The_Capt Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 OK in an attempt to provide something with a little more substance to this fine Forum, I have decided to begin a weekly (or at least until I get banned/bored) "view from here" and running commentary on the life affirming event..known as Combat Mission. I will start by "not apologizing" for spelling errors or politically incorrect views and to paraphrase everything I say as "My Opinion". Take it or leave it. Now onto the first issue: I have had the opportunity to read and be a part of this fine community for about 4 months now. I have laughed and cried with the regular members and participated in threads, both intellectual and low-brow. In that time, the character of the CM players has become more and more clear. I will attempt to provide a mirror of self reflection to help you, know yourself, and in the future to at least know to whom you are talking. I hope this will possibly prevent any conflict or strife by "empowering", everyone of us, with an insight into what makes the other guy (or girl..both of you) tick. Now in CM I have noticed three distinct types: The Grogs The Goons The Freaks Each type has a place in this hallowed place. And thru the miracle of the Internet the three types of people can enjoy each others company even though in nature they would be regularly avoiding each other. Yes here at the Forum, the lion has laid down with the lamb, the mongoose and the snake sip sherry and discuss Wayne Newton and all creatures great and small enjoy this small piece of heaven. In real life most of these types wouldn't "cross the street to piss on the other guy if his guts were on fire" but here we can all join hands and bond. Now let's start with those who got here first and will be the last to leave. When CM is a pleasant memory for the rest, these people will still be here furiously devoted to the game. The Grogs. Short for Grognards, these are the people who know more about the weapons, vehicles, doctrine, tactics and hairstyles than the actual people who fought the damn war in the first place. Now many might think them a bunch of "necks-like-buggy whips", elitist, arrogant, long winded bastards BUT do not be so hasty. Wher would we be without them. They are the intellicia (or whatever that big word is I am sure one will tell me) of this place. Without them who would know that the Panther turret speed is with the engine running at 1200 rpm. Who could keep us abreast of 1940s era ammo technology and its application to the Normandy campaign, especially when one has to take humidity into account. Lastly, who could tell us how many times Hitler scratched his ass before saying, "Ya what the hell, I think we can take Moscow". We would be woefully uninformed of these details without the Grogs. We are also fortunate enough that they are always there to remind us of that fact. Now the second group is no less dedicated but definitely more challenged. The Goons. This group is made up of a large collection of 30-somethings who loved games as a kid, grew up, had sex and liked it, got real life experience and a life. And now are desperately trying to forget the whole thing and "grow down" again. This group seeks the bliss of pure fun in order to be able to forget; the mortgage, the kids, the wife, erectile dysfunction and emotional baldness. They are married, cause at twenty it seemed like a good idea. Mainly because she let them touch her "naughty bits" but the appeal and frequency of those "bits" seeing daylight has grown less and less with each New Year. So now they play CM. The Goons naturally resent the Grogs, as they would love to immerse themselves into the game but unfortunately have the responsibility and pain of the Great Burden to endure, until mercifully they can die young and finally get some sleep. I believe that if the Grogs are the Brain than the Goons are the Backbone. They have the money and desire and should be milked for both. Now the last group, the Freaks. Remind us that nothing truly good can come for free. They are the heart disease that comes with good food, the Clap with...well you get the idea. The Freaks are counter-culture. They are the first to get a thread locked down and the last to admit it. I of course support their presence, they give the Forum spice. Without them who would we have to flame and not feel guilty. Now you may be confused as you read this. "But Capt, who am I? Where do I fit in?" Well my friend, I have created a simple questionaire to aid you on the road to self discovery. Now answer honestly: Question 1. When a member of the forum complains that his wife/girlfriend (or vice gender versa for the two ladies) is constantly getting in the way of gameplay and is threatening to take it away, you... a. Wife? Girlfriend? Is that like a mother. b. I hear you brother! My ol' lady's been barkin at me for the last week. c. BITCH SLAP HER WITH A HAMMER UNTIL SHE SQUEALS LIKE A KANSAS POTBELLY AND GIVES BACK THE FREAKIN GAME..YA WHIMP! Question 2. You would characterize the Artillery in CM as.. a. A fairly accurate characterization of indirect fire capability of the forces engaged in WWII Normandy...but you have noticed... b. Pretty cool and fun to use but those 81mm can't do dick. c. THEY SUCK, CAUSE THEY GOT NO FREAKIN NAPALM. JUST LIKE IN NAM...! Question 3. You would describe you CM addiction as.. a. A healthy education in the tactical intricacies of WWII western Front. b. "THIS GAME IS RUINING MY LIFE!" I forgot my sons name this morning..so I re-named him Hummel..it's just easier that way. Crap! I am dreaming about this game now!!! c. WHAT ADDICTION!? THIS GAME SUX AND SO DO YOU AHAHAHAHAH!!?? Question 4. When a OT thread asks how many push ups you can do you respond.. A. (Ignoring the "pain of gain" the typing of the response is giving those twigs you call arms) Well what a foolish question..must have been posted by a "jock". I will have to bereate him on the irrelavence and challenge him to a QB to sort out who the "man"is here. B. Fifty (a lie, you could do fifty, 10 years ago but now would be lucky to pump out 30 and you don't anyway cause the "snaping" sound your elbow makes just freaks the cats out anyway) C. ONLY AS MANY AS I NEED TO GET OFF BABY!!!WOOOO-HOOOO!!!! Question 5. While playing CM you decide to have a drink, you pour a... a. Fine Scotch, just like they did before taking Caen. Then a decent port as I salute my defeated opponent in the tradition of the Klingon...er Prussian Officer Code. b. A rum and coke with no ice cause apperantly "I forgot to fill the damn tray again...s'pose to be her job mumblegrumble". Than