Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Really Shaw, you lost to your own tactical bungling and not because of anything that the noble Peng did<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hah! you give yourself the lie with this statement alone, Sir! I defy you to find ANYONE here who thinks that Peng is NOBLE! As to the rest of your spittle flecked and delusional diatribe I'll not honor it's LIES with response ... EXCEPT ...
Would YOU dash ahead to an unscouted and uncleared clump of woods without an infantry screen? Oh wait ... that's pretty much what your MkIV did wasn't it ... it burned nicely I thought.
Peng NOBLE ... give me a break.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Oh me oh my, did young squire Juardis step in it THIS time, especially considering that he's squire to ... wait for it ... MrSpkr: OK, neglecting those points for the moment, your sig is longer than your post, contains too many consonants*, and is generally irrelevant to the socio-economic times that have befallen us!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> OHHHH, rookie mistake, MrSpkr ... I think it's time to PUT THE BOOT IN!
Joe
*emphasis added
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Newly minted squire Juardis chose to take us to task: Signature lines SUCK! They are for the lazy. They espouse nothing that is socially redeemable, remotely funny, or even heroically dastardly.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> {sigh} And this, MrSpkr is what happens when squires have too much time on their hands. You have to keep them busy or they start THINKING and heaven only knows what can happen then. Clearly young Juardis got up on the wrong side of the tick infested, filthy, rotten straw stuffed mattress cover he's been using for a bed and ... well you see the result. I'm thinking of writing a book on the subject of handling squires, no one has done it nearly as well as I have.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>PShaw! You realize, do you not, that with each whine and whimper and simper and mewl, you make my life ever more happy and complete. I am fairly hovering over the earth with joy, or perhaps its just from all the hot air you are spewing about your pathetic loss in the game. Either way, I am a happy Pod, and you are not Peng<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And there you have it, admission from the evildoer himself. Note that I don't claim that he RIGGED the scenario, just that he's incapable of creating a GOOD scenario. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>edited because I am floating above my desk making it hard to type<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And you accuse ME of excessive gaseousness (is that a word ... well it should be if it isn't).
But let's get to the core issue shall we? Mensch, the slimy, misbegotten swine known as Peng has CLAIMED that he has sent all necessary information to you so that you can complete our scenario and I can show the world what a worthless, disgusting, noisome and ill-conceived piece of ****E Peng really is. I'm betting ... that he DIDN'T. So, has he or hasn't he, inquiring minds want to know!
Joe
{edited to correct the impression that Mensch is a slimy, misbegotten swine ... he IS of course, but not in THIS context}
[ 08-30-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The loyal and trustworthy former squire Speedbump opined that: Seems to me Sir Joe, that the scenario you are describing is an artfully crafted hazing scenario. While I was raised in the era of Jabo!, it seems to me like its days may be behind it. By your description, a few "artful" changes may make this scenario the new entry-level scenario for SSNs!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sir Speedbump, an interesting theory but one with which I must take issue. First I deny that Peng is CAPABLE of creating anything artful, second he is simply not clever enough to have the concept of a hazing scenario occur to him.
As to Jabo!, be VERY careful lad, you are terribly close to blasphemy. Jabo! IS a work of art on many levels, not least of which is it's length of only 10 turns. Can you imagine having to play and actually plot turns against some SSN swine for MORE than 10 turns? And besides ... it's just so damned PRETTY with all those explosions {sniff} ... now see what you've done, you've gotten me all emotional again.
Joe
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It is a matter of RECORD here in the CessPool that I care nothing for wins and losses and that I spit upon those who fancy themselves as competent at CM (you know who you are). HOWEVER, when gross deceit is perpetrated upon the body of the CessPool I MUST SPEAK OUT!
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As much as I loath Peng, still must I defend him. What Joe fails to mention is that he started with an entire armored column against one (yes, one... as in singular) infantry platoon, and a 75mm infantry gun.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now here we see the violence inherent in the system, the "Armored Column" Berli refers to consisted of Daimlers, MG Scout Cars and Carriers! Now I don't know about YOU, but the fact that a few vehicles have a few silly millimeters of armor does not an "Armored Column" make. Further, he "neglects" to mention that said "Armored Column" had to traverse a road every inch of which was covered by the previously mentioned 75mm IG ... fish in a barrel Berli, fish in a barrel. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He was right that the star was that gun (raped him but good). Then the first round of reinforcements arrive... he gets more tanks (in a beautiful elevated position) while I get a few more, tired infantry. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Ah here we go again, "more tanks" indeed, first my most evil opponent, refer to lesson ONE ... AC's <> TANKS, second the "beautiful elevated position" was elevated all right ... it was ON TOP OF A BLOODY PLATEAU! There was no way off the damned thing, therefore no way to use tactical movement and it was so muddy that one of my TANKS bogged to immobility on the first turn. As to those TANKS ... Shermans if you please, it's not like the PANTHER you got shortly after. And your poor tired infantry wasn't NEARLY as tired as mine who STARTED the game tired, then had to cross and river and rough terrain. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It continues much like this for the entire game. Peng can hardly be faulted for Shaw's clear lack of tactical talent.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> First, I think that blaming Peng for ANYTHING is fair game and since I had no chance to USE tactics I dispute that my talent for them was tested. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>[ figured I needed to edit to get Joe's dander up]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh is it again? Damn, I TOLD the barber to trim it more closely.
