Peng, Your Challenge Necessitates Gamey Manouvrouvrevoouvring!

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Mace:

I haven't seen such a vulgar display of emotions towards another cesspooler since mine.

Sorry, but there is only room for one brown-noser in this here cesspool!

Mace

Ah, You can BUGGER OFF too, you toady dog-poo nosin' son of a feral mongerel!

[Mace]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Ah, You can BUGGER OFF too, you toady dog-poo nosin' son of a feral mongerel!

Just what are you insinuating?

[Iskander]

Originally posted by Leeo:

And who are thee?

to point at me,

and claim tradition lost

whose pompous jest, with no request

'tis but on the fire, frost.

Though new flame just started,

beats your voice farted,

whom bleats from those before,

you cant be bothered,

no idea you've fathered,

so BUGGER OFF, forever more.

Heh, heh... OK, Pee-Hole, flip back the pages 4200 years and follow on:

In the Cesspool of Peng he would walk about

Show himself superior, his head held high like a wild bull.

He had not rival, at his taunting

His weapon would rise up, his fellow Squires try to rise as well;

The Squires of the ‘Pool become dejected in their private comparisons

Iskander would not leave any ‘Pool non-entity alone safe-without-Knight.

Day and night his behavior was overbearing….

His is the scourge of the Cesspool of Peng,

He is their scourge, yet <fragment lost>

Powerful, superb, knowledgeable, expert,

Iskander would not leave the non-entities alone,

The unwelcome newbies, brides-in-sacrifice to Peng.

Go pour another homebrew (relax!) and/or spank yourself out of here....

------------------

"I send you a kaffis of mustard seed, that you may taste and acknowledge the bitterness of my victory."

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

[Leeo]

I'm insinuatin' that your nose is so brown, 'cause you keep it buried in the dirt.

That's right, boy, I'm a callin you out!

Though I appreciate your acknoledgment of my "vulgar display of emotions towards another cesspooler", I think there's only room enough for one proper-insinuatin'-name-callin'-doo-flickin'-dark-brown-nosin' SOB in the valley. Send me your set-up, Tex!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Leeo:

I admit that I have sinned. Indeed, I have imbibed in great quatities of the Devil'sbrew. And I shall continue to do so, and in the process will drag the lot of you pretenders to the depths of dead-brain-celled hell!

I kinda like the way he thinks

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Iskander:

Heh, heh... OK, Pee-Hole, flip back the pages 4200 years and follow on:

OOoooo, so clever! You changed my name! No one has ever thought of that before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. So you can't comprehend the age of jets, trains, internet, and other loud things. I'm afraid I have not the patience or the time to look up references from what we all learned in Literature 201. I truly am sorry that you live 4200 years in the past. Really, I am. In addition, I bet there is a government program for folks like you. Let's see, something about the Department for those Impaired against Modern thinking (D.I.M. is it?.

So, if you can conceive of large metal dragons that move on revolving ruts of steel and spit flame, supported by unarmored knights that use fire to shoot small metal arrows, then send me a set-up, ya git!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

much rambling about how his squire is actually worth something

So, just so we all get this straight, are you implying that squires have worth?

[Mace]

Originally posted by Leeo:

I'm insinuatin' that your nose is so brown, 'cause you keep it buried in the dirt.

That's right, boy, I'm a callin you out!

Though I appreciate your acknoledgment of my "vulgar display of emotions towards another cesspooler", I think there's only room enough for one proper-insinuatin'-name-callin'-doo-flickin'-dark-brown-nosin' SOB in the valley. Send me your set-up, Tex!

I'm not a Tex!, I'm a bloody Aussie ya git!

Go play with a squire (better yet, Joe Shaw who is developing a thing for prospective young squires) and then if you're really lucky, I may actually acknowledge your existance with a game.

Mace

[Joe Shaw]

So, just so we all get this straight, are you implying that squires have worth?

{sigh} ... again you insist on indulging in absolutes ... not to be confused with indulging in Absolut which is a WHOLE different thing. MOST squires, as it happens, are worth very little, in fact your previous definition of the worth of a squire would apply to MOST squires. I happen to have chosen one of the minority, a squire who is a credit to his liegelord, a squire who has learned the lessons I've taught (Berli = Doofus 101) and a squire who is a credit to the CessPool. You, on the other hand, have {snort} Captain Foobar ... I don't wonder your view of Squires in general is warped.

