Using Canister on the Peng Challenge: Too Hollywood or just a Good Idea?

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by rune:

I need two volunteers to test my latest. In honor of a battle during Joe's time, i have created this:

Title: Rourke's Drift

Type: Allied Assault

Date: Jan 22, 1879

Location: Rourke's Drift, near Isandlwana, Zululand

Region: South

Weather: Clear, hot, dry

Terrain: Steppes and Small Hill

Wind: Breeze from the E

Turns: 15+

Best played as: Two Player.

Author: Tim 'Rune' Orosz

Background: The men of "B" company 2/24th Regiment and others who had been ordered to stay behind at the Rorke’s Drift supply depot had reason for feeling left-out. The rest of the column had gone farther into Zululand with the intent on destroying the capital at Ondini (Ulundi).

Lt. Chard was left behind to build a bridge. having no military experince in warfare, he was the ranking officer and in command.

As the sound of distant gunfire was heard, followed by heavy artillery, several men climbed Oscarsberg Hill to see what was happening...what they saw was a mass of zulu's heading directly for them.

By now, survivors of the battle at Isandlwana had reached the drift, and told of how the column was wiped out.

Some Natal Horsemen rode into camp, and were ordered to slow down the impi. After too brief gunfire, they were seen riding away.

This left the 139 defenders of Rourke's drift alone. Making walls of Mealie (maize/corn) sacks, each weighing 200 lbs, they prepared for what awaited them.

Lts. Chard and Bromhead readied the defenders...as the Indluyengwe Regiment of over 3000 Zulus appeared.

Let me know if you are itnerested in testing it out.

Rune

Man I KNOW I'm going to regret this but send it along. I've always been interested in this battle and I'd like to see just how badly you've screwed it up.

Now for an opponent.

Joe

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by rune:

...in the meantime, the new web site which Joebob in his senile years forgot is running, can now give anyone who loses to him the * of shame.

Rune

Using the * to denote the shame of having lost a game to some Pooler has never been a good device, I feel.

Originally, of course, it meant a 'loss to Peng, which was seen as a very shameful thing in the day, as the Army of Peng had only slightly better leadership than the State of Ohio.

But what happened? Well, of course, as time went by, Peng improved. There came a point when Peng was, in fact, quite the vicious little Combat Mission thug. Of course, Peng eventually achieved Enlightenment, and passed over into a better world of purity and goodness where all men were brothers, and the only Republicans allowed to run for public office were those who could actually be seen in mirrors and who could safely ingest garlic (in other words, there were no Republican candidates for office). As a sad footnote to this success story, this Better World still looked exactly like Pennsylvania, which just goes to show that even Nirvana isn't all one could hope.

Now, since Peng had, in fact, improved, suddenly 'losing to Peng' was no longer so signally shameful. Well, except in the sort of general way that it made Peng happy, and anything that makes Peng happy is probably a little sordid, if not actually shameful.

But the point remains that there has not been anyone consistently so awful a player that a loss to them could be eternally considered 'shameful'.

So, I propose that the 'Asterisk of Shame' now be applied to "Anyone who defeats Seanachai".

For surely nothing is more shameful than to defeat me in a game of CM, or, in fact, to annoy me in any way whatsoever. But especially defeating me in CM. I know that those oponnents of mine who've done so have probably never overcome the feelings of shame they very rightly feel for having beaten me. I can only imagine the anguish they've suffered as they tried to determine whether the bad map, the unfair conditions or selections they'd made, or their own cheating and under-handedness were to blame for their victory. But in every case, I know that there were souls wrenched with guilt and sleepless nights out there (if for no other reason than that I'm not above calling my opponents, all liquored up, at 3 AM, to discuss with them 'the shame of having defeated me').

Now, let's get behind this very reasonable and well-thought out proposal to have all future 'defeators of Seanachai' marked with The Asterisk of Shame, and put some solid meaning back into the whole process of shame.

Support me in this. After all, I know where all of you live, your phone numbers, and I just bought a new bottle of Irish whisky.

[Guest konrad]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Support me in this. After all, I know where all of you live, your phone numbers, and I just bought a new bottle of Irish whisky.