Then, to make matters worse, Mark IV chimed in, and displayed HIS lack of ... well pretty much everything: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Still struggling with the TRP concept, I see. Is there a remedial Combat Mission class we could enroll old Joe in? This is the worst case of Artillery Deficit Disorder I've seen in a while. The notion of an IG targeting a TRP is positively... Deadmar-tian.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now look Mark IV I shouldn't HAVE to explain this to you but since you are about as subtle as a ... well, a Mark IV I guess, I'll make an exception. OF COURSE you can't use TRPs with an IG, EVERYONE knows that ... well maybe not Stuka who's still struggling with the concept of pressing GO when he's ready to STOP the turn. It was CLEARLY a literary device to show that the IG had the bloody road boresighted. I do despair at times, there is no appreciation of irony here, there is no humor, there is no ART ... where DID Art go anyway, he was a pretty promising SSN.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It seems like someone who had written a book on WWII armor would understand the difference between gyroscopes and gyrostabilizers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well ... sometimes. I remember that the second Tom Brokaw book quoted someone who purported to be a B-24 pilot and he referred to "...50mm shell casings hip deep in the cabin..." and "... we had the P-38 {do something or other, I forget exactly} because we had better sonar than they did...", you'd think a B-24 veteran would know the differences but ...
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Maximus, I am going to post replies under all of my screen names to prove to you I am from California<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And there you have it Maximus, proof positive that he's in California. There's NO WAY that he could FAKE or DECEIVE the all knowing and all telling BTS Profile, no sir, IT KNOWS ... uh ... that he typed it in himself ... hmmmmm.
Joe
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Lorak oh Lorak ... {knock, knock} hello ... anybody home?
Opps sorry to wake you, lovely robe though, that shade of pink sets off your eyes and I think the fuzzy slippers are a nice touch.
Be it known that Berli, through absolutely NO ability of his own, has managed to defeat me ... (that pause was inserted to allow for the gasps of disbelief that will sweep through the 'pool) ... in a scenario (if you want to call it a scenario, more like a drunken nightmare) devised by Peng.
Next time I may see if Failed Marshall has a scenario I can try, couldn't be worse than one by Peng. I do give Berli credit though, he didn't change the initial setup ... he obviously knew a GOOD THING when he saw it.
The clear star of the scenario was the ELITE 75mmm IG with 5000 rounds and TRPs down every inch of the road I had to travel down. Okay, TECHNICALLY it might not have been THAT good but the effect was the same. I bear no ill will to Berli, he just took what he was given and ran with it ... Peng, on the other hand ...
And speaking of Peng, I know, I know, we'd all rather not but still, WHERE is the battle Peng? Oh I know, you CLAIM that you sent your troops to Mensch but knowing Mensch to be a competent person and knowning you to be ... well, YOU, I have my doubts.
Anyway, mark it so Lorak:
Berli: VICTORY by default
Joe Shaw: DEFEAT by Peng ... I mean after all, it was HIS fault.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>That does it, me and Mensch are gonna gate crash that BBQ, swipe the spare ribs and all your beer, wave our thingeys at your sisters and laugh. Laugh! Do you hear me? Laugh!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> To be followed immediately by further hysterical laughter from the sisters. Damn I can't BELIEVE that no one picked THAT easy grounder up. Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Did I mention I think I have an evil twin?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No but anything would be an improvement. Now admittedly my loyal and trustworthy former squire Speedbump did make an attempt but as I was not consulted it wasn't ... well, nice try Speedbump.
And yes I am grumpy this morning, I didn't sleep well, had a headache and a sore throat when I woke up AND there weren't any Frosted Flakes.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>One could make a strong case that any wit and life associated with your existence was also buried in Texas long ago. RIP.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Th ... that's it? That's the best you can do? Man those long nights in Belgium REALLY took a toll didn't they. Man you're going to be absolutely worthless at work, I can see it now:
Let it be hereby enacted that the party of the first part shall, at the enacted time ... or roundabout there anyway, allocate funds not less than $2,567,895,345.67 ... give or take a couple of K's, to the party of the ... oh hell, work it out between yourselves.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Not that winning is impotent ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn Juardis, that's almost Zen-like. Hell there have been whole religions formed on less ... why not give it a try, we'll keep your corner warm {snicker}.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jo Xia: I'm a wannabe Texan.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Wannabe? Son, I was born in Texas, my parents were born in Texas and my Mom is buried there, my Grandparents were born in Texas and they're all buried there, all of my Great Grandparents are buried in Texas and my Great Granddaddy Shaw used to drink whiskey with Judge Roy Bean.
