The Peng Challenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold...

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

oh and my 6th grade teacher had a brother-in-law who was a camerman on the Ben Casey TV show in the 60's.

Now, strangely enough, and what isn't strange around here would fill a shot-glass, and most often has, myself and a friend were discussing the Ben Casey show just yesterday.

You see, I, as an Olde One, was going on a bit about the huge number of television Westerns that dominated what approached my 'youth', while intermittently singing the theme song from 'Paladin' (which always frightens and annoys my friend), and was pointing out such archaeological artifacts as 'Paladin', 'Bat Masterson', 'The Rifleman', 'Maverick', and 'Branded'. Sod 'Gunsmoke' and 'Bonanza', if you watched any of the aforesaid, you truly came to grips with an American phenomenon.

Now, my point was that, after the first 'rush' of Westerns had faded from television, the next

'wave' of mainstream television involved Private Eye shows. She maintained that the next wave was 'Doctor Shows', and sighted 'Ben Casey' and 'Dr Kildare'.

I told her, of course, that she was an idjit, and that Croda was as capable of rational thought. After that, what with the name calling, and thrown items, and the intervention of the Edina police, who have no sporting sense whatsoever, it's all a bit of a blur.

Still, here I am tonight, and I'm assured that eventually my car will be returned, and my friend will be released from jail as soon as it's determined that she's not a supporter of Terrorism, as, apparently, I claimed at the time of our initial arrest.

Which should teach her to think faster than myself, I might add.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Gates-slut:

Dorosh, old sod, so gald you could drop in. Your first post on the previous page made me snicker a bit and a voice interrupted my continuous psychotic inner duodecalogue with "hmmm, that Dorosh can be pretty durn funny sometimes."

Then you posted again. And again. And AGAIN. The hooting and hollering and screeching and yappa yapp yapping all came to a halt and a small still voice said, "See! That's why we Penged the rat-bastard in the first place!"

Oh, I don't know, Peng, I've a bit of a soft spot for Grog Dorosh (wipin' 'em off here, boss!), and, after all, he is Canadian.

And I've been watching this, I believe he's referring to 'Majorbooboo', and he strikes me as a roight tosser, and no mistake.

Now, Geier has the right of it, and many of our membership are, in fact, pathologically brutal mercenaries who only need a target for their psychoses (hats off to the Old Firm, winner of the 'I'd just as soon shove a sharpened stick up the arse of the next Finn who posts, rather than read another two paragraphs of hubristic, dim-witted ****e' award for 2002), while others are more territorial, and take the attitude of 'if that useless, wanking son of an unwed and unneutered corgi comes in here, we'll slit him up a treat, then follow him on to the Outer Board and show the pissant halfwit what it means to annoy the Peng Challenge Thread'.

Now, for myself, and as one of the Olde Ones, I think we need to be ever vigilant.

While I practice vicious, mindless attacks on Outer Boarders when they annoy my sense of what's right and just, and especially when they strike me as egregiously stupid, I maintain the righteousness of only dog-piling the dumb bastards when they wander in here and make themselves a target.

On the other hand, should certain of our more unstable members chance to encounter MajorBooBoo on the Outer Boards, and notice what a sodding pillock he is, this Thread shall release them to 'vote their conscience', by which, of course, we mean 'go all satirical and strange on the idjit'.

Now, Grog Dorosh, that is the best I can do for you.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Sledge59:

Michael,

Give the guy enough rope and he will hang himself. Always remember that trolls feed on attention (particularly if it's negative), so use the [ignore] switch and carry on your conversation as if he isn't there. I understand that you've got a sore spot after those utterly tasteless polls. I'd wager that he's been on this board under some other name before and has been banned. He doesn't deserve attention in any case.

SLEDGE59, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN! DESIST FROM THIS ATTITUDE ON THE PENG CHALLENGE THREAD AT ONCE!