I'm from different planet ,so You can't call me.

However , I'm supporting you on this.

*konrad (in process ,but its pretty obvious)

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Now, let's get behind this very reasonable and well-thought out proposal to have all future 'defeators of Seanachai' marked with The Asterisk of Shame, and put some solid meaning back into the whole process of shame.

And the field of asterisks was so huge, so monumentally gargantuan as to rival the stars in the night sky.

And the child asked, "But father, what can it mean?" and the father replied, "There is an asterisk for every soul that ever lived and that ever shall live, for all in one way or another can beat Seanachai."

"Gosh, father, he must really, really be bad!"

"Bad. Stupid. Who knows what it is. But it's like the Joe Shaw coloring book. Something that just does not belong in a free, upstanding and wise civilization."

"I'm so glad I'm an Ohioan, father,"

"I know you are son. I know you are."

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

And the field of asterisks was so huge, so monumentally gargantuan as to rival the stars in the night sky.

And the child asked, "But father, what can it mean?" and the father replied, "There is an asterisk for every soul that ever lived and that ever shall live, for all in one way or another can beat Seanachai."

"Gosh, father, he must really, really be bad!"

"Bad. Stupid. Who knows what it is. But it's like the Joe Shaw coloring book. Something that just does not belong in a free, upstanding and wise civilization."

"I'm so glad I'm an Ohioan, father,"

"I know you are son. I know you are."

OH MY GOD, YOU'VE PROCREATED?!!!

The stars above are shorn of all mystery or majesty, simply visible light reaching across a vast void from exploding hydrogen fires. Not the twinkling eyes of angels, nor the lights of heaven. No benevolent spirit looks down upon the earth, and for it there is no special provenance. It is simply earth, rock, water and magma passing meaninglessly through emptiness.

There is no God.

Boo has progeny.

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

There is no God.

Where God isn't, Berli is.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Boo has progeny.

Ah, how like you Old Man to be so utterly prosaic. I was speaking metaphorically about ANY Ohio father to his son, but you, being left on the doorstep of the local Home For The Cataclysmically Dim by a wandering band of gypsies, who thought you too horribly freakish even for them, would'nt know about any of this.

Sad, really.

[Guest konrad]

Originally posted by Leeo:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

There is no God.

Where God isn't, Berli is. </font>

[Lurkur]

Gamey Update Part...Four?

The Bastiges Strike Back!

The men on the right flank opened up. In front of and to the right an orchard stretched away. In the the center were a cluster of houses and a road that lead back away from the area. To the left the open ground was dotted by a few clusters of trees, and beyond the trees was the edge of the ravine. The Russians were not in prepared defenses, but were not caught in the open as had been hoped. The right flank commander, Hauptmann Pelz, could see three squads returning fire, two from the orchard to the right one from a copse of trees to the left. The Germans concentrated their fire on the orchard. The Russians were pinned and started to crawl off. Pelz seized the moment and sent three squads to assault the orchard. Other Russian units opened fire. The assault faltered, especially when the last AT gun pivoted and fired canister at the closest squad. The squad was stunned after the first blast, but in the second it went to pieces. Pelz pulled a face and thought, "Now we do this the hard way." Two halftracks were brought up to support the right flank. One was knocked out before it even broke tree cover. The second was a little more successful—one of those deadly and brittle 251/16 Flamethrower units. Using a ridge as cover, it came as close as possible to the fighting as possible and charged over the top and rushed the orchard from the right. A beautiful arc of flame flowed from it to the nearest house, and out tumbled burning and panicked riflemen, who spun and wheeled and fell as the machine gun did its grim work. Next, the halftrack was flaming the orchard, causing more men to scurry off, when an ATR round put an end to it's short but brilliant career. Pelz spat.

In the center, Von Lurkur was preparing to move his men out. Artillery had been called onto the tree line and building, and he looked on with no little satisfaction as a 120mm round dropped through the roof of the building and blew out any remaining windows out. HE fire from a halftrack finished the structure, and it collapsed in a heap. Several soldiers were seen crawling out just before it fell. Several German platoons surged forward, over the fence and into the trees, where a few remaining Russians were dispatched. The survivors in the building (How could there be survivors?) took a minute or two to pull themselves together, and resumed their return fire. Von Lurkur got the report of the two other halftracks that were shot up on the right. He pushed his cap back, got out a small note book, and wrote:

Never, NEVER bring another one of those flippin' useless halftracks into a battle again!

