Peng just challenged my newborn son andwill still lose

[BFCElvis]

You guys know te routine and I'm too tied to type it

[KnockOnWood]

What is this nonsense? Shame on you!

[KnockOnWood]

By the way...congrats!

[David Aitken]

Hmmm, let's see...

You are not welcome to the latest incarnation of the infamous Peng Challenge Thread.

This is an ancient CM tradition which has been taking place since the dawn of time... or about 10 months or so, depending on whom you interrogate at gunpoint. There are no rules, and these include:

f) Challenge someone to a game.

61) Not just anybody, pick someone and address them personally.

A) Be humourous, or humorous if you're a bloody Yank.

x) Don't be too polite, but we don't appreciate potty-mouths, or all-round morons called Panzer Leader.

4.4) Expect to be treated like Panzer Leader until some time after the release of CM 69: Beyond Adolf's Wildest Fantasies.

g3) Get lost and don't come back.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[Madmatt]

I will overlook the mistake in the thread title and Christen this one:

NEW TEMPORARY HOME OF CESS....

[Panzer Leader]

Who cares, its doomed to failure...

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[**YK2**]

In the words of the one and only Seanacoochiecoo.......

Ah, well, and yet another incarnation of the eternal Peng Challenge Thread. Many ages ago, when many of the current posters were still wee tykes bashing Grogs over the head for space in which to post mind numbingly odd threads obsessively concerned with equipment/unit behaviour, and what it all meant to them personally, I began a simple thread to challenge Mr. Peng to a PBEM. We were both younger, then, and our strength was green. As with any epic battle between idjits, or as with any battle between epic idjits, it quickly drew an interested crowd of laughing and drooling halfwits, most of whom stayed on to become the mighty force that is the Peng Challenge Thread. Over time, others joined, and, well, the rest is a rather sordid history.

Now, in these modern days of well-managed and regulated threads, the Peng Challenge Thread must undergo frequent new beginnings. And someone has to start them anew. Now, like driving after leaving a bar, this is not a job that should be given to the person who actually wants it. Anyone who actually wants to start up the Thread, just like anyone who says they want to drive everyone else home, is obviously incapable and most likely poses a danger to themselves and everyone else around them. This principle also applies to politics, where any man who wants to hold high political office is most likely a power hungry lunatic who shouldn't be trusted to lug buckets of offal to feed zoo animals. Any well run polity would find some poor sod standing in a field somewhere admiring the stars, ask him if he wanted to be the Supreme Leader, and when he emphatically stated no, force him to take the job.

In this way, the Peng Challenge Thread would be best served by forcing someone who wants absolutely nothing to do with it to start it each time. There are difficulties with this, of course, so what normally happens is that I restart it. Why? Because of tradition. Here in the Peng Challenge Thread, we are all about our traditions, many of which are being created even as you read this.

Now, many will notice that the Peng Challenge Thread is getting...well, shallower. Now, by that I don't mean less intellectual (clearly an impossibility), but less damp, muddy, and fetid. The truth is, so much posting has gone on that we have basically filled in the cesspool. These days, the Thread is more like a recently reclaimed wetlands area. By the end of the year, we will probably be posting on a range of low lying hills.

That said, go about the business of taunting, boasting, saber-rattling, and PBEMing, as well as general madness and erudite posting for which this Thread is so rightly known. Oh, and for the occassional jolly sing-song. Mustn't forget the sing-songs, as they are the best part. Have fun, lads and lassies, and remember, Peng, Berli, and I will be waiting for you.

------------------

Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties,

Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices!

But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli,

All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother!

We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more,

We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues .

So...... Sod off PL, THIS IS NOT THE END...

[Panzer Leader]

Freaking misspellings, lack of instruction, this is a real gem. As though we don't look bad enough as it is. Ah oh well, ya gots ta take whats ya gets.

Now, as for Mrspkr's brutal and damning post (geez what a meanie -- lighten up! Take some Prozac, something) , uh, sure boyo, I'll send the set-up tonight. By the way, even if the game ends it is TRADITIONAL to let the other participant, be they the winner or the loser, see the final score. That's why the damn games asks you to save it, ya GIT!

[David Aitken]

In the words of the fine Mr. Thom Yorke:

Come on

Come on

You think you'll

Drive me crazy, well

Come on

Come on

You and whose

Army?

You and your

Cronies

Come on, come on

Call your Roman Empire

Come on if you think

Come on if you think

You can take us on

You can take us on

[PawBroon]

Where's your Fighting Spirit?

Squirey?

Huuh?

Ok your post was lame.

But then again it's your trademark...

I mean, if you're to be such a pain in the arse that the Elders had come to call you the Serial Proctologist in our private circles, you might as well be a little more incisive...

