Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public

[Herr Oberst]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf:

...

You once proud platoon of StuHs...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yup, that's the experiment. Haven't tried this before, and in retrospect, I prolly should have chosen half my armor as StgIIIC's for the AP capabilities. Drat!

For some fun shots, check the link:

http://home.cox.rr.com/herroberst

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To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee...

[This message has been edited by Herr Oberst (edited 11-17-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Herr Oberst (edited 11-17-2000).]

[Hamstersss]

I hereby ask that page 86 be stricken from the record of the 'Pool. Except for three posts, it is poorly written with little or no character development. I will be gone for the next week and possibly longer so if you will, please do not send me PBEMs or if you send them, don't send the incessant "Hey, did you get this?" E-mails after. NSF willing, I will then be gone for three months on a climbing expedition into the Donning Maud Land of Antartica. If this is the case, I will forfeit my games, as is good form, and leave you poor 'Pooler bastards without my wit, verve, bon homme, massive taunting, et cetera, et cetera. I can only hope that the Cesspool survives. If it doesn't, then when I come back I will dig a new one and fill it myself. Merry Christmas.

------------------

Meeks is correct.

-Steve, of Big Time Software, creator of Combat Mission, Vicar of Peng on Earth.

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

I live a highly secret double life that I cannot tell you about. Therefore, I will merely alude to all of the wonderful, secret adventures that get to partake in, making you go home and cry because you are not me. I have to go count votes in Florida (I am a pregnany chad expert, you know. When I am done, there is an uprising in Botswana that they've asked me to put down. Tedious work, but I am the best in the world. I then have a helo waiting to take me to the top of Mount Everest where I will be unearthing Alien spacecraft (Note to self: Pack your muff, Meeksy, you little devil!). I shall then fly the Alien spacecraft to an underwater Air Force base in the Bay of Bengal, where I will be crowned Lord of my own Imagination! Oops, did I say too much? Oh, Behaaaaave!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Do you lead one of those crazy lives where you know everyone and get to do everything, or are you a compulsive liar?

Climbing expedition in Antarctica? Gone for a week? NSF willing? Cesspool gone? What kind of a mook are you? Sounds like a lot of adventures for a Network Admin.

------------------

"Nuts!"

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer:

yeah. well good.

Come on, we just need more people to post stupid jokes or links to boring junk

sheesh.

Dull

PeterNZ

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey Pete.. put a sock in it! you verbal vommit machine, people post crap songs or poems worse then Volgan Poetry and I have to live through it... tough.. bite me... kiss my neighbours dog, heck take it on a date but ask Seanachoo what shes like, since he knows more about it then I do.

heck post your picture on here so I have something to print out to put on my dart board here at work.. I need a good laugh.

by the way your zipper has been undone for the last three days.. do something its attracting to many flies and bugging the hell out of us.

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

I will be gone for the next week and possibly longer<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

can you make it a year? possibly forever?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>and leave you poor 'Pooler bastards without my wit<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

and that bad smell you leave behind. thank God

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Merry Christmas.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

aw so sentimental... *vomit* where do you come up with this stuff??? ya your going big deal.. my god if it makes a dif here I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

-----------

Der Kessel Home of ãDie SturmgruppeÒ; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[jdmorse]

The dank fog seizes tight on the moor, in the distance an animal howls in tortured pain. Three figures emerge from the misty tendrils and overlook a decaying and fetid landscape. Standing there musing over this too transient triumph of man, the full moon, yellow and gibbous, comes up out of an overflow of silver light in the north-east. They notice movement below them in the distance. The bright little figures ceased to move about below, a noiseless owl flitted by, and shivering with the chill of the night. the three travelers determined to descend and investigate this fallen ruin

The tallest of the figures, an aging warrior, his body not what it was in his youthful prime, yet possessing a head of greying hair and a steely gaze. He has faced many opponents of various and sundry kinds and bested most. A battered briefcase adorns his side. His companions, one a malformed hunchback and the other with a penchant for young woolie things gaze before them.

Croda: What place is this?

JD: It is the once and mighty 'pool young croda. Once I thought it could be your and Peter's birthright, but now...... (shaking head)

PNZ: What happened hee and who are those creatures?

