Those That I Taunt I Do Not Hate, And Who Hates the Peng Challenge I Do Not Love

Patchy · July 25, 2003

I think this will cheer up Mr Spkr!

Meet the Roo Family......Papa Roo......Mama Roo.......and their little Joey.

Persephone

Boo Radley · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Here's an old family recipe that's sure to put the spring in your step.

One quart rotgut whiskey
Juice from six lemons
one entire clove of garlic

pour into a large vat of boiling water

wait exactly one minute to let the mixture blend

stick your entire head deep INTO the mixture and inhale sharply.

Joe

And the final piece of the puzzle falls neatly into place.

And here we all thought it was some kind of congenital thing with Joe and his "less than adequate" brain.

Now we find it's self induced.

imported_Wildman · July 25, 2003

Seanachai, I had considered mightly imitating the British, but somehow could quite get the pole up the "backside" as it were, in the proper position. So I settled for bashing the Aussies that were there drinking Fosters. Oh, and eyeballing their women of course, one shouldn't forget eyeballing the fine Aussie "shielas" they brought over with them. I stand ready to continue your pummeling, of course, I no longer have your file but I blame that on you for not resending it. Send away, your dismemberment and humiliation await.

[serious]Unfortunately, I was not there for anything remotely fun and games, I was part of a team looking into a friendly fire incident. Nasty stuff really. Although I found out the Brigider General that headed the team has played CM from the beginning, quite a revelation really[/serious]

As far as the Aussies go, I realized the Foster's comment would bring out the chest-thumping, bugger-picking sot chanting "Foster's is for export, all I really drink is Pabst Blue Ribbon as that is all I can afford" crowd. Lo and behold Mace drops by. Macey-poo I don't suppose you comprehended the rest of the message and contacted your fellow asylum partner about our game?

Jim Boggs · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
Shoulders ache. Depression looming. Life sucking. Stress rising.

I hope your day has been as fun as mine.

Steve

MrSpkr

Perspective my good man, Perspective!

Let's examine some facts:

1) You're not Boo_Radley

2) If ignorance is bliss (see how happy Joe is), then depression must be the sign of a great intellect.

3) You're not Boo_Radley

4) You're suffering an identity crisis ( I know I'm confused-are you a Texan, living in Oklahoma, that works in Dallas?)

5) You still got Stoopes and we still got Zook

6) My shoulder is hurting now from the length of this response. But hey, if I don't got turns to send, this is the price you pay.

7) Did I mention that you're not Boo_Radley?

So think it over, it certainly could be a lot worse, you could have been Mama Roo.

Boo Radley · July 25, 2003

My dear Jim Boggs, I hope that you don't mind me calling you Jim Boggs. I could call you by that special name your wife calls you, but this is a family forum. The Addams family, by the looks of it.

Of course MrSpkr isn't me. I'm me and the only one who can pull off being me. I am me so much that I fill the room with my ME-ness.

By Gawd, if I weren't me, I'd wish I were.

I am my ideal.

Read it.

Learn it.

Live it.

Jim Boggs · July 25, 2003

There can be only one Boo_Radley. I can almost guarantee that nobody would ever try to take that from you. But enough about you, what about me?

1) I tried to start a game of CMBO v1.12 with somebody as dumb as a Russian in New Zealand (if you know what I mean) and after finishing the set-up and into move #1, he tells me that "oops, I don't really have v1.12, so I better go download the patch so we can Start Over"

2) I begin a game with a Noble Lady only to have some whippersnapper come in raising the devil about having 50 turns and how the ammo wouldn't last and the players would call each other names and stuff, so, guess what, we Start Over

3) I am on Turn 35 of a 50 turn game and by mutual agreeement, we decided to finish the game over the weekend, as we are getting into the final close combat phase.

4) Some drunken English chap accuses me of posting large volumes of tripe and thus a challenge was accepted. After acceding to his incredibly one-sided demands, I was kind enough to give him the game he wanted so desparately. Well I sent the set-up 2 1/2 hours ago. Last I saw of him he was discussing (and chugging) cheap wine. I'm sure he is still conscious.

So here I am, mortgaged the farm to get valuable computer time and I end up spending it posting on the Forum

My shoulders hurt. Depression Looms. Life Sucks. How was YOUR day?

Seanachai · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

2) If ignorance is bliss (see how happy Joe is), then depression must be the sign of a great intellect.

This is specious logic. I am, except during times of family crisis, as happy as a lark.

While this begs the question of how we know that larks are happy, I can certainly attest that they fly as though they were happy, so we shall let the metaphor stand.

