Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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I find that Seanachai has done the Right Thing and admitted his error: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Shaw, the most useless, annoying, contentious and posturing Seniour Knight on the Peng Challenge Thread, and Justicar to same, has the right of it, and I, even one of the Old Ones, was quite wrong.
For Shaw has again reaffirmed that the joy of belonging to the Peng Challenge Thread is the joy of belonging, and specifically belonging to the Peng Challenge Thread.
And, once again, that most totalitarian, Inquisitorial, and tradition-bound Toad has reaffirmed that:
"Everyone comes naked to the Peng Challenge Thread."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Could ... could we perhaps find a DIFFERENT phrase to describe the condition? My stomach hasn't settled down since I read this the first time.
But his point is well taken and illustrates the position of the Justicariate. Let no one think that the Justicariate is ill-disposed toward ANY applicant ... we hate them ALL equally as ALL True CessPoolers should. It matters not whether the SSN is SlopDraggin' or DeadInBed, they will be equally denigrated ... for thus is the Way of the CessPool.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So, will it be "The Black Forest" at 20 paces in a battle of the SSNs, or not? If yes, I'll fling you the file for you two Cess dippers to wade around in. If not, Sod Off. Machts Nicht to me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Marlow I despair of you, I really do. FIRST I objected to your choice of scenario because it was too historical but it was of the right length. NOW you submit Black Forest which is admirably non-historical and appears reasonably bizzare but NOW it's too long! I think we'd best go with Arty Fest '45, it does have the added advantage of having driven off people in the past.
SlopDragging, for your information (which would apparently be running a couple of quarts low), RTFM is one of those ever so clever internet abbreviations which advises you to READ THE F***ING MANUAL! In this case you may feel free to substitute the word RULES for MANUAL and refer to that portion of the rules (FIRST post, FIRST page) in which it states QUITE SPECIFICALLY that you should address your challenge to someone of your own miniscule stature. Challenging a Seniour Knight such as myself will gain you, if you're lucky and I'm feeling jolly, a sneer of contempt. I'd take the game with the other SSN, what's his name ... DeadInBed or something ... and be grateful that we're giving you THAT much notice.
Should you choose this course of action, kindly advise and I'll lower myself to send the scenario to you.
Joe
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Much to discuss, but my time is limited and I therefore address ONLY the most critical issue at hand. From the Ancient Art of CM post, sorry, no time for the link, but Agua posted ... sorry, this was part of his post:
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Let me put aside my mental hand lotion for a moment and offer some wisdom:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn it Agua Perdido, did I teach you NOTHING as my squire? You never, NEVER, divulge the secrets of the CessPool to the outerboard ... the Justicariate will have to look into this. I am shamed, my friends, by my former squire in this matter, and I assure you that the Justicariate will leave no stone unturned in it's investigation.
I TRIED to minimize the damage but ...
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Let me put aside my mental hand lotion for a moment and offer some wisdom:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ha, ha, pretty funny Agua Perdido, that's pretty funny, I mean what you said there when you, JUST KIDDING of course, said that we did those things in the CessPool WHICH OF COURSE WE DON'T, on account of how you were JUST KIDDING AROUND ... right Agua Perdido ... RIGHT?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>WRONG, Speedo. There is, in fact, a seventh. I am Consigliori to the Pool, a title conveyed to me by The Justicar Himself. This title is reserved for my exclusive use, as it recognizes and honors my wise contributions to the gutter slime that passes for postings herein.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ummm, actually Speedy just copied a recital of the rules done by ME! And it is still quite correct as the operative word was and is "PEOPLE"! I defy you to find ANYONE here who would equate the Consigliori to the CessPool with any form of PEOPLE!
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And as Consigliori, I was thinking we might ask someone to take Blow Joe fishing on the lake... Ya know what I mean??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hah! You must think I'm pretty stupid ... wait, don't answer that ... I know EXACTLY what your plan is pal ... you want to know my secret for catching fish when no one else can.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I am certain the German Sonderbreakfast 1299 was far superior to any
breakfast the Allies could field.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah but you see Andreas, those of us who KNOW you can easily detect the telltale quibble of your "source" on this bit of grogdom.
