Peng, I challenge you to Tag Team Thumb Wrestling

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

The Rules

This is infamous Peng thread your parents warned you about. Don’t touch anything and certainly don’t pull the Justicar’s finger. Wait your turn for your verbal abuse because although you are insignificant, you aren’t quite as worthless as a member of the Peng thread.

What’s it all about Alfie? Challenge someone!! Pick One (1) opponent and use the bestest and most clever venom your stubby fingers can exude. Let him/her/bard really have it. Don’t hold back and don’t give into hokey little phrases like our Justicar does.

Whatever you do, don’t mention anything about religion in here because we have Dante’s big brother as a member. He is the maker of Monday’s. When you gain his attention, you are just begging for a world of pain.

If you do decide to post…and this is quite important: Do it with class. You can allude and insinuate certain things, but don’t just come out with expletives. We have little patience with those who enjoy talking like they are nine (9) once more. We respect the fact that our maker has given us naughty bits, but don’t mention them in your posts. Type from the diaphragm. That is to say…don’t be meek about your speak. Oh, I rhymed again. If you apologize, you will be pummeled, eviscerated, and then be forced to live with the justicar to be his love slinky. The bard tells me that he has clammy hands and bad breath.

If you don’t have the stamina/intellect/verbal ability to understand these posts, then leave. Since you are all just insignificant worms beneath the intellectual might of a certain grog who’s name rhymes with Morosh, you can just end your worthless lives now and forget about posting.

Oh, did you think I was welcoming you to the Peng thread? Wrong!! You may have wandered into the Combat Mission Outhouse that we keep packed with malodorous fecal matter, but you are not welcome here. Go back to creating your threads about the upcoming Combat Mission. Our communal commode can only fit so many logs that float. Be sure to wipe on your way out.

[ June 29, 2002, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[Harv]

My, wasn't that original. Next time maybe don't strain yourself so much thinking of all the big words to use. Or the rules. Or anything.

Gamey updates to follow this brief message from somebody about nothing. Just wait...it'll happen.

Really, it will....

.

.

.

Soon...

[rleete]

An hour and twenty minutes, and this was the best you could come up with? Hiram, you're slipping. Let it out; all your anger at the croda-esque world. Don't hold back, you'll pop an aneurism or somthing.

And Boo_Hoo, you overflowed the cess. Next time, get a plunger. Or, better yet, use one of those SSN's to clean out the squishy bits from the drain. Oh, those are the SSNs? My mistake. In that case, send me the turn. It's been hours now.

[Moriarty]

Hi mom, I'm home.

Nicely done, Hiram.

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Dear Pemmican,

That's the second time you've used the term "dowdy" in referring to your troops. I think the word you want is actually "doughty".

Ya see, "doughty" means stouthearted, brave, courageous. While "dowdy" means lacking stylishness or neatness. It means being frumpy.

Oh...well...ok, nevermind.

My dear Boo-Brain, your boys may be "doughty". Mine are "dowdy". And yes, I am aware of the difference. Deal with it. (At least thats my story and I'm sticking to it.)

I can hardly blame you for spending your afternoon thumbing about in your Merriam-Webster though. After all, you do live in Akron. What in blazes else would do with your time?

This explains the entertainment whore thing. For you, anything better than watching mildew form on AussieJeff must be enthralling.

And before you jump on the fact that I live in ManyApplesLess, as some of you gits are so fond of calling it, I'll readily admit that my town may not be the hub of excitement for the free world. However, when compared to Akron, (for love of the Maker, Akron) it sure the h*ll feels like it is.

Papa

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by athkatla:

Hey Ghengis who tooted your horn!

Was that the first installment of a multipart reply or something?

Where is the wit? Where is the personal insult? Where is the slightest indication that Pavlov didn't reject you as too stupid to use in his experiments?

If I'm going to unleash Panzer Armee Khann upon you so that you can learn a thing or two from my superior tactical awareness, you're going to have to provide at least a minute amount of provocation.

Papa

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Dear Pemmican,

That's the second time you've used the term "dowdy" in referring to your troops. I think the word you want is actually "doughty".

Ya see, "doughty" means stouthearted, brave, courageous. While "dowdy" means lacking stylishness or neatness. It means being frumpy.