To the right of the now destroyed office building was a patch of rough ground, and parts of a Russian platoon had made their way there. It was a horrible situation for both sides, everyone being more exposed than was prudent. More Russians were around the collective, covering all approaches with harassing fire. Reports indicated that Von Lurkur was up against a battalion, and they had engaged and destroyed the heavy weapons company and most of it's AT component. The right flank was probably up against an infantry company, with another two companies between this pile of rubble and the collective. No man could safely move anywhere, but the Germans had orders to open up the road and secure the area. Von Lurkur's aide looked at him with with a raised eyebrow and asked, "Now what?"

The Right flank was about 150 meters from the secondary objective and facing stiff resistance. The smoking heap of debris that had been the administrative center was about 70 meters distant and still defended, with long-range flanking fire to the left and most of a nearby platoon to the right, stubbornly staying put. The collective itself was a good 400 meters off at this point. The "probe" was 15 minutes old.

to be continued

[ June 27, 2003, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: Lurkur ]

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Lurkur:

Gamey Update Part...Four?

The Bastiges Strike Back!

to be continued

The -really- disgusting part is that I gave him 40+ turns to complete the probe attack in, and the scenario let him set up right at the edge. So, 40+ turns to go 500m in nice weather.

And the irony is that in my game with Nidan, I'm doing the probe attack, in pelting rain, across 1000m. In 30 turns.

I really wish the game lengths had been the other way around, since the Lurkur game will probably end up an auto-surrender, and Nidan's with me barely able to touch the flags.

...I don't suppose anyone knows if the game length can be changed after the game has been started?

/SirReal

[Lurkur]

Originally posted by SirReal:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Lurkur:

Gamey Update Part...Four?

The Bastiges Strike Back!

to be continued

The -really- disgusting part is that I gave him 40+ turns to complete the probe attack in, and the scenario let him set up right at the edge. So, 40+ turns to go 500m in nice weather.

And the irony is that in my game with Nidan, I'm doing the probe attack, in pelting rain, across 1000m. In 30 turns.

I really wish the game lengths had been the other way around, since the Lurkur game will probably end up an auto-surrender, and Nidan's with me barely able to touch the flags.

...I don't suppose anyone knows if the game length can be changed after the game has been started?

/SirReal </font>

[Lurkur]

[serious] I want to be clear that I don't believe SirReal (spelt but not bolded) did anything inappropriate in the set up. It simply seemed like a long way to go over wicked terrain for a "Probe." [/serious]

Of course, that doesn't mean he's not a complete booger head!

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Lurkur:

The terrain is so open that I cannot isolate any part of your defense. I also think this was set up to be an "attack" map and not a "probe" map. The difference being , of course, that I have fewer forces to do the job. (I could really use a few extra FOs right about now) I don't really mind because the map has been interesting and it's been fun to write the AAR.

Lurk

Yep, this turned out interesting indeed. =)

My first comment to Lurk when starting this was:

"Ok, I've seen the map now, and if you want to bail on it, that's ok. It looks to a be a bit "pro-defensive", to put it mildly."

Of course, this assessment was built on the assumption that Lurk would have to march across 500m open terrain to reach my line of 5 Maxim's and 3 AT guns. Instead, he was allowed to set up right next to them, wiping them out in the first few turns... and so the battle got interesting all of a sudden.

And Lurk... the fact that you can't seem to isolate my defenses is because I maneuver to prevent it. Or your lack of brain. Either way, the end result is the same, isn't it?

[edited to reply to above post]

Since I usually play QB's, I was figuring a scenario map might be better, so I randomly picked an Axis Probe map from BCR's map pack without checking it first. QB would have been better. Still, it's a good game, and a grrrreat AAR! =)

/SirReal

[ June 27, 2003, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: SirReal ]

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Lurkur:

[serious] I want to be clear that I don't believe SirReal (spelt but not bolded) did anything inappropriate in the set up. It simply seemed like a long way to go over wicked terrain for a "Probe." [/serious]

Of course, that doesn't mean he's not a complete booger head!