a beer cause it at least is cold. And then another beer cause this nerd is just about finished beating me and the wife looks like she needs "some lovin". Booze makes me charming. c. TEQUILA STRAIGHT UP!!! When I can break into Dads liquor cabinet...and the babysitter isn't watching...BUT I STILL ROCK!!! Now if you have kept score and expect a result. Place yourself in the Grog camp. If you laughed...said "Hey wait a minute" and laughed again. Or were interrupted twice while reading this...you my friend are a Goon. If you didn't understand the humour or thought "THIS SUX" at least once you are a Freak but we still love you. So there it is, I will welcome comments or suggestions for next week. I hope you enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilhammer Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 The word is Intellegensia, you know, the first people dictators and communists kill or evict when they take power. Good post, and I must admit that I am 50% Grog, 45% Goon (I was a Grog, got normaled to Goon, but now I am getting better), and 5% freak. We are all at least a little freaky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scooleen Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 I used to think I knew alot about wwII until this message board. Now I pretty much just read other people's research and think wow that's reall in-depth. I dont get yelled at by my girlfriend for playing CM. I hear this alot on this message board. My strategy is thus: if she can nap, or read a book, or watch tv etc... then I can play CM, because it is no better or worse than what she likes to do with her free time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterNZer Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 Gosh, i'm 60% grog 40% freak! Someone do or fix somefink! PeterNZ ------------------ - Official owner of the sig files of Dalem, Croda and JeffShandorf - Der Kessel scenario design group Combat Vision movies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedbump Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 LOL GOON! GOON! GOON! Speedbump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferdinand Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 Originally posted by The_Capt: Now if you have kept score .. Grog camp. If you laughed... you .. are a Goon. If you didn't understand .. you are a Freak Now, it seems to me you left out a case : - if you wrote the above test, chuckling to yourself, you are a... What's your pick, Capt ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Capt Posted March 16, 2001 Author Share Posted March 16, 2001 A wonderful mongrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blackthorne Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 What a riot. You could put my picture by the definition of Goon in your Funk and Wagnel.BTW I think you need to know what a Funk and Wagnel is to qualify for Goondom.Not because you ever used one, but because you wouldn't get any "Laugh In" references if you didn't. I too am in awe of the vast knowledge of the Gorn..er I mean Grogs, just as I was of those cats who pulled 4.0's while I struggled looking for a 3.0 at the bottom of a Falstaff bottle. But to quote Louie Anderson "now I make more money than them". ------------------ Blackthorne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogface Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 GOONS of the World unite hahahhehehehohoho oh ya i scored striaght B's ------------------ Berlin calling, Berlin calling, when Berlin calls it pays to listen..... ----------------------------------------- http://ponyshow.com some screenshots Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jd Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 You forgot to classify our own unique fauna, the cesspudulians, I'd say even mixtures of goons and freaks, with a bit of groginess mixed in....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THumpre Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 Excellent post Capt. As for myself, 10% Grog 90% Goon. I'm loath to admit to it but I now more about antacids these days than antitank mines. ------------------ When one goes tear-assing around, one often ends up with a torn ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 Umm... I answered all the questions B. so I am a goon. But I assumed an ending so I kept score. So I am a grog (thats a joke). What bothers me most is that all the above confused me. I am a self proclaimed idiot. I even have Matt to vouch for me on that one. Now... I'll take my Grog-goon-idiot arse and go have a nice glass of scotch, (preferably heavy on the smoke), and a nice Guinness as an after dinner mint. Lorak ------------------ "Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats Cesspool Combatmissionclub and for Kitty's sake =^..^= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sten Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 Swell post! You got me with the "keeping the score" ruse. (I was ) Sten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soddball Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 LOL - Very funny. I'm also a bit concerned that I will have to saw chunks of my personality off to fit in your boxes. Partly goon and a few other bits which I can't fit in ------------------ "Woof!Woof!" That's my other dog impression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viceroy Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 The_Capt, easily the funniest thing I've read on this board I'm a "goon" according to your most scientific and excellent survey. Hope you post some more stuff soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A. Kuck Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 I'm in tears! I'm easily a goon now at 29 and CM is a wonderful escape from real life (wife, mortgage, work)! But when I was 14-16 I would have been a grog, no doubt about it - had CM existed then it would have been my only life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt Canuck Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 But when I was 14-16 I would have been a grog, no doubt about it - had CM existed then it would have been my only life! I'm 14 and that is so true for me,...GO CM!! Oh I tested out at 70% GROG and 30% GOON! ALRIGHT!!!! Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Wildman Posted August 3, 2001 Share Posted August 3, 2001 Nothing better that a buried thread that shows the way and the light. For all you newbies, read and ponder The_Capt and his musings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts