Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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Look you here Mr. Member Number [sNEER]3856[/sNEER], I've checked the list compiled by MrSpkr and note with interest that YOUR name is right near the top ... have a care, Sir, have a care.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>No truer words have ever been spoken<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It is the DUTY of the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread to encourage postings in the tradition of the CessPool ... also (in his role of CessPool Drain Commissioner) to be sure that the drains are clear and free flowing. Thus I find my posting well within the scope of the job and your objection is rejected.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Charcoal bras? That is awful conservative, don't you think? I would have
thought you were a red bra kind ofNo truer words have ever been spoken guy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If you CAN'T keep up with the posts on the board go back to licking the keys of corporate barons ... or whatever it is you do. THAT particular joke was done, and done MUCH better may I say, by my own loyal and trustworthy squire Lars. Warmed over quips are not worthy of a Knight of the CessPool ... of course in YOUR case they are likely the best you can do.
Further I note with interest that YOU didn't post any limericks to improve mine, as was specifically requested in my post. How IS the view from the cheap seats Marlow?
Joe
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I am not, I fear, particularly skilled at limericks ... probably because my people came from County Kildare. Perhaps others might improve upon this:
There once was a fool from Wisconsin,
Who was a newbie, scum suckin'
A lame joke he posted
His butt was then toasted
We've informed his nearest of kin.
I am saddened to report that I received NOT ONE Surrender on my birthday, I got some golfing stuff and that's good but I had assumed that the CessPool AT LEAST would ... would ... {choke} CARE!
I'm in a foul mood ... there'd best be no transgressions against the traditions of the 'Pool TODAY, let me tell you.
Lars, oh Lars have we received that forced air blower for the charcoal braziers yet? We have? Excellent, let's get the coals EXTRA hot today lad ... not one crummy surrender, like it would have killed them or something {grumble} ...
Joe
[ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I have had the benefit of seeing school textbooks from both Russia and the
USA. While Russian textbooks do give credit to the US where it is due, including the lend lease, D-Day, and the pre D-Day campaigns. US textbooks devote about a page and a half talking about Russia, and mainly how Hitler
invaded it, not the Soviet retaliation in the later years.
Of course, Soviet education was always superior to the majority of the Western standards at the public school level, so this was not surprising to me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmm, yes, this should do nicely, let's set up the chairs here. Got the beer, good. No, shouldn't need the fieldglasses I don't imagine, this should provide a lovely view.
What's that? No, no comment here, just waiting for the flamethrowers to show up.
You DID bring the marshmallows this time didn't you? And the sticks? Good on you.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He can't deny it, Leeo actually wrote: Perhaps we can even appeal to the gallery (or should that be Pit?), that upon your successful completion of this (if I recall correctly) 45 turn monstrosity, you could even be elevated to KKkkkkkaaaaannigget!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Aha, MrSpkr business is picking up nicely I see. Prepare the usual questions please:
How long have you been of the CessPool?
How long have you been a Knight of the CessPool?
Are you familiar with the tome of Lord Lorak?
Are you aware that only Lord Lorak can make a tree ... scratch that, it's a Knight ... hard to tell the difference in some cases.
Are YOU Lord Lorak?
Oh and Lars make sure the rack is well oiled, I don't like hearing squeaks, they interfer with the lovely sound of the screams.
Joe
[ 09-16-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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Did you ever consider that they just REALLY liked your pet and they couldn't spell for crap?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, it isn't so much a scenario as it is a sort of a thing where on one side of
the river we have two mini battles and on the other side of the river we have two mini-battles and these four mini-battles sort of get mixed together with a backstabbing shot to the bunker from a lend-lease Sherman and a counter blow to a Stuart from a magically appearing StuG III, and no one can tell (nor does anyone seem to care) just who is doing what to whom.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Excepting only minor details, would you be so kind as to explain how THIS differs from the multiple battles on both sides of the river with reinforcements appearing willy-nilly MONSTROSITY that YOU inflicted upon Berli (mind you HE deserved it) and myself? Sounds like the pot (YOU, not to put too fine a point on it) calling the kettle (chrisl though that may well dignify him too much) black!
