The Master, Margarita and the Peng Challenge thread

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>How can you sleep at night Jo?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well I'm glad to see that you've finally come around and are asking advice from your elders. It's true that I've a LOT of experience in sleeping, in fact I've estimated that I've slept for roughly 1/3 of my life. What I do (you might want to take notes here Marlow) is to avoid caffeine before I go to bed, then (and this is the important part) I LIE DOWN ... that may be your problem you know, many residents of Scandahoovia TRY to sleep standing up but it just doesn't work as well. Once you lie down it just all falls into place, give it a try and please keep in touch, anything I can do to keep you unconcious I WILL DO! I'm here for you guy.

Joe

[ 09-10-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by poopoowiper4/2:

Game(y) Update:

Regrettably, the ubergamey swarms of Lars's Jabos have finally located the last of my valiant forces. It should be noted that they are completely out of his control, which means that he in fact is so dumb the computer has to do the killing of my hopelessly exposed, poorly armored vehicles because it is beyond his mental capacity. Bring on another round, you worthless Texan scuzzball transplant.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, fellow Cesspool denizens, time to announce the results of the first SSN match.

And the winner is….

Stalin’s Organ

Poor poopoowiper4/2 only managed a score of 1 to 99. It was over in a mere six turns when the AI did the sensible thing and surrendered for him. Stalin, however, dragged it out for the whole ten turns and actually managed to kill and exit a few things, thus his score of 26.

And if you are wondering about his ability to return files, the late date of this post should give you some idea.

Now poopoowiper4/2, I said come up with a decent taunt if you wish for another game. A one line reference to the Great State of Texas in no way counts as a taunt.

[Panzer Leader]

You know I was thinking. (Oh no, here we go...) It is a few scant months away from the REAL Combat Mission, and I am so excited about this new game that I feel the need to do something drastic.

You see, ((trying to skirt issues of groggishness) I LOVE the eastern front (the Great Patriotic War for you, Germanboy) and when I sit down to play this epic incarnation, I want it to be like a virginal rebirth or something. I don't want to be so burned out on shootin' Ami's that the luster of the game is lost on me, if you know what I mean. Therefore I have decided to pull in the reins on new games until CM2 is released.

I have a feeling that lots of us are feeling this way. After a year of Combat Mission (which indeed is at least 8 months more than I have ever spent on a single computer game) the thrill of 88s opening up on the armoured columns, the excitement of our bazookamen crawling towards the treeline for a shot at that kitty, the alarm we feel in the pit of our stomach when that first spotting round falls in the midst of an advancing company, well, it is paling a bit.

In the old days (before computer games) I could play Squad Leader (shh, I mentioned THE name. Hopefully Hasbro doesn't have a mole in the PENG CHALLENGE thread, though I have my suspicions about Poopiesniffer007) -- I could play SL every weekend for years. I coud do the same thing with CM, but I want that NEW, that Barton Fink feel when I load up CM2. I want my palms to itch with the urge to blast KV1s with my MarderIIs. I want to drive my goddamn PzIIIs up to the Kremlin without the tarnishes and blemishes acrued by 18 mo.+ of CM1.

I know we can never go back (though I believe their is a surgery under study...) but I want it to be the best yet, and so I am going to slowly wean myself off this game. I am going on a forced sabbatical until I arrive on June 21st at the bank of the Bug.

In the meantime, I think to aid my enforced forgetfullness, I will pick up the about-to-go-gold Civilization III. That ought to help me while away the long nights without CM.

As to my opponents, fear not, your destruction will come before I make my leave.

As for people who hate me and want to challenge me (though I've never been challenged before - always the challenger, never the challenged) SOD OFF. I'll get you in the Pripet Marches. I'll drown you in the Volga. I will chase you over the Urals; or inversely, I will into, then out of Lithuania, I will circle you and bleed you dry in the ice-cracked city of Stalingrad. I will wait for you in St. Petersburg.

Also, I woulf like to formally lodge a complaint. Joe would you please step forward? Now bend over.

It is about "Initiation Scenarios." I think it is time this cruel and unsual punishment was put to an end. They are too horrible to play! Mostly because of scenario creator's inability to make fun and exciting scenarios, but also because they are heavily weighted (obscenely weighted to tell the truth) to give one or both players no chance of doing anything of worth, merit, or even interest.

In short they suck. In a recent game given to ME by either Berli or Mensch (who can tell the difference?) I was given the game with no units for either side except for about 20 big-gun spotters per side. That, my friends, is just stupid. I guess it was a big joke, ha ha, but I play this game for fun, not to see what imbecilic combinations I can come up wih.

So I would like to form a commission to study the positive effects of only supplying well-balanced and well-thought out scenarios. Jabos! of the world must go!

