The PENG Free Challenge Thread Turns Over A New Leaf.....

[Malakovski]

For those who thought the shame of Ohio could grow no larger, hark!

The foul villain Shaw replied to my righteous challenge with a horrific Ker Dessel monstrosity, IL Be Seeing You, in which my gallant panzers fended off an absurdly gamey carpet-bombing run by the entire Russian air force.

"Fended off" in this case means, for the most part, providing targets for the ILs. HOWEVER, through the noble sacrifice of nearly everyone, a lone KT escaped the map unscathed.

I count this as a moral victory in the highest sense.

But more importantly, my score in this gamey wretch of a scenario, designed to be unwinnable, was a full 50% higher than Boo's in out last match.

It's just sad really...

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

For those who thought the shame of Ohio could grow no larger, hark!

The foul villain Shaw replied to my righteous challenge with a horrific Ker Dessel monstrosity, IL Be Seeing You, in which my gallant panzers fended off an absurdly gamey carpet-bombing run by the entire Russian air force.

"Fended off" in this case means, for the most part, providing targets for the ILs. HOWEVER, through the noble sacrifice of nearly everyone, a lone KT escaped the map unscathed.

I count this as a moral victory in the highest sense.

But more importantly, my score in this gamey wretch of a scenario, designed to be unwinnable, was a full 50% higher than Boo's in out last match.

It's just sad really...

Lies! Foul and unjust lies he tells and without a hint of shame! Oh the inequity of it. And then he dares to defame a creation of the finest CM design studio in existence, Ker Dessel*.

Designed to be unwinable indeed! That would imply that I have some grasp of what makes a CM scenario winnable or not, CAN ANYONE HERE ACCEPT THAT?

And the Entire Russian Airforce did NOT engage in carpet bombing ... only the PE-2s did that, some fired rockets, some strafed, there was LOTS more going on than mere carpet bombing.

AND he doesn't even mention the first turn rocket barrage cleverly targetted on the road he occupied.

So you see my friends, he IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED!

Joe

p.s. Please send the final turn, I haven't seen it yet. {edited to add - Now I've seen it, you ALSO forgot to mention the TOTAL VICTORY I got, typical of you.}

*Ker Dessel - When You Want To Play CM In The Worst Way!

[ May 16, 2003, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Malakovski]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

p.s. Please send the final turn, I haven't seen it yet.

Oh, want to gloat over your ill-gotten victory?

Or perhaps you're accusing me of being the kind of scum who doesn't send final turns?

Well which is it! Beady-eyed, gloating pillock, or perjuring, lying pillock?

EIther way, it's already sent.

Git.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

p.s. Please send the final turn, I haven't seen it yet.

Oh, want to gloat over your ill-gotten victory?

Or perhaps you're accusing me of being the kind of scum who doesn't send final turns?

Well which is it! Beady-eyed, gloating pillock, or perjuring, lying pillock?

{snipped}.

Git. </font>

[Malakovski]

No posts in three hours?

What's wrong with you lumps of sod?

I know you don't have lives or anything of that nature to attend to on Friday night.

Sure, maybe Dalem is out drinking apple-tini's, and this Hannnns fellow seems to have better things to do, but there's no excuse for the rest of you, especially you old gits like Shaw and Seanachai.

Wait...did I just encourage you to post? Never mind.

Silence is golden.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Now we just have to wait for Agua Perdido and Harv I believe.

Joe

Oh, I've invited a lot more of your little playmates to stop on by, Joe. Of course, I had to tell them there'd be VALUABLE PRIZES, without telling them that those self same prizes would be 8x10 glossies of The Mormon Wives mud wrestling.

By the way, while I'm here, have I mentioned lately just what a festering arm pit Mala-ignant truly is? No? Well, trust me in this. He is.

[BFCElvis]

Dear Hammerheads,

Does anyone in this thread even return files anymore. The poser Malakovski has had all day to post sily rebutals to nonsense but has failed to send a file back. Has Hiram left a legacy?

Love and kisses,

Elvis

[OGSF]

Mah dear Emma, taes a pleasure tae bae postin' at ye request.

Ah knoo Ah owe a lot o' yoo bastarrrds a turrrn.....waill ye kin pucker oop, ye bum scratchin' finger sniffers, an' kiss mah spotty arrrse!

A stankin' hippie bastarrd doon at tha local were complainin' tha' Ah were tae feckin' moody. Sae hae gi' mae a mood ring tae guage mah moods fraim. At works too, Jimmy. Whain Ah'm ain a guid mood at turrrns green. Whain Ah'm ain a bad mood at leaves a big feckin red mark on haes forehaid.

