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Joe Shaw

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Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Nonsense and fiddledesticks Seanachai, you're trying to make the lads think that poor old Meeks is just off somewhere, maybe pining for the fjords then is it? Well ...

    'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Meeks is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-MEEKS!!

    Couldn't have said it better myself. And besides, the bastiche was a bloody heretic and splitter. The only people I hate more than Splitters are the freaking Judean People's Front ... and they're splitters too ... bastiches. I'd stone them all I would.

    Joe (Grand Inquisitor Designate)

    [ 09-04-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Marlow is ... is ... here, I'll let him speak for himself ... as well as HE can of course: So, Red Jo, what say you to that?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Obviously what I said BEFORE you Swedish Meatball. He has to post worthy comments HERE ... as in HERE in the CESSPOOL. Now obviously comments made PRIOR to his massive brain fade (you remember, the LAST time you asked for him for squire) are completly invalid as he wasted them in his "failure to comprehend" post. And obviously posts made OUTSIDE of the CessPool are invalid on their face. That leaves ... let me check ... NOTHING. Not to mention the fact that his hysterical shunning of your first offer marks him as one who is (a) either SERIOUSLY stupid (for rejecting your offer) or (B) just not up to speed yet on CessPool protocol. In either case ... WE DON'T NEED HIS KIND AROUND. Let the lad mellow a bit, let him keep posting but posting HERE rather than on the Outerboard and we'll see.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And what is all of this stuff about having to be a serf first? Who died and made you Chairman? The rules of the 'Pool, such as they are, only require that a Squire be sponsored by a Kanigget, and more importantly, that the Keeper of the Holy Tomb approve of that appointment.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I don't make the rules Marlow I just enforce them ... and as soon as my appointment as Grand Inquisitor to the CessPool comes through there'll be some SERIOUS enforcement going on around here). Why, pray tell, do you think the role of SERF was invented? Why to provide a pool of candidates for Squiredom of course. Read your CessPool history and all will be clear. And it wasn't I who made that rule but Lord Lorak himself ... and it's keeper of the Holy TOME ... not TOMB ... sheesh, Scandahoovians.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Keep you little power play to yourself, Jo Xia.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No power play here Marlow actually I'm just trying to keep you from making ANOTHER terrible mistake. The lad's not to be trusted, I suspect that his m-e-d-i-c-a-t-i-o-n-s aren't up to date.

    Joe

    [ 09-04-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Marlow STILL doesn't get it:[Yeoman work my young CDplayer. You have brought light to the darkness and hope to the heathen boardie masses with this post.

    Sir Lorak, I reclaim ownership of the young Squire [CDplayer's soul.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Marlow, damnit, he can't be a squire 'till he's a serf and he ain't a serf 'cause he hasn't posted anything of note HERE! If he wants to be IN the CessPool, then by Gawd he'd better post IN the CessPool. Now granted the quote was pretty good, but we MUST HAVE SOME STANDARDS or we'll have more people like ... well ... Panzer Leader.

    Joe

    [ 09-04-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>JoeXia, you pompous, megalomaniacal, paranoid, verbose, swinish, bag of inquisitorial methane, I'm gonna light you up like a National Park in the dry season. And I'm a gonna do it with menschie's little bowl of pus.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> GAWD! no, no, I'm not calling YOU GermanBoy ... yes I know but really I wasn't, no, go back to your CMMC or whatever it is you're doing now ... no, really, thanks ever so.

    Shheeesssh!

    Damnit Mark IV I feel like J.B. Books in The Shootist (the SECOND best movie ever made by the Duke, donchaknow, with {choir of angels sing in the background} She Wore a Yellow Ribbon the BEST). A tired, aging but deadly gunslinger who has to fend off the challenges of every snot nosed kid with a shootin' arn and an itchy trigger finger. I've had to turn down games with people who I DON'T OFFICIALLY dislike (as close as I can come to people here who I like) and now I have to play YOU!

    Since you actually sent a setup and are SUCH a disreputable creature I suppose I must but this better be a double blind game you sidewinder or I'm going to hound you from the board like the hog you are while I crow about your vileness and soar like an eagle as you slink off like a coyote.

