One Peng to rule them all, one Peng to challenge them ...

[Hanns]

Originally posted by my Noble GrandLiege Joe Shaw

new collection of Squires is sick, sick, sick.

Well yes, I have been. Seem to have a nasty case of the bubbly lung Crodas. Nothing like coughing up a few buckets worth of blood specked phlegm to give the ol' lungs a workout. I've heard Berli performs the same alveoli voiding exercises but on a voluntary basis though. Turns and game updates will be forthcoming like so much infected sinopian sinus expectorant. If I hear so much as one whiney complaint from my narcissistic (Shandy Jeff), namby-pamby (Noba) and thoroughly nincompoopidic (CMsprayer) opponents about not sending turns for a while I shall mail you a nice gift consisting of a milk jug filled with savory biocontagious snot and a straw. A hearty wish of "Drink up boys" and the admonishment of "that which doesn't kill good ol' Hanns, must surely kill you, anyone who looks or dresses like you and their families too" should surely take the unpleasantness out of having to chew the chunky bits so they'll go down better. So Sodd Off!!!! ya pack of incestuous, xenonecrophilitic, gerbil rimming gits!

Reading the late romantic adventures of the Garden Gnome and his flaccid asinine suitor have lead me to the conclusion that I have VIDEO-TAPED PROOF!!!! of their first date. Obviously I can't post it to this board but I'm willing to send it to anyone who requests it (unless of course you're a cop or government law enforcement agent). No, no, it's not some bootleg Amsterdam donkey show outtake and contains no more nudity nor naughtiness then you'd see on the Nature channel, it is nevertheless irrefutable proof of their romantic tryst. Disturbing at the least, feckin' hilarious at the best and a rare chance to see fellow Cesspudlians frolick in the pastures of love. Seems Valentines day is coming a bit early this year.

Hanns

P.S. Lars my noble Liege, that platoon you MURDERED in the woods was trying to have a nice, peaceful picnic but your alcohol deprived Amis killed them just to steal their schnapps rations. Don't think the boys in Geneva won't be hearing about this!

[ February 04, 2002, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Hanns ]

[Croda]

This just in:

Croda 88

Leeo 12

He attacked (kind of) and never once moved my line. It was quite comical really. The poor guy dropped enough arty to sink Tarawa and managed to break one squad who later came back at half strength to rack up 6 kills.

I like playing Leeo.

He returns files as fast as he dies.

Next up: Terence

[Sledge59]

Welcome back, Hanns. Now write section {87/87) of this very thread's ruleset on the blackboard 100 times.

[Leeo]

I hates Croda. He kills me faster than I want to die.

It was a bit difficult, as it seems I was attacking the farm that provided produce to the Krupps factory. I haven't seen that many guns since opening day of hunting season last year.

Any--way, I hates him, so will have to attempt his demise once again.

[Sledge59]

BilgeRat,

Here you have come to our beautiful countrie, and your welcome was ending even before you were arriving! We have several hundreds brave men for you to be dealing with right now. You will enjoy this, no?

Nous détruirons ces envahisseurs allemands!

Monsieur Sledge

Edited to unbold a known SSN.

[ February 05, 2002, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: Sledge59 ]

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

[Seanachai]

Attend, all.

This night, I have sent Slapdragon a turn. Not the first turn in our game, which was already in progress when I conceived it my duty to try to place his ego somewhere in the firmament between heaven and hell, on a rather more mortal plane than his surging arrogance normally acknowledges. But a turn before contact, if we discount Slapdragon's harassing artillery fire.

I can see him now, in my mind's eye (which is extending me no thanks for inflicting the vision):

Slapdragon, in a lazyboy/easirest throne of badly stained naughahyde, drunk, and waving a handgun, and laughing in a way that sets his poor family scurrying to their rooms to wait out another night of 'Daddy Playing Zeus'.

Slapdragon: I will call down thunder upon the UberGnome!

manic laughter ending in a strangled hiccup as cheap beer and acid reflux unexpectedly percolate back up the esophagus...arghm, gack, cough...I am Slapdragon! wheezing noise, and sounds of expectoration on the K-mart ragweave rug I will smite him with my lightenings! pistol shot rings out, and one of the tasseled lamps shatters Slapdragon drops the pistol in surprise, then screams like a woman: Goddamn it! That lamp came all the way from Graceland!

I will spare you further scenes of his domestic existence.