Do you hear me, Sir?! At once! This sort of reasoned and reasonable approach to wankers may be all well and good on the Playing Fields of Eton, but it has as much place on the Peng Challenge Thread as Mantlet Armour discussions, and calls for fair play.

Now, go, and find this idjit, note his statements, and find some good and useful way to make mock of him.

[Goanna]

the Bard:

Which should teach her to think faster than myself, I might add.

True, but it is also likely to have the synchronistic effect of providing you the opportunity to miss out on this year's carnal knowledge. Personally, I'd advise you pop round to the local gaol with bail money toot sweet. Perhaps then you will find something more "productive" to do with the 3-4 am portion of your day.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Speedy:

I always fall in the water when I go skiing.

Don't go skiing then.

Mace

[**YK2**]

For all who may have missed this....

"T'was the night before Peng, and all through the 'Pool

Not a creature was posting, except some young fool.

The Pooler's were gathered all down by the bar

Drinking and gambling and starting to spar.

The Scum Sucking Newbies were nowhere about

Why even the Serfs had all chickened out

Then Dame YK2 sat down in the hall

And began playing cards, taking winnings from all.

Geier and Andreas were both in the house

In front of them Hanns, behind them bauhaus

In the corner was Kitty right next to Fionn

They were torturing Hiram Sedai just for fun.

Alas Lorak was gone to the front for the fight,

To his honor and safety we toasted that night.

Moriarty threw darts at a picture of Meeks

While Croda played hearts with two other geeks.

Stuka and Iskander argued over liquor,

Herr Oberst watched shandorf get sicker and sicker

Panzer Leader was talking, though all were ignoring

His advice on defending, they found it quite boring.

When out in the swamp there arose such a clatter,

Peng sprang from the bar to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash,

Tore open the blinds and threw up on the sash.

The moon on the muck and the grime in the air

Glistened so brightly just like Joe Shaw's hair.

When what to our wandering eyes should appear

But a scum sucking newbie, his eyes wide with fear.

He said, "I am new here, would you guys like a game"

That minute I realized this boy was real lame.

More rapid than Mouse's posts his questions they came,

While he was surrounded by kniggets, here were their names:

"Hey Berli, and Lawyer and Seanachai too!

Hey Pawbroon Hey Leeo! Speedbump, who's behind you?"

All around him they gathered while his knees knocked with fear.

And I could tell he was wondering why he ever came here.

The knights snarled "Here's the Rules, you young little snot!

Sound off like you have a pair even if you do not!

Challenge somebody specific, and try to be funny,

That or just shut up and give us your money."

"Stay away from politics; religion's taboo.

Color and country are out of bounds too.

Thou shalt not sound off ABOUT your small pair

Lest the wrath of the Bald One fall down on our lair"

"Keep in mind, SSN, winning isn't the goal!

Taunting's the thing that we care for, you mole.

No grogginess here, except Simon Fox

The official 'Pool grog, that smelly dumb ox."

"Don't challenge an Olde One or even a Knight

They probably won't waste their time on your fight.

Pick out a newbie, or maybe a Squire

Then shove his face down in the muck and the mire."

"If you entertain us, we might let you stay

But probably not, so please, be on your way.

You see we are picky about whom we despise

Especially Berli, the father of lies."

Mace stood there grimly, smelling of sheep.

The stench was so bad that Lars started to weep.

OGSF lurched toward the lad then I heard

That mad Scotsman shouting "Ye poir dumb bastarrrd!"

The newbie spoke not, but sat down to think.

After fifteen short seconds, he stood and he blinked.

And laying a finger inside of his nose,

He pulled out some green thing he wiped on his toes.

He stared glassy-eyed at the knights all around,

And began to back up, 'til he tripped and fell down.

He had just pulled himself up from the slime and the goo

When Dalem leaned in and whispered softly, "Boo!"

The newbie ran to the door with a shriek and a shout!

He flung it wide open, and then he ran out.

And as his screams in the night grew faint and soft

I yelled "Merry Christmas, you scum! Now you all can SOD OFF!"

