Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hey Shaw, have you figured out how to use the reply with quotes button? It seems like the kind of thing you would have trouble finding, rather like your problems with TRPs. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, let's see Pillenwerfer, {Shaw looks above to check the quote} ... yep, looks like it. And you do well to remind me of my failings lad, heaven only knows how I was able to create Jabo! ... did you enjoy it then?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Regrettably, the ubergamey swarms of Lars's Jabos have finally located the last of my valiant forces. It should be noted that they are completely out of his control, which means that he in fact is so dumb the computer
has to do the killing of my hopelessly exposed, poorly armored vehicles because it is beyond his mental capacity. Bring on another round, you worthless Texan scuzzball transplant.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I am SHOCKED, shocked to hear that MY squire isn't, in your considered opinion, clever. Why one would think that the scenario was so horribly balanced that it was DESIGNED to be of no challenge, that it was in fact DESIGNED specifically for playing those that are not worth paying attention to. By George I'll have a word or two with HIM so I will. Thanks for bringing this to my attention Pillenwerfer 00.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe Shaw offers to tape "Band of Brothers" for some no-name ex-deadmarshian, but forgets poor old Mark IV, whose posts and turns have brought him so much pleasure over the years. Here's a turn of the post for you, Mr. Xia. Ma Chivvy rolled over and my woman run off and I ain't got no HBO neither. Ain't got cable. Dawg et it and died.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HE was from TEXAS, you, OTOH ...
{sigh} As it happens, I MIGHT be able to do something for you. Details via email.
Joe
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Shouldn't that have been "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobe, you're my last hope!" Of course you're probably not anywhere near as cute as Carrie was.
HOWEVER, I will record the first two episodes for sure for you tonight. Can't guarantee anything after that I'm afraid, but this should give you some time to find a backup in case I screw it up.
Send me your snail mail address (via email is fine, no need to clutter up the board) and I'll get it out to you tomorrow ... God willing and the creek don't rise.
Joe
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Having seen a FEW SSNs wander through here I'd thought I'd seen the worst but four posts to get a stupid three or four line challenge out is clear evidence of serious dain bramage.
As to the question before the body of Seniour Knights I, of course, stand mute as I am the subject of the query ... HOWEVER ... Marlow is incorrect in many things but in one in particular.
It is my CHOICE to bold and spell correctly the names of Knights and Squires of the CessPool. I do this for two reasons, first to acknowledge that they have reached their station and to greet them as fellow members of the CessPool, but second to avoid misunderstandings. Someone like Marlow for example, could have their name butchered to (for example) Marlboro, Marblows or MarbleHole and before long you don't know who the hell you're talking about.
But it is MY choice and my preference. I impose that upon no one by my squires while they are in my service.
I leave the Seniour Knights to their deliberations with the reminder that it was I who provided the stenographers during the Trial of Seanachai. Should I be appointed to the post of Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread, I see the need for them increasing in the future.
Joe
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Hiram, you may correct me if I'm wrong but as I recall it's your sister that's ill. I apologize for bringing it up again but some of the lads don't have the background so I thought I'd clear it up.
There isn't, of course, anything that any of us can say or do to ease the pain, but try to hang in there. Speaking from experience, hospice personnel can go a long way to make it easier.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Be my guest - it's not like I would read it. Last time I checked they did not
charge for use of band-with here. Your presence makes me consider recommending that to Steve though.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Weren't you just leaving? Don't let us keep you ... bye ... bubye ... so long ... thanks for flying CessPool Air ... bubye ... goodbye ... bye now.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Do they still let you in here?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Certainly, in addition to witty, chaming and sophisticated men such as myself, they've been know to let almost anyone in ... you're here aren't you?
Speaking of that ... is this just another guest, cameo appearance or can we expect your scowling, Teutonic personage on a regular basis? We'e been neglecting the minefields and it'd be good to have advance notice.
Joe
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Is it Friday night in Europe already? I ask because it's apparent that SOME of our Euro cousins have been at the sauce before they posted.
First we have Geier and his ... introduction ... to the MBT and then Germanboy did us the indescribable honor of actually posting TWO lengthy and wildly out of contact with reality posts. The second of which, I presume, was some sort of alcholically altered AAR.