Know simply that I, Seanachai, Bard and UberGnome of the Peng Challenge Thread, have entered into a Challenge of both Combat and Taunting with that being known as Slapdragon.

May the gods uphold the righteous.

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Attend, all.

Know simply that I, Seanachai, Bard and UberGnome of the Peng Challenge Thread, have entered into a Challenge of both Combat and Taunting with that being known as Slapdragon.

May the gods uphold the righteous.

Gods?

My mind is clearer now.

At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be.

If you strip away the myth.... from the man,

You will see where we all soon will be.

Seanachai lying in ruins as his attack is crushed.

Seanachai!

You've started to believe

The things they say of you.

You really do believe

This talk of sod is true.

All all the good you've done

Will soon get swept away.

You've begun to matter more than the things you say.

Listen Seanachai I don't like what I see.

All I ask is that you listen to me.

And remember, I've been your right hand man all along.

(Well actually I was Berli's right hand man all along and just lived to backstab you, but that is another song of hate)

You have set them all on fire.

They think they've found the new SS Pieper,

And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong.

I remember when this whole thing began.

No talk of sod then, we called you a man.

And believe me, my admiration for you hasn't died.

But every word you say today

Get's twisted 'round some other way.

Usually by some wanker sho complaining about flamethrowers or such

And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied.

Seanachai, your famous son should have stayed a great unknown

Like his father serving time

At Stillwater most likely

He'd have made good!

Tables, chairs, and oaken chest would have suited Seanachai best. Carving on them for Prison Industries West .

He'd have caused nobody harm, no-one alarm.

Listen Seanachai, do you care for troops?

Don't you see you must keep in your place?

You are occupied; have you forgotten how put down you are?

I am not frightened by your crowd.

For your troops are getting much too loud.

And I'll crush them if they come to close.

Listen Seanachai, to the warning I give.

Please remember that I want us to fight.

But it's sad to see your chances weakening with every turn.

All your troops are blind.

Too much sodding on their minds.

Cause they just walked past me in the woods,

A great big target for my guns,

And they wont know about till its over, yes till it is all over.

And you attack sucks, oh yes it sucks....

[ February 05, 2002, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: Slapdragon ]

[Yeknodathon]

Reading the late romantic adventures of the Garden Gnome and his flaccid asinine suitor have lead me to the conclusion that I have VIDEO-TAPED PROOF!!!! of their first date. Obviously I can't post it to this board but I'm willing to send it to anyone who requests it (unless of course you're a cop or government law enforcement agent). No, no, it's not some bootleg Amsterdam donkey show outtake and contains no more nudity nor naughtiness then you'd see on the Nature channel, it is nevertheless irrefutable proof of their romantic tryst. Disturbing at the least, feckin' hilarious at the best and a rare chance to see fellow Cesspudlians frolick in the pastures of love. Seems Valentines day is coming a bit early this year.

Hanns

Dear Hanns

Yes, the video of that magical evening is greatly anticipated at the paddock. Granted, a one-night stand, wham-bam-thank-you-Ubergnome encounter has, well lets be honest, appeal only to certain connoissieurs... I await with interest the scences concerning the employment of the catapult. Seeing half a ton of prime donkey hurtling towards the little fella in one massive, cataclysmic embrace is, well, interesting for the physics alone.

Obviously, such an incident has if after effects. Me twinges are much diminished and Seany has got a bit grumpy (I detect a relationship between his emotional state and length of posts).. but no matter, its only a lover's tiff... what we must all understand, as I told him at the time, I'm not ready for a full time-commitment just now... the odd little dabble here and there, but moving the paddock over to Minnasota, re-decorating the rooms, is just going a bit too far... I think he's taken it a bit personally...

Idjit Yeknod

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by Geier:

We did? I thought it was the European Championship?

Is there a world outside of Europe? What a strange thought.

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by Geier:

We did? I thought it was the European Championship?

Is there a world outside of Europe? What a strange thought.

[Hanns]

Awww! Isn't that cute? There's a CMpatter echo just like the one in his head. Pitter, patter, there's raindrops dancing on your head. Probably because someone stole your cardboard box and the paint thinner buzz knocked you out cold. Maybe a band of roving Turks will take pity and find better living arrangements for you in the local "all men's" sauna. Enjoy!