Panzer Leader, ye're a big girl's blouse. Jus' lak Lars an' tha skivin' bastarrrd rleete.

Bastarrrds.

[Malakovski]

Originally posted by Elvis:

Does anyone in this thread even return files anymore. The poser Malakovski has had all day to post sily rebutals to nonsense but has failed to send a file back.

Maybe you should consider going back to one-word posts, if you are having such trouble grasping the simple temporal relations involved in a PBEM, namely, that you must first send a file to get a file back.

You promised a Byte Battle yesterday and I've received nothing since.

Nada.

Zilch.

As many setups from you as Boo has forks in his family tree.

Perhaps my spam filter threw you out with all the other liars, cheats, and pederasts that routinely fill my inbox with unsolicited crap. Honest mistakes do happen.

Send it again, and this time try to avoid phrases like "barnyard sex" and "size does matter." I don't want to hear about your weekend plans anyway.

[Mouse]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

But more importantly, my score in this gamey wretch of a scenario, designed to be unwinnable, was a full 50% higher than Boo's in out last match.

*sniff* *sniff*

Man, that cheese stinks... stinks like a weasel to this mouse nose.

The kind of weasel who would report a change from 2% to 3% as a 50% increase in the adoption rate of malformed, inbred Malakovski offspring. It fails to mention the other 97% that were left by the railroad tracks where even Boxcar Willy in his drunken stupor, as part of a bet that could win him a case of Thunderbird, declined to unwrap the filthy swaddling clothes to gaze upon the horrors within.

[Mouse]

Oh, and Herr Fascist Shaw, the email addy is included, so byte me! Is this a challenge for a Byte Battle or a Der Kessel scenario? No! I would not want to stress your brain too much. That was not a challenge to you.

Here is your challenge...

Tie your shoes!

[chrisl]

Making a cameo appearance in the thread that unquestionably confirms that the pool has jumped the shark, I get to report that Leeo has suffered a terrible beating at my hands. He charged his fleet of halftracks into my waiting flamethrowers in the first few turns, and it went downhill from there.

I won't mention the game I have going with Pondscum. The only thing I have left going for me is I've been returning moves really slowly, and he might forget which direction he's supposed to be attacking.

[Malakovski]

Originally posted by Mouse:

bleh

Does this thing belong to someone?

[jdmorse]

chrisl isn't your turn overdue? Like 1 and a half years? Seems like you gave up on the XXX Corps iirc, but then again who cares.

All turns out, if you haven't got it it's because I am ignoring you, otherwise hop to it, except for Hiram since it seems to take him as long as kotis of kalpas to return a turn. (drumming fingers)

[ May 17, 2003, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: jdmorse ]

[chrisl]

Originally posted by jdmorse:

chrisl isn't your turn overdue? Like 1 and a half years? Seems like you gave up on the XXX Corps iirc, but then again who cares.

I thought we finished that one with a surrender or something. IIRC, I had about 300 vehicles destroyed, and a few thousand casualties. I'll go look to see if I still have the game on my old machine. Then again, maybe I won't bother.

[jdmorse]

No need. The smoke from your burning vehicles showed your path quite well. It was CMBO and we are on to other things. Hope you are well, in a 'pooler sort of way drop a line some time.

I think we stopped because you were moving. By your info you headed south I see. No loss there

[chrisl]

Originally posted by jdmorse:

No need. The smoke from your burning vehicles showed your path quite well. It was CMBO and we are on to other things. Hope you are well, in a 'pooler sort of way drop a line some time.

I think we stopped because you were moving. By your info you headed south I see. No loss there

I actually headed north (only about 3 miles). I took a look, and the only uncompleted game I could find was with my worthless squire, harpooner, who disappeared when I blew up all his tanks.

I have some vague recollection of surrendering, because I have some strange memory of marveling at how many vehicles I actually lost in that one.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Mace:

As for my lineage.

Knight Errant, serfed to no one. Affiliated to House Berli

Knight Errant is it? I'm sure Dame Kitty will be happy to kick your yarbles up betwixt your eyes to remind you of your sire... sirette... whatever

[Mace]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

I'm sure Dame Kitty will be happy to kick your yarbles up betwixt your eyes to remind you of your sire... sirette... whatever

The lovely lass had them mounted on her trophy wall years ago (just as well I wasn't using them).

Mace

[Seanachai]

Dear me, dear me. I hope you haven't all started without me, on this 'Fair Emma Asks for the Bells to Ring Out' thread...

You did, didn't you? You've all been posting in here like crazed weasels while I've been trying to get things together.

You bastards.