It's not bad enough that we have to be inundated with SSNs, now we have to deal with Damned Yankee SSNs ... I tell you it ain't fair.
Joe
[ 08-28-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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Well, well, well, I see that Panty Waisted 00 has joined us again, just in time to make fun of the Great State of Texas ... talk to us again AFTER you've completed your High School American History class and have a clue what you're talking about. Or better still ... DON'T talk to us again ... ever. Damned SSNs, don't they make a spray for them or something?
Lars, I've refrained from putting in the boot THIS TIME because, well because I really can't blame you. But see you lad, Juardis IS a squire now, granted a particularly loathsome and deviant variety but still a squire. As you know, it is MY policy to BOLD and SPELL squires and above. Now once you become Knight you can do as you wish, you can ignore the teachings of he who has given you your title, you can pee on the traditions and customs I've taught, you can hock up a loggy and spit it on the right and honorable methods I've employed ... but while you're MY squire ... well, point made I think.
By the by, how's Arty Fest '45 going? Has Juardis even bothered to reply to your setup? We DO expect frequent and copious reports you know, this is part of your training.
OH, and I'm pleased to see that you TOO are a Texan. While we may be in exile lad, never forget ... "The Eyes of Texas are Upon You".
Joe
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The following tactics have been determined to be officially "gamey" by the CessPool:
xii) Setting fire to anything. Really. Arson is as arson does.
ooooooHH) Using SMGs ... any number of them at any time is just wrong ... you know who you are.
() Advancing troops of any size along the map edge. "Map Edge" in this case refers to anything between the exact middle of the map and the actual edge of the map ... on either side.
(zipadedodah) Buying ahistorical force mixes. Defined as buying anything that was invented after 1880 when you're playing me.
c) Scouting with AT teams, Snipers, Vehicles, crews of knocked out vehicles or guns, Infantry Squads, MG teams, and anybody ... scouting is just gamey, period.
14.67) Recon with anything well into enemy territory ... or well into your own territory ... see above.
2 ... NO 3, I meant 3) Using Crews for anyting. You should immediately shoot your own crews to remove the possibility of being called gamey.
P^) Exposing AT teams for the purpose of firing at enemy vehicles. This isn't sporting, rather like shooting sitting ducks donchaknow. If God had intended for armor to be taken out by infantry would he have created Tank Destroyers? Well? WOULD HE?
666) Ordering vehicle and guns to attack enemy teams or spotters. These poor guys are below strength to begin with ... pick on someone your own size.
7/4/2001) Rushing infantry straight at MY position .. at any time.
And there you have it, straight from the CessPool ... well at least that's what everybody CLAIMS happens.
Joe
[ 08-28-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>anyhow since these two accidents I get this joke?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Like Mensch I've had more than my share of death to deal with lately. I must admit that my heart gave a bit of a lurch when I read the first paragraph but then I realized that it was just our own lovable Seanachai being ... well, Seanachai. That being said, I too questioned the wisdom of the post (and, obviously, of the poster) but humor is ... difficult. At work I was often accused of going "over the line" in my attempts to create funny stuff for the employee gatherings we had so I understand that what we INTEND to be funny doesn't always come off that way.
In any case, I agree about the rats, couldn't happen to a nicer guy. I kind of like the idea of Seanachai ending up as rat poop, symbolic ya know?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I admit i tried to read a Peng-Challange Thread once, but i didn't understand a single word...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well the FIRST step is to admit that you have a problem ... opps, sorry, I mean that first you have to avoid posts by Pawbroon ... and Seanachai ... and ...
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Grognard => defined as a foot soldier in the french army.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My, my, my, aren't we just the groggliest of the groggly young Squire. Having achieved the lofty rank you now hold you're just the expert aren't you now. Well you're close but you haven't quite reached the cigar now have you. For see you, lad, the term "Grognard" is applied to not just ANY French soldier but is specifically applied to the Old Guard of the French Imperial Guard of Napoleon. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Grognard: a soldier of Napoleons' Old Guard; a veteran soldier; grumbler (French) - Oxford English Dictionary, 2nd ed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Now, of course, I'll have to endure the ENDLESS recriminations alleging that I am being groggly by knowing that ... nonsense, I just know how to use a search engine.
Oh ... congratulations on FINALLY making squire, ... Juardis.
Joe
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Oh ... Lawyer's back ...
