a Knight may then choose to take you to Squire and well ... you're on your way then.
Joe
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A wise man once said, "Gamey is as Gamey Does" ... oh wait, that was ME. In any case I have the duty to report to the CessPool that one Australian, Mace to be specific, has engaged in the most unseemly and gamey behavior of all. The attached screenshot provides conclusive proof that he ... well, look a the screenshot first:
Note that MY MG crew is captured and IS BEING FORCED AT GUNPOINT TO LEAD HIS ATTACK UPON A HOUSE OCCUPIED BY MY FORCES! Trust an Australian to resort to such disreputable and dishonorable tactics. For shame Mace.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I wouldn't know, idiot, because I haven't seen a file from you in ages.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Then you might take the extraordinary step of checking your email for Aug. 9th when I sent turn (You might want to hide your eyes Elvis) Shaw_Berli_42.zip. But FINE, when I'm dealing with lesser intellects I must make allowances so I shall resend the turn.
You're just digging yourself in deeper, everyone has realized that you're just trying to justify your fit of ill temper and IT'S NOT WORKING. I have the right on my side, accept it with good grace.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Yeah, and I can edit my post to change what I said too... idiot<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> GASP! My HONOR has been questioned and my VERACITY doubted, I'll have you know, you evil person, that my edit of that post did NOT change the key elements of "five edits" and "two posts" and to suggest otherwise is a DAMED LIE. You Sir, I demand satisfaction ... oh wait ... we're already playing aren't we ... DAMN.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I just ordered my second copy of CM. Is it gamey of me because I already knew that the CD was stuffed into the middle of the manual?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Nope, you're fine as long as the CD wasn't hugging the EDGE of the manual.
Joe
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Hehehe, the title reminded me of this from the OLD DAYS, back when we ALL were waiting for CM. So, if you'll allow me the immodesty:
I dont' know about you guys, but when CM finally shows up ... it'll be like ... Christmas.
Twas the Night of Delivery
by Joe Shaw
Twas the night of delivery,
and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
‘cept his trusty mouse.
His wife had departed,
with a steely cold glare,
Said she’d be at her mother's,
like he’d really care.
The game had arrived,
via afternoon mail,
He tore up the wrapping,
with tooth and with nail.
He lunged to computer,
popped in the disc,
And started installing,
with a flick of the wrist.
Now ten hours later,
‘twas awfully late,
But he hadn’t determined,
that damned Stuart’s fate.
He had twelve games in email,
three ICQ,
A scenario brewing,
he called “M4 Et Tu.”
The manual was read,
by monitor’s glare,
To miss out on the action,
he just couldn’t dare.
And as he perused,
the wisdom writ there,
He mumbled and babbled,
gripped by software.
“On Panther, on Tiger,
on Sturmgeshutz III,
On Puma, On Hetzer,
and Panzer VI Ausf. B,
Panzerfausts, Mausers
and MG42,
Surely will save me,
from this terrible stew.”
His ISP chimed,
his email he clicked,
A turn there from Iggi,
the guy was a dick.
He fired up the program,
and ran through the turn,
OH NO, yet another,
of his Panzers did burn.
His eyes welled with tears,
his sobs choked his chest,
Despite all his faults,
Iggi’s luck was the best.
But wait, ‘twas a chance,
and he took it with glee,
His airstrikes surely,
would make Iggi flee.
And so through the night,
he plotted away,
In the hands of BTS,
he was nought but clay.
Stephen, and Charles,
with unbridled ambition,
Created this evil,
called ... Combat Mission.
Merry Christmas
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now children, there is no reason to call each other names....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> He started it.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>3 in one and two in the other becomes, in that challenged mind of yours, 5 edits in one post. You should join one of them 10 step programs... I can see it now "My name is Joe Shaw, and I am an idiot"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Uh, I didn't say ONE post, I said Five Edits in Two Posts ... ... IDIOT!
Joe
If you MUST stick around, and we'd much prefer that you just SOD OFF, remember that this is the Peng CHALLENGE Thread, so perhaps you might consider actually CHALLENGING someone to a game of CM. IF you do, and don't overlook the advantages of simply SODDING OFF, remember the following:
Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You could have at LEAST been historical! I mean, my word - as I said, the
FRENCH didn't even fight in the war! It looks like all you did was download something from Maxipad's World-O-Moddies to change the US infantry, flag and voice files. You could have at least made it an entertaining, historical selection - like the BRAZILIANS or somefink! At least they have Carnival! WHat the heck have the FRENCH ever done for anyone (be quiet, Emma, that's NOT what I am talking about!)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You idiot, opps, sorry You idiot, I didn't create this monstrosity, Berli did. As to the French ... agreed ... oh wait ... French Fries. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>OF COURSE I would, you brainless prat! Winning is not important, its the TAUNTING that counts, you syphilitic dripping off a hamster's arse.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well quite right too. So ... when were you planning to start the taunting? Obviously the above was the CessPool equivilant of hitting the driving range before you go out on the course for real. Oh ... and you appear to be slicing, perhaps you're looking up too soon?
Joe