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>PShaw! Drop the "designate" already or I will rip your liver out with your shin-bone. And you owe me a turn.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Very well, I trust that Lorak will forgive my transgression in favor of thread harmony. I CERTAINLY take no notice of your threats. As to the turn ... it's my birthday, leave me alone.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Noted. Oh yes, Sir Shaw, I prefer the term VICE Justicar of the Peng Challenge
Thread -- it has a certain ring to it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh I say, that's quite good isn't it? Of course you WOULD like the sound of "VICE".
STILL NO SURRENDERS! Need I remind you that it's customary to give someone what they ask for on their birthday!
Joe
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I'm posting here because it's the lesser of two evils. While I absolutely HATE the idea of ANY Brit, let along David Aitken hosting the MBT, it is FAR better that he do so than the ignominity of having another {shudder} SQUIRE hosting it.
That being said, the recitation of the rules violated innummerable of the long established and sacred traditions of the CessPool and as Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and CessPool Drain Commissioner DESIGNATE I'm forced to take note of that failure.
MrSpkr, in your role of Assistant Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and Associate CessPool Drain Commissioner DESIGNATE, please take note of this failure ... it is a GOOD thing to have a staff.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>CORRECT! chrisl is a worthless wank who should be forever banned from scenario "design"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I think we want to be careful here Peng. Your statement implies that chrisl is a worthless wank BECAUSE of his scenario design ability. In fact, as you are well aware, chrisl is just a worthless wank OVERALL. I think we need to speak with a single voice on this issue and allow no waffling.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>JoXia as Drain Commmissioner!!! How fitting...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now see, Mark IV IS good for something ... other than cannon fodder that is. I don't know though, taking the post of Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread is a burden I'm confident I can handle, but to receive the ULTIMATE responsibility of CessPool Drain Commissioner ... you do me too much honor.
Joe
p.s. I've not received a SINGLE surrender and your meaningless posts here are pretty much ... meaningless, even MORE meaningless than Seanachai's post which was even more meaningless than his posts USUALLY are and that's saying something. SO ... get on the stick and surrender damn it ... especially YOU jd, I'd love to be able to say I won after being forced to retreat up to Last Stand Hill that way.
Joe
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I know that many of you have been agonizing over the question of the week ... what WILL I get Joe for his birthday on Sunday?
After many, many inquiries (mostly ... actually ALL of them self-generated), I've come to the decision that expensive liquor, pre-paid call girls and a new set of golf clubs will be unnecessary. I've decided that I'll be accepting gifts ONLY from those whom I'm currently playing (no, no, I insist) and that the gift should be a surrender from them to me in our current game.
Not only will it make ME feel better (especially since the chances of victory in ANY of them are vanishingly small), but it will make YOU feel better too since you will have ... uh ... made ME feel better.
I'll await your turns so that I may gloat over my wins. Don't delay, wouldn't do to get a surrender AFTER my birthday.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Sea Monkeys are way better, and I didn't get those til I was 26 or so, but you really have to spring for the deluxe set with the history of Sea Monkeys book.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yeah but for YOU that's family history isn't it? This post just about gagged me, from it's sappy "LOL" beginning to its outerboardish "here's how I started wargaming and I just know you'll all be thrilled to know chapter and verse" ending.
It's a DAMNED good thing for you Chrisl, that I haven't been confirmed as Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread or I might have Lars firing up the charcoal braziers for a little Q&A with you. But I've got you on my list pal.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Actually, I think you meant poodle-sniffers in the cases of Mace and Joe
Shaw.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Poodle SKIRT sniffer YES, as to poodles ... I suspect that for Mace if it LOOKS like a sheep and SOUNDS like a sheep and ACTS like sheep ... one out of three is close enough.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I agree with BTS's general gag order. BUT.... The Peng tread is due for a renewal soon. Who ever said it has to be the not-so-serious BS venting tread every time? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Okay, just talking off the top of my head here but could it be ... MadMatt?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>However, it is my belief that there is no 'von Shrad sister', that the accusations of easy virtue in the wake of cheap pseudo-wine and butcher's offal are an invention ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> On the other hand (the middle one, unless I miss my guess) it is entirely possible that she DOES exist but is even more hideous than one would normally expect of a sister of Von Shrad. Further I expect that she is NOT of easy virtue but is one of those obnoxious types who has warped ideas of what's right. "ExCUSE me, I don't think your hand beLONGS there!" {snork}* Oh my, I've just given Leeo hope again haven't I.