Were you indeed certain, you'd have said "It has been proven that ...", or "As Otto Von Peters stated in his groundbreaking work, 'German Field Nutrition 1939-1945' ..." or something of the sort. Your weak "I am certain" is proof positive that you are, in fact, GUESSING.
In fact, the U.S. Army did field tests on the Sonderbreakfast 1299 in 1946 with the following officially tabulated results:
14% Tastes like sh*t.
27% Looks and tastes like sh*t.
31% Absolutely IS sh*t ... no, really it is.
20% I'M not gonna try that sh*t, no way man.
8% Oh I don't know, it could be worse, not bad once you get past the taste ... and smell of it, mind you I wouldn't want it on a regular basis but it makes a fair change from ...
and so on. Poor scholarship, Andreas, you're getting lazy now that you're gainfully employed.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Very logical of you Joe... and, I recall that logic is a violation of Pool
Tradition. So, tell us, how does one rack one's self?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You are, no surprise, wrong again. Logic is the very FOUNDATION of CessPool tradition, it's misuse and misapplication form the basis of some of the greatest of CessPool traditions. But to answer your question ... it's all in the wrist.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I take it that you didn't quite fathom the meaning of opinion that matters. That's ok, we didn't make you Justicar because of your wits<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I take it as part of my responsibility to oversee FUTURE traditions as well as those that are established.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The inestimable Berli has suggested: Havin' a bit of a chat with Peng about our very own Mensch. It occured
to me that he should be given the official title of Mutha Beautiful Village Idiot, {various comments from Peng snipped for lack of relevance}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This seems to be one of those Self Evident titles but since newbies keep wandering in, no matter how hard we try to keep them out, perhaps making it official would be a good idea. However, I think that CessPool Village Idiot is more compendious.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Let it be “Arty Fest ‘45”, Sire. It did get rid of Juardis, so we have a 50/50 shot here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmm, good point young Lars, I hereby retract half of the ***boot***'s I implemented this morning. A powerful argument in favor of Arty Fest '45 gents, any thoughts?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>My thoughts exactly. It is a 15 turn, semi-historical battle that is not too big (1200 point German attack). I thought we force Slappy to play the Uber-Germans. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well ... I don't know Marlow, it sounds too ... real, to me anyway. A Made for the CessPool battle should be bizarre enough so that the particpants are forced to bite on a bullet before they fire up a turn, it should force them to ask the hard questions like "RIGHT THEN, who's the f**king A**H*LE that spawned THIS piece of TRIPE?", it should test them in their ability to withstand the CessPool. I'm afraid that yours is just too ... no offense, normal. We DO appreciate the interest and the very good suggestion you made ... you wanker (I thought I was getting to touchy-feely, can't have that you know).
Now Arty Fest '45 or even Croda's Escape seem like they might fit the bill. Either would work for me.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It just so happens that I have just the thing for the two wet behind the ears pool dippers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well now wait just a minute, we STILL have an un-completed battle that needs to be done for our entertainment. Arty Fest '45 was terminated before a conclusion could be determined.
Now Arty Fest '45 is a Made For the CessPool battle ... what sort of contest are you suggesting? If it's longer than 10 turns or so we'll likely lose interest ... in fact considering the two contestants we'll probably lose it much sooner than that. You see Marlow, a Made for the CessPool battle is more than just a goofy scenario, it has to fit into our busy schedule.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Perhaps if he was in the habit of posting more than once to a thread he starts it would not have been that big a deal. Von Shrad and I had a long discussion about this.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> While I can certainly see your point, Slapdragon, I must regretfully {gag} agree with PanzerLeader on this one
If I send a private email to someone, regardless of the content, I intend for that email to be private and not public.By the same token, I tend to agree about Cauldron's "bombing". Mind you he could be one of those mega-enthusiasts who just CAN'T shut up about the game and has the BBS version of automatic writing
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mark IV says ... oh the shame: The list of shame grows. Peng, jd, Joe Xia, Wildman<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> LYING BASTICHE! I received turn 21 (numbered JUST to annoy Elvis ... we don't NEED to number them ... we can quit anytime we want) on Thursday and sent turn 22 on FRIDAY. Retract your accusation AT ONCE I say or I'll .. I'll ... well, just don't make me, pal.