Oh...well...ok, nevermind.

My dear Boo-Brain, your boys may be "doughty". Mine are "dowdy". And yes, I am aware of the difference. Deal with it. (At least thats my story and I'm sticking to it.)

</font>

[Simon Elwen]

Hello Everybody

Do you remember the time I crushed Boo 89-11 ?, well I'm not here to tell you about that , but about the time I crushed Harv 71-29 ,well I was only an hour ago , so its only fair that I should share this news with you all . Yet again his forces have managed to pull defeat from the jaws of victory . Of course this state of affairs cannot continue , he will receive another setup tommorrow .

[rleete]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

(At least thats my story and I'm sticking to it.)

Hey, no fair steeling my best lines (and out of context at that) from my emails. The least you can do is come up with your own lame excuses.

Hey, Boo, why don't you send your human waves directly into the barbed wire. We need a little decoration, and dying in droves right outside the borders is so passe.

[Leeo]

dalem has been laying down an almighty persiflication upon my German hordes. We were told to meet. Well, he was told to meet me on my side of the river. But that aside, a meeting it was. He fragged all my tanks, gunned down my luckless-truppen, and is currently mopping up the rest of the radio-men and wounded trying merely to escape this persiflornado at the hands of dalem. Writhing in the crushing grip of his superior play, so to speak.

<big>BUT!</big> A company HQ rushes the Jackson that has been shelling and decimating troops at will. The Jackson depress to the max, fires, and misses. The HQ peppers the TD with small ams fire and lobs a grenade. The crew abandons the Jackson and runs, the HQ gunning them down in the back.

What can one say about this? What utterance can properly convey the deep satisfaction one feels to have done such a brave deed. The Fatherland praises these brave young pixel-truppen, and will perhaps release the families of these silicon soliders.

But most importantly (and if you are still reading this far along with my rant, you're stupider than most):

dalem will pay.

[athkatla]

Garbled incoherent rubbish from Bo Diddley

ArgleBargle: Only thing of his that I've seen was a jeep. It's dead now.

Well of course it's dead, thats why I sent it to within 50m of your end of the map! It seems like your little girlies don't want to play unless I offer them a sacrificial lamb first!

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

And everybody who believes that should now stand on their heads.

Not fair for you to ask that of the other Poolers, Boo-Berry. I doubt many of them have a noggin as flat as yours. (In Joe's case, I suspect it comes to a point. His head, that is, certainly not his inane ramblings.)

You mean other than correct the word usage of professional tech writers? Actually, that takes up a surprising amount of time.

Touché.

Well, as Ossified Jeff lives in Oddstralyuh and I live in, as you were so cleverly able to discover, Akron, I can't watch mildew form on him. You're not too good with geography either, are you? Sad, really.

Repeat after me. Web Cam.... Web Cam.

Actually, the only sad thing I find in this thread is the longing I detect in your last retort. Go on, admit it. You want to watch mildew form on AussieJeff, don't you?

Hey, have they unveiled that statue to Mary Tyler Moore yet? I'll bet the whole town's humming over that. Boy, are you lucky! Too bad though, about Jesse "The Body" Ventura not running for Gov. again. Bet you were bummed about that. Well, look on the bright side. Maybe next time you guys can get Hulk Hogan to run!

I'm certainly not going to stick up for "The Body".

Then again, at least you knew who he was. Hulk Hogan and Mary Tyler Moore too.

Who the h*ll represents or is from Akron? Here, let me make out a list for you:

1)

Well, there you have it. Since you have the abject misfortune to be an Akronite, and are stupid enough to admit it, maybe you can come up with someone. I doubt it though.

The best I can possibly do is a strained reference to the Cuyahoga River in Randy Newman's "Burn On". Even though he is actually singing about Cleveland, you're close to Cleveland, so I might, just MIGHT, mind you, give you that one. Of course, the lyric insinuates that Cleveland must be a real rat hole for the river to catch fire. But at least it puts you on the map. (Lord g*d almighty, to be in your shoes, Boob-Radley, and have to aspire to the likes of Cleveland. I almost feel sorry for you. Almost. You git.)

