Dave H

Axe, my boy, I hate to rain on your parade, (not really), but GUNS spelled backwards is SNUG, not SNUGS!! If you are going to edit the briefings for CMAK, I'd like to think that you know words of four letters don't have five when reversed. Of course, at higher latitudes like Minnesota and Canada, anything is possible. Now, on to a more serious point I'd like to raise with all of our associates who frequent the Brand P thread. I'm sure all of you are hanging around, waiting to see what lunacy Croda, Seanachai, and other mythical figures will unleash next around here. However, I have noticed that not one of you has sent along good wishes to our friend Axe on his pending marriage. Oh, the shame of it! For people who live with visions of nobility and chivalry dancing in your heads, this is an unforgivable oversight! Nay, friends, it comes perilously close to an insult to Axe and all things Canadian, like hockey pucks, SCTV, and Michael Dorosh. :mad: :mad: FYI, Axe will be adding a Mrs. Axe next Saturday. His soon-to-be wife is the lovely, talented, and exceedingly forgiving Paula. She has been exposed to the Cheery Waffle threads and still plans to go through with this wedding. In my book, this places her on the fast track to sainthood.

What could a street person from the depths of Mary Tyler Moore's old stomping grounds have that anyone here could possibly want? Well, anyone except MasterGoodale, who has a lot of room for improvement. No, thanks for the offer, but you would probably stick us with some Aussies or something equally, well, to use a term you may understand, yucky. Becket is, like all maggots, a free agent, completely at liberty to post anywhere he wants. Otherwise I'm sure a flurry of class-action lawsuits would follow immediately. If he could spare the time from running after all the ambulances in Washington DC. Now, back to our comrades in the General Forum: Wouldn't you like to be so positive that you are absolutely right, all of the time? The level of certainty is positively breathtaking!

Well Axe, this makes me feel lots better about the quality of the CMAK briefings. Between your ranting gibberish, and MrSpkr turning each briefing into some sort of legal contract, I'm afraid CMAK is doomed! We'll just have to completely skip the briefings. Seanachai probably would have converted the briefings to poetry, so I suppose things could have been worse. Rune, excellent choices for your editors. Sorry that I couldn't devote more time to the project. I'm sure the briefings will be as great as the game itself.

Allow me to refresh what few cells remain of your memory. In the middle of some rambling post, you said something about "they have rules; we have Dave H". That was followed by this post: While I'm certainly as game as the next guy for pelting Soddball with garbage and filth, the thought of listening to anything by ABBA fills me with dread. Unfortunately, my dear wife has a CD of their "greatest hits", which she plays all too often. :eek: :mad: [ September 04, 2003, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: Dave H ]

Rune, can you be a bit more specific about your requirements? How many briefings, how many per day, are you expecting turnaround seven days a week, etc.? I'm interested, but not if you're talking about a full-time job. I've edited US government correspondence for years. Check any of my posts to see if you think I'm qualified.

Oddly enough, that same thought puts a smile on my face and a song in my heart! Would a healthy dose of rat poison go well with cheesecake? As much as I would hate to see a good cheesecake ruined, it would be a sacrifice to a much higher calling. Seanachai - admit it, you're lurking too - thank you for the very kind words in your cute little thread over there. My feelings on a potential trade to the Peng thread are: If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve. Instead I'd probably go hang out with my buddies like william amos, Slapdragon, Desdee, and the other imperial storm troopers in the General Forum.

Axe, this evening I'll send you the file I sent to Mike in New Zealand. It has my German forces already selected, and you can pick whatever Soviet units you want for mike_the_whiner. I think lots and lots of jeeps and trucks would be appropriate. They might also prevent him from hurting himself. No sharp edges or small pieces he may try to swallow, you know. Teddy, my e-mail to you bounced. It's just within the realm of possibility that I used the wrong address. I didn't have time to check before shutting down last night. Try, try again tonight. YK2, don't worry about MasterGoodale. His bark is much, much worse than his bite. He's had all of his shots, too. We're always glad to have visitors here, they help keep us sharp. They also distract MasterGoodale's attention from the rest of us. 16 more days, MG, you maggot.

Becket, I think you are assuming something about the maggots of this thread which may not be 100 percent accurate. Some of them may not even recognize that g-word you used. Words of nine letters or more are outside their comfort zones. Way, WAY outside.