-- Steve Hines

http://uppericope.blogspot.com/

[Croda]

Originally posted by Noba:

Croda, you useless piece of dirt. It is noted that more people hate you than any other.

Thank you.

I'm still not sure what you are, or why the Draino didn't take you down when we were trying to clear Berli's hariball out of the drain, but it appears that you've lodged yourself between a couple of bricks pretty well and need to be dislodged again. Let's see if I can't find Meeks' brick around here somewhere and do you justice with it.

[Noba]

Well well well....The Croda is awake.

Greetings wearer of the hairshirt. I look forward to the setup.

An update whilst here....

Yeknod and his troops are finding the gamey SMG's are a bit too much to handle...mind you he could be foxing..? ! Nah, not enough brain cells...

Pondscum has chosen two very gamey scenarios in which to gain wins for himself. By the way he plays... he needs all the help he can get. I've had harder games versus the AI.

Lars is manipulating the map to my advantage. He continues to walk into cunningly set traps...my troops will soon put paid to his attack by advancing to HIS rear. Sit down Bauhaus, not that sort of rear.

Berli-baby has learnt that sitting on the flags is dangerous...it offers my troops many opportunities to destroy his troops piecemeal. I can see this one is cunning and I will have to be carefull.

Noba.

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Noba:

Yeknod and his troops are finding the gamey SMG's are a bit too much to handle...mind you he could be foxing..? ! Nah, not enough brain cells...

*bang* *fling* *mutter* *mumble* where's me blasted Nobbit harness? *mumble* mutter* crash*

Eh, what? Too much? Oh, don't talk to me about things being "too much"... too much unnecessary jolity, too much bleedin existence...

*bang* *crash... oh, what's this: ummmmm Nobbit Management: A Guide to Husbandry, Culling and Disection... oh, not much anatomy after a good clubbing, not much anatomy before a clubbing... centre spread photos of the Nobbit in its natural habitat. Pathetic. Oh, Chapter 3: Identify Your Nobbit. Oh, suppose its useful. Aha, Appendix: Amusing Things to do with a Nobbit. Having a bleedin laugh. Amusing?... Eh?... What's this, no, that's impossible...

Bwabwabwabwabwabwabwa, oh, gawd, that's a good one... right up its hooter... bwabwabwabwabwabwa, gawd, that deserves a honk-and-a-half, eeeeeeeyore, eeeeeeyore.

Idjit Yeknod

[Lawyer]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Myself and a friend were discussing the Ben Casey show just yesterday.

You see, I, as an Olde One, was going on a bit about the huge number of television Westerns that dominated what approached my 'youth', while intermittently singing the theme song from 'Paladin' (which always frightens and annoys my friend), and was pointing out such archaeological artifacts as 'Paladin', 'Bat Masterson', 'The Rifleman', 'Maverick', and 'Branded'. Sod 'Gunsmoke' and 'Bonanza', if you watched any of the aforesaid, you truly came to grips with an American phenomenon.

Now, my point was that, after the first 'rush' of Westerns had faded from television, the next

'wave' of mainstream television involved Private Eye shows. She maintained that the next wave was 'Doctor Shows', and sighted 'Ben Casey' and 'Dr Kildare'.

Seanachai, you should demand a full refund from your "friend". Considering how much you pay per hour for "companionship", she should be fully prepared to listen to you babble about your television fantasies and boyhood couch stains.

Sure, seeing you all dressed up in your 1950's Roy Rogers outfit (with TWO holstered six-guns) is a belly laugh for her, but it's a damned sight more palatable than engaging in the physical sex acts most customers demand. Remember, she is a paid professional, trained to act as if silly old buffoons like yourself are dashing action figures. She probably has a "Toy Story" Woody doll to practice with before your sessions.

So, Seanachai, go back to Hanns and tell him the Consigliori has opined that you deserve a full refund from the bitch because she was quarreling with a paying customer. You (and certainly all the people you work with) suffer a lot in order for you to earn the $20 it takes to have a "night out" with a "friend".

