The Master, Margarita and the Peng Challenge thread

[von shrad]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Originally posted by Joe Shaw : *imagine an act involving a quantity of nasal discharge and a forearm. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You have insulted all sisters both real and imagined. That statement can only bring me to give my disapproving nod of approval.

BTW, Folkhippie , the age of the pseudo-wine's purchaser has no bearing on proper behavior. It is more the age of the young lass whom you are trying to intoxicate past good sense and beliefs that holds the detail.

'Officer, I swear, she drank like an 18 y.o.'

vonshrad

BTW, there has to be something wrong with my Spellchecker. Folkhippie didn't even show up as a word. It must be broke or somefink.

[Seanachai]

Well, of all the bloody gall!

From another much lesser thread:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

I agree with BTS's general gag order. BUT.... The Peng tread is due for a renewal soon. Who ever said it has to be the not-so-serious BS venting tread every time ?

The names of the tread have always been a joke but if it was named something like "A Peng challenge that changed the world" and there was a silent agreement that this time we dispence with the bull and stick to more serious matters while keeping it unlocked by being polite for a change perhaps BTS will let it live.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So one of the bloody Finn's wishes to move in here with his friends, push everyone else aside, and conduct some sort of Round Table discussion. And without bothering to even consult the denizens. Doubtless he'll expect members of the Thread to fetch him drinks and sharpen his bleeding pencils for him, too!

I can't understand how Tero's diplomatic service allowed him to escape serving as an ambassador. He has such finesse.

Well I say when the buggers shove in here with lofty minded topics and high-handedly begin having security officers round up the locals for relocation to some holding facility, we have a slash right on his pantsleg.

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

So one of the bloody Finn's ... we have a pee right on his pantsleg.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You idjit. There shouldn't be an apostrophe in "Finns".

Otherwise I think you've got the right idea.

[Speedy]

AAhhhhh, it's nice to be able to wallow in the stench again.

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I can't understand how Tero's diplomatic service allowed him to escape serving as an ambassador. He has such finesse.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Because they need him at the überFinn school, where he teaches all the Finnish MG's to run; then tutors single soldiers to take out T-34's using only a can opener, a sock, and some baling wire; and finally demonstrates how the überFinns use the Vulcan mind-meld technique to link their individual psyches and overcome any residual fear of the enemy.

For his next assignment, I suppose he will write an essay titled "The Finnish Soldier and You: Why We are Winners, and Why All the Rest of You Suck."

[edited because it simply wasn't über enough]

[ 09-15-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Yes, it's based on the Sturmkompanie vs. 100 Bazookas thread.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Anyone care to make themselves useful for a change and provide a link to that thread? Maybe Aitken could do a search? (since he seems to have VIP access to the engine).

Game news in brief:

Lars is suffering one of the greatest routs in history. The only difficult decisions are who to stomp on next. MrSpkr's intel, of course, has had nothing to do with the sudden boldness with which I am advancing my armor.

Panzer Leader's forces are lined up like bowling pins, his AT capabilities are eliminated, and I've got fire missions of 155s targetted and falling. Victory imminent.

[MrPeng]

On the ElfGit Lorak's return whence he has gone, let it be known that the AofP has once again spanked Elvis and called him "Sally"

It all happened in the snow at night in the Netherlands {Buahaus, feel free to explore someone else'snether regions, if you don't mind (immaculate thingy! harumph)}

We think it was a thing "designed" by The Old Firm in which combatants had to oust other combatants from particular areas on the map with only fire arms, armored vehicles and artillery at their disposal for such purpose. During the thing there we some rather loverly 'splosions and stuff and plenty of running away by The King's men (sissies more like, and no, not the uber Finn Sisi types - these were Canadian wussy sissies).

But enough about you, let's talk about me....

Me 63

Him 24

Axis Major Victory for the Splendiferous Army of PENG

Piss off

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:

Lars is suffering one of the greatest routs in history. The only difficult decisions are who to stomp on next. MrSpkr's intel, of course, has had nothing to do with the sudden boldness with which I am advancing my armor.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Wouldn't matter, unless you are one of those idiots who normally doesn't advance infantry with your armor. The scenario is lopsided in favor of the Canucks, and needs some fine tuning (two, maybe three 'shrecks would make life interesting for the Canuck 'cans).

[Mark IV]

Welcome back, you insufferable puddle-sniffers. I though I would have to ease back into hating you all, but it's really like riding a bicycle. Lord, how you suck.

I was on the road the last couple days and one or two of you (Shaw?) may have suffered turn-wise, due to shuttling files between the laptop and the big rig. Not as much as those who got their turns, I can assure you. Normal operations will now be resumed, to the detriment of all.

Soon the Great Trek to the southland begins. I will be moving in a couple weeks (fortnight, to you metrics), and there will further disruptions of normal service. Rest assured, you will all be in my spleen and colon.

No wonder I'm crabby.

Now excuse me, while I go to congratulate tero on his suggestion.