And, as far as intellects go, mine is a towering cliff, unrivalled in its significance on this Forum, and from it's edge the rest of you downy little lot plunge like so many population-stressed lemmings.

So, poetic rodent, please note that you need to reappraise your judgement.

Seanachai · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Soddball:
Seanachai, you insignificant pimple on the behind of the creator, know you well and well, lots, that it's a bad day this side of hell that I venture in to this pubescent pustule of a thread to post anything - mostly because the foaming nonces that salivate here do a far better job than I ever could.

However, my mightiest and most gleaming best wishes for your ma. The canker seems to be a modern-day plague. My younger bro has fought off a nasty brain tumour and I know what a strain it can be. If you're less witty than normal, I'll put in down to poor quality alcohol.

Remind your ma that a day when she doesn't get a chance to cuff you around the back of the head whilst wearing a chainmail glove is a day wasted.

Soddball, here in Minnesota, we have a term for people like you, and that is: Icky.

It's not a proud taunt, nor boastful abuse, but we all know what it means, and we're all a bit shame-faced about using it.

Remain 'icky' Soddball.

You are, like a hog shouldering aside lesser rooters-of-the-earth, a figure that 'stomps upon the Terra'.

There are times when your shovelling snout turns up truffles, and then there are those times when you cool yourself by rolling in the cooling mud created by your own urine and feces.

Hail to thee, Soddball!

Mightiest Warriour of the Horrible and Vile Cheery Waffle Thread!

(oh, and not to mention extremely annoying limey bugger who would, in a well run country, already be in gaol).

Your well wishes for me Mum are much appreciated. There's no doubt that you'll achieve a slightyly higher level of hell as a sign of mercy for this uncharacteristic outburst of humanity.

Seanachai · July 25, 2003

ROIGHT, THEN!

Tomorrow, way early, I leave for Canada.

I expect you lot to watch your step, tread the line, and do the right thing.

I have never, in all my long life, met such a group of villainous, objectionable, vulgar cretins.

Nor have I ever had the displeasure to meet such a large group of complete, idiotic bastards that I'd be more proud to call friends.

You are the wind beneath my wings.

Never mind that all that wind is coming out of your backsides, and that from ear to ear the gale force breeze blowing through your heads could strip a pigeon of feathers in minutes.

You're as lovely a group of halfwits as even Kipling would have been happy to make a poem about.

So, although I've posted it before, I always liked it, and so I'll post it again, just because I'm too tired, drunk, and happy to do something new.

A poem for all you Cesspoolers, ala Rudyard.

The Young Cesspool Squire

When the Scum Sucking Newbie goes out to the 'Pool

'E acts like a pillock an' 'e posts like a fool,

An' 'e weeps because others are frequently cruel

And 'e's not fit to serve as a squire.

Serve, serve, serve as a squire,

Squire of the Cesspool!

Now all you serfs what's drafted to-day,

You shut up your cake-hole an' 'ark to my lay,

An' I'll sing you a squire as far as I may:

A squire what's fit for a 'Pooler.

Fit, fit, fit for a squire

Squire of the Cesspool!

First mind you steer clear o' the 'general' taunt,

that labels you stupid, useless, and naught --

that shows to the world that you cannot be taught --

An' it's bad for the young Cesspool Squire.

Bad, bad, bad for the squire

Squire of the Cesspool

When comes the laughter -- as it will past a doubt --

don't pose and don't preen, and don't go on the shout,

For the 'Pool will just sneer, and spit yer arse out,

An' it crumples the young Cesspool Squire.

Crum-, crum-, crumples the squire

Squire of the Cesspool

But the worst o' your foes is the other young fools:

who'll be set on yer arse, by the powers that rule:

they'll send you out battles that make you look like a tool,

An' you'll die like a fool of a squire.

Fool, fool, fool of a squire

Squire of the Cesspool

If you're belittled and spat on, completely ignored,

Don't piss and don't moan, and return to the Board;

Be witty and tough, and amusement afford

Then it's beer for the young Cesspool Squire.

Beer, beer, beer for the squire

Squire of the Cesspool

Now, if you should find a Knight notices your worth

and offers to sponsor your place on this earth

and offers your pain up to give others mirth,

Know that mirth is enough for a squire.

'Nough, 'nough, 'nough for a squire

Squire of the Cesspool

Your Knight's foes will curse you, and laugh at your pain

your Knight will laugh too, and you'll feel there's no gain

and you'll curse all the 'Pool, and call it insane,

An' you'll then know the curse of a squire.