Not to mention the personal insult of giving ME a full-fledged kanigget (whether you like it or not so nyyyaaah) such tripe for a game. That is rude and uncalled for. Let's test the mettle of SSNs by giving them games where they have to show intelligence, wit, and panache to win, not just dogged determination. That is a quality too over-rated around here.

Now, SOD OFF!

[David Aitken]

Hooray! PL is finally buggering off! We knew he couldn't hack it forever. How long has he disgraced us with his presence, four months? Less?

[Panzer Leader]

It's been 7-8 months you GIT, and I didn't say I was leaving the primordial pool, just the game.

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

You know I was thinking. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mistake number 1.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

I don't want to be so burned out on shootin' Ami's that the luster of the game is lost on me, if you know what I mean. Therefore I have decided to pull in the reins on new games until CM2 is released.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sort of like forgoing sex for half a year in the vague hope of getting something better. Even then, since it will not likely be released as soon as expected, you'll just be sitting around begging for it. Oh, wait. You're probably used to that.

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

...that Barton Fink feel...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think we've all got that Barton Fink feeling.

As for the Cesspool tradition of "welcoming scenarios," they make SSNs feel just as wanted as we'd want them to. Or, as John Goodman put it in the above flick, "I'LL SHOW YOU THE LIFE OF THE MIND!"

Agua Perdido

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I didn't say I was leaving the primordial pool, just the game.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just to continue Mar Lo's convenient analogy, is that like using pornography instead? You are weak willed. Or you would be, if your idea had any mileage in it at all. I used to try and revive Bungie's Marathon by turning the display size down to 50%, low resolution, 8-bit colour, as used to be the most my 16MHz computer could cope with, playing it like that for an hour or two, and then turning everything back up to maximum. Very effective for a few minutes, but then you're back to normal.

My motto is, you can never have too much of a good thing. If you have to abstain for a while in order to revive your interest, either it's wrong, or you're doing it wrong. That's why I have nothing and do nothing, and CM and this forum are my next victims. Don't you wish you could be like me?

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Blah Blah Marathon

Don't you wish you could be like me?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I would play Marathon 2 as a break from Myth: The Fallen Lords. I now play Baldur's Gate II as a break from life. Am I playing life wrong? Perhaps. I do wish to be like you David insasmuch as I could use the search engine better.

[Joe Shaw]

Panzer Leader shows his true colours at last. Lorak, what did we try to tell you? Didn't we say that Panzer Leader wasn't ready for Knighthood yet? Now we have this travesty. I tell you lads, you may thank the Gods that I'll shortly be in charge of protecting the traditions of the CessPool from this kind of revisionism. Let's examine his specific statements: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I think it is time this cruel and unsual punishment was put to an end. They are too horrible to play!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Gee ... ya think? Jabo! was designed to be played against SSNs ... how is it POSSIBLE to have a punishment that would be TOO cruel or unusual for an SSN? Of COURSE they're horrible, they're meant to be and I'll explain why in a moment. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mostly because of scenario creator's inability to make fun and exciting scenarios, but also because they are heavily weighted (obscenely weighted to tell the truth) to give one or both players no chance of doing anything of worth, merit, or even interest.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It was NEVER the intent to create a FUN or EXCITING scenario. It was the intent to create a scenario that was SO heavily weighted that the SSN had NO CHANCE of winning! Why? Because of the second part of your statement. You see Panzer Leader, you have forgotten that the CessPool is NOT about winning or losing in CM, it's about WIT, HUMOR, ATTITUDE and TAUNTING! What better way to test an SSN than to put him in an impossible situation and SEE HOW HE DOES in the heat of combat? THAT'S how we determine if THEY are of worth, merit or even of interest. If an SSN finally tumbles to the fact that he's been had, how will he react? Will he sulk and pout or join in the spirit of the thing and post witty and worthy AARs? You see, you missed the point entirely. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>In a recent game given to ME by either Berli or Mensch (who can tell the difference?) I was given the game with no units for either side except for about 20 big-gun spotters per side. That, my friends, is just stupid. I guess it was a big joke, ha ha, but I play this game for fun, not to see what imbecilic combinations I can come up wih.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Awfully close to groggly there pal, must we have scenarios with proper and correct OOBs for you? Must we watch our "P's & Q's" about gamey behavior when we play you? Who's to say that something is imbecilic ... other than YOU that is. Arty Fest '45 is a prime example. While it is supremely ahistorical, it does present some interesting tactical challenges and it, at least, is superbly balanced.