DonkeyspawnforwhichÜbergnomeslong I have forwarded the incriminating video clip to you. May you always cherish the times you had together and may the future hold many more bliss filled rolls in the hay. BTW I heard that a certain someone has a custom bridle, halter and riding crop on order at Sexworld just in time for Feb. 14th. You lucky donkey you! All the best,

Hanns

[CMplayer]

Hannsel your taunt was even more childish than I have come to expect of you. It must have been written in affect, more specifically, in disappointment over the movie you just sent me. Can't blame you there, as wave after wave of well-fed but ill-led untertruppen crash on the shore of my defence. Seriously, half my green troops are writing letters home like: Dear Mom, Don't worry about me. This combat business is a snap! Nothing to it. Back by Christmas, your loving son, Jack.

Now enjoy your pnemonia. It's just the wages of your sinful lifestyle.

[Noba]

Originally spoke by the pukeonthewater....

Well, er, there might be, er, other circumstances that you might want to take into consideration before going that far, mon petite general. In fact, it appears that in my eagerness to smack down Noba, I might have, um, sent him a file with my password in it, not to put too fine a point on it. Been a bit of a Nobbit, in fact.

Useless git...!

We all know it was your weasley way to get out of a losing situation. Anyone with a quarter of a working brain doesn't play "Indians" with halftracks. The first tank you put in harms way got skunted good and proper. The rest of your waiters may as well give up now. Your tactics are as lame as the gnome's.

The band-aid bollockless one has found that recon-by-blunder works well for the body bags. Fancy thinking the flags coloured German, really DID mean I had all approaches covered. Yes, O droopy dangle-less one, SMG's are really effective at close range.......sigh. It really is hard to get decent opponents around here.

As for other games in progress.

BERLI Is letting loose on a patch of empty trees, whilst skulking...not doing much whilst my brave troops are sneaking into a game winning position.

HANS's trooplets are scampering to safety from the onslaught of the brave BRITISH in the mud of the Polders battle. (They won't get far)

LARS has sent an ATG of our brave (and slightly baffled troops - who thought they were to advance into a meeting engagement) to Valhalla...but only after it removed 3 ineptly handled Shermans in one turn. Bravo, Boys.

The ex UberGnome will shortly be returning the final file that will confirm his Ineptness and destroy forever his Holy Crusade against AUSTRALIANS.

Sire Slapdragon, I feel your upcoming tussle with the failed garden ornament will be a trivial affair. You certainly won't have to work too hard to place your boot on his scrawney neck and keep it firmly in place.

Hiram. The West Coast Eagles offer associate memberships for those unable to attend games. Would you like me to put your name on the list ? Just send me the money, I will look after it for you.

We can't have you looking around for another team to follow, like those losers....GEELONG !

To all those man utd. followers...A pox on you all !

Noba.

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Noba:

To all those man utd. followers...A pox on you all !

Noba.

Continue the fine work lad, and please bring me Seanachi's head on a lance when you are done with it, so that I might adorn my sig with it.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Slapdragon:

Gods?

My mind is clearer now.....

*sniff* Slappy that was beautiful, man. Makes me want to find my JCS CDs

[Patchy]

Oh Peng, where art thou?

Cesspoolers, have you all forgotten about Peng? The person for whom this thread is named? Will anyone help to bring Peng home?

Berli is too satisfied with having more power with one less Olde One.

Seanachai is too busy with his new Donkey romance and his sissy fight with Slapdragon.

The Justicar seems to have forgotten the conspiracy trial of Wussl and the Überlizard. He's been too busy crashing little pixelated airplanes.

YK2 has stopped cheering on Berli and Seanachai. I don't really blame her since Berli is getting his arse kicked by a Wussl and the Übergnome hasn't been bothered to select troops for his battle for Peng's name.

The rest of you ungrateful bunch go on as if Peng never existed.

I bet the new set of Squires don't even know that a Peng really did exist.

Wussl, why don't you do something non-wussy for a change and give back Peng's name.

Peng...I have not forgotten you (especially your Peng Bread which is really good, but Berli gets crabby when he bakes bread.)...We need someone who can write proper essays around this place. Please, somebody fix or do somefink!

Persephone

[Croda]

Originally posted by Leeo:

It was a bit difficult, as it seems I was attacking the farm that provided produce to the Krupps factory. I haven't seen that many guns since opening day of hunting season last year.