Joe
*imagine an act involving a quantity of nasal discharge and a forearm.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Ok, correct me if I'm wrong, Seanachai recommended you, I said aye, and Peng said aye... what the Hell else do you want? A freakin' brass band?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oooohhh, COULD I? No wait ... BAGPIPES! Yeah, Pipes and Drums ... Scotland Forever! It'll be cool, we can have a few beers and break open a watermelon or two, then you can introduce me to the Miss Justicar Confirmation Day (she's the redhead right?) and I'll take her aside and explain her ... uh ... duties.
{sigh nah, as Justicar Designate it would be inappropriate to do that before Lorak makes it official.
...
But maybe AFTER?
Joe
p.s. Juardis I'm sorry to hear that ... of course it means that my loyal and trustworthy squire Lars HAS TRIUMPHED! Say Lars ... does that make it FIVE? Is it now Sir Lars we need to be addressing ... well LORAK?
Joe
[ 09-14-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stuka. (Assistant reserve backup secretary to the Assistant Whatsacar
Inquisitor General)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HAH! As if I'd appoint [sNEER] an Australian [/sNEER] to the critical post of sidekic ... uh I mean assistant to the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread (we're still working on the title, Junior Justicar just doesn't have the right ... the right ... milieu? ... milieu? ... no you idiot.)
Further I must REMIND the members of the CessPool that I have not yet been OFFICIALLY appointed to the post. How would it look if the man who is responsible for upholding the traditions of the CessPool should then flaunt those traditions by proclaiming himself before the event?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Agreed, but they've no hands, Joe! I mean, what, are they holding it in their mouths? The whip, that is.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Since BTS (should BTS be bolded do you think? I think so ...) BTS hasn't modelled the sheep or the whip (slackers that they are) I don't know that we can get a definitive answer (as ALL definitive answers are determined by BTS). As a long time flyfisher I can tell you that a small movement at the user end of the whip will translate to a large movement at the whipee end of the whip. It's one of those "it's all in the wrist" kind of things. Since sheep have a kind of a wrist (four of them actually) perhaps that's the answer. In any case, I suspect that "Where there's a will there's a way" comes into play at some point.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The whole thing's very distasteful, to be sure, but I just can't imagine the
complexity of the training program to achieve that.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Oh I don't know, Seanachai, can you think of any sentient creature that WOULDN'T jump at the chance to whip Mace? I would imagine that sheep IN PARTICULAR would be lining up for the opportunity.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Okay, I see your point, but couldn't these "Initiation Scenarios" at least be
fun for the Squire or Knight who is hosting them?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I can't speak to whatever scenario you may be playing Panzer Leader, but as to Jabo! I can categorically state that it was great fun for me to watch the German column get blown to kingdom come. It was GREAT video.
CM features all too few of those glorious turns in which everything goes right and your opponent is literally shredded, and I see nothing wrong with providing the Knight or Squire a giggle or two in the process.
Now obviously they should be limited to anti-SSN use, although I clearly recall a scenario I built for Seanachai that had his lone HT surrounded by flames and under fire by ten ATGs ... on the first turn. Jabo! is limited to ten turns for the express purpose of not taxing the patience ... of either side.
