Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Does that constitute a full-blown Penging, or do I have to cling on longer for the day when I can release my grasp on this mortal coil?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I have not yet begun to Peng, but you may feel free to fall on your sword, hoist yourself on your own petard, swallow a box of rat poison, eat lead, throw a seven, buy the farm or die a lot, in your own inimitable idiom.

Peng

------------------

"I hope a bucket of nails falls on your head..."

Hamsters/Meeks(!)

[Guest YK2]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

Crikey, this is amazing!

You're Scottish, yet I understood everyword you said!

Mace<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Didnae be too hastie laddie its still early yit, an ah tend tae get mare and mare untellageable wi every gless a wine a drink.

* cheers * *hic* ma god is that boatle empty awready.

[Guest YK2]

Peng, Peng, Peng, Peng, PENGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

Aaarrgh! I look in here one last time, hoping for sappy sentiment or a single, "Hey, don't die you stupid bastard." and all I get is a bunch of secret agent jokes?!?! You suck, each and every one of you, in your own special way. First off, it's the NSF, that's Nation Science Foundation, not the NSA, which would be the National Security Administration (Right?), they don't do spy missions, they don't have agents, they just sponsor or give grants for expedition. Secondly, you still suck. Third, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Gah, lost - ability. form simple. AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHH!!!! You. I. When I get back, I will tear Jefe's arm off and beat Croda to death with it! YAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I hope they approve the expedition and then they keep me there so I never, ever have to read your inane posts again, you evil, evil, evil. Oh, whoops, time to go. See ya in a week.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Does that mean they don't have internet service in Antarctica yet? Sheesh, what a back water primitive place THAT must be. Why on earth would anyone want to go there?

Jeff

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

MrPeng wrote:

This is my thread. [...] THIS IS MY THREAD, and what it is too.

Does that constitute a full-blown Penging, or do I have to cling on longer for the day when I can release my grasp on this mortal coil?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nah, Peng's just getting warmed up. It's a good start, though.

------------------

"I came to Casablanca for the waters."

[Herr Oberst]

*in your best Aussie accent*

Roight... It's Elijah Meeks, PENGuin hunter, here in Antartica with a brief... SIT DOWN BAUHAUS! Bugger!!! Bauhaus, you gotta put your pants back on before you sit down around here! It's so buggerin' cold that you'll freeze your rear end to the glacier like ya just done! Don't try to stand or your rip your cheeks roight off, and bring all those hungry Antartican PENGtacular PENGuin buggers swarming around here... you know they really go for the fresh meat and the smell o' blood brings the buggers from moiles around... now where was I? Roight, my report on my trip... Bugger! it's cold down here... but we're down here on an NSA expedition hunting for the rare PENGtacular PENGuin... Huh? no, I don't roightly know what the NSA would want with a buggering little PENGuin... but the PENGtacular PENGuin is a species of PENGuin rarely seen outside this frigid land... did I mention that it is buggering cold down here??? an' I shouldn't be wandering around down here in my aussie hat, shorts and short sleeves. This weather might make me ill with some rare deadly polar disease cause its so buggering cold down here... oh well, where was I? Roight, the PENGtacular PENGuin... well, it turns out that there are only two places in the world where this little bugger lives. Either roight here in Antartica (bugger its cold here), or in another mythical place called the Cesspool. "What the bugger is that?" you're asking... Well, it's a place I been that is so buggering foul and wretched, what with critters crawling around on the walls and floor, deadly critters I might add, and swimming that you can barely move without stepping on one of the little buggers... Vicious little buggers they are that'll nip your dangly bits in a minute... Roight, well we 'aven't seen the PENGtacular PENGuin round the 'pool for quite some time. Rumor had it that the little bugger fled the Cesspool and went to the ultimate downunder. So I'm here to find him... the weather hasn't cooperated yet, it's been so buggerin' bad that you wouldn't see a PENGuin if it was roight there in front of yuh! Buggers are so short you have to squat down...

*a bloodcurdling scream rips the air*

Gah, Bauhaus, I told you to keep seated... now I've got to bug out before those nasty little buggers get here... I'll report more later next week...