Joe
{edited for never you mind why}
[ 09-26-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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{Ahem} ... {hmmmmmmm} ... {hmmmmmm} right, key of very flat, that should do nicely.
The Ballad of the CessPool
(to the tune of The Ballad of Ivan Petrofsky Skevarr)
The sons of the CessPool are all without shame
And 'twill not abide by a fool,
But most garrulous of all was a man by the name,
Of Seanachai, Bard of the Pool.
If you wanted a brave to twist up a phrase
And treat the poor newbies so cruel,
Or cast rightful doubt, on the brains of the louts,
'twas Seanachai, Bard of the Pool.
This scion of Ireland with wit so aroused
'twas more fearsome than ghostie or ghoul,
A terrible creature, though frequently soused,
Was Seanachai, Bard of the Pool.
There are brave men aplenty, and well known to fame,
Though we'd never suggest that they bore,
But the bravest of all was a man by the name
Of Peng, the Father Confessor
He could sneer with the best, tell a newbie "sod off"
And they'd blanch at the sound of his roar,
In fact quite the cream of the M.B.T. team
Was Peng, the Father Confessor.
'Twas true that none loved him, of that there's no doubt,
And his style with the ladies was poor,
But he'd fry newbie butt, with words cleverly cut,
Our Peng, the Father Confessor.
One day that bold cleric, he left his posh barracks
And with a six pack of O'Douls,
He was going to town, when by fortune he found
Seanachai, Bard of the Pool.
"Peng you foul fellow," our Seanachai bellowed,
"Why carry you that pack of booze?
When I've not a drop, I should give you a bop!"
Cried Seanachai, Bard of the Pool.
"Yes you'd like the O'Douls, I can see from your drool."
Said Peng with contempt to the core.
"But 'tis mine now you see, so you'd best just drink TEA!"
Sneered Peng, the Father Confessor
And the fight thus was on, with an absence of brawn
For both were too pickled by far,
When a hand darted through, and gathered the brew,
'Twas Joe, the wise Justicar.
"Now my lads," soothed Sir Joe, "let's not come to blows.
I'm certain I know what to do.
The Bard can pay Peng, for the half of the thing,
And you'll share like true Knights of the 'Pool.
Then they both beat Joe to within an inch of his life.
thnk you, thnk you very much
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>He claims that he fights in the style of Jackson at Chancellorsville -- I guess that means he runs around a lot, then dies in the end.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> GLORIOUSLY ... you forgot gloriously. ... then dies gloriously in the end. I shouldn't have to explain these things you know but you WERE the Squire to Seanachai so ...
Speaking of Seanachai, I fear that I may have fanned the fires too high in my justified and righteous wrath. Let us, by all means, see what tack he takes ... THEN we'll hang the guilty bastiche. Any orders for stenographers? Blond, redhead, brunette? Petite, Average, Brunhilde? And for Dame YK2, Greek or Roman God?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Aitken, I blame you for this. You didn't post the rules at the beginning of this MBT, so the SSNs wander in spewing drivel without the remotest chance of having a clue (not that the rules would help, but it gives us every right to smack them with a flounder). Why, I'm of half a goddman brain to sick Sir Shaw on you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Exactly Sir Agua, I've taken note of his failure previously but he IS a Brit after all and we can't expect TOO much of them. However, I [EMPHASIS] TRUST [/EMPHASIS] that the NEXT author of the M.B.T. will post the rules IN THEIR ENTIRITY so that we can properly point our fingers and laugh at the SSNs who drift in with the tide.
The most recent one IS a bit of dim bulb isn't he?
