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Joe Shaw

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Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So it is with great pain that I move Panzerleader up from the rank of squire to the rank of Knight.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And there was, upon the land (or at least the CessPool) a great wailing and gnashing of teeth and the people spake unto Lorak and saideth:

    Oh Great Lorak (the People obviously wanted something) is there nothing we can do? Is there no loophole we can invoke to save us from this dire contingency?

    And the Lord Lorak looked upon the People and was sad, for the cupboards were bare (oh ... go ahead Bauhaus on a day like this things couldn't get any worse) and his options were nil.

    But then, like a ray of light ... no, actually WITH a ray of light since he had a flashlight ... Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool burst upon the multitude and sayeth thusly:

    Fear not, ye dwellers of the CessPool for I, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool, have discovered that many, nay MOST of the games played by Panzer Leader were played ... AS AN SSN and NOT as a squire and are thus ... null and void ... technically.

    And the people looked to the Lord Lorak and askedeth:

    Is this true Lord Lorak? Can we thus gain salvation?

    And the Lord Lorak looked down upon the crowd ... ruminated ... hocked up a loggie and spat it at the crowd ... then he answeredeth them thusly:

    ... to be continued ...

    Joe

    {editeth to add "ths" to all the right placeths}

    [ 08-22-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I have a tendancy, however uncomfortable, to agree with Slack Jaw Shaw in his sentiment about SSNs. Only yesterday I presented the swill drinking swines with a superb opportunity to prove their (very unlikely) worth.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Easy now lad, let's not let the wine/beer/whiskey/vodka get the better of us. Agreeing with each other is just the first step to mewling "niceness" and group hugs. I, for example, think you're a complete swine. The fault, dear Brutus (May I call you Brutus), lies elsewhere.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Not a bite. Not a single bite.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well of course not, they're a pretty incompetent lot, save Jar O' P*ss, and he was made Serf so he's not really an SSN.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Conclusion: Ban them. It's harsh, but only fair. Before they even lay claim to the heady title of SSN they should prove their creative capabilities in a simple test. And not an obvious one either.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually, you drooling simpleton, we have such a procedure in place but it's not used correctly. The INTENT was to have SSNs become Serfs after they had shown their value TO THE CESSPOOL. Unfortunately very few Knights have gone to the trouble of using this fine vehicle (no, Lars, you may NOT have the keys and it's not that kind of vehicle anyway) and some have even taken the horrid step of taking an SSN DIRECTLY TO SQUIRE! The other problem, frankly (May I call you Frank TOO?), is Lorak. Being busy with Real Life has taken it's toll and he's just not here as frequently as we might wish to annoit SSNs as Serfs.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As they make their presence known, one of the squires should lay down an opportunity, or bait, for them to latch on to. Having been successful, they are permitted to carry the mantle that is SSN.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You see that was the whole purpose of the Serf system. Unfortunately SSNs just seem to hang about attempting, in their own fumbling manner, to "fit in" with the crowd but with no guidance. Let's face it (May I call you "It" as well?), an SSN, however well or ill meaning, can't HOPE to pick up the style or traditions of the CessPool from scratch (no, no Bauhaus, wasn't talking about you ... or Berli either now that I recall another usage of the term).

    I think that SSNs must be judged somehow as worthy of continued abuse by the CessPool and be made Serfs based upon that judgement. Your "chumming" idea has some merit but in practice it would be difficult to manage. Perhaps we could have Squires offer to play the SSNs in a game of Jabo! or something similar and report to the membership? Until the game was complete the SSN wouldn't be allowed to make further posts except for reports ON THE GAME in progress?

    Perhaps a vote of the members based on initial posts? Obviously this opens up all SORTS of possibilities for fraud and corruption so THAT'S good.

    But what to do with the SSNs who are judged unworthy? Shall we just ignore them? Tough to do sometimes with their flying about willy nilly. Shall they be taken under instruction by a Squire or Knight and "groomed" for yet another attempt? My squires are FAR too busy with their own lessons. Difficult choices for difficult times indeed.

    Joe

    p.s. Oh, and to all who took the time to comment on my recent expose entitled "TRPs, FOs and How You Should ALL F.O." ... Thanks and Sod Off.

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe, you were SERIOUS about that? I thought you were just clowning around wasting time before you began dropping the arty indiscriminately amongst my French poodles.

    Thanks! I needed a good laugh today.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm SO glad I was able to amuse you then ... jerk.