[MrPeng]

Wankers

{for mr elvis who needs all the help he can get}

edited for brevity

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: MrPeng ]

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Ah oh well, ya gots ta take whats ya gets.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

How . . . perfectly ironic coming from you.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now, as for Mrspkr's brutal and damning post (geez what a meanie -- lighten up! Take some Prozac, something)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmm. Let's see. "Geez what a meanie."

Hmm. That would only be the EPITOME of the kind of namby-pamby, touchy-feely, kindler-gentler garbage you tend to spew. What part of SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR are you having problems understanding? Meanie? Sheesh. You sniff your hand after you wipe, you disgusting bag of waste from an airliner's lavatory.

You've posted TWICE already (some, no many, no ALL would say that is two times too many) in this thread and have yet to <UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>(1) taunt; <LI>(47) challenge; <LI>(q.) be humorous (humourous if you are from the land of fuzzy teeth).

Instead, your posts sound like some first grade school-girl upset that someone cut in line ("You meanie!" Sheesh. I just can't get over how utterly INANE that sounds.)

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

I am not mono obsessional.

I do feel that my constant bickering at PeeWee makes me more of an Alpha male and that such posturing is indeed all I need to climb in our little Ladder of Whatnots...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why don't you try to bully someone else for a change?

Senility, if you're to Squire a dog, at least put him on leash...

[jdmorse]

As the New Dad Elvis is going to need all the help he can get. The fact that he's gone all proxy and idjit is well, for those of us who have been there, quite understandable. Thanks to Emma for wiping the corners of his mouth, it's part of being a new father. "course like CM life is never the same, kiss it all good-bye.

Of passing interest is that we could create a Mutha Beautiful Thread just out of instructional posts from past theads.....and ya know, those SSn's will still bollix it.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

In the words of the fine Mr. Thom Yorke:

Come on

Come on

You think you'll

Drive me crazy, well

Come on

Come on

You and whose

Army?

...etc

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Reminds me of that great 80's jingle:

Come on, come on, come on

And have a

Pepsi day!

Is that what you meant?

And hey panties!

See, what you need to realize is that you are giving the impression that you are a loud little ankle-biting dog. Most folks like dogs just fine, but even the most fervent dog-lover (Bauhaus!!) tends to think poorly of the little yappy dog types. And most especially, if you're used to sitting around with bigger, slightly quieter dogs that don't twist between your ankles and trip you up, or aren't constantly begging for biscuits, when you find yourself in a room with such a dog, you tend to want to ignore it.

Not everything I type is worthy of the "add reply" button. Sometimes I bark just to bark, or keep the Pool on page one out of pride and tradition. But plenty of times I smack the keyboard for a few minutes, then lean back and just delete it all, because it's just noise for the sake of noise. Think about that.

AND FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER FESTERING BASKET CASE OF A DEITY THAT ALLOWS YOU TO WORSHIP IT, HURRY UP AND BEAT SOME OTHER SSN SO I CAN GET IN LINE TO CRUSH YOUR CM FORCES INTO A COURSE POWDER WHICH I WILL POUR INTO YOUR OPEN EYES!!!!!

[Panzer Leader]

As much as I respect my sponsor's attempt to help his poor squire, perhaps his time would be better spent returning the turn that his squire sent him a week ago?

And as for Mrspkr I do believe I am actually beginning to despise you. At first it was a passing feeling of disgust whenever I saw the long-winded, high-pitched, screeching posts you made (and you Mrspkr can actually maked the TYPED WORD screech) I was disgusted but is passed, leaving little but a mettalic taste in my mouth. Now, however, it seems that your flagellations are becoming all the more frequent, and how should I say this? - embarrassing to watch.

If I am like the kid who plays ball with his big brother, then you are like the kid who always wants to be hall monitor. You are small minded and delight in finding fault in others. Little do you know (due to your small-mindedness most likely) that the faults you find are faults in yourself. It is sick and sad to watch, and now, instead f disgust, I cringe whenever I see your name topping a post. I cringe in embarrassment of how I would feel if I typed the drivel you can spew so freely.

My god man, a person once told me, while swimming in the cess, to use the following formula: Read, think, read again, think some more, and finally post, or don't post, better still. He also added "Have a drink" after one of them, but I can't remember which, so I take a drink after each.

So please, for all our sakes, maintain your dignity! Take the file I send you tonight, plot your little movements, target your little weapons, send it back, and SOD OFF!

[ntg84]

Can I kick someones "arse"

[Panzer Leader]

Hey Mrspkr! Nightgownsize84 seems right up your alley!

[Lorak]

First and most important.

Congrats Elvis! Hope you have lots of beer handy....you'll need it.

Now.

Damn it is sure nice to be back home. What a miserable hell filled two weeks I have spent. It got so bad a couple of times that I knew I'd see Berli driving my cab back to my room.