My Gawd man get a grip. I mean we don't expect MUCH of you, being from the House of Croda and all, but we DO expect you to defend your honor!

Backbite him sir, slander him to within an inch of his worthless life! If he didn't cheat, by GAWD CLAIM THAT HE DID! If he doesn't use gamey tactics then make some up. He's a SERF, it's not as if we're going to believe him over you ... actually we won't believe either of you so no damage done. If you lose then we want some liebel worthy of the name that proves you would have won had the fight been fair!

I tell you lads, this new generation ... it wouldn't have done in the OLDE 'Pool.

Joe

[Boo Radley]

Cry me a river, Shaw! You sit there and nit pick my former squire with feeble protests of, "Oooh, you're not being nasty enough! Spit on his shoes!" All along IGNORING the fact that his prose is of the stuff of LEGENDS! Or at least on par with a really good Marvel Comic story line. Without the babes, of course.

You speak, but all I hear is envy! ENVY! Because the ultimate verbal accomplishment of any of the lackwits you've sired amounts to the lowing of cattle. If that!

This does not surprise me though. It's just more of your querelous natterings. To think that the office of the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread has become such a travesty.

I weep.

[BFCElvis]

Dear Loark,

Are you still alive? If so please send the link to the cesspool site as I don't have it anymore.

Love,

Elvis

[BFCElvis]

Dear Noba,

Why don't you show some hairy ones and if you insist on a QB let the computer purchase your units. If you don't then you can count on me doing the same type of gamey purchase that you failed to use with sucess in or last battle.

Love,

Elvis (head full of tequila and beer.....not a bad buz though)

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Cry me a river, Shaw! You sit there and nit pick my former squire with feeble protests of, "Oooh, you're not being nasty enough! Spit on his shoes!" All along IGNORING the fact that his prose is of the stuff of LEGENDS! Or at least on par with a really good Marvel Comic story line. Without the babes, of course.

You speak, but all I hear is envy! ENVY! Because the ultimate verbal accomplishment of any of the lackwits you've sired amounts to the lowing of cattle. If that!

This does not surprise me though. It's just more of your querelous natterings. To think that the office of the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread has become such a travesty.

I weep.

Oh come now Boo, verbal accomplishments? Where? He posts ONE AAR, serialized no less, we're hardly into the battle halfway and, as you point out, THERE ARE NO BABES!

How can this be counted as even fair prose, let alone good? Where are the buxom Russian wenches with tunic buttons strained to the bursting point by that hidden within? Where are the masses of blonde hair suddenly released from the barracks cap to fly wildly in the wind and unexpectedly proclaiming the bearer for what SHE is? Where do we see lower lips clenched between perfect white teeth as the soldier fights back tears but at the same time has her breath catch in her throat at the splendor of the German soldaten standing before her?

{Ahem} ... where was I ... Oh yeah, WHERE Boo?

Joe

[ June 27, 2003, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Snarker]

Think back, lads. Think back many Mutha Beautiful threads ago...

The Aussies commandeered a ship... a leaky one no doubt, as foresight is hindsight to a resident of Oddstralia. 'Poolers bombarded the fleeing vegamite munchers with beer, as I recall. We thought the escape was foiled, but this obviously is not the case. They just collected the brew and went on their merry way...

Drunken sailors rake Diego Garcia base

SYDNEY, June 27 (UPI) -- Druken Australian sailors reportedly romped naked, engaged in inappropriate sexual acts and hurled verbal abuse during shore leave on a U.S. base.

...The sailors had sex on the beach, streaked through military buses and pranced naked with rolled-up burning paper stuck between their buttocks in a wild, drunken frenzy the newspaper said.

Only the two "flame-dancers" were identified and disciplined with suspended leave and docked pay. The others were not identified.

My money's on Mace and AJ.

[Noba]

Originally posted by Snarker:

Think back, lads. Think back many Mutha Beautiful threads ago...