Geier, in the future let's remember that just because MadMatt is going to close the thread it DOESN'T mean that YOU should start a new one. In fact, and I think I speak for virtually ALL of the non-Scandahoovians, you may take it as EXPLICIT (sit down Bauhaus ... well, yes this DOES have to do with Sweden but ... yes I understand that there are a lot of blondes, but when I said expli ... yes, I'm sure you would, but it's not what you think it is, trust me, there's a good Bauhaus ... oh, send a turn, I believe there's at least ONE more KT I need to kill) where was I ... OH Yes, EXPLICIT permission NOT to start a new thread. We base our judgement upon the pathetic job you did with this one.
Germanboy aren't you too busy with CMTV (whatever) to join us on a regular basis? If so (and please don't let us keep you from your IMPORTANT labors for a SECOND more than necessary) then you may take THIS as EXPLICI ... uh ... DEFINITIVE evidence that you need not post your drunken ramblings EITHER.
Euros ... is it any wonder we LEFT after we won the war? And don't give me none of that Commie propaganda about how Russia actually won, it was good old 'merican fightin' spirit and industrial might that done it. 'Course the Yankees might a' lost too 'thout allies like Texas and Ireland.*
Joe
*acknowledgement of rights to quip to Bill Mauldin
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Hang in there Hiram, sorry guy.
Joe
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Seanachai that ... that was ... brilliant! If any of the 'pool have done as I usually do and skip over the vast majority of The Bard's posts, DON'T skip this one. Why it practically sings of the soul of the CessPool.
After that ... how could I refuse! Should the position be offered, I SHALL accept and I can only hope to do justice to the awesome responsibility YOU have deliniated.
Of course it's STILL sick to blame it on the DOG!
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I'd like to apply for that position. Or if it's already taken, perhaps Justifier.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I read a wonderful book many years ago called "Master of the Etrax" by Robert Lory. In it the High Hodgepoker (King) had a kind of a cabinet composed of the Suggestor who ... suggested things, the However who acted as the loyal opposition, the Moreover who acted as a further support for the Suggestor and the Nonetheless who usually argued against the However. Why do I mention this ... I'm not sure. I AM sure ... HOWEVER ... that Panzer Leader is damned lucky to be a Knight and that he should not push his luck. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Seems like a more apt title for Ol' Joe would ve UN-Justicar, due to his frequent pogroms.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Pogroms? While we've become used to illogical and confusing statements from Panzer Leader ... this is a personal best.
Joe
[ 09-06-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I humbly request that the Powers that govern our Cesspool put a Gag order on the pompous one known as Joe Shaw. I further request that he be told repeatedly to shut up.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> But you see Hiram, that's the problem, there ARE no "Powers That Be" and no enforcement.
I am saddened that you find me tiresome, perhaps you could go away and come back with a different name, that might help.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>refried beens me boy.. get you toot'n faster then you can say "IT WAS THE DOG!"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Mensch that is absolutely disgusting. I call to the attention of the CessPool that THIS kind of behavior is EXACTLY the kind of behavior that a strong enforcement program would solve, BUT without a Prosecutor OR Inquisitor we have our hands tied and can do nothing. As to YOU Mensch, let's have no more of this foul, reprehensible behavior ... anyone who would blame it ON THE DOG is beneath contempt.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>We must achieve some sort of resolution regarding Shaw. Well, that doesn't involve his execution, which is illegal even in Utah and Texas unless sanctioned by the State. Perhaps Inquisitor Lieutenant General? Or Inquisitorial Proconsul? I mean, doing all the busy work of fact gathering, prying, harassing, torturing, accusing, and then endlessly compiling his information for
presentation to some higher authority, someday.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Let's make this simple ... "If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve." Gen. W.T. Sherman ... and me.
I'll not be the lackey of some pretender who hasn't been here for ages but apparently has "the goods" on SOMEONE (really Lorak, as long as the goat was consenting, who cares ... what's that ... oh ... well I guess the beard threw me. I just ASSUMED that being on all fours, with the collar, horns and beard, it added up to ... but please offer my apologies to ... uh ... hmmm.)
So, thanks to Seanachai for the effort to validate the much needed enforcement of this bunch of slackers but obviously anarchy is preferred to order. I plan to bring this up OFTEN in the future.
Joe
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The Scene: A bleak and windswept castle battlement, the clouds and dark and roiling, a thin rain is beating upon the stones as the wind whistles between the stones. Upon the battlement stands ... a man. He is clad in a purple cloak with the legend "The Toledo Tiger" stitched into the back, upon his head is a crown of gold (oddly the gold seems to be turning his forehead green) and upon his feet are hip boots with the logo of "Wilson" proudly displayed. At his hip rests the ancient and feared blade known only as ... "Sword". The ancient and weather beaten door to the stairs opens and another man steps forth. He is less well dressed ... FAR less well dressed. He staggers beneath the burden of a manuscript that he attempts to shelter from the rain. He walks cautiously up to the erect figure of his liege lord.