    [serious]I had NO idea. I honestly thought that an FO had to have LOS to a TRP but that the TRP gave more rapid and accurate fire. I SURE wish I HAD known, I've wasted a bunch of TRPs in games because I couldn't get a good LOS to the area I wanted to target. I still don't fully understand the logic behind the rule but what the hell. I guess that proves that you can always learn something, I've been playing this game since the Beta Demo days and just didn't know, wow.[/serious]

    Now kindly pass the fried okra ... and wipe that smile off your face pardner, or I'll do it for you.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So, Joe, do you have any further questions? Perhaps you need instructions on how to move your troops?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Excuse me? What do I need to do, I apologized most profusely for doubting you DID I NOT? I apologized IN PUBLIC DID I NOT? I offered to shoot off a toe in atonement DID I NOT? I don't know what your problem is pal but I hereby cancel my apology just because of you attitude. AND FURTHERMORE, I will LOSE our current game ON PURPOSE AS A PROTEST AGAINST YOUR HIGH HANDED MANNER. I'll teach you I will.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I'd just like to post a note of apology to Berli for having forgotten the Edict of Berli Infallability. Those of us familiar with this edict (and what Right Thinking CessPooler isn't) are aware that Berli, particularly in his role of scenario designer, is infallible and is not to be questioned about his design. I forgot this Edict and hereby render a fullsome and abject apology.

    The situation arose from a scenario which shall remain nameless ... for the time being. Suffice it to say that a vital element of my OOB was placed in a literally impossible position.

    The unit was padlocked in one of a four element large building complex in which each element adjoined the others. The complex was placed right smack at the very edge of the map. When I attempted to move my unit I discovered that it COULDN'T move out of the building to an adjoining building because (I thought) the designer had neglected to place the appropriate exit sides correctly. Since the only way OUT of the building was to go off the map edge, thus eleminating the unit from play, I doubted that this was the solution to the problem. To further complicate the issue, the building was in such a location as to render it useless to anyone at any time.

    MY mistake, see you, was to ask Berli about this unit, which was specifically mentioned in the briefing as having a necessary role. Berli quite rightly reminded me of the Edict of Berli Infallibility by quoting the relevant section of the briefing telling me that the unit was necessary.

    Once again, I humble myself and ask permission to shoot my toe off to atone for my error.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>xxi) You enjoy a game with me? You have now cheapened my experience of the MBG (Mother beautiful Game)!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Excellent ... the plan continues to come together! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>23) Tactical ability of a sponge? Well at least I can wipe up your mess on the way to the VFs.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Only if you convince your "hardened" veterans (whoa, whoa, WHOA Bauhaus, damn boy sit down) to stop making snow angels or whatever it is they're doing with their time and ATTACK! Sheesh, and they say McClellan was slow.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well i asked him to prove it but he let out a few dull whimpers, babbled like a Gallah, tuck tailed and ran.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh yes Sickxx, I am AFRAID of you and your ability to taunt with humor and wit. For see you lad, THAT'S the only thing that matters HERE.

    IF ... and it's a great IF ... you ever show a spark of the requisite qualities that make me enjoy a game with, say, Mace ... well that and the fact that he has the tactical ability of a sponge, well then ... are pigs flying yet? No? ... hmmmm.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Their you go again. You've got no idea what i'm like do ya?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well I do too, you're ... Australian.

    Mace this is your doing isn't it? Flooding the Pool with Australian SSNs as part of THE Conspiracy eh, well you won't get away with it pal. Your little plan has been foiled again ... Bwahahahaha.

    The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool NEVER RESTS!

    Joe

    {edited to add emphasis to evil laugh}

    [ 08-21-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>OGSF said ... at least I THINK he said: Soo Joe Shaw, wha didnye pick a better monicker than tha? At's nae too

    inspired as at? Ne'er meend, just keep them stankin' SSNs' occupeed fer us.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well ... OGSF was taken ... thank Gawd. And mine inspires me every day ... at least on those days when I remember it, at my age ...

    It's the least I could do as Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True Cesspool ... say ... that accent of yours ... it's not ... Australian by any chance?

    Oh and speaking of that I hereby proclaim that by order of the Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True Cesspool, any reference to the nation of France, (to include French, Franco and Frank and I don't care if your NAME is Frank damnit, it's guilt by association) shall be italicized because they are such Goobers.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Give me all the s%!t you want for i prolly deserve it being a SSN and all but don't talk me as if you where better than me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> But ... I AM! I am a Seniour Knight of the CessPool (with Distinguished Water Wings First Class I might add were I not a modest man) and you're a filthy, disgusting, revolting (sorry, got carried away) SSN ... QED.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Or if you wish to proove that you are better than me i would take great pleasure in prooving you wrong.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah a challenge, how nice. Unfortunately (a) I don't play SSNs, (B) I have too many games going now, © I play those whom I WANT to play, not those whom I feel I am forced to play and (d) you seem to be taking this too seriously and that doesn't make for a fun game.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What are you holdin in ya hand there M8?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I Told you to not post until you had something worthwhile. So what do you come up with? M8 ... wow! THAT'S never been done before, how clever of you.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Snot Rag? Tampon? Dunny paper? Birth Certificate? nah your too old it would of decomposed by now.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>More class, less crass.