Joe

------------------

I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Mace:

I'm not a Tex!, I'm a bloody Aussie ya git!

Go play with a squire (better yet, Joe Shaw who is developing a thing for prospective young squires) and then if you're really lucky, I may actually acknowledge your existance with a game.

Mace

So, TEX, ya got no squire of your own? How horribly sad! You haven't been able to find a squire who would have you as a kinnigit? That's awful! Me feels so sorry for you, TEX! Really, it is a sad state of affairs, TEX. Maybe you occasionally wear GoreTEX? No? Well, I'm terribly sorry if I've taken you out of conTEXt, TEX. Yep. That's it. So, your sheep down there don't give you quite enough TEXtiles, TEX? Aw, that's too bad. Maybe your afraid to play me 'cause you haven't read the full TEXt of manual? Just be glad that the technical name for your 'nards is not TEXticles, 'cause sure as TEX walks bow-legged (down Bauhaus), I'd have 'em on a platter, if you only had the TEXticals to send me a set-up. TEX, ya git!

Edited to correct alcohol induced stupidity.

[This message has been edited by Leeo (edited 03-15-2001).]

[Iskander]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Really, I am.

Now see here, fellow 'Poolers-at-Large: it's bad enough that I have had to put up with three turns from the friggin Lawyer(you know the drill here) t'night, over and above filling in for Seanachi-ro on Door Duty, but to let this... thing... attempt to call out both the lovely, caressable Mace and my win-some self all on one ignoble turn of the globe is really beyond... well it's... damn, you guys are good for nothing, aren't you?

Not that I make deals with shoe-scrapings, but oh-so-misspelt leo, if you are still around after I come to after St. Pat's, I'll be happy -- no, I'll be hung over -- to drive your mane and tail into the dirt. Until then, I wave whatever appendage is at hand and say, "bah."

------------------

"I send you a kaffis of mustard seed, that you may taste and acknowledge the bitterness of my victory."

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Iskander:

Now see here, fellow 'Poolers-at-Large: it's bad enough that I have had to put up with three turns from the friggin Lawyer(you know the drill here) t'night, over and above filling in for Seanachi-ro on Door Duty, but to let this... thing... attempt to call out both the lovely, caressable Mace and my win-some self all on one ignoble turn of the globe is really beyond... well it's... damn, you guys are good for nothing, aren't you?

Not that I make deals with shoe-scrapings, but oh-so-misspelt leo, if you are still around after I come to after St. Pat's, I'll be happy -- no, I'll be hung over -- to drive your mane and tail into the dirt. Until then, I wave whatever appendage is at hand and say, "bah."

Perfectly Lovely. I really intended to only attack and insult one of you at a time (as is the way of Peng), but I felt compelled to defend myself and teach you all how to make a grand entrance into the thread. I'd a been happy just to trounce on the Elvii, but if necessary, I will trounce on you all either multiply or individually. So, Mr. Doorman, it looks as if there is a large spot upon your red velvet tunic, and your head-bobbin' has slowed down considerably. Being of Irish descent, I'll likely still be sufferin' from ethanol poisoning when we engage, but being Irish,. I'm too stupid to care, and am confident that I can teach you the glory of eatin' potatoes!

Edited because I'm an ethanol poisoned psuedo-Irishman.

[This message has been edited by Leeo (edited 03-15-2001).]

[BFCElvis]

Leeeeeooooooooooooo I'll put you on the short list right after David gets his game. I gotta tell you though you have picked the wrong guy if you're looking for an easy win. For easy wins you should track down Moriarty or Peng or even Phillie Phan if he ever comes back full time. They are locks.

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"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

[Forever Babra]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Edited to correct alcohol induced stupidity.

Keep workin' at it

------------------

"Za Rodentia!"

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by jshandorf:

Since in my post TWO before yours I feckin' said, and I quote, "Hmmm.. That just won't do at all, in fact that date is just impossible for me.

You scrofulous toad. Are you really so half-witted that you never considered that we could have been posting our replies at the same time, and that yours beat me to the posting punch, as it were? Apparently both of us are actionable employees, who sneak off to post to the Mother Beautiful Thread at odd moments during the working day.

1) My Fridays are always booked...