JD: They are called Morlocks, devolved descendants of this lands inhabitants.(eyes misting over as an inner vision clouds his mind) Ahhh the pool, the pool.It was a place of power and glory. In the old times mighty warriors strode these halls (kicking aside a pile of refuse as small furry things scurry into the darkness) Se'achi, he who found this place;and the mythical and legendary Peng; M'eks of Hamster lore; Bauhaus, the seated one; G'boy, Lorak, the mad elven king, Berli the Loki of our world; Shaw and his , well never mind; the fair Joanna and others, now all but a memory. We were young and impetuous in those days, wild beyond measure, we thought we were invincible, that the thread would go on forever. But we were wrong. In our Promethean hubris we were struck down,Cesspoolnarok and the golden age faded from memory.

PNZ: But what of this place?

JD: We built again on the ashes of the old. We thought that it's time would continue, now I am not so sure. Once I called this place home. Invectitude, taunts, bile and blood were regularly spilled. We feasted and raged, meade was consumed in prodigious amounts. It was our dream that others would come and carry on the old ways. You two have been trained in those arts and my heart is full to see that I chose well.

But now, the French scurry about, there are silly word games, as croda you know too well, they have become lazy and do not boast of their accomplishments. Literary reference and allusion flowed like honey from meloforus tongues. Words mattered, not in quantity but how they were used. Ahh cleverness and creativity, those were the marks. The old ones rarely are seen here now. I care not of their gender but can they fight and spit in their crushed and humiliated enemies eye. Aye that was the pool.

Come boys, let us go down and find a place to sleep tonight. On the morrow we shall see if there is any greatness left in this place.

[This message has been edited by jdmorse (edited 11-17-2000).]

[This message has been edited by jdmorse (edited 11-17-2000).]

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch:

my medication is wearing off:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No need the quote the bleeding obvious!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

2001 is the biblical new millenium, right? Isn't that when all that crazy antichrist stuff and armageddon and all that is supposed to happen? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It has! You just haven't seen the current outcome of Mace/Kitty PBEM, where Mace is currently finding out what armageddon is all about (and all this done by a female as well.....sheesh)!

In fact, I'm doing so poorly against kitty-cat that if anyone in the future tells me I play like a girly, I'll take it as a compliment!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Here's a whacky scenario for ya:

Nothing is going to happen. So a few hardcore Christians or Christian organizations are going to make damn sure that something *does* happen. Like some big nasty blowin' up kind of ****.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Or stealing our CM CDs?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The other scenario is that the Christian Apocalypse and all that walking-dead, rivers of blood stuff is going to happen. Which might be scarier. Or really cool for like five minutes. Then eternal damnation.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mmmmmm walking dead - That would describe most of the cesspool's inhabitants!

Now that's scary! <shiver>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>how is this going to effect my CM playing time???<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I answered that - your CM CD has been stolen!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>ok back to the doctor...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Do that, but lay off messing with my mind will ya! It's 5am here and I'm not currently capable of deep philosophical thought!

Mace

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

I will be gone for a while, as I was caught without my pants at the petting zoo, an explicit violation of the terms of my probation.

Merry Christmas.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Due to the impending absence of Sir Meeks, I bring you …

At a loss for words, try Meek's Insta-Taunt. This little devil will slice, dice and chop your opponents, and if you order now, will come with not one, not two, but three bottles Sir Meek's favorite meds for bi-polar disorder!

To use this ingenious device simply insert the words of your choice into the appropriate space. In no time, you'll have the pool convinced that Sir Insignificant Little Rodent Boy had never left.

I have signed your death warrant, you ( insert various uncomplimentary, and preferably vulgar adjectives) piece of ( insert synonym for feces). I will now commence with the tearing off of your (insert body parts of choice here, nipples are strongly recommended) and the inserting them in ( insert random bodily orifice here). I, the (insert unlikely complementary adjectives for Sir Meeks here, the more of them used the better) Sir Meeks, will show you the true meaning of topplement, first hand.

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... but he does have possibilities as the Western Marketing Manager of Evil. - Rune

[This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-17-2000).]

[Chupacabra]

Actually, along those lines, I've started trying to write a little Auto-Taunt Javascript thingy. I have no idea if I'll ever finish this, because I hate Javascript, I suck at it, I have a short attention span, and I kinda feel like a loser for even bothering. If this thing ever does see the light of day though I'll post something.

------------------

Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[Chupacabra]

Ah, Croda has just informed me that some brave soul has already written an auto-taunter, which means that I have absolutely no desire to continue doing so

This is way cooler than mine was going to be anyway. Basically my knowledge of Javascript is cutting and pasting from other people's scripts, and deleting any lines I don't understand. So probably just as well.

------------------

Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[Guest YK2]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda:

Point of Order for the 'Pool:

Does anyone actually read OhGoshI'mAScottishFreak's crazy-ass Scottish ramblings? I can't get through them without getting Vertigo. The last post was like Adam Sandler's movie career. It was funny once, it was funny twice, it even managed to be funny the third time, but cut the ****. He's still making this crap?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, being Scottish myself I LMFAO every time I read his posts, Guess they make me feel at home, I can see it would be pretty difficult for anyone not used to the Scottish slang to get through his posts with ease, but to me, well, its like shelling peas really, easy peasy. Croda my little sweetie, don't be so hasty in your views, if we are to adopt you then you will have to get used to much more vertigo inducing accents than OGSF'S.

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

[LIES!!! ALL LIES I TELL YOU!!!]

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Meeks,

Hey, tell Mike "Hi" for me when you get to Antarctica. Make sure you ask him for the "Clean Food" when you give him your order, if ya know what I mean.

Also.. when you get to 7,250 foot elevation mark watch for the 3rd step its a little tricky.

Also the guys over at NSF asked me to tell you to make sure you bring your super secret decoder ring and some bird seed in case they need you to save the world again.

I suppose this is part where I say see ya and have fun but then that would make it seem like I care and I don't.

Jeff

P.S. In all truth when you mentioned that you were going to be mountain climbing the first image to pop into my mind was of you plummeting to your death. I can see it so clearly now... It's a dingy, grey day with stoic dark mountains filling the background. You are plunging through the air. I think you are wearing some dark blue Columbia Parka with light yellow pants. If you could get close you would hear the rustle of wind as it passes over nylon. You are panicking. You claw uselessly at the air searching for a handhold that will never appear. It's long way down. Your fall takes several seconds. Your figure grows distant, smaller, less significant. Further... Further. Your screams reside, then...silence.

Have fun!

Jeff

[This message has been edited by jshandorf (edited 11-17-2000).]

[David Aitken]

Croda wrote:

> Yesterday, in a really goofy thread about taunting people in French (not the French taunter) YK2 asked if she could adopt me and told me I was a sweetie and that she would teach me how to Scottish kiss when old PawBroon wasn't looking.

Now now kiddies, if my memory serves me well (and it does), the specifics were that Emma called you a sweetie and offered to let you French kiss Marçel. The latter got a bit excited, so the former had to withdraw her offer for fear of losing her man to your studliness.

> Does anyone actually read OhGoshI'mAScottishFreak's crazy-ass Scottish ramblings?

YK2 wrote:

> Actually, being Scottish myself I LMFAO every time I read his posts

Being Scottish myself, I get a headache trying to read that nonsense. It should be noted that a Glasgow accent does not constitute the Scottish language – the vast majority of Scots speak English – real Scots is a far more elegant dialect.

Now, let's play "Guess why Dave has a stupid big grin on his mug"! Give up? Well, he's just spent half the day at an Edinburgh girls' school of course! *

David

* and the other half at a boys' school... now let's play "Guess which half of Dave's day was more fun"!

------------------

War is about killing people. You give orders which will help to end the war, not orders which will save your men, because your men will only stop dying when the war is over. – D.A.

[jshandorf]

Snooch-a-koochi,

Where the hell is my damn turn you crusty bastard? Don't make me drive down to Edina or whatever SimCity like hell hole you live in and kick you in the ass.

Jeff

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YK2:

Croda my little sweetie, don't be so hasty in your views, if we are to adopt you then you will have to get used to much more vertigo inducing accents than OGSF'S.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, to be truthful, my little Scottish flower of sorts, I rather like the Scottish accent. I even like the Bagpipes! But reading OGSF's posts is somewhat like reading Auld Lang Syne repeatedly. You know damn well that there's a point in there somewhere, but I'll be dipped in **** if I can find it. I would hate to bash a stomach eating culture like the Scots. As I said, my forefathers were stomach-eaters! And to hear your dovelike voice coo in it's native gutturality must be nigh on Nirvana. Unfortunately, OpenGopenSopenFopen comes across as a dyslexic blind man on amphetamines. Or maybe he's just from Maine. If you want good Scottish jokes, rent 'So I Married an Axe Murderer' and let Mike Myers perform the ancient Scottish Martial Art of 'Fuk Yee!'

------------------

"Nuts!"

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YK2:

Actually, being Scottish myself I LMFAO every time I read his posts, Guess they make me feel at home, I can see it would be pretty difficult for anyone not used to the Scottish slang to get through his posts with ease, but to me, well, its like shelling peas really, easy peasy. Croda my little sweetie, don't be so hasty in your views, if we are to adopt you then you will have to get used to much more vertigo inducing accents than OGSF'S.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Crikey, this is amazing!

You're Scottish, yet I understood everyword you said!

Mace

[Guest YK2]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Being Scottish myself, I get a headache trying to read that nonsense. It should be noted that a Glasgow accent does not constitute the Scottish language – the vast majority of Scots speak English – real Scots is a far more elegant dialect.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You sure are doing your best to p*ss me off Mr Aitken. The Glasgow accent is unique,I am proud to be Glaswegian as anyone will tell you we are mostly friendly and down to earth with no Granduers of wishing to be one of the freakin *vast majority* of Scots who speak English. You, of course must be referring to the MINORITY of Scots who have the far more elegant dialect of ENGLISH jeese man yer heed is so for up yer ass ye widnae ken ye wir a fella Scot. David yer a snob of the worst sort, "now where did I pit ma caber its time fer some heed bashing,"

*Returns to calm mode*

Probably my only weakness ( apart from Pawbroon of course) I am fiercly Loyal to my Glaswegian roots guess that makes for some really serious taunting.

[This message has been edited by YK2 (edited 11-17-2000).]

[Hamstersss]

Aaarrgh! I look in here one last time, hoping for sappy sentiment or a single, "Hey, don't die you stupid bastard." and all I get is a bunch of secret agent jokes?!?! You suck, each and every one of you, in your own special way. First off, it's the NSF, that's Nation Science Foundation, not the NSA, which would be the National Security Administration (Right?), they don't do spy missions, they don't have agents, they just sponsor or give grants for expedition. Secondly, you still suck. Third, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Gah, lost - ability. form simple. AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHH!!!! You. I. When I get back, I will tear Jefe's arm off and beat Croda to death with it! YAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I hope they approve the expedition and then they keep me there so I never, ever have to read your inane posts again, you evil, evil, evil. Oh, whoops, time to go. See ya in a week.

------------------

Meeks is correct.

-Steve, of Big Time Software, creator of Combat Mission, Vicar of Peng on Earth.

[von shrad]

A sad day indeed

After hanging on out of sheer terror and a pledge to abstinence, the forces of Commander, Lieutenant-Colonel Von Shrad have surrendered to the 'overly happy' troops of SS-Obersturmbannfuhrer Stuka .

The going was tough and the German commander showed good talent at taking out my forces. We would have surrendered earlier had we not known what we were to discover. After many post of Stuka's where there were multiple references to his genitalia, I decided to send a Recce group to gather German intentions.

Here is what was reported to me

'We made our way through the town and came upon their HQ. Inside its paremeter we noticed that there was some sort of 'Hip-Hop' party going on amongst the soldiers. I snuck closer, carefull not to scatter the various bottles of Ripple and over heard this;

* lay on the heavy German accent *

Stuka ' The Americans are close to surrenderving. I am so happy. You Know the chubby one reminds me of that Ned Vetty. OOOh I van't the 'big boy' '.

SS-Schutze Hans 'Yes und the vone vith the mustache reminds me of Burt Venolds. If I close my eyes I can almost hear his sarcastic laughter.

Stuka Hans, bring up all available K-VY jelly.

Hans Ve are all out, Sir. It has been springlike veather und you know vhat that does to your men. It makes them happy to be hand-picked und under your command.

Stuka Run to town und pick up all the K-VY you can find. Ve are going to party like it's ninteen ninty-vine.

It was then that we decided to hold at all cost.

Our best intentions could not keep the 'hungry' troops at bay. They were fighting like mad to claim their demented reward. Oh the horror. I quckly assembled our best dancers to go forward and offer our surrender.

Later that evening with the sounds of Dueling Banjo's over the loudspeakers

*ARRRG* *GRRRRRR*

Think of a happy place

VS

[Croda]

You think maybe someone should warn Antarctica? That guys anger and rage could melt the Ice Caps.

------------------

"Nuts!"

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Someone tell MrPeng he can't just wander in here and spew like that – he's got to acknowledge the presence of others, and deride them accordingly. And take away his keyboard, or confiscate one of his daughters.

David (resident non-resident non-artistic artist)

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aitken:

This is my thread. This thread is about me. It is ALL about me. Every post, every idiot gibbering fleck of drool that drips from lolling tongues, every goddam word that comes in or out of this pool is MINE. IT IS ALL MINE.

"Topplement?" MINE. Croda's PT boat? MINE.

the Brick we smack Meeks with? MINE. The Old Firm? Mine. It is all mine. Every win every loss every sandbagging set up, every 49 to 51 draw belongs to me. Your artwork? MINE!

This isn't the David "do a search. BTS says it wont be included because a, it never happened or b, you can't bloody run with an HMG" Aitken bloody challenge thread now is it? NO. It is the afterbirth of the Peng Bloody Challenge Bleeding Thread and don't you forget it. So if I, PENG, want my alternate alter-ego to mosey in and post something completely out of character for him , and completely without taunt or wit or charm or worth or anything at all I can then. SO BE IT.

Shut your filthy, wretched, haggis munching hole about it, you giant smiley loving, hamster taming pile of sheep vomit. When I get through with you there will be nothing but a puddle of pee and a hat where you once grovelled for mercy. I will show you no mercy. I will smite you with a great big smitey thing. And then I will yell things at you and call you a bad person. Next, I will smite you a bit more and then put you in the woood chipper, then I will yell at you some more for clogging the wood chipper with your boney parts and smite you yet again with some of your own boney parts. I will then yell some more at the boney parts (by the way, if you are saying to yourself "big deal, he's going to yell at me." let me just warn you that my lung capacity and the volume of noise I can create un-amplified has been known to burst the bladders of sea-elephants at 40 fathoms) for being so floppity and useless. I will then eat your shredded bits after I marinate them in some sour mash bourbon and tobasco.

After they are digested I will excrete them and force feed the excrement to your dog. I will then yell at the dog for being yippy and useless as all dogs large and small are. Into the wood chipper he goes. I will feed the shredded dog to a pack of rabid hamsters and set them loose in your village.

Then I will pretend to be a hamster exterminator and when your community members call me to exterminate the hamsters I will kill all the people instead, and feed the dead to the hamsters. Then I will kill the hamsters and use them to feed the Naked Mole Rats of the Army of Peng.

Remember Aitken. THIS IS MY THREAD, and what it is too.

Peng

------------------

"I hope a bucket of nails falls on your head..."

Hamsters/Meeks(!)

[David Aitken]

YK2 wrote:

> I am proud to be Glaswegian

I knew it!

> as anyone will tell you we are mostly friendly and down to earth with no Granduers of wishing to be one of the freakin *vast majority* of Scots who speak English.

Yes, but they DO speak English. That's what I'm saying – regardless of their accent, Weegies speak English, not Scots.

David

------------------

War is about killing people. You give orders which will help to end the war, not orders which will save your men, because your men will only stop dying when the war is over. – D.A.

[David Aitken]

MrPeng wrote:

This is my thread. [...] THIS IS MY THREAD, and what it is too.

Does that constitute a full-blown Penging, or do I have to cling on longer for the day when I can release my grasp on this mortal coil?

------------------

War is about killing people. You give orders which will help to end the war, not orders which will save your men, because your men will only stop dying when the war is over. – D.A.

[Mark IV]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra:

Ah, Croda has just informed me that some brave soul has already written an auto-taunter<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I suspect some here are already using it.

For instance, the hilarious concept of "slipping off one's meds" has been an internet standby for years, and appears about once per page in Poolishness. This could only be the result of an auto-taunter, since anyone whose brainstem ends in anything more than an ellipsis would know that it hasn't been at all funny since April, 1994, and had been declining steadily before then.

Compare this to the rise and fall of animated smileys. The first one was funny. The second was tired. The third one was stupid. The subsequent 8000 showed only that a multitude of dullards had mastered the pasting of links into a UBB post. Now they have gone the way of the hamster and the chinchilla, which once roamed these swamps in herds that stretched to the horizon, victims of the white man's greed... err, where was I?

Thingie references, and repeated admonishments to bauhaus, are of course genuinely (dare I say, bitingly?) funny, and powerful theater of the mind. They may be the product of advanced high-dollar professional grade auto-taunters.

Meeksie's assertions that he actually does anything other than type, poorly, are side-splitting.

The battle of "Kitty versus the Penis People" was not witty, but contained enough situational irony to keep us giggling.

Examine posts for signs of auto-taunts, and you will begin to distinguish the original work of true artisans from machine-made wit.

See the work of MrPeng, above, for an illustration of a true olde-world craftsman at his trade.

[This message has been edited by Mark IV (edited 11-17-2000).]

[Guest YK2]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda:

Unfortunately, OpenGopenSopenFopen comes across as a dyslexic blind man on amphetamines. Or maybe he's just from Maine.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Exactly Croda, his accent is so typically OTT he is taking the *preverbal piss* but in the nicest possible way, the guy has humour he is no more Glaswegian than I am French but my god he has the lingo down to a T.

But no worries my little "soon to be adopted sweetie" you will understand me perfectly, I am neither dyslexic or on amphetamines.