Joe

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

It is about "Initiation Scenarios." I think it is time this cruel and unsual punishment was put to an end. They are too horrible to play! Mostly because of scenario creator's inability to make fun and exciting scenarios, but also because they are heavily weighted (obscenely weighted to tell the truth) to give one or both players no chance of doing anything of worth, merit, or even interest.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Put a end to cruel and unusual punishment? Are you insane? The whole point of this thread is cruel and unusual punishment. Now “Jabo!” might be slightly favored to one side, but it has its worth in seeing what an opponent will put up with. If they can take a joke, they might do well here. If they start whining “gamey, gamey, gamey” they absolutely have no place in the Pool.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Let's test the mettle of SSNs by giving them games where they have to show intelligence, wit, and panache to win, not just dogged determination. That is a quality too over-rated around here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Now you’ve gone too far PanzerLeader. If SSN’s had intelligence, wit, and panache, they wouldn’t be SSN’s, now would they? Dogged determination is the best we can hope for. Initiation Scenarios let the Pool ascertain whether a SSN has what it takes to complete a game. Or will they just throw up their little SSN hands, take their ball and go home when they are losing.

P. S. Send back a report on CivIII. CivII is one of the few games that is still on my hard drive.

{damn UBB, one little slash mark}

{edited again to say "dammit, Sire, you just beat me"}

[ 09-10-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

[ 09-10-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Who's to say that something is imbecilic ... other than YOU that is. Arty Fest '45 is a prime example. While it is supremely ahistorical, it does present some interesting tactical challenges and it, at least, is superbly balanced.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Speaking of Arty Fest '45, I think we need to begin working on a sequel -- Kraut Flambe'. Think of it as a sort of FT/BBQ conference.

Of course, that iwll be nothing compared to our first challenge scenario for CMBB. I am thinking of the title 'Chicken Kiev'. It has a nice ring to it.

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hiram wrote:

I now play Baldur's Gate II as a break from life. Am I playing life wrong?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My approach to life is to pick one or two things and do them properly. I intend to kill off CM, as the last computer game I play, because spending my free time immersing myself in an alternative world means that I don't have time to sort out my real-world affairs, and I end up lying awake at night trying to sort things out in my head which I should have done instead of playing games. I reckon that if I concentrate on the things that really matter, instead of trying to escape from them, they won't trouble me so much.

I like to think about the world of a hundred years ago, when people didn't have television or computers – they didn't have a means to escape into other worlds, so the majority of what they saw and thought about was part of their own world, and immediately appropriate to them. I feel the same way about books and photographs – I prefer not to read fiction, and I recently sold my super-expensive digital camera, because I'm not sure I care to concern myself with anything which is not part of the immediate world around me. If I want something, I'll look for it myself in the real world, I won't rely on someone else's world to fill the gap. That's the theory anyway.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I do wish to be like you David insasmuch as I could use the search engine better.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The key to the search engine is to know the thread you're looking for and the people in it. In other words, it doesn't work, but it still has its uses. Unfortunately, in the digital world, a non-functioning artefact cannot receive a new lease of life as a bludgeon, and equally it escapes the threat of being bludgeoned itself. I hate computers, really I do.

[Panzer Leader]

Does anyone else suddenly start to feel sad when David writes? Or is that just me...

Okay, I see your point, but couldn't these "Initiation Scenarios" at least be fun for the Squire or Knight who is hosting them?

I'm not being groggish, in fact I'm being the opposite, to wit: I want them to be FUN, at least for one side.

How fun can it be to sit down at he computer every night and "load game, type password, hit go, renumber turn, escape, email opponent, repeat." I want games that include thought-provocation, not blind following.

But then Joe I know you prefer the latter.

Anywho, that was an incidental rant, I merely wanted to say that I was going to "freshen up" before CM:BB came out. Judging by the stench around here of late, some of you couold use some freshening up too.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Okay, I see your point, but couldn't these "Initiation Scenarios" at least be

fun for the Squire or Knight who is hosting them?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I can't speak to whatever scenario you may be playing Panzer Leader, but as to Jabo! I can categorically state that it was great fun for me to watch the German column get blown to kingdom come. It was GREAT video.

CM features all too few of those glorious turns in which everything goes right and your opponent is literally shredded, and I see nothing wrong with providing the Knight or Squire a giggle or two in the process.

Now obviously they should be limited to anti-SSN use, although I clearly recall a scenario I built for Seanachai that had his lone HT surrounded by flames and under fire by ten ATGs ... on the first turn. Jabo! is limited to ten turns for the express purpose of not taxing the patience ... of either side.

Joe

[Panzer Leader]

I suppose I must then formally lodge a complaint with the scenario creator. It was called "Recon by Fire" and the winner of the match is whoever has the shortest delay. Foolish me, letting HIM send ME the set-up meant that I got the Germans, hence longer delay, hence losing. But at least I have 13 more turns to watch my routed spotters become "Alert!" and retarget before they route again! That's something.