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how nice ...
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The trusty and loyal Squire Lars made great pains to explain: {well ... never mind, it was a lot of stuff but it was sufficiently abject}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Lars no need for explanations lad, I know that you regret your earlier outburst by the apology you had delivered by that young lady, lovely girl, great sense of humor, and who would have believed that a little slip of a girl like that could ... well, enough of that.
I understand, however, that your erstwhile opponent the {alleged} squire Jar O' P*ss, has NOT responded to your setup. You don't suppose that he has had second thoughts? Or perhaps MrSpkr simply picked the wrong chap, it's sad when a Knight can't count on his squire. Of course Jar O' P*ss isn't a REAL squire.
Luckily I'VE never had to worry about that, MY squires were well chosen and all have become Knights to be proud of, and yes lad, I include you in that group, what is it now, one more game, two?
Perhaps a paper while we're waiting? Ummm, shall we say 14 pages, double spaced on ... "Jar O' P*ss, the Squire Who Never Was."
Joe
[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Aha! J'accuse Jo.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My GAWD, this just gets worse and worse ... now ... HE'S TALKING FRENCH!
I'd throw myself on the mercy of the court if I were you bub ... actually I'd shoot myself if I were you but you know what I mean.
Thanks Speedbump I know I can always count on your support ... I think I can promise the CessPool a LONG and COMPLICATED trial that will require LOTS of notes. I see many days and nights and of course we'll have to sequester the jury and of course the stenographers will HAVE to be with the juriors to read back the notes at ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT. I just hope we can find enough qualified jurors.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Good heavens, the lice are really coming out of the woodwork now. What did someone do, pour whisky onto them?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> By GAWD if they did it ON PURPOSE we'll have the swine up on charges. No self respecting member of the CessPool will waste booze while I'M The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool!
And you can take THAT for your answer too Marlow.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Marlow, proving yet again that he who defends himself has a fool for a client, stated: I fear that this whole thing it was initiated by the office of the Cesspool prosecutor to drum up business. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> How DARE you sir, you question the integrity and honor of the office of The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool? Furthermore, we don't HAVE to "drum up" business when there are villians like you afoot. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I ask the 'Pool at large whether we are going to put up with these vicious attacks. We must stop this practice of the politics of personal destruction.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You IDIOT ... The CessPool is NOTHING BUT THE POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Besides, the prize is Booze. What else need be said?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Aha! And here MrSpkr, just as we anticipated, we have the proof we need. HE ADMITS IT! And note you, MrSpkr that he compounds his guilt ... how you ask? Follow the logic, he is in it for the booze, the booze can only be won by ... THE BEST OF THE GROGS, therefore he, by his own admission, considers himself worthy to be called the BEST OF THE GROGS.
That I should live to see this day, that a CessPooler would ... my heart is ... broken.
Joe
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Aha MrSpkr, I see our little plan is bearing fruit indeed! My clever expose of young Jar O' P*ss was, as we agreed, sufficient to flush the quarry into the open where they can be examined without putting ourselves to the onerous task of actually {shudder} reading all those groggly posts.
So ... we have Marlow (caught like a rat in a trap), jd (my, my, my jd, who would have believed, based upon OUR recent matches, that he would have the nerve), Panzer Leader (no surprise there eh, MrSpkr, something just not ... Cessie about that boy) and of course GeekFunnel (is the lad NEVER to aspire to a station higher than "whupping boy"?).
Yes, we seem to have a sufficiency of suspects for our investigation, you see, squires CAN be useful. As to the investigations Marlow, you may rest assured that there WILL be investigations, oh yes, investigations aplenty.
The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool NEVER RESTS!
I'd like to thank my able assistant MrSpkr for his untiring efforts as well as young Jar O' P*ss for acting as our bait in this Official CessPool Sting operation. And of course to MY loyal and trustworthy squire, Lars my appreciation for the hot cocoa.
Joe
[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>No, Sir Lorak, add him to the list of Squires. Since Comrade Jo Xia and MrSpnkr have already lowered the standards for said office with their recent appointments, why the hell not. Besides, he is the only other one in this God forsaken place that made it into the GROG tourney:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> By GAWD I say NO, NO Lorak. There is just too much deviation (sit down Bauhaus) going on around here. The PROCEDURE, Marlow, is to FIRST make an SSN a Serf and THEN to have him taken to squire BY A WORTHY KNIGHT, since YOU asked for him that clearly violates THAT rule. Damned jumped up SSNs automatically being made squires ... it's just NOT RIGHT.
MrSpkr ... let us UPDATE our file on Sir Marlow ... yes, yes, I know but I at least will observe the formalities and spell his name correctly. Yes I know he shows NO RESPECT but we can only do the right thing and hope that our example leads others to the right way.
Joe