Lars: Sire, I've completed the treatise you ordered me to write. Forty six pages on The Tyranny of Lorak the Loathed: Capricious is as Lorak Does.
Sir Joe Shaw, his mind on other issues, takes little notice at first but finally turns to his squire, Lars, as Lars begin to make plaintive whining noises.
Joe Shaw: Ah, good and loyal Lars, forgive me, I was woolgathering.
Lars: I thought that Mace ...
Joe Shaw: A special dispensation, young Lars. Ah yes, the paper, I'm sure you did your usual fine job. I'll review it later but I'm sure it's fine. {a large sigh escapes from Joe Shaw} Your time is nearly finished isn't it Lars. Soon you'll be a Knight in your own right. I've no doubt that you'll be an honorable Knight ... not like THAT IDIOT LOR ... forgive me lad.
{A single tear drags its way down the cheek of the squire}
Lars: It's not RIGHT sir, not right at all. After all you've done for the CessPool and to treat you in this shabby manner. And in favor of a creature like Meeks ... it's not right sir.
Joe Shaw: Ah Lars, if I've taught you nothing I've taught you that there is no "fair" in farewell ... or there is ... I forget. The POINT lad, is that LORAK, for reasons that we know not (or probably he either), choose to overlook my service and honor Meeks. I'd have ... liked ... to be Grand Inquisitor you know.
Lars: I also Sir Joe, I was just getting the hang of the stocks. They're not as simple as they appear you know, a lot of skill needed to do it right.
Joe Shaw: Well son, for like a son to me you have been, perhaps one day you may aspire to the position of Inquisitor. My day ... is done. It all seemed so ... right, doing the work of the CessPool, protecting it's heritage and standards. Now ... we'll likely be seeing more and more heresy and less and less of the OLD CESSPOOL.
Lars: Is there nothing that can be done Sire, perhaps an appeal to your friends who ...
Joe Shaw: No lad, Lorak was right in that at least. I AM a hated man, hated for doing my duty to the CessPool, hated for hewing to the line, hated for being true to the CessPool ... and a hated man has no friends. No lad, now the temporary duty assigned me as The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool is coming to an end as well. How the CessPool will be regulated with the hand of a missing man at the helm of the ship of investigation ... I shudder at the prospect.
Lars: I am ... HONORED ... to be your squire Sire.
Joe Shaw: Yes lad, yes you are. Oh, do me the favor of delivering this gift to Lord Lorak will you. Be sure it gets there before 2:00 PM.
Lars: Certainly sire, is that ... ticking I hear?
Joe Shaw: Yes, it's a ... clock ... to show that I harbor no ill will. I'm sure it will ... BOOST ... his spirit ... I mean spirits.
Lars: You're the better man Sire, another might plot revenge.
Joe Shaw: Yes Lars, but without an Inquisitor or a Prosecutor and Protector ... who would there be to foil such a plot. But ... we have nothing to fear, all is well in the CessPool ... we are told.
Joe
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Okay I'm back, damn it Lorak haven't you changed your mind YET? After THAT heart rending and tear jerking post? Man ... you're a tough sell.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What to say about Joe? Personaly I think that a title is a title. Meeks,
although by now eaten by eskimos, or burnt for fuel in an igloo, will always claim his title. As sad as it pains me to say this and bold his name.... I have to agree with PanzerLeader. I say give Joe Shaw the title of dementor. If any of you others know what it is, you would agree that it fits purfect. And it reminds us all that his illusions of granduer or just that...demented.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hah! As if I'd stoop to accept the role of Dementor, yes, yes I know, but your average Dementor has ZERO personality and I think I've amply shown, if anything, an excess of personality.
Lorak I am especially disappointed in YOU. Who is this Meeks? He is the following:
(33 1/3 RPM) NOT HERE! That's right, here we have a Knight who is NOT HERE and is listed on YOUR page as MIA! I have been here through thick and thin, good and ill and THIS is how I'm treated? By having preference given to one who is NOT HERE!
(iiiiiii) An acknowledged and admitted SPLITTER! That's right, the only Knight who has attempted to take over the Pool is now being given preference over one who stood by her in her hour of need and who is now serving as The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool.