I have told you all, many, many times. Just how big of an idiot I am. Well.. Let me prove it again.

Knowing that I would be out of town for a couple of weeks. I went out and bought a laptop before I left. Loaded up CM, downloaded the patch, and spent several hours grabbing all the mods and getting things purrfect. Next morning the van shows up, I throw in my luggage and off I go, thinking about a nice working vacation in florida.

Sadly... I am an Idiot. A loser. A complete and utter moron. Yes I go to check my luggage and notice that I left all my carry on baggage...on the kitchen table at home.

So I have been in an internetless hell for the last two weeks. Sigh...Is it any wonder that I truly loath myself?

Now to business. I owe everyone turns. I am going to start by just sending the last turns I have back out to everyone. You guys should have them this evening or first thing tomarrow.

For the tomb updates, would it be possible for you guys to just mail me your game updates? Or at least Just post a message here with them included?

I will go back and catch up on all the cess I have missed, but God knows we post a hell of alot over two weeks time.

Lorak the loathed

[Moriarty]

First, to business:

X. Leeo, the Great Baldness does not need a black cloak and scythe. He already has a wheelbarrow and holocaust cloak (yes, his middle name is Fezzik).

ii. Elvis -- well done. Maybe your son will be able to beat me at CM. Glad to hear all are well. Give my best to the missus.

Now to the real work at hand:

4.3-8. OldGummyStinkyFingers you gaseous pseudoScot. You, sir, are the remains of 4-month-old haggis left in a dank, dark 87.2-degree place of ill repute. You stomp about in the cess creating waves as you trumpet your vile and debased victories over the Scum-Sucking Newbies. Where is the challenge in that? Where is the courage? The Chivalry? Where is the tilting at windmills? Where is my hat? (oops, off track). Where is your tactical prowess? In the sewer? Nay, that is where you live and from whence you came. I borrow liberally from Peng when I say to you, Bah! Gah! Feh! You, have been hiding in fear since the battle eons ago over the length of your freaking nick. Well, the time has come, boy-o, to meet on the battlefield. The time has come to grind the pixelated, addlepated, lupin-eating swine you call soldiers into such a wallowing pool of goo that you won't know their dangly bits from their eyeballs. The time has come to decimate, desecrate and discombobulate your armored retreating vehicles so that there is nothing left but crunchy little bits as my valiant forces walk over them. Your time has come, sir. Now, stand and deliver!

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[ntg84]

Whos the toughest bastard I could battle?

[Moriarty]

Well, somebody left the door open. Step right on in Nutbag84.

Usually, we post the cesspool rules in the first message but Elvis was all tuckered out after his wife did all the work of presenting him a son.

So, without further ado, here's the short form of the rules if you're looking for a game.

Disclaimer: Do not expect us to welcome you or be nice. There is a certain protocol. Also, we have our own numbering system, which you'll get used to if you last that long.

z4. Pick out one git from the pool (not the pool at large) or the earless ratfaced boy (don't fret, several answer to that description).

xxxiii. Taunt them with style and verve, alliterate and prevaricate ... LIE. If you're thin of skin, this ain't for you.

#9. In short, Sound off like ya have a pair! Nasty, mean, vile is good as long as it's done well. This thread is about gaming .. CM to be specific ... and taunting. It's also about having fun.

J~7. Do not expect games with the senile old ones, rather focus on someother scum sucking newbie, for the entertainment of us all.

2) Hang around for a while, get the feel of the place, avoid disinfectant. If this is your gig, and you are willing to mortgage your immortal soul, well, line forms to the right.

34A.7) It's a game and we like it here so that being said, get lost.

For further information please contact our Solicitors at the Old Firm. Or just cut to the chase and sell your soul to Berli.

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Mildly amusing drivel omitted for brevity.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My word, pansies. I'm actually slightly impressed. You DO have a backbone. Not very large, not very developed, but a backbone nevertheless.

I look forward to crushing you under my boot, you formerly invertebrate git.

Oh yes, that other thing.

Notgettinganysince1984 -

Read the fourth post. Repeat one hundred times until your feeble little brain can comprehend the terms "SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR and PICK AN INDIVIDUAL. Until then, sod off.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lorak spewed:

I am an Idiot. A loser. A complete and utter moron.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

'Nuff said.

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr or some other useless crouton:

Or, to butcher a Young Ones quote, "You're a com-plete bastard and we all hate you."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It's "You're a complete and utter bastard and we all hate you."

Get it straight or I'll tell Alexei Sayle that you ordered the taxi.

Lorak, I played Moriarty. You can figure out the rest. However, I still claim that if he only could get some timing into his play he would open a serious can of whoop-ass on most of y'all.