    Joe

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>[serious]Oh dear![/serious]

    [dire]Just what do you plan[/dire]

    [sneering]to DO ABOUT IT?[/sneering]

    [flecks of saliva!!!]I HOPE THIS FINDS YOU WELL!!![/FLECKS OF SALIVA!!!]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    [trembling]Oh dear![/trembling]

    [Look what I've done]Look what I've done[/look what I've done]

    [blanching in terror]{blanches in terror}[/blanching in terror]

    [fearing] You don't suppose he'll challenge me to a game do you? [/doubtful, he's a wuss]

    [relieved] Whew! That's a relief, he's so ... so ... so ... [/Bold?]

    [snaps fingers] That's it, golly, I'd HATE to have to play HIM. [/not to worry, with his attention span he'll forget his own NAME in 30 seconds]

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Er...so what's actually different from yesterday anyway? I mean, like, it's not as if there's anything there to like in the first place, and Mk III with an extra roadwheel has always been the butt of much

    dislike from all and sundry (quite rightly too!).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh I don't LIKE anyone here, you're all swine and know it. The difference is that I OFFICIALLY don't like Mark IV.

    Joe

    {edited to remove flecks of saliva from INSIDE screen}

    [ 09-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The notion of thanking the other contributor to the cause... Goanna the Wonder Lizard, fills me with such revulsion that I

    cannot type the words. It is like thanking a burglar for not taking the carpet. Perhaps I should play his creation against Peng, and use the menschliche thing against the verdammte Eidechse in what might become our first fair fight.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ummmm, not a good idea. He (Goanna) created some monstrosity for Mace and I that featured a LOT of snow. What the hell does HE know about SNOW! Even Mace hates it and he really doesn't understand the situation.

    I'm pretty sure that Goanna is still mad about me BEATING HIM LIKE A BASS DRUM (not that there's anything wrong with that) and this is his way of getting even. Mace probably would have walked all over me by this point if he had ANY tactical ability at all.

    Joe

    {edited just 'cause}

    [ 09-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Look Daddyo, this is between Herr CrotchRocket and myself. If I want to play a teensy scenario that my opponent already knows the setup for then that's what I'll do! So what if everyone else tells me it's just a windmill?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Dalem you idiot! I was talking about the brand new game between Stuka and myself! It wouldn't have been so heinous (sit down Bauhaus) if I had known in advance but NOOOOOOO, Stuka ships the happy news WITH his initial setup. As a Seniour Knight OF HONOR I could not refuse and didn't. I don't know what YOUR problem is ... well ... not THIS problem anyway, we could quote chapter and verse on the rest.

    Joe

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The current batch of byte battles are out of bounds now as I've looked at them and we wouldn't want to be gamey now would we Joe?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I can't believe that you've passed yourself off all this time as an honorable Knight of the CessPool (if an Australian one). Why the rankest, rawest SSN knows better than to play a non-double blind PBEM game. There are, then, only two (2) possibilities:

    {secondarily] You are an utter nincompoop who was so stupid that you really didn't think it mattered, OR,

    [Primus Stove) You are a filthy cheating swine who would take advantage by unfair means over your fellow Knights!

    Now since you are an Australian the weight of evidence would lean HEAVILY to the first (or is it the second ... anyway it's the "STUPID" option). BUT you could be more clever than you look ... wouldn't be too hard actually, and you might be cheating ... in which case the chaps would likely applaud your initiative.

    In any case I shall continue our match, UNFAIR though it is and I shall know that I have RIGHT on my side ... and if I lose I'll just blame you anyway.

    Joe

    {edited to correct my understandably and righteously furiously induced UBB errors.}

    [ 09-02-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>With the wit and vinegar this deep, and with the added BONUS of a lot less Joe 'n' Mrspkr to go around, I better start drinking now! Perhaps I can pull something conceptual out of my ass.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>[serious]Ook![/serious]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well ... yes ... apparently you went to the right place for your ... uh ... conception.

    Joe

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    Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Alright, then, you bloody difficult swine, could you kindly inform the Old Ones, most of whom, I might add, despise you as the alternative to 'me' , what position you feel might be appropriate?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well ... {Joe starts to pout, fully extended lower lip and everything} I kinda LIKED Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool. I think you don't like it just because you were my first conviction AND YOU'RE STILL HOLDING A GRUDGE! Well that and the fact that your Tommies are having a difficult time (about to get much MORE difficult) getting into MY town.

