Sir, the Traditions of the Peng Challenge Thread are Rum, Sod-Off, and the Lash!

[Gates-slut]

PawBroon That is a truly inspired mod. however, I think that Mr Gates would think something more AMERICAN should bear the XP logo? Those gosh darn Archers were so backward. They are like, oh I don't know, having to click the Start button to turn your computer off.

Now a Jagdpanther, that's a REAL AMERICAN AFV. I'd love to see one of those with Mr Gate's logo on it!

Gates-slut

[Gates-slut]

Yackythonodent

Send a file or do somefink

Oh! I feel so risque saying that. I wonder if Mr Gates ever does daring things like use jargon? I bet he does. He is ULTRA cool.

1000 points - computer picked forces meeting engagement. the rest is up to you.

Gates-slut

[OGSF]

Och noo Yeknatoad, wae wanna sae regular battle oopdates an' plainty o' lies an' boastin'from ye gam agin tha SSN Gates-Slut.

Di tha asterisk o' shame still apply af'n hae loses?

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[Seanachai]

Well, well, well, here we all are, partially sober and embarked, will we, nil we, on 2002.

I note the return of Lorak with the sort of joy I once reserved for meeting attractive women who were shorter than I am. With one qualifier, of course: I fear that with the return of Lorak the 'tough-talking with a heart of gold' C'est Bon will depart from these shores forever. I despair if our 'Lauren Bacall in To Have and Have Not' should leave us to allow her 'Elven Half' to return to his Cesspool ways.

Although I note that Lorak's recent return to the military has degraded his Taunting. His approach to Goanna was, well, run-on, coarse, and short on wit. Long on venom and vilification, which is all to the good with Goanna (more on the moral and philosophical failings of the Eldest Australian later), but rather jejeune.

Still, I'm sure his recent injury is fretting him, and we can't be completely surprised if his exposure on his return to 'twitch games' has coarsened him and lowered his intelligence.

What next, Shaw? Will you be selling Playtendo™, GameX™, and Segastation™ to middle school students? Sitting in a large glass box in the middle of the Tabernacle with a vacant look on your face wearing nothing but dirty jockey shorts, watching planes buzz around you while you repetitively recite the word 'cool'?

I find your lack of faith...disturbing.

[Seanachai]

I see that the whimsically pathetic Peng/Gates Slut production of the 'Prince and the Pauper' continues.

At first apalled, I eventually warmed to the sight of Peng brought low, reduced to the role of SSN (SUP doesn't seem to have caught on). To see Berli heap derision (and, I believe, urine) on his head was enough to make any man a believer in the wisdom of Clemens. And Peng has, in a most gratifyingly shameful way, embraced his own abasement.

I am sure we will see Peng returned to us as a sort of Cesspool Ghandi, bathing the feet of Untouchable SSNs, hugging and stroking the hair of such downtrodden victims as Iron Chef Sakai, Lord General MB, and 'That Other Utterly Useless Pillock Whose Name Escapes Me Right Now'.

He will be a Peng transformed. The Enemies of the Mother Beautiful Thread will gather him up from his degradation, and send him in a sealed boxcar deep into the heart of the Peng Challenge Thread, there to rally all disaffection and rebellion, and finally cast down the Thread of threads.

Chrisl, I lay what is to come at your door. One should not tamper with the fundament of the Universe. But some would gamble, even with their own hope of redemption (Sit Down, Berli!).

One boisterous and arrogant fool pulls out a leg of the Triad, and lets loose mere anarchy on the world.

Can you sleep, Chrisl, knowing that you shall be the worm that elevates Iron Chef Sakai into mastery over the 'Pool?

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Chrisl, I lay what is to come at your door. One should not tamper with the fundament of the Universe. But some would gamble, even with their own hope of redemption (Sit Down, Berli!).<hr></blockquote>

What the Hell makes you think I work standing up?