No, Mensch or Berli this is neither a fun scenario nor a good "sock-it-to-em" scenario, since there is no way to win other than by chance or by memorizing all delay times from all the various spotters used in the game. And that is if I had BOTHERED to do the set-up myself!

Humph. What is the point of this scenario "Screw both players?" Well, good work then.

[Stuka]

Tch, Tch.

Kids these days eh?

Why, I remember back to my Knights challenge match with Croda. Now there was a trial by boredon if ever there was one.

50 turns, at night, in heavy fog, with green and conscript troops and 14" arty to boot.

Now like the little troopers we were, we hunkered down and soldiered on until the bitter end (I won of course) and then voila!, Kniggetthood was bestowed upon us and I can tell you, young whipper snapper, that those stripes were earned, earned I tell you.

None of this "I'm from a disadvantaged background and am unfairly represented at kniggett level therefore I deserve instant status and recognition" crap.

No Siree Bob, back in those days kids respected their elders, politicians were noble, prices were reasonable, gas was a nickel a gallon and for a buck-fifty, you could take yer favourite gal out fer the night to yer local speak easy and charlston the night away.

You kids don't know how good you got it... mutter....mutter...grizzle.

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

Oh yeah..Lawyer beat me too. Whatever.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ahhh, Elvis, don't be so shy. You know the Boyz want to know that I won a TACTICAL VICTORY and ended up with more troops than you while playing on DEFENSE. It was a small, but necessary step in eradicating the evil that you spread.

And let's not forget that I used your special "car sales manager" calculator to "rework the numbers" on our first match where the AI handed you a win. While at first glance it seemed that I had lost, we were able to work around the numbers yesterday, and successfully put me in the driver's seat of a should-have-been victory. As I drive off with my two victories over you, I can only offer you the thanks you deserve for making me a happy customer, which I know is your goal.

Victories! Elvis would GIVE them away if the owner would let him.

[ 09-10-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

A certain Sir Mace I beleive. (Being one of the landed gentry, I've never associated with those middle class types, but I beleive that to be his name)

As a blue-blood of the Cesspool, it is beneath my station to even attempt to describe the goings on in this chap's backyard if indeed words were available to describe the 'practices' being performed there.

...in order to drown out the bleatings and whipping noises but in vain. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

While I have always shied away from the concept of Mace's, er...'orientation', I have to admit a point of curiousity here:

How does he get the sheep to whip him?

The whole thing's very distasteful, to be sure, but I just can't imagine the complexity of the training program to achieve that.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The whole thing's very distasteful, to be sure, but I just can't imagine the

complexity of the training program to achieve that.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Oh I don't know, Seanachai, can you think of any sentient creature that WOULDN'T jump at the chance to whip Mace? I would imagine that sheep IN PARTICULAR would be lining up for the opportunity.

Joe

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Oh I don't know, Seanachai, can you think of any sentient creature that WOULDN'T jump at the chance to whip Mace? I would imagine that sheep IN PARTICULAR would be lining up for the opportunity.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Agreed, but they've no hands, Joe! I mean, what, are they holding it in their mouths? The whip, that is.

[von shrad]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Originally posted by Elvis:

Shame and defeat were handed to me twice yesterday first van scraps St.Louis Rams stole an overtime heartbreaker against my Philadelphia Eagles. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks to Bruce for that most excellent catch and the way he held onto the ball. The Eagles are my second favorite team and I must say it was hard to watch. It was like watching your wife get into a fight with your girlfriend. You're not really sure who to root for.

'No, no honey. It's a metaphor'.

von shrad (Rams fan First)

[ 09-10-2001: Message edited by: von shrad ]

[Stuka]

There are some mighty tough sheep down our way.

The term 'Ubersheep' springs to mind.

"Spare the rod and spoil the Mace" is their motto.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Agreed, but they've no hands, Joe! I mean, what, are they holding it in their mouths? The whip, that is.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Since BTS (should BTS be bolded do you think? I think so ...) BTS hasn't modelled the sheep or the whip (slackers that they are) I don't know that we can get a definitive answer (as ALL definitive answers are determined by BTS). As a long time flyfisher I can tell you that a small movement at the user end of the whip will translate to a large movement at the whipee end of the whip. It's one of those "it's all in the wrist" kind of things. Since sheep have a kind of a wrist (four of them actually) perhaps that's the answer. In any case, I suspect that "Where there's a will there's a way" comes into play at some point.

Joe

[von shrad]

I hear sheep mensturate every 28 day's. Mace and Stuka, is that true?

von shrad, Goanna'a Ewe