Joe
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Panzer Leader shows his true colours at last. Lorak, what did we try to tell you? Didn't we say that Panzer Leader wasn't ready for Knighthood yet? Now we have this travesty. I tell you lads, you may thank the Gods that I'll shortly be in charge of protecting the traditions of the CessPool from this kind of revisionism. Let's examine his specific statements: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I think it is time this cruel and unsual punishment was put to an end. They are too horrible to play!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Gee ... ya think? Jabo! was designed to be played against SSNs ... how is it POSSIBLE to have a punishment that would be TOO cruel or unusual for an SSN? Of COURSE they're horrible, they're meant to be and I'll explain why in a moment. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mostly because of scenario creator's inability to make fun and exciting scenarios, but also because they are heavily weighted (obscenely weighted to tell the truth) to give one or both players no chance of doing anything of worth, merit, or even interest.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It was NEVER the intent to create a FUN or EXCITING scenario. It was the intent to create a scenario that was SO heavily weighted that the SSN had NO CHANCE of winning! Why? Because of the second part of your statement. You see Panzer Leader, you have forgotten that the CessPool is NOT about winning or losing in CM, it's about WIT, HUMOR, ATTITUDE and TAUNTING! What better way to test an SSN than to put him in an impossible situation and SEE HOW HE DOES in the heat of combat? THAT'S how we determine if THEY are of worth, merit or even of interest. If an SSN finally tumbles to the fact that he's been had, how will he react? Will he sulk and pout or join in the spirit of the thing and post witty and worthy AARs? You see, you missed the point entirely. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>In a recent game given to ME by either Berli or Mensch (who can tell the difference?) I was given the game with no units for either side except for about 20 big-gun spotters per side. That, my friends, is just stupid. I guess it was a big joke, ha ha, but I play this game for fun, not to see what imbecilic combinations I can come up wih.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Awfully close to groggly there pal, must we have scenarios with proper and correct OOBs for you? Must we watch our "P's & Q's" about gamey behavior when we play you? Who's to say that something is imbecilic ... other than YOU that is. Arty Fest '45 is a prime example. While it is supremely ahistorical, it does present some interesting tactical challenges and it, at least, is superbly balanced.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>How can you sleep at night Jo?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well I'm glad to see that you've finally come around and are asking advice from your elders. It's true that I've a LOT of experience in sleeping, in fact I've estimated that I've slept for roughly 1/3 of my life. What I do (you might want to take notes here Marlow) is to avoid caffeine before I go to bed, then (and this is the important part) I LIE DOWN ... that may be your problem you know, many residents of Scandahoovia TRY to sleep standing up but it just doesn't work as well. Once you lie down it just all falls into place, give it a try and please keep in touch, anything I can do to keep you unconcious I WILL DO! I'm here for you guy.
Joe
[ 09-10-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Marlow incorrectly stated: Nothing confused me Ancient one. As always, I address the old, decrepit, and falling apart ones with proper respect and admiration ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Apparently something MUST have confused you as the reference was to the fact that only Seniour Knights are allowed a vote on the matter. Now you MIGHT, I suppose, try to cover up your confusion by claiming that you were offering advice ... {bull****e} It's not YOUR place to advise Seniour Knights on anything, {00.000} No one cares about your opinion AND lastly {ivivivivi} Ppfffpppthhhhh.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe Shaw!, Joe Shaw! Get out your rule book, I'm being unfairly persecuted by the Unholy one! Slap an indictment or a parking ticket on him pronto, or do sumfink!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, there are ... problems. First I should point out that I am not YET officially emplaced (small, very small, CM pun there) as Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread ... can't imagine what's holding things up (yes, yes Bauhaus in YOUR case the quick release DOES work nicely ... now ... PLEASE pull the waders back up and sit down). Secondarily (and in second place), the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread is specifically prohibited from making rulings on the Olde Ones and finally (as in at the end) I'm not exactly certain of the enforcement duties of the Justicar so an indictment may not be forthcoming.
Finally, (yeah I know but THIS is the final part ... I think) I'm not at all certain that it's possible to be UNFAIRLY persecuted by Berli. However, I'll do what I can:
{harrmuph} Uh Berli, don't pick on the lad ... there's a good evil one (good evil one? ... whatever).
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:
Shaw! Run before it kills you!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh look Seanachai, isn't that cute ... it's misquoted you ... by George THAT'S never been done before. A real keeper we have here lads, Pillenwerfer has just posted a knee slapper ... Bauhaus go slap his knee.
Joe
A Peng Challenge Too Far
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Someone said I should ask here for copies of CRODABURG, and JABO (as UNbalanced scenarios).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmmm, SOD OFF you unlettered and likely illegitimate weinie ... the preceding was done in strict accordance with CessPool traditions. That being said, I have not actually been able to stomach playing Crodaburg for more than a couple of turns. Jabo! on the other hand, is a creation of Mine Own and I can speak with authority on THAT scenario. I wouldn't call Jabo! UNbalanced ... more like Abalanced ... as in not balanced at all. In a recent test against the AI, just hitting the GO key repeatedly resulted in a 98-2 win for me. Jabo! is one of my proudest moments and my greatest creation and is in full keeping with the traditions of the CessPool ... now ... SOD OFF!
Joe
oh ... a copy will be winging its way to you shortly.