Curse, curse, curse of a squire

Squire of the Cesspool

When you first go to taunt, you'll probably suck,

And the Knights will run over your arse like a truck,

Be thankful you're livin', and trust to your luck

And march to new taunts like a squire.

Taunt, taunt, taunt like a squire

Squire of the Cesspool!

When 'arf of your taunts fly wide and go wrong,

Don't revert to expletives or ****e jokes, you nong;

Just buckle down lad, and get set for sing-song,

the song of a young Cesspool squire.

song, song, song for a squire

Squire of the Cesspool

And if you should finally arrive as a Knight

having taunted and held on and fought the good fight

then remember to make the new squires wade through ****e

Cause ****e is what makes a good squire,

****e, ****e, ****e for a squire

Squire of the Cesspool

You're no longer a squire, and now you're a Knight,

you've learned how to taunt, and mock, and make light

of all of the bastards who once gave you ****e

and hate like a young Cesspool squire.

hate, hate, hate like a squire

Squire of the Cesspool

When you're wounded and left in the Cesspool of Peng,

And the bastards come out to cut up what remains,

Jest roll to the taunt and blow out their brains

An' go to your Gawd like a Knight.

Go, go, go like a knight,

Knight of the Cesspool!

SirReal · July 25, 2003

You are all a festering bub of black ichor, but I'll endure your stench so I can tell my liege the good news.

Joe Shaw, the Spanking of the SSN (oh, sorry, serf to Rune... aw, big difference) is complete, a neat little 71-29. Details here.

In related news, that spelunker of pigs intestines, Sir Nieghham has decided that he wasn't gamey enough during our last romp, so he's selected a scenario especially for me.

He's attacking. I'm hardly allowed to setup the defense as I want to (scenario limits). And it's nighttime. And foggy.

Did I mention it's a foggy night? I think he's afraid that his troops will run like a gaggle of chickens should they be fired upon by an enemy that they can't read the nametags on.

[edited to say: Glad that your mothers doing well, Seanachai. I lost my stepfather to lung cancer, so I think I know what you're going through. Stepfather since I was 2 years old.)

/SirReal

[ July 25, 2003, 02:43 AM: Message edited by: SirReal ]

Berlichtingen · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Seanachai:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

2) If ignorance is bliss (see how happy Joe is), then depression must be the sign of a great intellect.

This is specious logic. I am, except during times of family crisis, as happy as a lark.

Berlichtingen · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Seanachai:
Soddball, here in Minnesota, we have a term for people like you

Neighbor?

Mace · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Persephone:
I think this will cheer up Mr Spkr!

Meet the Roo Family......Papa Roo......Mama Roo.......and their little Joey.

Persephone

Might have cheered up MrSpkr, but it bloody well scared the bejeebers out of me.

*sniff*

I must have been extremely drunk that night.

Mace

Soddball · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:
Soddball, here in Minnesota, we have a term for people like you

Neighbor?

_Axe_ · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Seanachai:
Tomorrow, way early, I leave for Canada.

Thanks for the warning.

Jim Boggs · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

2) If ignorance is bliss (see how happy Joe is), then depression must be the sign of a great intellect.

This is specious logic. I am, except during times of family crisis, as happy as a lark.

ng cavscout · July 25, 2003

This was a QB played against the sneaky, sweaty, Swede sirreal.

Random almost everything, a coin flip gave me the Soviets. Setup, I bought a platoon of T-34/85's, SU-85, company of smg infantry, 12.7mm HMG, 3 snipers, 3 or 4 82mm mortars, several assorted minefields. Set up main force of 2 platoons inf and the t-34's around 2 big flagson left side, one platoon in front of 1 big and 2 small on right side. On a hill in the left center sector, I set a trench with a mmg and a section HQ, which was to spot for 2 mortars set up in a copse of woods at the base of the hill. One sniper far right, one sniper far left, one sniper center sector. Enemy showed a few infantry advancing on far right, I start manuevering the su-85, and it takes a shot from an unidentified german assault gun. I manuever behind some high ground, and try to take it out from long range as it had been buttoned up by a sniper shot and I was unbuttoned, I thought I would have the advantage, I ended up losing the su 85 to a one shot kill from it.

