Soddball

Listening to you is my malfunction, dingbat. Turn sent over an hour ago. If you will live in some godforsaken arctic wilderness, then don't blame me if the Huskie email service is running below par.

Snarker has scored a gamey, jammy, arse-fistingly unpleasant set of luckinesses in the last 2 turns. I spent the early part of our game brewing up Panzer IVs like a holiday barbie, leaving nothing but mangled tanks. However, apparently the spirit of Michael Wittman himself (as Snarker kindly pointed out) has infused the spirit of his remaining tanker, who, not content with using laser rangefinding, and APBCBCBHAHABHAABCCHHJJX rounds, has plugged three of my tank destroyers in 90 seconds,despite all three of them taking shots at him (9 in total!). Bastard ****cheese. Kinky has had his whoring turn shipped back to him. Our setup looks delightful. Doesn'thaveamind has also had his setup shipped back - a quick battle without the prayed for night, fog, snow and earthquake features. Well, my game against MikeT has finished, and Mike the Wino's duel is coming to an end. I have two slots free. Who wants to fill my slot with angry juice?

Not sure what you mean. Can you tell me what you're on about?

Oh, and the size of the text file varies according to map size, number of units, number of targetting thingummies, number of units moving, and some other stuff. You may find, if you're on a modem as opposed to broadband or cable, that zipping files is preferable because you can be twiddling your thumbs waiting for downloads. Some online email systems, such as Hotmail, bugger about with the file if you're not careful, so zipping is also a useful way to avoid this. Typical files in a 2,000 pt Quick Battle don't get much larger than 500kb (for the action emails) and 75kb (for the move plotting emails)

A PBEM turn is just a text file, which is encrypted. Let's say you challenge me to a game. The way it works is: You set up the game - if it's a Quick Battle you pick parameters, weather, units etc, and click 'email' on the 'how do you want to play' screen. When you've finished buying your units, it will ask you to select the name of your saved file - default is PBEM, but lots of people like to name theirs - (TuhHodgevsSoddball) and some like to number them (TuhHodgevsSoddball001) to keep track of turns. I receive the file, load it into my game, pick units, place units and then send the turn back to you via email. It works thusly for turns: You give your units orders and email the turn to me. I give my units orders, the turn is processed on my machine, and I email the turn to you. You watch the turn unfolding, and return it to me. I watch the turn, and then plot the next turn's moves. Pretty simple, and fun. It doesn't matter how many turns you send a day, but your opponent can get frustrated if you only send one a fortnight (MASTERGOODALE ARE YOU LISTENING????). Hope that helps. If you are looking for some PBEM opponents, head over to the Cheery Waffle thread and challenge someone to a game. One of the sad losers will play you.

Snarker has just gone from "Person most likely to have his arse whooped" to "Person most likely to score jammy knockouts on my tank destroyers with his surviving Panzer IV, swinging the game from total victory for me to total arse whooping for me". The bastard. Mike the Wino and are I are sobbing in exhausting as we hump our way to Becket's end. God, this is awful. I hate variable turns. Keke has had his setup. Hurray for random terrain and weather. Look, another night battle in a terrain so full of craters it looks more like an Aero than a battlefield. Nevermind has received his setup - 1250pts, infantry-only. tee hee hee. MasterGoodale has sent 2 turns in four day. I am about to pass out in disbelief.

Teddy and I are on turn 36 out of our 30 turn game.

Firstly, the IS-2 is not a dedicated tank killer. If you want one, pick the SU-85 or SU-100. They are superior tank killers. Secondly, the IS-2's rate of fire is abominable. It's a good infantry tank but is poor against a Tiger. Thirdly, if you read my FAQ you will not that the StuGIIIG can put a round through the front armour of the IS-2 at 500m. The IS-2 is not an ubertank. I think that your ignorance and preconceptions are blurring your vision.

Look who's talking! :mad: If you don't send me your turn in next 24 hrs, I'll declare you as my unlawfully wedded bitch, and the first thing I'm gonna do is call mike the wino and his vaseline posse over to give you such treatment that you'll spend rest of your life in a wheelchair! :mad: </font>

Snotball You slack ass,challenge taking,no setup sending,waste of CM playing space,what is the malfunction you wanker? :mad: :mad: Now i see why everyone in here is so :mad: :mad: :mad: How am i to force humility on you if you wont send the setup? :mad: :mad: I like this thread. </font>

I doubt it's demo - in his other thread he is complaining about the Jagdtiger getting tken out took frequently from the front lower hull. Hurrah for pirate filth!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

I have today discovered why Mrs Goodale calls MasterGoodale "Old Mr Once-a-Fortnight". I have received a turn, and sure enough, it's two days inside my 'two-weeks and you're my wife' deadline. Poor Mrs Goodale. MasterGoodale's attack pattern is as incoherent as his speech. Snarker continues to lose armour at a delightful and prodigious rate. Our scenario has deep snow as its weather conditions, which makes advancing a real nightmare for infantry, and the terrain is open and flat, ensuring that tank battles are frequent and decisive. The whiff of impending wifedom wafts across the battlefield. Mike the Wino has given up returning turns due to terror at impending wifedom. MikeT and I have fought each other to a draw in our savage 800pts infantry-only battle. Tremendous fun, and a lesson that mortars and MGs will win the day. MikeT was unable to break through and rout my forces because he couldn't bring up enough support firepower. I had bought extra 82mm mortars which routed and broke the majority of his troops. That said, I learned the lesson about remembering to split squads to make your forces look bigger than they are. I frequently frotted about Mike's apparently innumerable hordes of german soldiers, only to find that it was less than a platoon of routed infantry with no ammo. Oh, And I learned about not bothering to buy conscript 82mm rocket spotters with a time delay of 32 minutes.

Read the FAQ in my sig for an answer.

GARGAGRGRGRGGRGRARGAGRGAGRGGRGGGARARARAGGG :mad: :mad: :mad: I'm mad and purple and nobody wants to be my wife!! Ye gods, Becket, this scenario is taking FOREVER! Make it stop!! I have just left the 'do not disturb' sign on the door of my honeymoon suite, and am making sure that the box of chocolate fingers and the vaseline are to hand. Mike the Wino is sure to love his new status! Setup shipped out to Keke before I head to the pub for mammoth beers. Wish me luck, maggots! There's a keg of ale with my name on it, and I'm angry out loud!! :mad:

This might be sacriligous, but now that Battlefront.com has emerged from the Dark Ages and instituded "stickies", they could probably close the thread. </font>

Scat Model, Happy Birthday! Send me a set-up NOW!!! :mad: </font>

My turns went out to everyone first thing. Snarker is two turns into our game, and has already lost close to a whole platoon of tanks. The chains of wifedom beckon, Snarker. Mike the Wino is busy pulling on his white dress and checking that the limo driver knows which address he needs to be at. Expect Mike to be my wife very soon. MasterGoodale continues to confound with his montly turn posting. Isn't there someone else I should be fighting?

I am! I'm the Rugged Defense Cmbb Ladder Leader and am glad to help anybody :cool: </font>

I don't think there's anything wrong. What I think you get is the computer's units fighting as though they are higher experience (elite in your case) rather than appearing as elite troops, but I'm open to correction on this.

I certainly don't mind - it makes a nice change from all the waffly yanks Translated into Klingon: H-Kgg Makrach Ghakk akakakakakakakak.

I'm just waiting for Tedski Babeski to return the last couple of turns and then we're done. I blame the inordinate amount of time my KV-1s take to reload for the length of the battle.

A sepuchral, growling, voice says: In a distant land, where time stood still, a child was born. A child of density ....pan to swishy-flying-over-city-at-high-speed-shot .... Now, as a world in turmoil stands on the brink of destruction, that child is all that stands between the world and TOTAL ANNIHILATION :mad: :mad: :mad: MASTER GOODALE AND THE TITTY JIGGLER FACE-MELTING KRAUT MENACE!! :mad: :mad: :mad: Now showing at cinemas near you. Rated 15. (Edited to add more rarrr!!) [ April 03, 2003, 06:11 AM: Message edited by: Soddball ]

G-kuk ch-choi maha gk-hk-ij!! :mad: :mad:

Turn 1 to follow as soon as I have pushed some more molten TNT into my weasel. Goodale, you rotting vagina, what the hell is wrong with you? My guess is Mrs Goodale says that Master Goodale is only allowed on the computer for 15 minutes a day.

ARAGRGARAAGRAGRAG :mad: :mad: :mad: All my turns have gone back out, and some hoor challenged me and I will send them something when I'm good and ready. Goodale has failed to send a turn for 5 days now. This is par for the course. I expect to wait at least another week. I have two new scenarios ready to rock and roll. The first one is quite dinky (low points, small map) but fun and an interesting challenge. The second one is significantly larger but looks babelicious. If there is any demand for a Soddball Special in the style of Inferno I shall put my mind to such a thing. Edited to add some :mad: [ April 02, 2003, 05:05 AM: Message edited by: Soddball ]