(tata) A person of NO SPECIAL STATION! What's this you say? No special station? But is he NOT the Inquisitor General? NO! He is NOT! Look you to the ONLY true and complete record of the members of the CessPool. That's right Lorak, look you to YOUR OWN PAGE. We have a Lord of the CessPool, we have Knights, Squires, Serfs and Piss Boys. We have, specifically mentioned and listed as such, an Official CessPool Grog, the lovely Lady of the Pool, the vile CessPool Consigliori and we even have the odd and strangely ... strange Whuppin' boy. WHERE IS THE INQUISITOR GENERAL? HE IS NOT THERE! Therefore, by the force of simple logic, that post DOES NOT EXIST! And yet you accord him all the rights and privileges of a non-existant station. For shame Lorak, for shame.
As for me, my time in the CessPool has come to an end. All of my efforts on it's behalf, all of my striving to maintain the standards and all of the good and true honor that I've brought to the CessPool is now ... finished.
I will no longer return to a place where I am no longer wanted, to a place where a NON-person like Meeks is given preference over a good and honorable servant like myself. I do this not just for myself ... but for ALL OF YOU. For remember, if they (and you know who THEY are) can do this to ME ... they can do it to YOU!
Fare ye well fellow Knights and Squires of the CessPool, fare ye well.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hot Emma’s in the brasseries? Oh, hot embers in the braziers, my mistake.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It's ... {sniff} ... it's just SO gratifying to see one's labors rewarded in such a wonderous manner. Well done Lars, well done indeed. As a reward for the above, your paper for tonight, "Berli, Crochety Old Fool or Just Fool.", is hereby cancelled and you shall receive an "A" for it.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Not only is Joe an idiot, but now we have proof that he is soft!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My methods, Berli, are my own. I don't hesitate to put the boot in when it's warranted, but I have raised two fine squires to Knighthood and am well on the well with the third. The ends justify the means. How many squires have YOU raised to Knighthood?
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Jo you worthless nog. I always knew you were a coward at heart. Hiding behind your grandious titles of Persecutor of the Dead or Grand Incontinent Torpid Poobah or whatever, and hiding behind your Lackies
Lardass and MrSpkr (really MrSpnkr, how unseemly for a full fledged Knigget to be the toady of Comrade Xia). The Great Jo Xia has not the time for the killing and entrail ripping that are the reason for our very
existence.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>First, you silly little northern person, I do not have time for the killing of YOU. My time is full and more than full with the killing of the many others who have incurred my wrath. Second, the killing and entrail ripping you refer to is NOT found within the game of CM but rather here. I can make fun of you whether we play or not, though it really isn't very challenging. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Instead, you prance about like some la-dee-da poofta spouting off about red brassieres and stroking things and other such gibberish.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now this goes TOO far, I'll not have ANY member of the MBT making light of serious matters such as red brassiers and stroking ... you are periously close to blasphemy, Marlow. I'd make an appointment with the Father Confessor were I you ... {ugggghhh, THAT was a nasty thought}.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Torquemada Joe: LARS, oh LARS warm up the braziers lad
My Liege Shaw, do you still want the brassieres stroked? I’m always ready (and I mean really, really ready in this case) to serve.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn it Lars have you been hanging around Dame YK2's washline again? I've TOLD you about those filmy nothings you bring home on the pretext that they "dropped" and you were returning them and it's ... OH ... no lad, it's Braziers you see, the large wok like thingamabobs with the hot coals in them? The ones you have to keep stoking (not STROKING, stoking)? You ... you haven't been hanging around with Sir Bauhaus have you lad? He's a bad influence you know.
On a different note, we need MORE AARs on the Arty Fest '45 battle. It sounds like you're pounding the snot out of Juardis, to be expected of course, you being a Senior Squire and, obviously, MY squire to boot ... no, no, lad no need to cringe like that I'm not putting the boot in, it's just an expression. But MORE AARs, we want the full descriptions.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Of course I supported Meeks...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hah! And here we have it, the confession wrung from the lips of the heretic ... man I KNEW I was born for this job. Yeah, yeah he said some other stuff but like a TRUE GRAND INQUISITOR I ignored it and went right to the heart of the matter. Mind you Lars was a bit upset ... he REALLY wanted to try out the new thumbscrew.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Perhaps that would work... he should have to answer to the Father Confessor until the Inquisitor General returns<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> NONSENSE ... who ever heard of a Grand Inquisitor reporting to a simple (and I MEAN simple) parish priest. HE should report to ME ... except that I desire as little contact with HIM as possible.