Joe
{edited to remove a six page diatribe against Seanachai and his persistent efforts to bring the CessPool to it's knees ... I judged it to be redundant}
[ 09-25-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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Okay gang, the Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread is going to step in here and HOPEFULLY you clowns will start the new thread properly.
1. ONLY Knights ... no damned Squires or SSNs may submit thread titles.
2. Include PENG and CHALLENGE in the title.
3. Post some GOOD rules, we're getting tired of having these SSNs wander in without guidance.
I would propose a new thread myself but I believe in allowing others to learn by doing. And they call me The Hammer of the CessPool ... I'm just a big softie at heart.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>yep......the old way was the best way......<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah my dear Dame YK2, in the words of the old song: I Love My Wife But Oh You Kid.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I will not enter as a Serf of course, but I will accept Squireness, and I will not demand a certian knight, but will accept the choice of the gentled-man threaders.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What the hell is this? You see what happens Seanachai, when the established order is ignored? Now we have SSNs, for Gawd's Sake, thinking they have the right to NEGOTIATE! You see what comes of your flaunting of the Traditions of the CessPool!
By GAWD in the OLDE THREAD we wouldn't have stood for such insolence ON THE PART OF A SQUIRE, let alone a slimy SSN. Fix or do SOMEFINK, Seanachai or I won't be able to protect you from the righteous anger of the CessPool ... hell I might fire up a torch myself!
Joe
p.s. oh ... Dead In Bed ... {in his best, and his best is pretty damned good, W.C. Fields voice} Go away little boy you bother me.
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Well, well, well, let's see what crept over the transom whilst I slept shall we?
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Slap, Drag Un finished an incredibly long and boring story with: Simon, still with high morale, retorts back, "don't complain buster, at least its steady work!!"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now [sNEER] No doubt it's my dull and pedestrian wit [/sNEER] that prevents me from seeing the knee slapping and tear making sheer joy of this punchline, but after all that surely we deserved more? Now grant you the "incontinent" line was good ... I would suggest adult Depends I think ... after all they ARE for ... Down Under.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Seanachai is still roiling th waters I see: I maintained that Slapdragon should merely be allowed to move
to Squire, and that he be granted the singular boon, although a new and radical one, of choosing the Knight he wished to be Squire to.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually you DID suggest that he be made Knight immediately but wisely retracted the statement in the same breath. I was acting pre-emptively ... I've seen you at work before. But let me ask you this Seanachai ... Why? Why violate the sacred traditions of the CessPool in THIS case? As you are well aware, he can be made Serf and, practically in the same breath, be taken to Squire. Why does HE get to choose his Knight? Others who have come to us must await the decision of the fates. Why does THIS SSN (for SSN he is, regardless of posts to the outerboard) deserve such special consideration? You have attempted to violate and shift the traditions of the CessPool far too often for the comfort of the Justicariate. Let the camel slip his nose beneath the tent flap ONCE and soon you'll be sleeping with the great dirty beast ... (OH FOR GAWD'S SAKE BAUHAUS ... it's a CAMEL I'M TALKING ABOUT ... well it's a great, large, dirty beast that kicks and spits ... really? ... oh well, each to their own I suppose.) <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now, notice the ever vituperative Simon Fox. The lad showed up here tonight and did the right thing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The RIGHT THING! The Right Thing is it? HE showed up after an absence measured in months and you simper and fawn over his two posts as if they were the revealed word. Your complicity in THAT farce hasn't been forgotten either Seanachai. The RULES, TRADITIONS and PROCEDURES of the CessPool are there FOR A REASON Seanachai, and the Simon Fox episode merely highlites the right of them.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Peng has weighed in again it seems: I told you guys it was a good idea to invite MrSlapper in the 'pool!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And the Justicariate is fully in favor of the invitation, the only item at issue is the FORM of the invitation. WE prefer the original invitation you proffered ... that of SERF!