Infantry advancing area fires my far right sniper's fox hole and panics him even though he is 10-15 meters away sneaking, then they shoot him when he gets up to run. I see the enemy infantry advancing, and remembering how in the previous game, my units in the woods were flanked, I try to adjust my line so they strike me head on rather than from the side, unfortunately my mg there decides to shoot at something, and this results in 120mm mortars hitting the woods, and catching my smg platoon out of it's trenches. They are routed and die to essentially no effect. The MG crew however does quite well, killing off a couple of squads of fascist dung tasters. I fling a platoon that way backed up by the t-34's, keeping the last platoon in reserve in case this is a feint. Davy Crockett on the German panzer shreks kill two of the t-34's at max range, and damage the gun on the third. I didn't realize that destroyed the MG's on the tank as well. I continue to move the damaged t-34 around and I don't think he knows the gun is non functional. The platoon I sent over gets caught in the open and dies, once again, for very little gain. I do get a chance to catch his infantry in the woods with my mortars and I think I did some good. When I see that this is the main thrust, I send my last platoon out of it's comfy foxholes and set them up in a wheat field to defend the last 2 flags. Noticing that sirreal has begun pimping his squads towards the last victory flags, I hide my platoon and assign covered arcs, I also place 2 T-34 crews among them to see if they will help. I wipe out a few enemy squads as they bumble into my sights, but one of my squads panics and dies routing. One of the T-34 crews does cause 2 casualties. I wouldn't of thrown them away like that, but German MG's were interdicting my withdrawal routes, so I figured they would die retreating anyway. The assault gun is still flouncing around like some character in a Bergman movie because of the T-34 I have back by my flags, jumping out and then back into cover every once in a while to remind him that it is there. I am just trying to hold on long enough to keep him off the flags and get a draw or minor defeat.

That didn't work, my cowardly troops auto surrendered. But the crew of the t-34 seems to of scampered away as the final menu said I had 2 men ok. Checking the map I see that between 2 SMG squads in that wheatfield, they caused over 40 casualties, 27 and 17 respectively.

All in all, a rather poor showing considering I had an armor advantage of 4-1, but those shrecks really made the difference. Still, my charm and rugged good looks allow me to put this loss behind me and continue on, secure in my knowledge, that it could be worse, I could be Australian, or, heavens forbid, Minnesotroneeannean

Lessons learned, never count on the enemy doing what you want him to, always plan for all eventualities. And use armor in a stand off role. Machine guns are very effective at long range from trenches with leaders, that verifies a thread I read about MG teams being invincible in trenches against 1-2 76mm HE tossers.

So, being a member of house Rune, I am naturally hard headed and indomitable, so who else wants to be beaten down into accepting a measly tactical victory? errrr, I mean who else wants to drown in the blood of my troops.... errrr, you know what I mean.

[ July 25, 2003, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: NG cavscout ]

Nidan1 · July 25, 2003

CavScout

I would love to add you to my trophy case of Squire heads, why dont you send me a setup. I have no preferences, other than make it something after 1942, I can also put a red pin in Wisconsin, as another location of a soon to be defeated opponent.

rune · July 25, 2003

Being that this is his third AAR, and he has followed the rules of the MBT , and that is will annoy Joebob to no end, and lastly, he has completed most of the quests I set forth for him *boot* . Do NOT forget to ticket 3 Minnsodaians and let go *boot* three FIBs with a smile *boot*.

So, I now officially submit to the Olde Ones, No Good Cavscout to Squirehood in the House of Rune.

Rune

Boo Radley · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Seanachai:
ROIGHT, THEN!

Tomorrow, way early, I leave for Canada.

I expect you lot to watch your step, tread the line, and do the right thing.

OK, we all know what this means, don't we? All meet over at Seanachai's hovel, eat all that is edible, drink all that is potable and steal the rest.

Let's make the old man proud. I want to see the place stripped down to plaster, lath and floorboards.

Extra points for annoying the neighbors. We'll put Boggs on that. It seems to be his forte.

ng cavscout · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by rune:
Being that this is his third AAR, and he has followed the rules of the MBT , and that is will annoy Joebob to no end, and lastly, he has completed most of the quests I set forth for him *boot* . Do NOT forget to ticket 3 Minnsodaians and let go *boot* three FIBs with a smile *boot*.

So, I now officially submit to the Olde Ones, No Good Cavscout to Squirehood in the House of Rune.

Rune

I have no problem, oh great leader, with ticketing the Minnies, and as for the FIB's, I already let them go, yeah, thats it, I already did it.

It is with great honor, and a joyful heart that I now don the mantle of Squire. Strangley, it also causes a roiling in the intestine, and a puckering of the sphincter, but that could just be the Nachos I ate last night, that or the odor of Minnesota, there is a easterly wind today....