    I am, however, willing to entertain proposals ... I'm also willing to entertain young ladies with an incomplete sense of "what's right" but that's another story. The new position would need investigative powers so I can root out (sorry Mace) evil-doers and enforcement powers so that I can punish said evil-doers. CLEARLY the position of "Herald" would afford me little scope for my talents. In short, make me an offer.

    As to this incarnation of the thread, the rules I found incomplete and confusing ... much like your own self Seanachai. Further I fear that MadMatt, having not blessed this thread, will descend upon you like a ton of bricks. Finally, I am AMAZED and astounded that you would start a new thread based solely upon the wishes of Panzer Leader ... what has the 'pool become?

    Have I mentioned that Stuka is a gamey, non-double blind playing Australian? Thought not.

    Joe

    OH WAIT! Grand Inquisitor!!! ... that would be perfect ... it has the right medieval touch, AND I COULD TORTURE! Make it so.

    NO ONE Expects the Grand Inquisitor!

    Edited to accomodate BRAINSTORM

    [ 09-01-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I guess being 4-10 in Peng challenges does make one a little cowardly.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh now this is just TOO much. I thought, at one point, that you had "The Makings". I proposed you for Serf and I actually applauded your elevation to squire but then ... oh my, but then.

    This ... this ... unseemly referral to {shudder} win/loss records is bad enough, as if such things MATTER! But to then accuse a KNIGHT OF THE CESSPOOL of cowardice ... it goes beyond the pale, Juardis, and a reckoning is demanded! MrSpkr, what SHALL we do with this one?

    Squires these days, I tell you it wasn't this way in the OLD 'POOL.

    Oh ... Seanachai do you really think I'm going to settle for some trivial post like Herald (no doubt YOU conceive that I would be ANNOUNCING your feats) when I am DUTY BOUND to Prosecute those who would defame the CessPool and Protect the traditions and honor of ... The One The True CessPool? It is a HARD duty but I am resolved to carry it through.

    Joe

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Am now involved in writing a multi-part history of the Peng Challenge Thread. It's long overdue, and it's long-winded in the extreme.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> NO ... LONG WINDED? YOU? You're breaking your style of compendious writing and all for us?

    May I suggest that the name Seanachai NOT be mentioned more than twice in any given paragraph? And perhaps some of the more lengthy poetry and/or songs might be trimmed?

    Remember ... there are LAWS against slander pal, and it's entirely possible that, just as there are competing books out about the recent elections, there may be OTHER versions of THIS history too ... have a care.

    Joe

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What rules? I've seen them in the domestic versions of the thread, but none in this low budget, foreign-film-with-subtitles-and-bad-actors

    version.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Okay, this is going to hurt ... {Joe bites down on a bullet, sweat breaks out on his brow, a low groan is heard from his throat as he says ...} Oii Hugaree itt Deeesssel.... {Joe spits bullet out} I agree with Diesel00 ... {gaaccckkk} {gAACCC KKKKKKKK} {GGGAAACCCCKKKKKKK!}. Whew, sorry about that. But I did warn of this happening, Hakko Ichiu decided to post that OLD chestnut of his in a blatant attempt at self promotion and put his own wishes ahead of the good of the CessPool. There were NO rules posted and now look what happened.

    I'll cover the most salient point now and hope that it covers the situation ... Diesel00 ... SOD OFF.

    MrSpkr we might wish to consider bringing charges of Neglect of CessPool against Hakko Ichiu.

    Joe

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>but at least his posts are occasionally amusing and worth reading; yours simply exercise my right pinky as I repeatedly pound on the 'page down' key. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>{sigh} Rookies ... look lad, if you ONLY use the {page down} key you run the very real risk of only paging down FURTHER into the post. In the case of Panzer Leader, you might STILL be in the middle of his post and read something by accident. Far better to use the mouse and scroll bar method, you get a more positive, sensitive response and can see where the post ends.

    I really should CHARGE for these lessons, I'm just too kind. Maybe I could be a CessPool Pro, you know, like a golf pro? Keep your head down, your left arm fairly straight and follow through ... that's it ... now type "You Useless Git!" ... well done, you sliced a bit and ended up with "You Useles Gi!" but the thought was there and it was on the fairway.