Friday is NO GOOD. I have plans every Friday that supersede any new plans, and since I do make exceptions in rare cases I just don't think you two are rare enough, comprende?

Translation: The terms of my six month incarceration in the Hennepin County Workhouse (conveniently near my job location in Plymouth) allows me to continue work so as not to lose my job, making me even more of a burden on society than I currently am. Thus, while I am out on day release, I have to return to the workhouse lock-up by 6 PM every Friday night for the entire weekend, until my sentence has run it's course.

Now, how about Wednesday, or even Thursday?

jeff

I assume these are the nights when you're supposed to be attending counseling or rehab, and you've worked out some kind of deal with your probation officer?

Thursday, the actual 22nd, would work best for me. I'm sure that any encounter with you two swine will bring into play the age old construction saying: You can always get through Friday somehow.

------------------

Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties,

Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices!

But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli,

All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother!

We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more,

We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues

[Stuka]

I was just contemplating the universe as I often do and it crossed my mind that if I threw Kitty out of a car window would she become Kitty litter?

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Elvis:

Leeeeeooooooooooooo I'll put you on the short list right after David gets his game. I gotta tell you though you have picked the wrong guy if you're looking for an easy win. For easy wins you should track down Moriarty or Peng or even Phillie Phan if he ever comes back full time. They are locks.

Me so Happy!! Who said I was looking for an easy win. I'm more into glorious battle, and Damn the Outcome! I challenged you because, hey, your the Elvii, man! I had to taunt somebody int the Mutha' Beautiful Thread, and the roulette wheel landed on you. I look forward to the set-up (in terms as the initial game parameters, not the predestined and thoroughly gamey-fied destruction of yours truly).

After seein' that you folks had the most games going, I knew this is where I had to be, so now I'm here like the mother-in-law that never leaves, the rash that won't go away, the tire that keeps losin' air, and the tax man that garinshee's your wages.

------------------

[armornut]

Originally posted by Leeo:

I'm here like the mother-in-law that never leaves, the rash that won't go away, the tire that keeps losin' air, and the tax man that garinshee's your wages.

You forgot; stain that won't fade, pesty smell that keeps reeking, turd that won't flush, ex-wife that keeps nagging, kid that keeps screaming,and annoying pimple on the arse!

[Mace]

Originally posted by Stuka:

I was just contemplating the universe as I often do and it crossed my mind that if I threw Kitty out of a car window would she become Kitty litter?

No, but she would be very annoyed!

Mace

[Shandorf]

Originally posted by DekeFentle:

Whah! I have a life! I touch young boys!

You dolt, Kieran's Pub is on 2nd Avenue South BETWEEN 3rd and 4th Street.

You don't get out much do you? Understandable since people do stare at people who drool and have humps.

Jeff

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Okay, Okay,

Here we go,

Slowly, and like a diet low in fiber content; i.e. irregularly.

I guess I've decided (in an Eeyore sort of way) to enter the one true thread (the peng, or whatever the hell that's supposed to mean). Yes, yes, a quick sod-off to the lot of you, but I understand that I'm to specifically challenge an individual. Oh me, oh my. So, here goes;

acceptable, if a bit limp. I Like the reference to Eeyore. Winnie-the-Pooh is a demi-god.

Eat dung, elvis (lower case "e" intended). May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your groin. You can barely manage the OOmph to give a good "wankers" call occasionally, and I pee in your general direction. Your mother was a gopher, and your uncle smelled of boysenberries.

definitely limp, but not objectionable. A Hiramesque effort.

Does that suffice?

No?

Well, then , Ok, You have not the balls to meet me on the field of battle, and I hereby slap you repeatedly with my leather Field-Glove-O-Love. Were you the real Elvis, you'd at least have the grace to die upon the toilet of infamy, instead of spewing your random drive-by pedestrian insults.

'Strodinarily uneven. Mention of 'thingies' in a jejeune way, hints of perversion in a smirking but uninteresting way, followed by a tacky but Threadishly acceptable reference to the disturbing death of the King.

How's that?

6.7

Not enough, you say?

OOOOokkaayyyy,

Elvis, you couldn't process a turn in less than a fortnight, even if your favorite dog were the soup-de-jour of all the Vietnamese restaurants in San Francisco!