[Lawyer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Welcome back, you insufferable puddle-sniffers. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, I think you meant poodle-sniffers in the cases of Mace and Joe Shaw.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Actually, I think you meant poodle-sniffers in the cases of Mace and Joe

Shaw.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Poodle SKIRT sniffer YES, as to poodles ... I suspect that for Mace if it LOOKS like a sheep and SOUNDS like a sheep and ACTS like sheep ... one out of three is close enough.

Joe

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mark I Mother wrote:

(fortnight, to you metrics)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Britain uses the imperial system, you twit. I'm not sure what you think fortnight has to do with the metric system. It derives from a good old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon word meaning, surprisingly enough, fourteen nights.

Oh, and since when did you measure the size of time anyway?

[Hakko Ichiu]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Oh, and since when did you measure the size of time anyway?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Whassamadda? You never heard of "Big Time Software?" How about "small-time graphic artist?"

On another matter entirely, I think the next incarnation of the MBT should be entitled, "I invaded ÜberFinlandia with 24 Motorized Rifle Divisions, and all I got was the Peng Challenge Thread (and a bad case of crabs)."

If you don't like it, bite me™.

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Egglayer wrote:

Anyone care to make themselves useful for a change and provide a link to that thread? Maybe Aitken could do a search? (since he seems to have VIP access to the engine).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I can find threads if I already know where they are. I don't know where this one is, and I wouldn't tell you even if I did, because I've resigned.

You can, however, approximate the thread by placing an infinite number of newbies in a room with an infinite number of CM map editors and asking them to test the effectiveness of AT weapons against infantry.

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hachoo Ikio wrote:

You never heard of "Big Time Software?"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Good point.

[**YK2**]

"Home Sweet Home"

I actually missed you guys, nice to Know you are all well.

Ohhh you too David

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

because I've resigned.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Then why are you still around? Is the MBT the real life™ that you were planning to pay more attention to?

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

. . . asking them to test the effectiveness of AT weapons against infantry.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I thought I had already demonstrated that by routing one of your platoons with my Finnish Panzerschrecks (fifteen times the effectiveness of a Heer Panzerschreck at only half the cost) in our last PBEM.

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>YK2 wrote:

I actually missed you guys, nice to Know you are all well.

Ohhh you too David <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Does that mean I'm not a guy?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>KRS-L wrote:

Then why are you still around?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, sorry I haven't gone yet. Give it a week or so.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>MrSpnky wrote:

I thought I had already demonstrated that by routing one of your platoons with my Finnish Panzerschrecks (fifteen times the effectiveness of a Heer Panzerschreck at only half the cost) in our last PBEM.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Correction, that was fifteen Panzerschrecks, free with every purchase of a battalion of Fallschirmjäger. While stocks last (or until the Rheinland is captured)!

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I suspect that for Mace if it LOOKS like a sheep and SOUNDS like a sheep and ACTS like sheep ... one out of three is close enough.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Tha's not correct, my practices are carried out in accordance to international standard ISO-8992888-BaaaaaAAaa.

Mace

[CMplayer]

Exclusive screenshot from my match with Panzo. Pls note...he chose to defend against my Amis on very mountainous terrain, as you can see in the image. Also, a portable victory flag is visible to the left.

[chrisl]

LOL.

I tried to get into miniatures when I was 15 or so, and bought a set of rules "Brew Up!" and some small scale guys (smaller than he ones in your picture-- I had some of those, too though). Somehow the miniatures were never as fun as Squad Leader-- too much detail, I think. But it was fun to set them all up and set up little match rocket launchers (a single paper match launched from a bent paper clip) to try to knock them down.

I also once ordered the "100 plastic soldiers for $1" from the back of a comic book when I was about 5, but they really sucked. They were flat, and made from really brittle plastic, and the scale was all goofy-- it included battleships that were smaller than the troops. Sea Monkeys are way better, and I didn't get those til I was 26 or so, but you really have to spring for the deluxe set with the history of Sea Monkeys book.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Sea Monkeys are way better, and I didn't get those til I was 26 or so, but you really have to spring for the deluxe set with the history of Sea Monkeys book.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yeah but for YOU that's family history isn't it? This post just about gagged me, from it's sappy "LOL" beginning to its outerboardish "here's how I started wargaming and I just know you'll all be thrilled to know chapter and verse" ending.

It's a DAMNED good thing for you Chrisl, that I haven't been confirmed as Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread or I might have Lars firing up the charcoal braziers for a little Q&A with you. But I've got you on my list pal.

Joe

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chrisl:

LOL.

I tried to get into miniatures when I was 15 or so, and bought a set of rules "Brew Up!" and some small scale guys (smaller than he ones in your picture-- I had some of those, too though). Somehow the miniatures were never as fun as Squad Leader-- too much detail, I think. But it was fun to set them all up and set up little match rocket launchers (a single paper match launched from a bent paper clip) to try to knock them down.