    Stuka you ignorant moron, is there a village somewhere in Australia that's missing it's idiot? If so (and frankly I have reason to doubt it since there seem to be PLENTY of Australian idiots around HERE), kindly return before your place is taken. Does the phrase "Double Blind" have any meaning for you? I ask because it's the accepted procedure here to only play scenarios THAT ONE HASN'T PLAYED BEFORE ... FROM EITHER SIDE.

    I specifically requested a Byte Battle since I hadn't even opened one yet and I stated this in my post. YOU send one in which you state "I'm playing this against {some useless wanker} as the Germans so against you I'll take the other side."

    It didn't occur to you that since YOU were playing the Germans you MIGHT have a CLUE as to their initial forces and dispositions? It didn't occur to you that this information MIGHT give you a SLIGHT advantage? It didn't occur to you that ... oh never mind.

    Fine, I'M willing to play despite the massive handicaps that this, let's be honest, GAMEY behavior places upon me ... you see, I'M an honorable man.

    Sheesh ... Australians.

    Joe

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Yes, thats it Joesie, never let logic stand in the way of a good hallucination. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Stuka you idiot ... man that just kind of ... goes together doesn't it? Stuka you idiot, got a nice right to it. I don't know what your last name is but you might think of changing it. Anyway, you've either been baking in the sun too long or just not paying attention or you'd get the point to my comment. Seeing as how it's YOU, though, I won't waste my time explaining.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And I'll thank you not to mention my good name and Sir Bauhaus in the same sentence. I feel somehow tainted now and have a need to go shower.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah good, my work here is done ... for now.

    Joe

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And just WTH ARE MY ELITE FO'S doing?! NOT a DAMNED thing! ELITE DAMNIT, YOU'RE ELITE! FIRE already! What the HELL are you waiting for? More Volkswagens?! I think my TRPs are defective and for that I blame my opponents KINNIGET. Defective TRPs, ****e for brains FOs, and futilistic scenario designers. And did I mention lately that sig lines suck!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah pity MrSpkr it would appear that MY squire, the loyal and trustworthy Lars, is handling Arty Fest '45 just a BIT better than your entry, the brand spanking new squire Juardis. I do NOT, of course, refer to the action in the game, but rather to his aplomb and panache no matter the outcome.

    I would have HOPED that Juardis would have tumbled BY NOW to the fact that Arty Fest '45 was a joint venture (no, Stuka not THAT kind of joint ... no, Bauhaus nor that kind either) between MrSpkr and myself. Therefore when he denigrates the designer he denigrates his own liege ... it's not been a good day for Juardis, I see more Boot in his future.

    As to the problem young Juardis has with his FO's ... perhaps they don't have a good LOS to the TRPs?

    Joe

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Panty Waister 00 apparently has something he's TRYING to say: ... but I have been harassing your retarded old fool of a kanigget. And what have you done to

    stop/insult/mock me? Nothing. Pshaw, your squire is clearly an idiot, rather like you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ohhhh, isn't that just CUTE! This SSN THINKS he's been insulting me ... kind of like the little kitten that lurks behind the sofa and pounces on you as you pass ... get away, get away you, you, carnivore, you raptor, you vicious hunter you ... hehehe. As if I'D need a squire to handle the likes of HIM.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Sir Stuka found it necessary to actually challenge me: Name yer poison yar varmint, I'ma rattlin mar spurs at ya!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh I'm sorry, did you get the impression that I was taking your name in vain to get a game with you? Sorry, my mistake ... I was taking your name in vain because it DESERVES it. If you feel that your honor has been besmirched (yeah right, like that COULD happen) feel free to pick one of the Byte Battles, set it up and ship it off. I haven't played any of them.

    Joe

    [ 08-30-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Golf is for old people, old people like Joe. {snipped a great deal of boring personal attacks that Stuka will remember one day, oh yes, he will remember}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Old people, like Tiger Woods, Sergio Garcia and David Duval.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Virile young roosters, unlike Joe, indulge in more youthful pastimes, NOT Golf.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> True, but my marble shooting skills have deteriorated with the years so ...

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Anyway, Golf courses should be motocross tracks.p<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Motocross eh ... THAT explains a lot ... did anyone ever explain WHY you should wear a helmet?

    Joe

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