Papa

[athkatla]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />

Originally posted by athkatla:

Hey Ghengis who tooted your horn!

Was that the first installment of a multipart reply or something?

Where is the wit? Where is the personal insult? Where is the slightest indication that Pavlov didn't reject you as too stupid to use in his experiments?

If I'm going to unleash Panzer Armee Khann upon you so that you can learn a thing or two from my superior tactical awareness, you're going to have to provide at least a minute amount of provocation.

Papa</font>

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by R_Leete:

Hey, no fair steeling my best lines (and out of context at that) from my emails. The least you can do is come up with your own lame excuses.

Since everything has been said and done before (especially anything you think you've come up with, R_Leete), I never feel that I plagiarize when I steal. Or is it that I never feel I steal when I plagiarize?

Papa

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by athkatla:

Garbled incoherent rubbish from Bo Diddley

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />ArgleBargle: Only thing of his that I've seen was a jeep. It's dead now.

Well of course it's dead, thats why I sent it to within 50m of your end of the map! It seems like your little girlies don't want to play unless I offer them a sacrificial lamb first!</font>

[The_Capt]

I hate you all with so much passion...

Sean! Where are you?!

Did you answer my questions? If so plse repost here as I just regained consciencnousisity....

I have a few Demons running around the house and need some help!!

[Joe Shaw]

Ah, what a pity ... pity, pity, pity. Pity! Not only do we have to deal with the loss of yet another Joe Shaw hosted MBT (almost makes me as sad as the Crocodile Hunter was when one of his crocs died on him ... only thing Australian worth noting, the Crocodile Hunter ... mostly because I keep hoping he'll be bit by one of those Tai Pan / Common Brown / Tiger / Cobra /Rattler / King Brown Snakes he's always mucking about with) BUT we have to deal with ignominy (look it up, I haven't the time to baby sit you Hiram) of a Noo Joysee thread hosted by Hiram! Enough to make me lose my lunch.

Mind the rules weren't bad ... except the parts about me that made me sound heartless and cruel, now I'm sad that Hiram doesn't like me ... NOT!

Harv I rather liked your OLD sig, you know the one that had ME in it! You ARE still my Squire you know and I think the world needs to know that. After all it's the best that YOU'LL ever do in this world isn't it.

For those of you waiting for turns ... you're still waiting aren't you ... good.

Joe

[Goanna]

You may have dropped your walker and stumbled onto something there, Shaw. Maybe all the squires should be forced to wear a sig with their sponsor in it so we can pin down which house is responsible for the particular vermin. You know, because sometimes I like to insult just the induhvidual, and sometimes the whole operation.

Sorry Cappy, but the Bard can't come out and play right now. He has just scheduled another lung removal with my good self.

[Moriarty]

Time for a Gamey update:

Big Girl's Blousehaus is having a spot of trouble getting his armor into the town I am defending (quite well, actually) in a scenario from Andreas .

In the same scenario against Herr Oberst my troops are routed on the right and the left, but he's having trouble in the wet ground. So, sad.

Did I mention I gamily beat Goanna?

Joe Shaw has set up an abominable QB that left me with 40 kubelwagens and a Hotchkiss. Should be no problem.

Leeo has gamily moved his gamey elite Tigers and Panthers into town but they will be no match for my regular uber-PIATs and the horde of Brit Infantry waiting to feast on the carcasses of his gerbiltruppen.

Lorak will win whether he likes it or not. He doesn't, so he will.

That gamey, span'l-flaying Spaniard OGSF managed to eke out a minor victory in some Rune-inspired dental thingy. He was gamily abetted by the AI, which obviously erred in its calculations. So, we have switched sides and are going again. I should have nae problems as long as he doesn't let that flea-bitten Span'l issue the orders.

The Bard has left the building.

Steve the Rat pops in now and again for a bit of smiting, but is once again disappeared.

That is all.

[Herr Oberst]

Originally posted by Moriarty:

Time for a Gamey update:

In the same scenario against Herr Oberst my troops are routed on the right and the left, but he's having trouble in the wet ground. So, sad.

Let's see, I counted something on the order of 7 squads or crews whose last soldiers went "Pffbbtt! Ack!"