Twit

Personally, I appreciate Chridl's efforts on my behalf. Now, there is only one Olde One between me and ultimate power. Just think, there is just one insignificant gnome between the denizens of this the Mutha Beautiful Thread and complete damnation. Sweet!

[chrisl]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Can you sleep, Chrisl, knowing that you shall be the worm that elevates Iron Chef Sakai into mastery over the 'Pool?<hr></blockquote>

No, but it's only because I have to work graveyard for a couple of nights. After that I can sleep just fine.

[Yeknodathon]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Gates-slut:

Yackythonodent

Send a file or do somefink

Oh! I feel so risque saying that. I wonder if Mr Gates ever does daring things like use jargon? I bet he does. He is ULTRA cool.

1000 points - computer picked forces meeting engagement. the rest is up to you.

Gates-slut<hr></blockquote>

Gates-slut

...well, ummmm, let me leaf through me diary... uhhaaa, yes, uhhmmm.... one small question (finger gyrating slowly in highly polished navel)... are yer worthy?

Yer, see, take me Russell Crowe physique and note this arena, the Pool. Laddie, we are the athletes to give amusement and pleasure to the gathered throng. With our highly oiled and trained bodies, should we commence battle I must guage whether yer can maintain a measure of dignity in front of the baying, hooting masses... I just want to let you know that as the Poet Gladiator in this paddock I do have me standards...

Now, against me better judgement, methinks a weekend bike ride is in order to sort me head and give due consideration to yer challenge...

Yeknod

[Geier]

Until I have found and murdered the persons (I hope there was more than one, I've already gutted two) responsible for not making my net connect work properly I am unable to receive turns or venture online in a, shall we say, flying fashion.

Hopefully enough heads will have toppled off their respective shoulders by tonight so that I can continue doing what I do.

And also, possibly, lose to mensch.

Johan

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Gates-slut

we ... give amusement and pleasure ... with our highly oiled ... bodies

Yeknod<hr></blockquote>

Ewwwwwwww.

[Panzer Leader]

Fellow Cesspudlians, hearken to my words:

It is with great delight that with this incarnation of Mutha Beaute, and the sudden and jarring reappearance of that dancing pixie Lorak, I am able to announce a complete crackdown on venerable Seanachai's forces of Ill Will.

In a battle that spanned the gulfs of space (being two hardrives, a new processor, a few re-formats and a new computer desk) and time (the beginning is shrouded in the mysteries of Panzer Leader's squiredom and ending now he's attained Seniour -- well maybe not Seniour but at least Mature status)... in a battle that spanned an epoch, I am able to finally enumerate the final tally:

Lorak! Hobble on over here:

((numbered for ease of use))

Panzer Leader: One (1) Mighty, unquestionable win.

Seanachai: One(2) Terrible, humiliating loss.

What makes you wonder how this loss could be humiliating. Well, besides the obvious there is the fact that never before has a less well-conceived attack taken place. Oh, the Runishness of it was fine: detailed, thought out, evil, balanced, and all that, but the players, aye there's the rub.

While Seanachai chundered his shermans across the rocky tor like they were invincible, I stealthily crept my panzer IVs up and took him in the rear!

However, as I charged my men in a terrible ringing mass into his zone of control, hoping to unseat him through fear and intimidation alone, he coddled and cajoled his men into [sneer]safe[/sneer] defensive positions and dropped my solaten as they came.

Who needs soldaten? thought I as I crept up to his chundering tanks.

Who needs armoured behemoths? thought Seanacahi as he combed his C.O.'s hair (indeed Seanachai let me in on one of his... quirks: to wit, he enacts every battle on his bedroom floor using Ken and Barbie dolls to interpret what he sees as the MOST IMPORTANT aspects of the battles he is involved in.

... as he combed his C.O.'s hair and watched as one by one his cavalry was hobbled.

In the end he had a swarm of panicky troops dashing about, around, and between my three out-of-ammo-but-still-VERY-dangerous panzers.

I won.

[ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]</p>

[Speedbump]

Iskander,

You crow about your "victory" in a scenario that was Jabo!-esque in its balance. Frankly, a trained monkey, or better yet Iron Skillet Upside the Head would have done as well.

Therefore, at the risk of initiating more intermittent faux-besotted posts, I demand satisfaction! {Enter obligatory Bauhaus reference}

No more Ker Dessel* scenarios. You may pick an existing scenario or create a randomly generated one. Just give me lots of splodey things!

Speedbump

*- For when you are drunk enough to play anything. (No wonder Iskander won...)

[Edited to let everyone know I did not need to edit]

[ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Speedbump ]</p>

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Although I note that Lorak's recent return to the military has degraded his Taunting. His approach to Goanna was, well, run-on, coarse, and short on wit. Long on venom and vilification, which is all to the good with Goanna (more on the moral and philosophical failings of the Eldest Australian later), but rather jejeune.

I find your lack of faith...disturbing.<hr></blockquote>

Sir Seanachai, I am sorely disappointed. I am standing in the place of Lorak. Know ye, that it is your taunting that lacks the required venom. Lorak was defending our homeland while you were reading poetry to your house plant. It was he who braved the risers and parachutes while you were sitting in your bathrobe watching the Arts and Entertainment channel. Do you know what it takes to do the required amount of push-ups, sit-ups, and the correct time for the two mile run? Can you fathom with your oh so civilian mind the struggle the average soldier faces? A moment of gratitude would go much farther than your pedantic mewling, oh Poetic one. We know why you live so close to Canada. Don’t make me go into detail.

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

I have IL-2 as well, my system is a PIII 700mhz, Geforce2mx64mb (i added) 256mb sdram( i added an extra 128) and a Santa Cruz sound card (i added) the game looks great, but i have to program game commander2 into it, so that i'll have some voice controls for those hard keyboard combo commands<hr></blockquote>

I know....coventry......but I can't help myself.

Look what you did with your bloody IL-2 talk. The wanker is back. Should that not be lesson enough to stop talking about IL-2. It's beginning to feel very groggy in here. I have the game too, but I won't be talking about it here. By the way, if you had a real system (unfortunately it's not made for my MAC which blows my PC out of the water) it runs perfectly fine: 1.3 gigahertz P3, 256 Ram, 32 meg vid card.....etc...etc....crank all the settings to the highest setting and watch how many times you can crash the fecking plane on take off.

[ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: bauhaus ]</p>

[OGSF]

At were a slaughter, much lak Culloden ainly colder....Dalem squished mah poor wee Yankee Doodles ain tha cold, wet snoo...blew tha crispy snot oot o' thaim. Ah didnae knoo tha final score just yait, boot at's unlikely Ah mustered more'n ten points. Bah!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardabcdJimmy

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Sir Seanachai, I am sorely disappointed. I am standing in the place of Lorak. .<hr></blockquote>

Who's standing in you place while you posture here, your cat?

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Lorak was defending our homeland while you were reading poetry to your house plant.

<hr></blockquote>

No house plants. Tend to kill plants, I'm afraid. Often within hours. It's discouraged me from trying pets.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

It was he who braved the risers and parachutes while you were sitting in your bathrobe watching the Arts and Entertainment channel.<hr></blockquote>

Sorry, don't get cable. What's a bathrobe?

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Do you know what it takes to do the required amount of push-ups, sit-ups, and the correct time for the two mile run? .<hr></blockquote>

We're defended by the use of calisthenics? Then why isn't Richard Simmons a national hero?

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

We know why you live so close to Canada. Don't make me go into detail.<hr></blockquote>

Er, because it's as unlike New Jersey as possible?Hiram, while it pains me to have to take the Lorak to task, it needed to be done. Jumping jacks alone will not win the war on Terrorism, nor complete the job of returning Afghnistan to an even earlier period of the stoneage. If called upon, Lorak should not only have been able to render Taliban defenders into the purina chow of your choice, he should have been able to taunt them into a display of quite unmilitant tears.