1 75 AT (2 Sherm 76 kills - great covered position on the top of a hill)

1 50 AT (never fired a shot)

1 88 Pupchen (1 Sherm 76 kill)

1 75 Inf (no kills)

2 20mm Flak (1 mortar destroyed)

Lots of guns, little overall impact.

Wait until you see how I use the 105 on the attack!

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Croda:

Wait until you see how I use the 105 on the attack!

Given Croda's usual modus operandi, he'll drop it on his own troops pour encouragez les autres.

Speaking of

UPDATES!

that daft bastard Joe Shaw has the flanks of his spearhead (Bauhaus! don't make me come over there! I mean--oh, never mind. Just... stay in that corner) barely covered by a half-squad of Candians, which is, of course, more than enough to ward any number of the frightened girl scouts Berli imposed on me in this little fiasco. Still, I've bounced enough rocks off the side of one Joe's uberSchermanns that the gunner seems to have gotten a headache and is now brewing up a kettle before slinging more shells at my hapless twittertruppen. Only 23 turns to go.

Lars I despise, although I can't really recall why. I'm sure it was a good reason.

Seanachai I also despise, and I'm pretty sure I don't need a reason there. In fact, I might even send him a turn now that his plate's getting overfull.

Croda is a right bastard, and he will die, die, die. I'm also going to get 'round to a setup Real Soon Now.

There must be others, but I'm surprised I can remember this many. Y'all go die now, ya heah?

Agua Perdido

[Patchy]

They call him Wussl, Wussl, faster than lightning (only when frightened),

No-one you see, is wussier than he,

And we know Wussl, lives in a world full of terror,

Hiding there-under, under his bed!

Wussl, maybe the rest of the Cesspool doesn't care about Peng, but I do...that is why I am once again, challenging you for the name of Peng.

You are to send me your photograph which I shall promptly desecrate. I will then present it to the members of the Cesspool. If they decide that I have succeeded in humiliating you, I shall win the name of Peng and shall promptly return it to its rightful owner. And don't try to use Cesspool rules to get out of it this time. Berli and Seanachai, will you back me up this time?

Persephone

[Lars]

ATTENTION!!!

To all my gamey Cesspool Opponents,

I will be out of the country Feb 6.

You may forward your turns to the Flamingo Resort & Spa, Cancun, Quinta Roo, Mexico, where they will be ignored by my bikini-clad assistants.

Or wait until my return, when I will ignore them personally.

I will be back when the swimup bar is out of cerveza, the pool has taken on a lovely Cesspool yellowish coloration, and the pool filter has seized up. This should be around Feb 13.

You may now go back to your sordid little lives.

P.S. “Por favor amigo, uno cerveza!” is all the Spanish anyone really needs to know. This phrase will get you through most Latin American countries in a calm, peaceful, reflective state of mind. However, do not use it on Customs Officials or Federales. Your mileage may vary.

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Lars:

P.S. “Por favor amigo, uno cerveza!” is all the Spanish anyone really needs to know.

If you are an ignorant git. It is una cerveza if you do not want the local to see "stupid yankee" stamped across your head.

[Sledge59]

From the pen of Persephone:

The rest of you ungrateful bunch go on as if Peng never existed.

I bet the new set of Squires don't even know that a Peng really did exist.

Not entirely true, M'Lady. I refer you to replies #7 & 10.

Although you are quite correct about the Justicar, there's no doubt that the noble Seanachai supports the rightful reinstatement of Peng. He is simply biding his time.

Why should MrPeng get his name back? Because wussl has absolutely no right to deprive the MBT of entertainment. Gates-Slut was stale and boring from the beginning. Peng is fun to read. If all else fails I plan to slaughter the little wuss myself.

Sledge

[Lars]

Originally posted by Slapdragon:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Lars:

P.S. “Por favor amigo, uno cerveza!” is all the Spanish anyone really needs to know.

If you are an ignorant git. It is una cerveza if you do not want the local to see "stupid yankee" stamped across your head.</font>

[dalem]

Originally posted by Slapdragon:

My mind is clearer now.

At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be.

If you strip away the myth.... from the man,

You will see where we all soon will be.

Seanachai lying in ruins as his attack is crushed.

.

.

.

Uh, WAIT A DAMNED MINUTE.

Slap, I am the one who is currently annoying the Motormouth with bad versifying. Pick your own idiom. I can't even get a return setup out of him. You'd think he'd go for it, since it's another excuse for him to type a thousand words.....