You can try to get your poor little Amis off the edges of the map if you want, but that will not stop me from machinegunning them down as they flee! And in spite of all this routing of your troops, I will still have time to lose this little scenario by attempting to maneuver in the fields, since some ungracious host has seen fit to mine the only road into town.

I have to tried to eliminate the mines by driving my light armor transport across them, but I fear he has more mines than I have transports, and this plan, however cunningly conceived, is doomed to failure.

As another GAME UPDATE,

Seanachai went to Hollywood, and got to participate in a scene from Young Guns.

Unfortunately, his Stuart V was starring in the role of the sheriff, and my Panther, seen fleeing the encounter area at the end of our last episode, doubled back to whack the Stuart as it set out, foolishly dreaming of being the hunter and not the hunted.

Also gratifying was getting to watch his bazooka joes hightailing it through the woods to where he thought (his big mistake) the Panther was going. Elsewhere on the map, my hamstertruppen have been folded, spindled, and mutilated, but managed to turn a little flag German for at least one turn.

Huzzah!

[edited 'cause Moriarty and I talked about his scenario, and he is sure to read the post]

[ June 30, 2002, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]

[Harv]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Harv I rather liked your OLD sig, you know the one that had ME in it! You ARE still my Squire you know and I think the world needs to know that. After all it's the best that YOU'LL ever do in this world isn't it.

Joe

[brown-nose]Oh my liege and greatless, my humplest apologies to you. I was momentarily distracted by the shiny things in the sig thingy and I completely forgot about you. I swear upon the graves of the weeds I killed today it shall never/possibly/maybe/probably happen again.[/brown-nose]

Or something.

To sum up, I suck. Sir Lorak, if you please, may I have a total of 3 (two and ten tenths) glorious losses attributed to my name. I should have 6 (seven minus one) but that gamey bastiche Lurker has managed to avoid depixellating my troops and splody things in the manner they deserve and is now 0-3 (-1+1 and 0+3) vs moi (that's Francais (French) for "me").

Mace and CMplayer still have time to move me up (down?) the unladder though, if only they'd quit moving their troops to where my arty is falling. Swine.

<big>Loyal and trustworthy squire to Sir Joe Shaw</big>

[edited because I forgot about someJoe again]

[ June 30, 2002, 01:46 AM: Message edited by: Harv ]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Goanna:

You may have dropped your walker and stumbled onto something there, Shaw. Maybe all the squires should be forced to wear a sig with their sponsor in it so we can pin down which house is responsible for the particular vermin. You know, because sometimes I like to insult just the induhvidual, and sometimes the whole operation.

Sorry Cappy, but the Bard can't come out and play right now. He has just scheduled another lung removal with my good self.

Yes, I like this.

Especially as I've just seen a spectacular bit of ingratitude from my own Squire, R Leete in another thread, a very much lesser thread, in which he had the unmitigated gall to accuse me of toying with him, simply because I advocated committing acts of unnatural rudeness to individuals so lost to all hope of redemption as to have Member Numbers above 5000.

I have, of course, shown nothing but a loving, if stern and fatherly face to young Roger.

A certain level of 'rebellion', of course, is expected. But ingratitude and whinging, no.

Had he abused me here, in our Homeland ("Oppas, all you kaffirs, get your passbooks ready, verstaan?"), I would have known it for what it was.

But he chose to prance like a poodle in a foreign thread. An insignificant thread. A thread of no value at all.

Well, except for my comments, of course, which were quite good.

Now, I asked myself, what sort of penance should a Squire be required to make in such a case? And then I came to the Thread of threads and saw the above post by that Otherwise Compleat Failure of Evolution, Goanna, and said to myself, 'yes'.

The assumption of a signature penance would be quite in keeping with the nature of R Leete's lapse into error. It would be seen in every thread the silly git had the temerity to push his way into, spreading the knowledge of his singular failure even unto Grogs, Half-wits, and Utter Sodding Pillocks.