Talkative group today. Again, the previous thread was locked before it made it halfway down the first page. Big Brother is watching. Pengophiles are always welcome, but are cautioned that the fury maggot MasterGoodale has been known to throw fits when he spots one. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Axe, did you get the file from Becket? Can you believe that gamey maggot mike_the_grapo would place so many conditions on such a straightforward PBEM? Well of course you do, and so do I. Teddy, your setup is heading east right now. Be prepared, and direct all complaints about the map and the forces to Becket. He graciously put this together for me, for which I thank him.

While I think it's very interesting that you have entered the "Dress Up like Michael Dorosh's Dummy" contest, that gains you no points in the one and only (for now) BDLRM contest. If you would have read the challenge on the previous page, you may have absorbed the fact that this is a 20 turn Allied assault, and that I play the Axis defenders. Which means you can select captured German armor, but you will have to be Russian. Period. The end. Fini. Still interested, you gamey maggot??

Mike, when I want to be beaten in the gamiest fashion possible, you da man. I'll send the setup to you tonight - probably around lunch time for you.

Sir Edward, for you I will create space in my busy PBEM schedule. Anyone willing to play every turn of Soddball's initial Cheery Waffle scenario without flinching away in sheer disgust is both a gentleman and a scholar. I will send you the initial setup this evening. Any other takers? Even you visitors to this fair thread are invited to participate. I was going to say challenged, but it goes without saying that anyone visiting here has enough challenges already. MasterGoodale, just once try to elevate your "mind" out of the gutter. You do remember your mind, that creepy-crawly mass stranded in the hard vacuum between your ears. You make Beavis and Butthead look like the Rothschilds.

No, it's "Gang up on the Canadian who will be getting Married in 10 Days" day. Since we don't have Paula's e-mail address, you're the only person who meets the criteria.

Good morning, maggots!! It's another beautiful day here. I feel like somehow I've been relocated to England. The sky is completely overcast, and the rain is falling for about the tenth day in a row. Normally by this time of the year the grass is brown from the heat and the lack of rain. Not this time, everything is growing like it's spring again. I keep having to pump water out of our pond to keep it from overflowing. This map and setup Becket has so kindly provided is just the thing for my "Beat Dave Like a Rented Mule", or BDLRM contest. I'm already playing MG (the maggot), who did not get to select his own units, but seems pretty happy with all his T-34s. Mike is at his unit selection stage now. Any of the rest of you care to participate? Small map, Allied assault, 20 turns, I'll have the same Axis defensive units each time. Who can beat me the worst? Consider yourselves challenged, maggots. Let's see, so many maggots, so little time for making fun of them. Mike_the_wino, or can I call you Keanu from now on, hope you have a great harvest. Do you get to stomp the grapes, or has that been completely taken over by machinery? Not that you're interested in the grape juice until it ferments for a few years. MasterGoodale, you maggot, please don't reveal any details about Abbott's scenario you are playing. I think Axe and I are playing the same one. Which incidentally seems to be going very well at the moment. Much like our game, in fact. Your four tanks may hold one VL, but it's oh so early. My machine gun crews are looking forward to introducing themselves to your infantry. You do remember you have infantry, right? Mike, or Stalin's Organ, or whoever you are today, I sent you the setup created by that fine gentleman Becket. Hope it can make it all the way to tomorrow or whatever day or month it is in New Zealand. Becket, you have a lot of nerve to wipe out my conscript infantry with your crack troops and then tell me not to shoot your guys with my T-34s. Like your StuGs and guns haven't been pounding my guys perched on these mountains like goats. You know, some of these setup areas were so isolated that there is no way down, only cliffs on all sides. GRRRR!!!! :mad: :mad:

So you write for MAD magazine, correct? I recognize the colorful style. One iota of hate received, thank you very much. Go to bed. Eleven more nights for the single you. Goodnight to you, too, Paula. It's not too late to dump this guy and hit the road to somewhere far, far away. 19 more days for me before I'm freed from the Goodale curse. Mike_the_wino, Keanu Reeves really isn't my type. I must confess that I do like the movie, and I've watched it several times. So sue me! If I thought the hills of northern California really looked so perfect, I'd move there. I could be your neighbor!! :eek: :eek: :mad:

Mike, I want to know if you get to run around the vineyard waving your butterfly wings on chilly nights. Was "A Walk in the Clouds" really about you? :eek:

Congratulations on passing alliteration 101. Very nicely constructed phrases. I believe you qualify as a Spiro Agnew wannabe. Why not. I've asked Becket to convert a QB he created for MasterGoodale (the maggot) and me to a QB where you can select your forces. When he finishes I'll send it to you. It's a 20 turn Allied assault. I'll be the defender. Sound reasonable to you?