Meeks owt.

[This message has been edited by Herr Oberst (edited 11-17-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Herr Oberst (edited 11-17-2000).]

[Hiram Sedai]

Hmm...let me see. Is this thing on?

testing

testing

There once was a boy named Croda

hmm...

soda, north dakota, minnesota, Rhoda

sorry bout that folks

wait a second....I'm not flippin' sorry you scum sucking rejects from the funny farm. Stop that caterwauling about Peng being back and go back to yer whining about being useless cogs in society.

Peng is back. Whoopdey fricken doo.

------------------

Did someone compare this to the Peng thread? I've apologized for less.

-Anonymous

[jdmorse]

Awwwwww right Hiram...... lol

[David Aitken]

Hiram Sedai wrote:

> go back to yer whining about being useless cogs in society.

I am to society what Microsoft Excel is to a fish.

Alternatively: I am not a cog, I am an unreformed spanner! Can't you see that? Altogether now: You wouldn't recognise a spanner if it hit you between the eyes! Or unscrewed your nads.

And may I offer, from the bottom of my heart, no apology at all to the delicate Weegies who have been offended by my pseudo-English pomposity. I am an unreformed inhabitant of West Lothian. I read The Scotsman. I do not think fondly of Rab C Nesbitt. I talk to myself with an English accent. My natural accent is about as Scottish as the Duke of Cumberland.

Hmmm, the Duke of Cumberland... I wonder if he'd be available the next time I'm conducting mopping-up operations in CM.

Darvied Atkin-Smythe-Blenkinsop IV

------------------

War is about killing people. You give orders which will help to end the war, not orders which will save your men, because your men will only stop dying when the war is over. – D.A.

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Darvied Atkin-Smythe-Blenkinsop IV<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sorry, "IV™" is MINE.

The one thing Peng left you, and I had it first. You might be able to add a superscript "squared" or "cubed", or a different Roman numeral (for a small royalty, as I ™'ed Roman numerals some time ago), but not "IV". It would be awkward to end your name with a semi-colon but I believe they are still in the Public Domain™, if you're looking for a bargain.

[bauhaus]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

*in your best Aussie accent*

Roight... It's Elijah Meeks, PENGuin hunter, here in Antartica with a brief... SIT DOWN BAUHAUS! Bugger!!! Bauhaus, you gotta put your pants back on before you sit down around here! It's so buggerin' cold that you'll freeze your rear end to the glacier like ya just done! Don't try to stand or your rip your cheeks roight off, and bring all those hungry Antartican PENGtacular PENGuin buggers swarming around here... you know they really go for the fresh meat and the smell o' blood brings the buggers from moiles around... now where was I? Roight, my report on my trip... Bugger! it's cold down here... but we're down here on an NSA expedition hunting for the rare PENGtacular PENGuin... Huh? no, I don't roightly know what the NSA would want with a buggering little PENGuin... but the PENGtacular PENGuin is a species of PENGuin rarely seen outside this frigid land... did I mention that it is buggering cold down here??? an' I shouldn't be wandering around down here in my aussie hat, shorts and short sleeves. This weather might make me ill with some rare deadly polar disease cause its so buggering cold down here... oh well, where was I? Roight, the PENGtacular PENGuin... well, it turns out that there are only two places in the world where this little bugger lives. Either roight here in Antartica (bugger its cold here), or in another mythical place called the Cesspool. "What the bugger is that?" you're asking... Well, it's a place I been that is so buggering foul and wretched, what with critters crawling around on the walls and floor, deadly critters I might add, and swimming that you can barely move without stepping on one of the little buggers... Vicious little buggers they are that'll nip your dangly bits in a minute... Roight, well we 'aven't seen the PENGtacular PENGuin round the 'pool for quite some time. Rumor had it that the little bugger fled the Cesspool and went to the ultimate downunder. So I'm here to find him... the weather hasn't cooperated yet, it's been so buggerin' bad that you wouldn't see a PENGuin if it was roight there in front of yuh! Buggers are so short you have to squat down...

*a bloodcurdling scream rips the air*

Gah, Bauhaus, I told you to keep seated... now I've got to bug out before those nasty little buggers get here... I'll report more later next week...

Meeks owt.

[This message has been edited by Herr Oberst (edited 11-17-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Herr Oberst (edited 11-17-2000).]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I've been called spineless before, but never cheekless.

[OGSF]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda:

Point of Order for the 'Pool:

Ah think ye'll find thaht a spotty faced squire wi' his skid marrrked underpants jammed oop his cleft chin is nai qualified to be pointin' anything fer the Pool

Does anyone actually read OhGoshI'mAScottishFreak's crazy-ass Scottish ramblings? I can't get through them without getting Vertigo.

Ah'm sorry CrodaRhodaSodaFarter, ye've obviously mistaiken ma fer someone who gives a flyin' shat wha' ye bloody think. I'm ainly mildly anterested in that "Vertigo" remarrrk, cos it might mak ye throw oop and choke on ye ain vomit. Boot "mildly" is perhaps a wee bit too strang a worrrd..

Here's a suggestion for you:

Take your sorry, OnTheGroundSuckingFarts ass home to your PC, play Hiram's turn and send it back so that you two can get your challenge over with. Hiram, you go home too. Stuka and I will finish before you at the rate of 1 turn per day, and we started well after you.

Yer a sorry wee talentless piece o' ****e on a shaggy cow's arrrse, are'nt ye? StukaPukaPants'll kick yer whiney arrrse all over the map, if ainly cos he's an Aussie. An Ah dinnae give a cat's pee sandwhich if yer finish yer gam firrst or never.....Mr Hiram Sedai and Ah'll play our ain gam in our ain tam. An ye can go molest yersailf wi' a stick.

And, OhMyGAmIAStoopidF***, stop with the Scottish!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sod yoo Jimmy! Did ye pet sea monkey dah and mak yoo king? Ah've bad noos fer ye, Crodadendrun, the used hankie in yer handbag has demanded a recount.

Whain Ah firrrst saw yer post, Ah thought ye were askin' fer a PBEM. But Ah've checked yer record on Lorak's Cesspool page and frankly, Ah'd no' waste mah tam wi' ye. Come back when ye've actually won a game and grown a pair.

MacOberGrupenBloodyStompinFeuhrerBastard

[This message has been edited by OGSF (edited 11-17-2000).]

[This message has been edited by OGSF (edited 11-17-2000).]

[This message has been edited by OGSF (edited 11-17-2000).]

[David Aitken]

Mark IV wrote:

> Sorry, "IV™" is MINE.

Have you never had any letters from Aitken Galactic Corporation (Earth)? You don't know about the... umm... how should I put this... Your mother never told you about our 'arrangement'?

Well, I'm sorry that you should find out in these circumstances, but basically, we own you. You may have patented half the dictionary, but the premise that you can actually possess anything is but an illusion. Your purpose in life is that of a surveillance drone, and we allow you other pursuits purely so that you will fit in better.

Dr. Davro Ackermann

Managing Director

Aitken Galactic Corporation

They're not stars, they're our advertising billboards

------------------

War is about killing people. You give orders which will help to end the war, not orders which will save your men, because your men will only stop dying when the war is over. – D.A.

[Hakko Ichiu]

Sigh. One goes away for a few days, one comes back to the 'pool to see what has happened in one's absence. One reads the 9 or so pages that have accrued since one last visited the 'pool, and at the end, one realizes that one has just lost 20 minutes of one's life that one can never reclaim.

What a load of unfunny, barely taunting, bloviating, pseudo-Pythonesque, pseudo-Tolkein, D&D-withdrawal wank. Someone hand one a fecking flamethrower.

------------------

Ethan

-----------

"We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech." -- Dr. Kathleen Dixon, Director of Women's Studies, Bowling Green State University

[Joe Shaw]

LORAK! Wake Up Damnit!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And I quote from an email received by yours truly from one ... hang on ... hmmm ... Jeff Shandorf it would seem: Joe, I was wondering.. Since it was you that told Lorak to scribe my name into the Pool records as a squire I was just wondering then if you are my sponser? If so and will could you be so kind as to just pop by the pool and make

mention to that fact. I would appreciate it.

From your humble possible squire,

shandorf<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And my reply was: Hmmm, I was probably on drugs that day ... either that or Lorak hasn't gotten OFF his drugs yet, pretty much your choice actually. In any case, I would be happy to mention the fact and we can but hope that he's semi-lucid at the time. As to your sponsorship I must decline I'm afraid. My personal situation is uncertain right now and I wouldn't be able to give you the guidance you deserve and ... trust me ... NEED. I'm quite certain we can find some deluded soul to accept you ... all of which begs the question of why YOU want to be in the pool, talk about your deluded souls ... DELUDED, Blousehouse, Deluded! Not Denuded, sit down damnit.

Therefore, I repeat: LORAK! Wake Up Damnit!

Joe

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YK2:

Actually, being Scottish myself I LMFAO every time I read his posts, Guess they make me feel at home, I can see it would be pretty difficult for anyone not used to the Scottish slang to get through his posts with ease, but to me, well, its like shelling peas really, easy peasy. Croda my little sweetie, don't be so hasty in your views, if we are to adopt you then you will have to get used to much more vertigo inducing accents than OGSF'S.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I have to agree with YK2, I read them. And besides, you're original analogy was horribly flawed. None of Adam Sandler's movies were remotely funny.

------------------

After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I've been called spineless before, but never cheekless.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Quite right. Bauhaus is not cheekless... he is an ass... therefore, two cheeks

[This message has been edited by Berlichtingen (edited 11-18-2000).]

[Guest MrHappy]

YakPTooo:

Peng has gone off again. Tell me what you want from him and I'll give him the message.

(I have a bet with him that you are a very nice person and have good hygiene. He, of course, says that your are a foul smelling wench with bad teeth, hairy underarms and pierced nipples with chains in them that are connected to your nose ring. I think he is full of hogwash.)

HeRam C-DIE -

Peng asked me to relay this to you:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>"Like I give a rat's bung hole about you giving a rat's bung-hole about anything. I am in Philly 12/4 - 12/6. We will be in the hotseat in Elvis' dungeon. There you will beg me for forgiveness, clemency, and a clean glass for your whiskey, and you shall get NOTHING.

I will give you a nice, big, wet, bowl of death. You will give me your virginity, your lungs and your soul. I will feed them to the fattest cat you have ever seen in your life. Of course, your life will end soon after you see the cat, (and I gotta tell ya, this cat is friggin huge. There are two of them actually: Beavis and MoJo. They are large. Larger than your average 'ouse cat. Much more gigantic than your typical pussy gato. {these things are MUTANTS. Yeah, thats it. Giant Mutant Cats will eat your soul}... after they piss in your beer)"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No. really. thats the message he asked me to tell you - verbatim. I am not a liar or a filthy foriegner like so many others on this BBS. Especially most of the people in this thread. I really don't understand why such a kind and sweet person such as yourself hangs around here when there is the "some thoughts on the KwiK 88" thread or whatever that big gun is called.

Peng also asked me to tell any PBEM opponents that he has that watch this board to <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>"F**k Off a lot now." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

he will get you your <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

goddam f**king turns<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> when he <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> goddam f**king feels like it you rotten stinking pieces of gerbil scat<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>.

Well, that's what he told me to tell you. I am only the messenger. I like everyone and think everyone should think positive thoughts and be happy all the time. Except greasy foriegners, of course. Them and their smelly cooking.

MrHappy

------------------

MrHappy sez, "C'MON GET HAPPY!"

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf:

Does that mean they don't have internet service in Antarctica yet? Sheesh, what a back water primitive place THAT must be. Why on earth would anyone want to go there?

Jeff<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Because although the weather's worse than here in Minnesota, there are no Shandorfs.

------------------

After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Mark IV]

Originally posted by David Aitken:

Have you never had any letters from Aitken Galactic Corporation (Earth)?

Neither Aitken, nor galactic, nor incorporated (courtesy Voltaire GMBh, wholly owned subsidiary of Siemens (bauhaus!)). A Paper Tiger™ (and thank goodness Mao eschewed ownership as well).

Your mother never told you about our 'arrangement'?

Some kind of Britannic "yo mamma", I presume. My mother's "arrangements" are with precisely the kind of Fortune 100 corporate monoliths we broke off from you fossils to create. Assuming there actually are such things as galaxies (as if), they are American. Or they ought to be, and our Presidents will see to it, I can assure you.

You may have patented half the dictionary, but the premise that you can actually possess anything is but an illusion.

Possession is illusory. Private property is theft. Royalties, fees, commissions, and domestic and irrevocable letters of credit, however, are REAL. Please remit promptly.*

*This is not a building.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Sorry, "IV" is MINE. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, you sodding git, since you posted here, it is PENG'S

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

I am Peng's toadie. If you hurt me I will tell.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, I knew he'd beaten you, but I'd no idea he made you carry messages for him. Why not just curtsey and go tell your Master that I not only own all the Roman Numerals™, I am currently negotiating for the rights to arabic numerals as well, thus cornering the market on 1s and 0s and effectively controlling his livelihood?

I hope he's not too angry with you... he's got quite a temper from what I understand.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

I'm an idiot and I can't remember basic facts<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Peng is my bitch and i have never lost to him.

[Seanachai]

A backpacked figure makes its way through a dark and formless landscape. The terrain is completely flat, featureless, and extends away into dimness in all directions. Slowly it moves towards the only point of reference, a fire alight on the plain. As it finally draws up to it, three seated figures confront him across the low burning flames that barely illuminate the scene.

On the left sits the figure of what seems an old man with long, unkempt hair, mumbling and laughing to himself. Occassionally low snatches of song and rhyme fill the air around him. The middle figure sits with arms folded, silent except for an occassional sound of angry muttering, too low to catch any meaning. An aura of judgement and indefinable loss radiates from it. The third sits completely silent, eyes glowing. It is the hardest to make out, seemingly seated amidst clouds of shifting smoke, and resonates with a feeling of evil. None of the figures are those of giants, but all seem somehow to loom over the landscape around them and the figure that comes to a stop on the far side of the fire, and waits to be noticed. The three figures remain as they are, and finally, shifting uncomfortably, the standing figure calls out.

"Hail, Old Ones!"

Two sit on indifferent, but the figure of the old man looks up smiling, peering into the flickering light where the figure stands.

"Who calls?"

"I, EveryNewbie!"

They regard him in silence, then the old man answers him.

"Bugger that, you're Marlow."

"How do you know that?"

"Saw you coming, now didn't we?"

"Then why did you ask who called?"

"To see what you'd answer, you silly little sod."

"And who are you?"

The figures all smile.

"If you don't know, our telling you won't do any bloody good. Who do you think we are?"

"You are the Old Ones of the Cesspool. The Creators. The ones who brought it all into being."

"Why not. So what does that mean to you? Is that who you believe we are?"

"The others say you are has beens. They say you don't even exist, or you are all the same person. They say you don't matter anymore. They say you're all pretenders to importance."

"Goodness, they have quite a bit to say. And what do you think?"

"I have come here to find out! "

"Have you indeed?"

The lone figure of Marlow, everynewbie, looks around nervously.

"What is this place? I've walked across it for many days."

"Why, this is the Cesspool, lad. Didn't you say you were looking for it's creators?"

"But...but I've been in the Cesspool! This can't be the Cesspool, there's nothing here! It's just all emptiness, and...and...nothing!"

"You think so, eh?"

"Yes! It's all just dim, and flat, and dull."

"That's right, lad. That's what the Cesspool is."

"That's not true! I've been there! There's people, and taunting, and vast caverns filled with effluent, and rats, and hamsters, and PT boats, and castles, and sing-songs, and Knights and Ladies, and Islands, and laughter, and, and—all sorts of stuff!"

The Dark Figure wreathed in smoke picks up what looks like a carved human figure from a stack beside and slightly behind it, and tosses it on the fire. It seems to writhe briefly, then the flames leap a little higher.

"This is the Cesspool, lad." Says the Old Man. "This is what it was, and is. Everywhere where no one's been yet. The Cesspool you know is where we've been, and where folk followed. Now it's filled with things that didn't ever exist before. But before we went there, it was all just like this. An endless plain, filled with nothing. But you can walk the 'Pool, lad, and it becomes whatever you wish."

The figure of Marlow looks at them dubiously.

"Whatever I wish?"

"Of course. What do you think? We waltzed in here one day and took over a furnished flat? No, there was nothing. There was this, that you see, which seems less than nothing."

"Then you are the Old Ones, the Creators!"

"Sure we are, lad. We created everything you see around you." Marlow looks around again.

"But there's still nothing here!"

"Now you begin to see. We made this place. It exists because we wished it. We let you and the other folk in, and you make it into what you want, or need, or desire. But it's all just this, lad. Just what you see."

"But...here, where You are, it's formless?"

"Looks like ****e to me. Do you see anything better?"

"But if you're the Old Ones, you're all powerful!"

The Three laugh. It is not an altogether pleasant sound, especially from the Dark One. The Old Man leans forward.

"Lad, cut open an apple, and there's a seed. Is that the center? Cut open the seed, and there is nothing. Is that the center?"

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. We were here when the others came. They didn't see this plain of nothingness. They saw us. They saw taunts and PBEMs, challenges, and insults. They saw lawyers, and mormon wives. More came, and they saw the cartoons, and hamsters. More came yet and they heard sing-songs, and they found the knowledge of 'Lost to Peng', and they saw Chupacabra's 7 score. More and more came, and they met TC Schutz. The Germans came, the French came, the Australians came. The World entered into the Cesspool. Discord came, and some railed and belittled. Others defended and laughed. Some came seeking challenges. Some came seeking sanctuary. Some came seeking experience. There was literature. There was weirdness. There were even Women. And the more who came, the more Cesspool there was. It spread in every direction, it became whatever the people brought with them. It became a world as large as any other."

"We are the Powers within the Peng Challenge Thread. Within the world you call the Cesspool. But around us, unseen, are the Testers, and the Scenario Creators, and the Mod Makers. Above us are the Moderators. And above them all are the True Creators, that made the Game, the Board, the Moderators, the Testers, the Mod Makers, the Peng Challenge Thread, and even you, little Marlow, and even such as We. What were you before the Game, before the Board, and before the Peng Challenge Thread? Were you Marlow? We think not. You were something else, but not Marlow. Not standing here on this empty plain, asking us for a vision of the Truth. And that is what all the squeaking children in the Cesspool forget. That is what they do not see. This empty place, this is the Cesspool. Formless and void, completely unimagined. We came here, and imagined it. And there was taunting. There was laughter. There were PBEMs. The Cesspool, little Marlow, is Fun. It was so because we wished it to be so. It was so because others wanted there to be fun. And if it ceases to be fun, it will cease to be."

"Why is all this place where I've been, where you are now, why is it empty and drab, dull, dim, and ugly?"

"the Cesspool is what the people make it."

"But what about all the things that you mentioned, all the things I've seen in the Cesspool myself?!"

"That is what was. Where is it now? This is what is. What will it be? The first Peng Challenge Thread is gone. As the people move forward into the Cesspool, it becomes what they make it."

"So you are telling me it won't always be formless and empty here?"

"It will be unless it is made otherwise. Create well, little Marlow, you and the others who are coming. You push aside the ones you call useless, but what have you made on your own? As far as the light of this fire, is what you have made so far." Marlow looks around and behind himself.

"There's still nothing here. It's all empty and ugly!"

The Three laugh again. For the first time the other two figures speak, and the Central Figure mutters "Even a blind pig finds an acorn occassionaly", and the Dark Figure softly says "exactly, you silly bastard."

Unnerved, Marlow shuffles his feet, and shifts the straps of his backpack.

"And what of you? What will become of you, if the Cesspool ceases to be 'fun', and is unmade?"

"We abide," the Old Man tells him.

"I know who and what you are now!" Marlow boldly and angrily yells.

"Indeed. And who, and what, are we?"

"You, Old Man, are Seanachai, that they all call Senility! And that one in the middle is Peng, the Curmudgeon! And the other...the other...(gasping, suddenly weak), That's Berli. They claim he's evil!"

"That is who we are, or at least what you can grasp. Those are names, and we do bear them. But they are only names. Now, who are we?" And the Dark Figure named Berli reaches out and taps Marlow on the forehead, and he goes very still.

"You are Seanachai, that means Bard, but you are the Fool, and the Trickster. Peng is Judgement, and Loss. Berli is...Berli is...Berli's evil."

Seanachai smiles at him.

"Don't be so stupid. Berli isn't Evil. Berli is Death. You couldn't even say it, could you?" Marlow nods. "Or rather, let us say that we are the Past, the Present, and the Future. Now, do you know which is which?"

"Er, Peng is the...the Past, and, and you are the Present, and...Berli is the Future?"

"Don't be silly, Marlow. You have to keep all this within the context of a wargame, after all. Peng is indeed the Past, with it's judgements and losses, but Berli is the present, filled with destruction and death, and I am the Future, filled with whimsy and celebration. Aren't I always after a sing-song?"

"I see. What shall I tell the others?"

"Well, lad, you could tell them you met with the three of us, and we were figures out of legend, and explained the mysteries of the 'Pool to you, and that we are the Three Fates, but I imagine they'll just laugh themselves into the necessity of putting on dry pants. Tell them you found an empty and formless desert."

"I'm going back now, then."

Seanachai nods and smiles, Peng mumbles 'right, get on with it, you pillock', and Berli throws another carved figure on the fire. Marlow strides back into the darkness from which he came, and can be heard muttering 'right, then, if the Cesspool is whatever we imagine and make it into, I'm going to have a harem, and live in Schloss Peng, and I'm going to be a Grand Master Knight and have a duchy..."

Peng: What did you tell him all that for? Might as well tell it to a cat.

Seanachai: Oh, I don't imagine he'll retain any of it. They never do. Tomorrow he'll be shouting about penises, and making defecation remarks, and practicing low-key homophobia and misogeny like all the rest of the new arrivals. Berli, stop throwing newbies on the fire, it's getting uncomfortably hot and smoky.

Berli: That's the thing about newbies, they don't cast much light, but they burn fast and stink.

Peng: Do you think they'll reach us anytime soon? Or even ever?

Seanachai: Hard to say. Not anytime soon; not at the rate they're going. I imagine it will be empty out here for some time to come.

Berli: You made a good story of it. Except for that lie at the end. You know that you're the Present, and I'm their Future.

Seanachai: We know that Berli, but why ruin the poor little tyke's day? And after he'd come all this way. Much nicer for them to think they had something to look forward to, like a sing-song. Now, what shall we do while we wait for them to make something of themselves?

Berli: How 'bout a QB?

Peng: Why not, I believe I'll win this time.

------------------

After witnessing exceptional bravery from his Celtic mercenaries, Alexander the Great called them to him and asked if there was anything they feared. They told him nothing, except that the sky might fall on their heads.

[Mace]

hear ye, hear ye

The royal squires Stuka and I are about to do battle with Infantry only.

Preliminary Intelligence has revealed that Stuka plans to remove all articles of his clothing by turn 3 in an attempt to put me off!

To counter Stuka's feeble attempt at psychological warfare, I will preempt this move by wearing Warrick Cappa's football shorts (so extremely tight that circulation to certain parts of my extremities have already ceased*).

Ask yourself, Stuka!

Do ya feel lucky, punk!

Well do ya?

Mace

* they look good on me though, don't ya think?

[This message has been edited by Mace (edited 11-18-2000).]