    Now the attempt was better, posting the photo had the beginnings of a good idea and of course using an age reference was well within the bounds ... but then you ruined it.

    Jar O'P*ss, OTOH, is showing some real promise. Pay attention Sickxx, you could learn from that one.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>and what.

    {QUOTE} I done 'splaned this oncet before and I ain't a gonna 'splain it again.{QUOTE}

    Is up to standards?

    To i have to downgrade my posts from a "Grade 6" level to a grade 3 standard such as your own?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Okay lad, you started this and now you'll reap the whirlwind:

    (vii) I am a Seniour Knight of the CessPool and it is NOT up to you to judge my posts.

    (7.890) Learn UBB before you try to use it.

    (ref a) Let's examine your first "statement" shall we? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>and what.

    ... my quote inserted incorrectly ...

    Is up to standards?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So ... if we read this properly it reads "and what ... is up to standards?" Now I'm sorry but that just doesn't make sense.

    {2*5.5) Let's look at your second statement: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>To i have to downgrade my posts from a "Grade 6" level to a grade 3 standard such as your own?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I normally don't point out spelling and gramatical errors but in this case I must: It's not "To" it's "Do" and the "i" should be capitalized donchaknow.

    () The use of colloquial language is a well accepted literary technique and is especially effective when used in juxtaposition (sit DOWN Bauhaus) with proper construction.

    In short, you once again have failed the test. I'm beginning to despair, my lad, next time you post ... make it worthwhile.

    You know I really should CHARGE for this, my squires didn't get this kind of knowledge for free. Of course the THOUGHT of Sickxx as a squire for ANYONE ...

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well Sir Panzer Leader is your name all that imaginative? Can you actually LEAD Panzers?. I bet you couldn't lead a Company on Panzers thru a valley of AT guns & Infantry.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now look, this simply won't DO! The above ... twaddell ... is NOT up to CessPool standards ... in fact it's not up to 6th grade standards. I suggest that young Sickxx either improve or SOD OFF!

    And yes Mace I also noticed the offense, but let's remember ... he's French! However, perhaps Pawbroon could edit his post so that we stay within BTS guidelines?

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He's yours now, we expect you to feed him, take him for walks, and generally take care of him. That or you could take him out an shoot him.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh ...

    BANG!

    Takes care of that problem ... do you think the one bullet will do it? Oh well, if he crawls back we'll take it from there.

    As for you Marlow I done 'splaned this oncet before and I ain't a gonna 'splain it again.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>(Sorry for disappointing your newly-awakened paternal feelings)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Look you lad, did we not tell you to SOD OFF? Several times IIRC. You apparently didn't feel like we really MEANT it and chose to stick around. First I'd like to make it clear that we DID mean it and you really should SOD OFF. Second, however, since you DID choose to stick around it's our DUTY, do you see, to guide you toward your presumed goal of Serf ... either that or to get you to SOD OFF which is STILL our preferred course of action for you. There is no "paternal instinct" involved, it's OUR DUTY TO THE CESSPOOL. Either you shape UP or Ship OUT ... shipping out in this case to be considered the equivilant of SODDING OFF. Hope this helps you to make up your mind and you STILL have a goofy handle, haven't you fixed that YET?

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And you were looking abroad, to France

    and Sweden, for Goober nations?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> American STATES <> NATIONS and I think the tone of my post made my opinion of Utah clear.

    A very weak effort I'm afraid, lad. You'll have to do better to acheive Serf. Speaking of Serfs, I'm gaining a BIT more confidence that the promotion of Jar O'P*ss to Serf was the right move.

    And now for something completely different ... GAME UPDATES:

    Berli, with the conniving assistance of the scenario "designed" by Peng is winning, probably handily, in this foregone conclusion. Oh he'll claim great tactical prowress, but his decisions were pretty much limited to pressing GO. I give him credit for being able to accomplish that.

    jd ... let's face it, got lucky. My brilliant flanking movement failed only because his tanks hit more often than mine did. Mind you he hasn't a lot left on that flank and my boys are still in position to win this one. He did, I'll give him credit, pull off a lovely infantry ambush ... for which he'll pay handsomely.

    Agua Perdido is presumably still working in a windowless cubicle in Hawaii ... right.

    Mace, with the conniving assistance of a horrid scenario created by Goanna, is taking absolutely forever to make a move. I suspect that his glacial pace is influenced by the amount of snow in the scenario.

    Mensch has yet to expose a single one of his troops and my lads have reached the treeline without casualty. He had his chance, he blew it, too bad.

    Moriarty also seems to have been disheartened by the loss of HIS only exposed unit, a MG Jeep that was promptly targetted by ... well pretty much EVERYONE. I'm waiting for his turn.

    MrSpkr and I have just launched our German vs. Goober battle, too early to tell but I predict that one of us will win ... or there'll be a draw.