The Aussies commandeered a ship... a leaky one no doubt, as foresight is hindsight to a resident of Oddstralia. 'Poolers bombarded the fleeing vegamite munchers with beer, as I recall. We thought the escape was foiled, but this obviously is not the case. They just collected the brew and went on their merry way...

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> Drunken sailors rake Diego Garcia base

SYDNEY, June 27 (UPI) -- Druken Australian sailors reportedly romped naked, engaged in inappropriate sexual acts and hurled verbal abuse during shore leave on a U.S. base.

...The sailors had sex on the beach, streaked through military buses and pranced naked with rolled-up burning paper stuck between their buttocks in a wild, drunken frenzy the newspaper said.

Only the two "flame-dancers" were identified and disciplined with suspended leave and docked pay. The others were not identified.

My money's on Mace and AJ. </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Elvis:

Elvis (head full of tequila and beer.....not a bad buz though)

This is evolution in action, where it involves Elvis.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

{Ahem} ... where was I ... Oh yeah, WHERE Boo?

Joe

There Boo. There Lurkur.

Shaw, why are we talking like this? Is it a new directive from the Justicariate?

[Lurkur]

Joe, Joe, Jo-Jo. Of course the AAR is serialized, when I wrote the last one all in one go the Australians complained. I had to draw them a picture!

Your familiarity with and apparent affection for the trashy romance genre would be worthy of contempt were you not the social, moral, and psychological equivalent of a menopausal widow remembering what it was like to get some now and them. Let me develop the story man, likely there are dazed and beautiful communist stenographers trapped in the rubble, pleading for rescue. At this point they don't care who comes to them, they're desperate! It's so hot and dirty in the debris they're just longing for someone to pour some cold water over their heads and strategically torn uniforms.

Perhaps there's a lovely peasant girl who just turned 18 hiding in a cellar when a soldier bursts in, looking for cover...he is stunned by her bright eyes, which are wide with fear and desire. He moves towards her suddenly, and a thrill runs up her spine, she is breathing heavily, and the heaving of her bosoms makes him drop his weapon and reach out to her. Her eyes, still wide but now without fear or hesitation, look into his as she undoes the tie on her peasants blouse. His hands, though rough and bloody, tenderly but urgently slide the blouse off to reveal in the dim cellar light... and you get the idea.

It's just a question whether the brave and ruggedly handsome peasant boys from the steppes save them or the cunning and suave German officers ply them with liquor and "interrogate" them and search for hidden weapons.

As to defending my "honour," there will be plenty of time for recriminations, backbiting and revenge. Remember that this SirRene person is a Swedish programmer, and therefore has the humor and social skills of a croquet mallet. I wanted to be sure that there was no confusion about why it was that I was smearing his bad name. Last thing I need is a long boat coming up the Ohio River with some out of sorts Viking nerd muttering about blood angels and reeking of rotting, fermented fish. This first game I took on the game out of spite. Next time it will be for the joy of genuine hate.

So go back to reading your Mormon wives trashy Mormon romance novels. "Brigham's dark secret was that he was married to only one woman..."

Pah!

[Mouse]

<h1>Gits!!!</h1>

Yeah, you heard right...

This is the one and only chance for free beer in Northern virginia.

Yes, Mouse is buying the first $30 worth of pitchers and Jaeger (with any luck the beer won't be domestic crap). The time and place will be tomorrow... er, later today at 1900 hours (that's 7:00pm for most of you 'poolers), Glory Days at PanAm shopping center, Fairfax, VA.

Who is this Mouse (bolded 'cause I'm buying)? Well, he'l be the one wearing the BB-38 cap in navy blue, and willing, God help him (I know better than to ask Berli) to meet any Cesspoolers, or other normal CMBO/CMBB players in the area.

If no-one shows, well, Mouse will be quite drunk on $30 worth of brew.

So, be there or be square... or

Be there or B-52... or

well, just be there.

[ June 28, 2003, 01:52 AM: Message edited by: Mouse ]

[dalem]

Originally posted by urefinger:

lol, me love peng , you all not very happy! you should pop chill pills what this post about :confused: is this peng the guys i know :confused: ?

At least get your Empire quotes right, smallones.

[ June 28, 2003, 02:17 AM: Message edited by: dalem ]