Ah, well, then let me just approach the mike, and say, in a voice fraught with seriousness:

If God created anything better than the Fair Emma, the bugger kept it in heaven.

That's nice, isn't it? That's what it's all about, eh? People showing up here, completely worthless know-nothing piles o' dog ****e, about as significant as shingles and liver flukes in the scheme of human endeavour, and finding out that someone like Emma exists.

Makes it all worthwhile, somehow, eh?

Oh, of course, they go back to their puerile, worthless little lives filled with posting their absolutely idiotic political, religious and personal bigotries on the General Forum, filled with loathing for everyone who might disagree with them, but, do you know, I like to think they go away with a difference.

As they knuckle their way back to spraying urine on those who disagree with them, jumping on top of fallen logs and waving sticks over their heads while making a noise that indicates that they'd rather fight than breed, I like to think that their dim, anthropoidal brains have caught a glimpse of something fine. Something that takes them out of themselves. Something that whispers in their ear: "zip it up, lad, and stop spraying spittle about".

And then, just before I go to sleep at night, I like to think about all the innumerable idjits that show up on the General Forum to scratch themselves in a self-satisfied and arrogant way. And I like to think about them nodding off, secure in their position at the top of what they dimly perceive as 'the International Food Chain'.

And then I like to imagine the Fair Emma goin' to town, Yeah, Baby, puttin' the boot in, dancin' like thistledown, pointin' and laughin' as idjits clutch their most dearly held opinions while assuming the fetal position in a ballet of Wagnerian significance.

I like Emma threads.

I like most of you, too, of course. But rather more in the way that Epidemioligists like being gainfully employed.

My dream is to achieve fame and acclaim, and a well earned retirement by eradicating all of you.

Except for Emma. I like Emma.

Most of the rest of you are still awaiting a proper taxonomical classification.

[Noba]

Originally posted by Elvis:

Dear Nebbiolo,

I can handle many games at once. I currently have 5 going (this does not include those punks Hiram and MsSedai because they are too cheap to download the beta patch). I am certainly willing to smack you around like the little welp that you are. I've got chunks of guys like you in my stool. (I haven't used that in a while...damn it feels good.) If you have the courage to send a set up file then so be it. That silly King of the Hill scenario seems to be the one everyone sends me but I have been stuck in the middle of it with MsSedai forever (see above).

Love,

Elvis

Dear Elvis.

No canned stuff from me. You get to make your own mistakes, not the sort that others foist upon you in the belief that you have some tactical nouse. But then if some thing around the 1500 point range is fine, I'll kick your pixels fair up your clacker.

And whats this crap about using the Beta. Is that a requirement ?

Noba.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

My dream is to achieve fame and acclaim, and a well earned retirement by eradicating all of you.

So?......

The conquest of Australia is now off?

Mace

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

The Southern Adventure

After a 17-hour drive with Saturn towing a trailer, I made it to Georgia. This state is positively huge compared to the toxic waste dump I once called home. Once you drive away from Atlanta, the people are polite and nice. I stare in awe as they allow you to merge with traffic and actually yield instead of jumping in. I had my horn and middle finger ready as usual for driving purposes, but I haven’t needed them yet.

First two weeks consisted of it raining and the power going out. Since I live so near Newnan, Georgia…I almost got hit by some tornado activity. It’s a bit sobering. I still prefer very slow snowstorms.

To answer the unspoken question…Yes, I introduced my girlfriend to CMBO and she had much fun beating me. We love the hot seat idea and she seems to enjoy winning.

She is either a CM Savant or I am imbecile, you decide.

For those of you who are still confused about Moraine Sedai and Hiram Sedai, your confusion will be increased tenfold as you receive my turns from her email address and her turns from my email address. It’s just dependent upon what email account I feel like using when I send my bi weekly turns. Deal with it.

To close my little update, I’d like to say that Lady Emma is doing a noble thing and I support her. Let’s hope and pray that the Old Firm decides to stoop to our level for a moment and post. I live for such things.

[ May 17, 2003, 09:08 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Eh? What is this? Who stole my socks?

All dressed up and nowhere to go?

Happy Birthday, git!

[Leeo]

My lineage, Hmmm...

If I recall, it consists primarily of rocks, and the crawling out from there under.

As I try to shepherd my attention to the dim past (anything before yesterday), it seems that Sir Stuka first took me to squire, as my proficiency as piss boy impressed him to no end.

I believe his liege was the effervescent Moriarty (send me a turn, pillock, so you can finish "liberating" that rainy village).

Farther back than that, I know not.

Now I understand that MrSpkr requested this info via email, but really, who am I to hop to his ravings? Besides, if it causes him the slightest bit of consternation, then it is certainly worth the effort.