BLSTK

Interesting detail: our dear friend Michael Enema once tried out for the part of the Strawman in The Wizard of Oz. His one redeeming quality was that he lacked a brain, which made him a prime candidate for the role. No word on whether he got the part, but he's been attacking strawmen ever since.

Scotland's loss is surely South Africa's gain.

Now, "Away and pee!", the two of you.

We weren't "cast out" as much as we left of our own free will. You would be well advised to do the same, if you had any sense.* Do it, if only for the sake of the land of your birth. And for those who hold onto an unbridled** passion for a simpler time. -------------------------------------------------------------- *But then, there's sense...and then there's "horse sense". FWIW... "Nay Bother" is the name of my favourite (night)mare. You'd probably have to own a sense of humour to find it funny. ** At least Robbie would have understood the reference here.

"Grillons". Since Scotland now has "Google", it won't be long before you also have "Google Translate". Nay bother.

Lest you think we inhabitants of The New and Improved World™ are lacking in gratitude, we must acknowlegde the role the Scots played in the Torching of The White House. We are, in fact, deeply indebted to the Scots for inventing fire.* * read Banesy's "History of all Tings Scotch or How Me Granpappy Invented Fire Waaaaaay Afore Guy Fawkes Was a Gleam in His Whiskey-Fuelled Father's Eye".

The words "a historical" made me cringe. Otherwise, your use of the English language is impressive, considering it isn't your maternal tongue. Yep, we've come a long way.

Since I also share English bloodlines, it is my privilege, nay duty, to educate the uncultured among you of my ancestors' influence on the White House Official (Exterior) Decorator. Let's just say there weren't too many colour schemes available to my American neighbours after Wee Brits got done with it. Bye the bye, nice attempt to deflect the real issue by dredging up (someone else's) past. Sounds like someone who has no future.

I'm glad to see your part of The Ancient World has finally got Google. How else would you have known what "poutine" is? But I understand, your world is so very very small. It matches your worldview.

I suppose my ancestors could have stayed in Scotland. We could have spent the rest of our lives sitting in a cave, staring at a spider's web, regretting what might have been. But we chose instead to make something of our lives, to live for the future. To be a better version of those we left behind. Meanwhile in Scotland, you are either destined to live in the past or accept that your future is s*h*i*t*e. Take your pick.

For the purists among you, "cretin" is a uniquely French term. But you'll never hear a French-Canadian say it. Something about the physical distance separating France and its (not so former) colony, causing the language and its dialect to evolve in distinctly different ways. Damn, you'd almost think I'd spent 20 years teaching the language!

@ Banesy and His Lovechild Emrys: Methinks neither of you have even set foot on Canadian soil, judging from your lack of awareness of anything beyond your own navels. The world is probably better off that way. As the French would say, "Cretins!"

crickets...

Now the Dutch. You have to be my favourite people of all time!

Add this to the list of things you now know about Canada: It takes more than a pair of Scots to match the wit of a single Canadian. You do the math. Robbie was wrong. I weep for the Scotland of the morrow.

More crickets...the insect.

@ Peter At least Wee Canadians appreciate our Scottish heritage. As you punters across the Big Pond are trying to break up Great Britain, you'll find the real Scots over here attending Gaelic College at St. Mary's in Nova Scotia. Get it? Nova Scotia? Or as you Scottish gits would call it New Scotland. Try opening a newspaper more and yer mouths less, ladies...er, laddies.

And yet the Scots themselves say "let's go for a curry". How long afore yer fellow countrymen disown ye?

Crickets...the insect.

@ Banesy & His Sidekick Pedro Now go away or I shall taunt you a Forth* time!** *As in the Forth Estuary and bridge of the same name. **I probably know your Bonnie Scotland better than the two of you combined.

Best Indian curry I ever had was in Scotland. It sure beats haggis. And the last time I checked, the official language of John-o-Groats was still English. Stick that in yer pipe and smoke it. ...sorry, you said you preferred cigars.

Because if it's one game the Scots know, besides drinking, it's hockey. Bye the Wee, how did Scotland do in Olympic curling? Oh wait, didn't Canada win Gold in that one, too?

I don't suppose either of you has a Masters Degree in Gaelic. Didn't think so.

Tell you what, lads. We'll take Scotland and yer whiskey. You can have Quebec and its poutine.

If it's one thing I'm not averse to, it's "touchy topics".