So, and cleverness counts less here than a bald-faced level of humiliation, I require that my Squire, R Leete, assume as his signature until I shall release him from this burden, the following:

I, R Leete, am an apostate member of House Bard. Forgetting duty to Honour, Liege, and the 'Pool, I have fallen into error. I abase myself in my contrition, and ask only that Seanachai, my Liege, shall accept this, my most spitefully offered and enforced penance. How I hate you, you sodding awful old man. But, on to my penance. I proclaim before both God, Grog, 'Pooler, and the Ladies of the 'Pool, not to mention any number of lesser half-wits, that there is no thread but The Thread, and Peng is its Prophet.

Now, with a signature like that, I imagine he'll stay out of trouble until I release him from this observance.

[Guest PondScum]

Seanachai, it's your own silly fault for taking the runt to squire in the first place. Had you shown more care in your choice, you could have spared yourself the indignity of being Upstaged On The Outerboards. But noooo, you just had to have another squire, and you were none too choosy about who it was.

You, sir, are the trollop of the Peng Thread.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by PondScum:

Seanachai, it's your own silly fault for taking the runt to squire in the first place. Had you shown more care in your choice, you could have spared yourself the indignity of being Upstaged On The Outerboards. But noooo, you just had to have another squire, and you were none too choosy about who it was.

You, sir, are the trollop of the Peng Thread.

Upstaged? Upstaged?!

You're not yet over your dependence on an evening's stroking and 'imaginary friend' discussion with 'Snuggles, the Fabric Softener Bear', and you have the sodding gall to step up and face me down and claim that I've been 'upstaged' on the Outer Boards?

Lad, you're a lost, lonely, and newly shorn lamb adrift in a sea of hurt if you think that any of you silly little poseurs can upstage me!

Do ya' see, lad, it's like this:

I come here and post, all nice and fussy, as it were, and you little 'ooh, look, I can see the glory of the Peng Challenge if I squinch up my eyes' lot of self-important kittens post, and I smile and prattle on like a half-witted old Gnome about what a lot of jolly fellows you recent Squires and Knights are, and meantime you continue to post in your usual way, which indicates that every single one of you is completely and utterly bereft of not only any claim to intelligence, but the very glandular material that makes up a biological definition of 'manhood', and I call for a jolly sing-song, and you lot hop about the Thread with your pants around your ankles asking why no one is waving at 'Peter Rabbit' and wishing him a 'happy trip to visit Mister Endocrinoligist'.

Now you, Pondscum, aren't a complete and utter lackwit, but you've strayed far over the line into the:

"Ha-ha! I'm the very measure of a man, am I! Look how I attempt to trade insults with a wee, pudgy, wispy haired figure of a Gnome who could utterly crush all my pretensions to anything approaching intellect, knowledge, or even fully-descended testicles! See how I attempt to bait him by pointing this sharpened stick at my own groin and then running forward! I have told him, do you see, and I can only hope that someone was actually listening, that someone elsewhere attempted to make fun of him! And I was right! Someone did!

But it wasn't me, because I only read other people's remarks, and if I don't undestand them, I get tired, and go back to the Peng Challenge Thread to try to explain what I've read!"

Now, Pondscum. I've always liked you, actually. But I think it would be best, at this point, if you'd simply lie down and make some mewing noises.

No one will think the less of you, lad, for doing so.

Simply because no one holds a cockroach up to anything but the most essential test of Evolution, which is 'survivability'.

You've passed that one, after all. But cockroaches can't sing.

And I seriously want to hear a jolly sing-song, lad.

[ June 30, 2002, 03:56 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[athkatla]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by athkatla:

[qb]Garbled incoherent rubbish from Bo Diddley

Well of course it's dead, thats why I sent it to within 50m of your end of the map! It seems like your little girlies don't want to play unless I offer them a sacrificial lamb first!</font>

Well, here's an idea, Alfalfa. Why don't you send the rest of your troops forward one by one?

Or you could at least send me a move. Any move.<HR>

Bo Diddley

If you would like to lift that 450lb of lard you call a body from your revoltingly oudorous bed, and proceed to the battlefield, you will see that some of your little German chappies have stumbled blindly through the fog into a whole heap of trouble!!

Now Bo Diddley I realise you would like to colapse like the proverbial pack of cards to an inglorius defeat, but please, don't make it too easy for me!

[ June 30, 2002, 05:31 AM: Message edited by: athkatla ]