I also once ordered the "100 plastic soldiers for $1" from the back of a comic book when I was about 5, but they really sucked. They were flat, and made from really brittle plastic, and the scale was all goofy-- it included battleships that were smaller than the troops. Sea Monkeys are way better, and I didn't get those til I was 26 or so, but you really have to spring for the deluxe set with the history of Sea Monkeys book.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah, this post affords me the very opportunity that I have, for some time, desired.

A number of weeks, and several incarnations of the One, True, and Apostolic Thread (soon to be condemned under emminent domain and razed, and a Finnish Coffee Shop and Debating Society erected on the location - watch for coupons appearing in the General Forum for a free Latte with your first restrained and non-BS post) ago, the insufferable Peng and I began a new combat.

It was our first in some time, and, despite the fact that as Old Ones we were often forced to work together for the good of the aforesaid Thread of Destiny, we meant it to be the vehicle whereby our complete and utter loathing for each other, and our insulting and belittlement of each other, could reach new heights. It was to be a return to what made the Peng Challenge Thread great: that is, many, many posts from Peng and myself, filled with taunting and general sniping from the wings by Berli, as well as general idiocy by the rest of you.

To this end, Peng chose a scenario by Chrisl, noted comic book PO box afficiando quoted above.

At first, the scenario seemed relatively straight forward: an allied assault across two defended bridges. However the developer's notes, which were somewhat rambling and incoherent, and read like a story idea rejected by Harlan Ellison as 'too limp', hinted that all might not quite be right with young Chrisl.

From the very opening of the game, there were signs that Chrisl had, in fact, crossed over some line into a distant country called Madness. Within a few turns, Peng had emailed me asking why, as he was playing the Germans, and I was playing the Brits, the VLs under my control were American flags? Said it 'gave him the willies', and I had to agree.

But we soldiered on, and punishment was handed out on both sides. And then the reinforcements began to arrive. Their locations were, to say the least, confusing to both sides. And it deteriorated from there. In what soon became known between us as the 'The Chrisl Double Helix Deployment of Idiocy', nearly every other turn or so has seen the arrival of units in a spiraling pattern of stupidity that, if plotted and statistically analyzed, probably gives a good picture of what parts of Chrisl's brain are still functioning. Peng has already stated that Chrisl deserves a hard rogering with a road kill porcupine for this scenario, and I have risen from my chair and applauded the idea with enthusiasm.

In short, then, the bile and imaginative insults that Peng and I had hoped to post here, in the Thread, against each other, have been siphoned off into our emails, and concern themselves completely with the personal, professional, and genetic failings of Chrisl.

The scenario continues, although we're both in agreement that, since the hope of conducting any sort of coherent deployment and executing rational battle plans is pointless in this 'joy-buzzer/bucket of whitewash over the door' scenario, we are mostly just trying to move around and kill things, with no thought for unit preservation or victory conditions.

Besides the spastic placement of arriving reinforcements, we are now beginning to see the arrival of odd units, as well. In my last 'honking novelty horn' arrival, I got a phalanx of Kangaroos. Duck Billed Platypuses cannot be far behind. This scenario and the whoopy cushion mentality that gave birth to it are the single greatest argument in favour of BTS's decision to not allow individuals to actually Mod the characteristics and nature of units. Had they left Chrisl that opening, I'm sure that Peng and I would both be ripping and gouging at each other with a unit lineup right out of "The Yellow Submarine".

So, Chrisl, on behalf of myself and the equally degraded Peng, who I'm sure will show up here shortly to let you know his own feelings on the matter, let me just say that you, sir, are a toad. You are an argument in favour of the enforced medication of the criminally annoying, and that you've earned a good soaking with a bucket of warm poodle urine. Tonight I am writing the Governor of California (that State does have some form of government, doesn't it, all evidence of planning and foresightedness to the contrary?) to recommend that a good first step in dealing with their economic and utility woes would be moving you into a trailer in Battle Mountain, Nevada. Because of the past esteem I've held you in as an opponent, until the current abomination wiped out most of the that esteem, I will insist that the trailer be a Double Wide.

This relocation will not only give you time to contemplate what might actually make for a 'good' scenario, but will put you into touch with the lifestyles of Joe Shaw, Leeo, and those others of our membership who live in the less civilized portions of our country. I would include Mr. Spkr, but, although he is from Texas (or Baja Oklahoma, as it is called here in the North Country), he is also some sort of 'lawyer wannabe', which means that through his efforts he has probably taken trailer homes away from enough of the hoipolloi through permitted professional scavenging to earn himself a tract home in some dusty 'gated community' where he and his long-suffering wife endure exposure to golf, tupperware, and the 'Texas accent' (a punishment so egregious that it is said that even Berli has turned away with a shudder), all without knowing that what they consider 'normal life' would be considered a fore-taste of hell by anyone of more intellectual discernment.

Well, a little of the just dismissal of Chrisl spilled over onto some of you others, but that, I say, is all too the good, and no more than what you deserve.

[ 09-15-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I really liked your scenario, it gave Peng and I a chance to exchange a number of very entertaining e-mails. Peng liked it so much he's driving cross country now to pummel you with a dead mackerel. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah, but how did you feel about the balance? And who won?