Let's give it a test spin shall we?
Sir Joe Shaw, Grand Inquisitor pro-Tempore ... ah yes, mighty fine ... LARS, oh LARS warm up the braziers lad, there's work to be done ... Bwahahahahha
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Meeks is the Inquisitor General, and always shall be. Joe is a pale shadow of Meeks<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Berli we have your number (#40 IIRC) and The Office of The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool is ready to reveal it's evidence (no, no Bauhaus it will only be MrSpkr ... not worth your time I suspect):
MrSpkr: Sir Joe, as you can see from this slide {a slide showing a complicated graph appears}, one week prior to the date of the schism and attempted coup a large shipment was received by the late Meeks.
Joe Shaw: And the return address of that shipment, Sir MrSpkr?
MrSpkr: {a second slide appears showing a photograph of a shipping label} As can be plainly seen, Sir Joe, the crate was sent from {another slide, showing an enlarged section of the label appears} ... Sir Berlichtigen, c/o Hell.
{an excited murmur fills the auditorium as speculation runs rampant ... luckily Bauhaus is able to grab speculation by the ankles and calm ensues}
Joe Shaw: Yes indeed, Sir MrSpkr, and what was in the crates?
MrSpkr: Four cases of commas, six of periods and a whopping dozen of assorted UBB commands.
Joe Shaw: EXACTLY SO ... here we have proof positive that Berli not only KNEW of the attempted coup beforehand BUT ACTIVELY SUPPORTED IT! And THIS is the man we turn to for advice on the late Meeks? Of course he'll support the late Meeks ... he'll do anything to keep this knowledge quiet ... too late Berli ... too late.
Furthermore I have never suggested that I be named Inquisitor General, Pro-Tempore or any other kind of breading you chose to use. How would it look, I.G.P.T.? Nonsense, that sounds like the type of agency that Lawyer probably works for. No, I prefer (and shall insist upon) the title of Grand Inquisitor pro-Tempore. Note the lower case "pro" which indicates the unlikelihood of the late Meeks returning from the grave. Further, it abbreviates nicely to ... G.I.T.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So Jo, can't you allow a little fender bender of a rule violation, just this once? I been pissed on enough for any serf and I never complained, not a once. Contrary to what you said I am to be trusted. I will be loyal to my liege and stab the rest of you in any soft bits I can reach. There you have it, up front. Whuddaya say?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually SimPlayer I'd prefer if you wouldn't discriminate about those to be stabbed, if ever a man NEEDED a shiv 'tween the ribs it would be Marlow. BUT ... I read with a lessened degree of disgust your posts to this board and found myself actually able to finish them without the urge to vomit. THEREFORE ... I withdraw my objection to your elevation to the rank of Serf, after that Marlow may do as he likes ... and may Gawd Have Mercy On Your Soul. BUT ... no more talk of MY LIEGE until Lord Lorak makes it official, there are FORMS to be filled out you know, mostly notification of next of kin.
Speaking of which Marlow, you are a swine and a pimple upon the face of the 'Pool but I simply CANNOT take on any more games at present. I am WAY over my limit and don't want to play YOU anyway ... you probably play with FOW off and therefore you may feel free to FOW OFF!
Joe
[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I would especially like to take a shot at him for blowing up my M10 that was on the dirt road behind the clump of tall pines on the big hill in the center of the map of
our current game that Berli desinged and menschie set up.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hey PAL, it wasn't MY fault that your Polacks couldn't find a hull down position. With all those bloody hills and dips and valleys, not to mention the bloody rivers and lakes that Berli threw in you'd THINK that even YOU could find a hull down position BUT NOOOOOOOO! You have to blame my SS 'faust team. Oh, thanks for the support ... I think.
Joe
The Master, Margarita and the Peng Challenge thread
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I means this one you dolt. It's the one right above the enemies message, the little quote markey type one, right next to edit. And for the record ,Jabo!was very amusing, as it showed me how little brain
matter you have between your ears.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well lad, for those who can't handle UBB codes I suppose it's a nice crutch, I wish you well with it. I'm so glad you were pleased with my modest efforts, I always found the sight of all those burning German vehicles to be vastly amusing. Of course the PURPOSE of the scenario was see if you are CessPool material and for that we'll need the opinion of my loyal and trustworthy squire Lars. So Lars, did the lad show any more promise in exchanging emails than he's shown here ... wouldn't have been too difficult.
Joe
Joe