It's the least you deserve. Really... It is the very least, and you deserve it.

BTW, I'm sure you're still wondering why Richard Chamberlain, that handsome star of "Dr. Kildare", never got married. Go ask Hanns.

Now quit whining and stop sharing your sicko fantasies here. Jeez, is there no end to the perversions that go on in the Great White North during winter months...

[Joe Shaw]

You see, I, as an Olde One, was going on a bit about the huge number of television Westerns that dominated what approached my 'youth', while intermittently singing the theme song from 'Paladin' (which always frightens and annoys my friend), and was pointing out such archaeological artifacts as 'Paladin', 'Bat Masterson', 'The Rifleman', 'Maverick', and 'Branded'. Sod 'Gunsmoke' and 'Bonanza', if you watched any of the aforesaid, you truly came to grips with an American phenomenon.

{sniff} ... ah the old days Seanachai. You inspired me (doubtless a first) to research the topic and I present here the following results:

WESTERNS:

Wanted, Dead or Alive (1958-60)

Maverick (1959-1962)

Lawman (1958-1962)

Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp (1954-1957)

Laramie (1959-1962)

Cheyenne (1955-1963)

MEDICAL:

Dr. Kildare 1961-66

Ben Casey 1961-66

DETECTIVE:

77 Sunset Strip 1958

The Fugitive 1963-67

Route 66 1960-64

Dragnet 1952-70

Highway Patrol 1955-58

Perry Mason 1957-66

Peter Gunn 1958-61

The Untouchables 1959-63

Draw your own conclusions as to the rightness of Seanachai's position ... but be under no illusions that, right or wrong, he'll ever be in a position vis-a-vis the young lady.

OH, oh oh oh and I found THIS:

Maverick Theme Song

You young whippersnappers need not bother ... you wouldn't understand CLASSIC TV.

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

Culinary Update

Persephone has made Seanachai's Lamb Stew. It turned out fine... fine if you like stewed old socks. She claims it is quite good... I found it to be... well, vile. Seanachai's claim that I would like it was grossly in error. I hate him more now than I did before (if that's possible). Peng was at least decent enough to send a recipe for something fit for human consumption (good bread by the way)

[Lawyer]

Okay, Joe, but what about "Davey Crockett"? And don't tell me you didn't watch the weekly adventures of "Spin & Marty" or that boy and girl who got to run an airline. I was so jealous of them because it seemed so exciting. Unfortunately, I think they grew up to actually run airlines. Can you check the show credits to see if their names were Steven Wolf and Frank Lorenzo?

[Croda]

For those taking part in the ICS stoopidity watch, please see his latest post in the "Oregon" thread.

[Sledge59]

Seanachai:

SLEDGE59, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN! DESIST FROM THIS ATTITUDE ON THE PENG CHALLENGE THREAD AT ONCE!

Aww hell, Seanachai. Somebody's got to play the fool around here. We all take a turn at it some time or another... like that fellow who started the "Nice and Courteous Peng Challenge Thread". Remember him?

Anyhow, thanks fer yer comments. I'd hate for Joe to keep calling me a latch key squire. I'll put on a funny nose and glasses and go visit Mr BigMistake now.

[Iskander]

Originally posted by YK2:

For all who may have missed this....

{snip}

Why, Great Dame have you been rooting around in my electronic shorts, so to speak?

I feel so honored! Too bad that the game The Bard and I are playing over a question of your honor (does PushBroom know about this?) -- recall that old thing? -- is going so poorly for him. He seems to fear shrubbery; rather odd for an uber-Gnome....

Nonesuchtheless, drop by anytime! Starting a week from t'day I shall be updating, as regularly as jet lag and booze allow, from China. Expect missspellled rambling posts about 'hey, I'm the tallest one here!' to 'mao sucks', and other witty observations.

[Madmatt]

Time for a new title, you know the routine.

Madmatt

[bauhaus]

bedwetters