Joe Shaw · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by rune:
Being that this is his third AAR, and he has followed the rules of the MBT , and that is will annoy Joebob to no end, and lastly, he has completed most of the quests I set forth for him *boot* . Do NOT forget to ticket 3 Minnsodaians and let go *boot* three FIBs with a smile *boot*.

So, I now officially submit to the Olde Ones, No Good Cavscout to Squirehood in the House of Rune.

Rune

NOT SO FAST there rune, you presume too much sirrah. Actually we're all rather amazed that you are able to presume at ALL considering that your ... {ahem} ... scenarios demonstrate all too well the horrible consequences of short term memory loss.

It is I, not you, who authorize the raising of a Serf of the CessPool to Squiredom. Had you BEEN here ... at all ... during the past year or so you might have tumbled to that fact. I am charged with the mighty and awesome responsibility of ensuring that no Knight down on his luck (YOU) or incapacitated by strong drink (YOU) or blackmailed with photos (perhaps not YOU but I doubt any of us would doubt it for a moment) raises a Serf to Squire without proper review.

In the case of young NG Cavscout (spelt but not bolded), however, I find him amusing and worthy of the honor of being raised to Squire. The pity, of course, is that he'll have to be YOUR Squire and that foul duty will rune (get it, ruin ... rune ...) him for life but rules are rules.

Therefore, I hereby proclaim that NG Cavscout (spelt but not bolded) is and hereby shall BE a Squire of the CessPool in the House of rune. Congratulations NG Cavscout ... don't let him get you in the stables all alone ...

Joe

Joe Shaw · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by SirReal:
You are all a festering bub of black ichor, but I'll endure your stench so I can tell my liege the good news.

Joe Shaw, the Spanking of the SSN (oh, sorry, serf to Rune... aw, big difference) is complete, a neat little 71-29. Details here. ...{snipped} ...
/SirReal

Now that, by George is an AAR ... and a fine victory as well ... against a squib like NG Cavscout of course but we can't always pick our opponents.

You are doing well my Squire, it appears that you have two games completed under my tutelage and others underway. Let me know when you've completed FIVE games while a Squire to the Shavian House ... we are a TRADITIONAL house in the CessPool and hold with none of these newfangled quests that hardly put more strain on a Squire than skipping over a Boo_Radley post.

I do have a quibble, however. I note a great deal of groggly talk in your AAR. No need to clutter up the narrative with actual descriptions of vehicles and the like, clankety things is more than adequate for THIS crew and they all understand 'splodey things as well. Mind you the setup map with arrows was lovely.

Now ... your paper for tonight shall be short in celebration of your victory ... also in light of the subject matter it will, by necessity, be short.

The Tactical Genius of rune Explained

I'm after something of a humorous bent, as it will HAVE to be of course. And no lad, don't think of just sending in a title page and fourteen blank pages, that trick, while accurate, has been done.

Joe

ng cavscout · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Nidan1:
CavScout
I would love to add you to my trophy case of Squire heads, why dont you send me a setup. I have no preferences, other than make it something after 1942, I can also put a red pin in Wisconsin, as another location of a soon to be defeated opponent.

Setup is on the way to you, now, if you have trouble, remember, the computer has to be plugged in.

ng cavscout · July 25, 2003

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SirReal:
You are all a festering bub of black ichor, but I'll endure your stench so I can tell my liege the good news.

Joe Shaw, the Spanking of the SSN (oh, sorry, serf to Rune... aw, big difference) is complete, a neat little 71-29. Details here. ...{snipped} ...
/SirReal

Now that, by George is an AAR ... and a fine victory as well ... against a squib like NG Cavscout of course but we can't always pick our opponents.

You are doing well my Squire, it appears that you have two games completed under my tutelage and others underway. Let me know when you've completed FIVE games while a Squire to the Shavian House ... we are a TRADITIONAL house in the CessPool and hold with none of these newfangled quests that hardly put more strain on a Squire than skipping over a Boo_Radley post.

I do have a quibble, however. I note a great deal of groggly talk in your AAR. No need to clutter up the narrative with actual descriptions of vehicles and the like, clankety things is more than adequate for THIS crew and they all understand 'splodey things as well. Mind you the setup map with arrows was lovely.

Now ... your paper for tonight shall be short in celebration of your victory ... also in light of the subject matter it will, by necessity, be short.

The Tactical Genius of rune Explained

I'm after something of a humorous bent, as it will HAVE to be of course. And no lad, don't think of just sending in a title page and fourteen blank pages, that trick, while accurate, has been done.

Joe

Those That I Taunt I Do Not Hate, And Who Hates the Peng Challenge I Do Not Love

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