    Bauhaus is striving mightly to make some progress against (a) the snow and (B) my forces ... without much progress in either case. He seems to think that his KTs will win the battle all by themselves, which they might ... if they EVER get within 100m of a VL.

    Seanachai is attacking and is, so far, taking the worst of it. He is closing in however, and it's still fairly early.

    Goanna is ... a Dead Man Walking ... and he knows it but won't admit it. While I normally don't crow about trivial things like victories, it is important to note the complete and overwhelming success of my troops in this meeting engagement.

    I show that I am UP TO DATE with all my turns, so if you're missing one let me know and I'll try to care.

    OH and Peng CLAIMS that he's forwarded his troop requests to Mensch for placement ... right.

    Joe

    {edited to add the obligatory "Peng is an idiot who can't be trusted" statement.}

    [ 08-20-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The raging Thrust (sit down Bauhaus) of his chubby fingers flooding the MBT with what could have been better summed up with a simple “Where’s Marcel?” by any of us Elders. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HEY Back OFF Eifel BOY! Don't be going around claiming to be an Elder if by that you mean OLD ONE! If I'M not an Old One than you sure as HELL aren't, Mister Member Number 1500 some odd. If you meant Elder as in Old, Used Up, Worn Out, Decrepit and Damn Near Senile ... okay then I'll agree that you're an elder.

    Damned French don't know their place, you're right MrSpkr, Goobers ... each and every one.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Speaking of smileys, what the heck

    is this one ----> supposed to mean?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Whoa! Talk about your rookie mistakes, posting a smiley, any smiley on the Peng Challenge thread is ... well, DUMB!

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It looks like something that's probably still illegal in the State of Utah.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, DUH! The State of Utah would regulate oxygen if it could because too much can make you giddy.

    Only in Utah do find the spectacle of a Liquor Control Commission that has NOT ONE drinker on board or an Official State Pornography Czar who is a 40 something VIRGIN!

    One community made it illegal to buy a single bottle of beer in a convenience store as that was proof positive that it would be drunk in the car, so now you are required to buy a whole six pack and REALLY get plowed.

    At one time the Legislature voted to ban "R" rated movies ON CABLE TV but voted against child restraint seats because it would be too much governmental interferance in private lives.

    And YOU think something MIGHT be illegal in Utah ... DOLT!

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    I'm becoming frightened, very frightened in fact. I found myself agreeing with Peng virtually word for word on the recent post by SimPlayer and his fitness for the 'pool ... I may have to seek professional help. Speaking of Peng: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>PShaw?

    How is everything in the valley these days? Have you managed to capture the bridge yet? Or are you all bottled up down there getting picked off like lice from a chimp's head? Berli said you hated me and I was just wondering if it was the scenario I "designed" for the two of you to play that had you annoyed with me. I really really hope so you horrid person.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Before I get to the issue at hand may I politely inquire as to the status of OUR match? I did MY part some weeks ago and was even so kind as to advise you as to the correct procedure for continuing but, alas, I see no game ... Wanker!

    Now ... No Peng I do not hate you, nor am I annoyed with you ... neither word comes even close to describing the depth of my disgust with you. The "map" you created, in and of itself, is as vile a bit of creation as I've seen barring, of course, your own self.

    But that wasn't good enough was it, no you had to toss in the elements of a boresighted IG and a trapped convoy, then you brought in PANTHERS! The other tanks are ID'ed as Tigers but you know how that is. This is the gamiest and most poorly designed scenario it's ever been my ill fortune to play, and I'm playing a couple by Berli.

    Oh I'll likely lose this one, but then no one's been victorious in Jabo! as the Germans either. Mind you I'm not suggesting that the scenario is rigged ... oh no ... I'd NEVER do that.

    If you ever DO get around to actually starting our game ... there are scores to be settled.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It's Bill Joe. Bill Paxton. Not Frank. OK Billy Joe? As for the admiral, you might want to check out "A new hope" at your local videostore. Yeah, the one in the next state. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Surely you don't expect me to drive all the way to Wyoming just to find some stupid video that MIGHT clear up whatever pharmaceutically induced "vision" you might have dealing with some hypothetical connection between "admiral" and whatever the hell it is you're talking about? As to Billy Joe, that was a stupid movie when it first came out and I was stoned at the time and I STILL thought it was stupid.

    You know MrSpkr, when you said that I couldn't find a better goober nation than France ... I think we might want to look REALLY carefully at Sweden.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Looks like the Utahrian mormon finally did something right and started something vaguely resembling an MBT. I find your lack of Paxton disturbing admiral but I will let it slip this once.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thank you ... I think. I'm sorry that admiral was disturbed, whoever admiral IS, but frankly the whole Paxton thing was boring and I'm glad it went as quickly as it did.

    Joe

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