Daisy cutters may rend their flesh, but only Taunting can rend their souls. As a follower of the Peng Challenge Way, Lorak has been schooled in the martial art of taunting. Military service, as fine as it may be, seems to have taken a little of the polish off his ability.

Never fear, Glum and Despondent Knight, I'm sure he'll be back up to speed shortly.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Seanachai, you sad sack of silliness. They are called "Side straddle hops". When you did go to the "Y" (50 lbs and 40 years ago) you may have done those jumpy jack things, but we don't care about your antics with the boys. I searched through your verbosity for a scrap of cynicism or even a small portion of ire, but all I saw was a weak kneed approach to a reply. You were much more foreboding when I didn't know you as well. Come now, you can do better than that, old dude. I'll steal your teeth and you can chase me around the couch for a while.

[Panzer Leader]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Er...<hr></blockquote>

Notice how he avoids the subject of his loss to moi? It is true, it was a shameful loss. Laughable even.

[Croda]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

We're defended by the use of calisthenics? Then why isn't Richard Simmons a national hero?

<hr></blockquote>

The Hell you say!

Richard Simmons might not be a national hero, but he's a personal hero! The man is a maligned and misunderstood genius of the highest order. There are three names worth remembering in history: Diplodocus, William H. Macy, and Richard Simmons. End of story.

So anyway, back to reality.

Lorak, the Croda has returned to bring treats and lovely spikey things to all. Please remove me from that oddity of an MIA column on the official Cesspool homepage, and please take the time to wash your feet. They are beginning to take up the squalid rancor of Hiram's cat pan.

I shall be visiting the United States Naval Academy over the weekend for my cousin's wedding. As such, please know that any turns sent to me will be greeted by my automated email attendant, who also plays CM better than my current opponents. This means that if your asses are kicked with slightly less vigor than you are accustomed to that it is my Microsoft Inbox Assistant doing the kicking and not me.

[Edited by Croda: 01/10/2002 - This message edited to explain that while Andreas is not one of the 3 names worth remembering in history, he easily scores in the top 3 billion (give or take 500 mil).]

[Panzer Leader]

William H. Macey? You mean Shovel-man?

[Iskander]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Speedbump:

Iskander,

You crow about your "victory" in a scenario that was Jabo!-esque in its balance.<hr></blockquote>

Actually, I mumbled and griped a bit; try reading with your brain on next time.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Frankly, a trained monkey, or better yet Iron Skillet Upside the Head would have done as well.<hr></blockquote>

Good to see you know the limits of your own ability!

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Therefore {snip} I demand satisfaction! {Enter obligatory Bauhaus reference}<hr></blockquote>

I'll attend to your demands when bauhaus stops... er... investigating you.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>No more Ker Dessel* scenarios.<hr></blockquote>

Coward; Mace-chaser! I shall attend to your third (fourth? fifth?) defeat at my hands -- well, bottles, actually -- after getting home and looking at CM through the comfort of the bottom of a highball glass. Feh, my not-quite daughter could likely beat you... just wait 'till CM3 comes out!

[dalem]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jshandorf:

Man, Dalem! Your dog is fat! You have been taking him to the Wafflehouse, haven't you?

Jeff

[ 01-09-2002: Message edited by: jshandorf ]<hr></blockquote>

Yeah, I am bad at starving him and he (we) don't get enough exercise. He made it through his liver operation last summer okay, but things might be turning bad again. Just had him at the vet today for a blood test/liver panel.

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

methinks a weekend bike ride is in order <hr></blockquote>

Did you say 'Bike ride'?

Tell me you don't have to pedal.

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

While Seanachai chundered his shermans across the rocky tor like they were invincible, I stealthily took him in the rear!

<hr></blockquote>

I bet his eyes watered.

[Moriarty]

Welcome back, Lorak the Loathed.

We have unfinished business.