Hmm, rises a bit in his (completely farcical) interpretation of how quickly that swine Elvis can turn files around, slides into losership with ethnic references that further not the cause of taunting, especially as they have nothing to do with Elvis, which puts them into the realm of idiocy.

Does that work? Should I be more specific?

Elvis, you are but a zit on the arse of the largest prostitute in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Does that work? Have I challenged you personally enough? No?

Vulgarity. Complete fall-off in quality. Lowest point yet. Hard pressed for even our most impressionable and least intelligent participants to find any quality of taunting here.

OK, I guess I must continue. You, sir elvis (of the infected pelvis), are not worth the stick it takes to scrape the dog-doo from my shoes. I spit-at-thee, I spit-at-thee, I spit-at-thee.

Childish, but improves dramatically with the three times (a mystical number) repetition of the classic, 'I spit at thee'.

Ok, I'm spent. If there is anything at all glandular that keeps your legs from rubbing together, you will send a set-up my way, so that I may prove that Elvis is, indeed, dead and rotting.

I don't imagine it takes much to 'empty' this poster. Refrain from matters 'glandular', lad. A decent reference to Elvis dead and rotting.

So, all the rest of you,

BUGGER OFF!!

The only classical moment, and the least objectionable, even if it is derivative and formulaic repetition.

Overall: 4.5

Reasoning on why it wasn't lower: Poster made some, however uneven, attempts to mock and revile an individual, references to AA Milne, the occassional interesting turn of phrase. Lost points for: Thingy references, unimaginative vulgarity, pointless ethnic slurs.

Current Peng Challenge Thread interpretation:

It's nice to see people make an effort, but this effort is both limp and unpalatable. The poster should raise their personal sights and standards, and refrain from gratuitous ethnic slurs, thingy references, and childish references to fecal matter. Concentrate on your strengths: Odd references to unexpected sources, personal harassment, and an occassional nice turn of phrase.

------------------

Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties,

Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices!

But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli,

All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother!

We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more,

We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues

[This message has been edited by Seanachai (edited 03-16-2001).]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Iskander:

Now see here, fellow 'Poolers-at-Large: over and above filling in for Seanachi-ro on Door Duty, but to let this... thing... attempt to call out both the lovely, caressable Mace and my winsom self all on one ignoble turn of the globe is really beyond... well it's... damn, you guys are good for nothing, aren't you?

Not that I make deals with shoe-scrapings, but: oh-so-misspelt leo, if you are still around after I come to after St. Pat's, I'll be happy -- no, I'll be hung over -- to drive your mane and tail into the dirt. Until then, I wave whatever appendage is at hand and say, "bah."

Hmmm. Also: I see. Iskander has done fair duty here tonight (or freaking whatever, I can't keep checking when or where I am), and justified his continued existence. This one, Leeo, though it has shown enthusiasm all emphatic, does not yet impress. How is it that so many who claim responsible employment don't display the intellectual development of the average house-pet? Why is it so many house-pets are forced to come to me and ask: "how is it that your species has come to dominate the planet, given postings like Leeo's that, with a paw tap, we can bring up on the monitor?" All I can reply is: be patient. Either posters like Leeo will evolve, or they'll provide sustenance for more deserving entities. Preferably the latter.

------------------

Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties,

Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices!

But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli,

All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother!

We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more,

We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues

[Pantera]

So this is the infamous Cesspool...

Not at all what it was cracked up to be...

And all you people have issues...

But I come here for one purpose, and one purpose only. To settle an old score going on some 40 years now.

I believe that my dead fish of a brother goes by Herr Oberst in these circles. While I'm poaching his net access, I figured on a bit of fun.

See if you can dredge him up and let him know that big bro' has come to slap him straight.

I was supposed to come here and taunt appropriately and issue a challenge... Well, screw that. He can expect a setup any day now. And you can expect to hear the whining and crying.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

{sigh} ... again you insist on indulging in absolutes ... MOST squires, as it happens, are worth very little...

We deal in absolutes here. Most are worth very little?! Heretic! ALL squires are worth NOTHING! One's own squire is worth less than nothing! You, sir, are a heritic! You should be stripped of your spurs and burned at the stake! Peng! Seanachai! Lorak! Goanna! What say you to this heresy? I say repent and beg of mercy dog!

[Stuka]

Pantera? Oh no! A heavy metal enthusiast no doubt...

I'll raise you two Altans and an Enya.

Now go away.