I find it hard to believe I'm even thinking this, let alone typing it, but I believe you are absolutely correct. You define the word gamey as far as I'm concerned, you grape-stomping maggot! So did you get on the ballot for governor? I'd have signed your petition.

For you I'll come up with some hate. But what does my hate matter to a man who will be married in only 11 days? Or a man who lives in Canada all the time? Or a man with several tanks burning in our little game?

Dave why do you hate us so? :confused: </font>

This message is presented as a public service to all the regulars from the Peng threads who wander in here every so often searching for enlightenment. You know who you are. Strictly as an example of the difference between threads, here is the beginning of the first post in your latest MBT, courtesy of Mr. Boo Radley: Couldn't go 100 words before starting in on the RULES!! As usual, the rules themselves come well after the "friendly" SOD OFF to the SSN (Scum Sucking Noobie). Anyone who thinks there is too much anger in the Cheery Waffle threads would do well to look a little closer to home. The Cheery Waffle threads have no rules, unless we make one up as we're going along, which we promptly ignore and forget. We welcome anyone who is willing to get silly with us. Above all else, nobody is treated as a higher - or lower - caste. Here everyone can carve out their own niche, entirely on their merits (or in MasterGoodale's singular case, his appalling lack of merits). Feel free to stop in anytime, Peng maggots!

Keke, welcome back to the land of the living. This place hasn't been the same without you. It's been a much nicer place, actually, without you dragging those old scores out of the history books to impress girls and Pengers. Hope you had a great vacation.

Okay you pathetic maggots, I've heard enough of your wild "sports" claims. Not that any of you geeks would know anything about sports in the first place. Let's talk a minute about a couple of guys who have played two professional sports: Deion Sanders. Neon Deion. Hall of Fame caliber defensive back and kick returner in the NFL. Had a few mainly lackluster seasons in Major League baseball, lasting primarily because of his speed. Michael Jordan. Pretty fair basketball player, almost universally hailed as the best ever. Led the Chicago Bulls to three consecutive world championships. Retired from the NBA to pursue his dream of playing professional baseball. He developed a chronic inability to hit a curve ball. He lasted for part of two seasons in the minor leagues before giving up. Returned to the Bulls and led them to three more world championships. The only real success at another pro sport and pro baseball I can remember was Bo Jackson. He was in a class by himself. Remember the "Bo knows" ad campaign? I don't see any athlete from football, rugby, soccer, tennis, cricket, croquet, footie, water polo, or any other sport doing anything comparable to standing 60 feet, 6 inches from 6' 10" Randy Johnson and letting him throw a 102 mile per hour fastball right at him. Especially when he's supposed to hit that ball with a round bat. The ball takes all of 4 tenths of a second to travel to home plate. That's how long the batter has to swing, check his swing, or hit the dirt to avoid a pitch in his ear. A 70 mph "off-speed" pitch arrives in a sedate 6 tenths of a second. And remember, it's not one pitch, but one after another after another. Compared to the pitcher-batter confrontation in baseball, every other sport takes place in slow motion.

JIM BOGGS!!! Great to see you, man! How are you and yours doing? We'll expect an hour by hour account of your absence, preferably in iambic pentameter. Or haiku is good, too. Like a true maggot, when he detects an intruder or two or three or however many there have been today, he rises to the defense. Relatively speaking, of course, since maggots don't rise very high.

Off with ALL of their heads, I say! Newbies and Grogs! Leave the forums to those of us who are too ignorant to be grogs, but who have been around too long to be newbies. Then peace will reign, the lion will lie down with the lamb, and the Cubs and the Red Sox will play each other in the World Series. Donan, of course we could and should make new people feel welcome. Being rude on this forum is still being rude.