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Finally, Berli gave us his view: Gonna have to side with Shaw on this one... let slappy serve his time as a serf first ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And really Seanachai ... what time is it. My response on THIS issue makes it clear that it's a procedural matter for the most part, but an important one ... we simply CAN'T have this willy-nilly elevation because YOU want it so.
Joe
[ 09-25-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Really Shaw, I'm touched that you miss me so.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It's too late to try to make amends NOW laddy me lad. You abandoned your post, were absent without leave, sleeping on duty and run away. I contended THEN and I contend NOW that special treatment (save, in your case, treatment for whatever vile little parasites call your frame home) for ANYONE is against the true spirit of the CessPool and I further contend that YOU are the proof of my contention. Begone vile Grog, your name upon the Tome of Lorak is an insult to all TRUE CessPudlians.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Ah, but Messer Peng, you miss the irony of adopted my accused personality in the larger board inside the MBT. A rather deep seated irony, and a joke far too subtle to understand for many. As it may, so shall it be.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> On the other hand ... do we really WANT another Pawbroon in here?
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I thought we already kaniggeted a grog ... Simone Fox, the chiffon-wearing Aussie.
Isn't there a quota/bounty on them?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> As much as it pains me to have to agree with Moriarty (except on the subject of what an utter piece of ****e that snow scenario MrSpkr foisted off on us is), I am forced to agree on the pre-emptive Knighting of grogs.
Look what happened the LAST time Seanachai rammed his "vision" of a new member through. We were harangued for DAYS about what a stellar fellow Simon Fox was and what an asset to the CessPool he would be ... WHERE IS HE? After all of that he's nowhere to be seen.
My friends the LAST thing we need around here is another AWOL Knight. We set up the Serf and Squire system to ensure that an applicant was worth our time and wouldn't run away at the first taunt. But just as importantly we need to know that a Knight is willing to put in the hard hours needed to be a TRUE Knight of the CessPool. Now everyone has a right to be absent for a time, but Simon Fox hasn't shown up since the day he was frocked as CessPool Grog.
I'm afraid that we're getting periously close to {shudder} recruiting again. Now Slap n' Drag 'em sounds promising. He might well have that elusive something that makes a good CessPooler. BUT IT WILL TAKE TIME TO FIND OUT! Make him a Serf by all means, see if some Knight picks him from the rubbish and chooses him for Squire. See if he posts like a TRUE CessPooler for a while and then (after the five games required of a Squire) I'll be the first to welcome him into the fold (no Mace it's just a figure of speech, no he wouldn't be joining YOUR fold ... easy old man, no need for tears, there, there).
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mr. Slapdragon, please pay no mind to Joe Shmoe. He just needs a girlfriend. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well DUH! That's exactly what I keep telling my wife but she's got this silly "marriage" thing going. Women!
BUT ... Slaphappy would be well warned to take heed of the Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread ... not to mention the Drain Commission. Speaking of which, how's the water level in YOUR area Hiram? Let us know when it gets up to your lower lip and we'll think about sending someone out.
Joe
Bugger Peng Let's Have A Real Challenge Then!
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Back to blather. I was reading the ramblings of Hiram Pusbucket in all of its glory when I realized that I have no Knight. I think it is only fair that lacking a sponsoring knight brave enough to take me on as a squire, I be promoted with enabling legalese drafted by the seemingly endless
supply of skanky lawyers which inhabit the cesspool.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> GAWD! How Hard Is This To Understand? SlopDraggin' ... PAY ATTENTION NOW! YOU ARE AN SSN, YOU ARE NOT A SQUIRE UNTIL YOU ARE FIRST A SERF. You are not a serf until Lorak declares it to be so. It's not OUR fault that Lorka is involved in real life and is too busy to update his site.
{pause to wipe spittle from screen so I can read what I type}
Yes, yes, I know that Hiram's Ghost said you were a Squire ... it's not OUR fault that YOU ALONE choose to believe what Hiram's Ghost has posted. Now follow along again and perhaps if you move your mouth as you read it will sink in ... YOU ARE AN SSN ... deal with it.
Joe