Speedbump

Getting close to the bottom of the first page, so Game Updates: dalem and I have reversed positions. He started out the game at the top of the mountain, defending the flags. Now I am at the top of the mountain defending the flags! Nothing like sitting in the other guys foxholes letting him assault you! Mace finally sent back the first movie. Nothing like the excitement of watching your units move out of their initial positions! MrSpkr and I are playing an ubertank thingy from view 1 with fog! One of my tanks blew up, don't know why...can't see a damn thing with all this fog! armornut resurfaced briefly, just long enough for his hidden AT gun to knock out 4 of my half-tracks. Damnable Brits. Now I will just have to overrun his positions with my infantry. In the meantime, I ask all the rest of you to kindly drop 'em, bend over, and cough! Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: Plans for the weekend: i) Process all my PBEMs *mainly tick* ii) Visit the pool *tick* iii) Play rogue Spear - nope iv) Play Fallout Tactics - nope v) Install Europa Universalis and play - nope vi) chat with the feline one - nope, not yet vii) begin construction of Tamiya PzKpfw IV Ausf H - nope viii) learn software to develop RS missions - nope ix) watch anything military related on Oz History channel - *ongoing* x) eat, sleep, fart, belch, piddle and poop - *as required* xi) notice family - *when required* Mace<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Mace, please disregard 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Concentrate on 6, as I sense that whenever your adolescent virtual crush on Kitty is encouraged you are more active in 1 & 2. And I want my turns back quicker! Respectfully *snigger*, Speedbump

[serious mode] Panzer Leader: Lorak's link - Cess Pool Made the same mistake myself a ways back. [/serious mode] Panzer Leader: Sod Off! Speedbump [ 06-01-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: Squire Speedbuggy may be a bit enthusiastic, but he does seem to grasp what you do not. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> *shudder* MrSpkr actually agrees with me? Oh, the horror! Someone, please hold me, I'm so scared. Were it not for the fact that I am about to eviscerate you in our Ubertankfest, I would thank you for your support and good taste. However, because I am about to eviscerate you in our Ubertankfest, Sod Off! Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: Mind numbing drivel.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> First point, I already told you to quit your belching! You are just like a ravenous junk-yard dog with its mouth around the rotting corpse of last weeks roadkill, you just can't let it go! Actually you are last weeks roadkill. Which leads me to my second point: You claim "shooting down a couple of those planes, and the fact that a good portion of my force made it off the map". Now I know with all certainty that you are a cretin. The ability to count is simply beyond your abilities. Let me remind you that you shot down exactly one plane, while exiting all of one AA truck and remants of 3 infantry squads (totalling around 10 men)! Third your understanding of military units is lacking. Your "convoy of half-tracks and kubelwagens" was actually a reinforced armor company with Tigers, Panzergrenadiers and multiple armored units. Fourth, I am not sure you belong in the Pool. I give you an opportunity to grind the face of a newbie into the muck of the Mutha Beautiful Thread, providing you an opportunity to taunt, gloat and generally beat your concaved chest. And what do you do? You scurry away into that little hole you call your life, screaming in a high-pitched girly voice (no offense Kitty and YK2), "No not me! I don't want to play any games!" I think we all agree here that you, sir, should go play in a gas oven, while the rest of us move forward with the business of the Pool. Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: Here's the deal, flatulent-house-fart, we have a fine *AHEM* selection of squires who's job is to separate the healthy sheep from the flow-blown flock. Give them a hard time, play a game against them, and maybe Maybe I'll actually put aside some time to make your life by allowing you to play me! Mace <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> First comment: Please use your find-and-replace function, using "flow" in the find function & Mace in the replace function. Panzer Leader, I think, as the newest Squire, that you should introduce fytinghellfish to the Pool. I have an interesting little scenario I just came across, Jabo! You might be interested in looking at it! Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: a cheap Aussie whorehouse<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Funny how these keep showing up on your Visa statement. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well guess what, Mr. Smart Guy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Finally, someone who recognizes my native intelligence! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I can cross that same 200m of terrain and blow you<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Not sure what you are getting at here, but I am sure baushaus can help. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>if its victory you are looking for<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No, good sir, I am only looking for an interesting opportunity to grind you under my treads. Points mean nothing to me. I should note here, that I called you a simian wannabe in my previous post. Some have wondered whether this means you are a simian who wishes to be, or simply a wannabe simian. While an elegant conundrum, I must make it clear I consider you below the "Homo Erectus" phylum (okay Bauhaus, three words to get worked up over!). In simple terms, Lucy held a place higher on the evolutionary ladder than you. Why do I say this? Might it be that you are a Texan? Might it be because you are a Sooner Fan? Might it be because you have an unnatural prediliction for some road side weed called okra? Might it be because you are a discourteous, gamey, code-cracking bastiche? Yes, all of the above, and more. You now have the opportunity to die-a-lot. Use it well! Speedbump

MrSpkr, please accept this post as the gauntlet being laid down (down Bauhaus!), or across your pockmarked face. While you were able to best me in our inaugural game, due no doubt to the ability to stack the forces in the setup, we shall return to battle in the following manner: Ubertanks only. Hilly Terrain. View 1 only. And last, but no least, FOG!!! Skill will play no role, only quick reactions. I expect you will die, not a little, but a lot. I may also, but I shall enjoy the tension. Let us recap. MrSpkr, you are a simian wannabe, while I am a paragon of honor, morals, and striking good looks. The setup shall be in the mail tonight. Speedbump [ 05-31-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Posted by Mensch: Long diatribe about why the world is coming to an end<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Wow. Upon first reading this post (and its follow-up) several emotions ran through my mind. I tried to decide whether I should feel guilty that I was not espousing my views in rambling, incoherent and frankly unreadable ways? Was my humor not biting or witty enough? Do I care what Mensch thinks? But before I wasted any neurons on these imponderables, it struck me that his points paralleled many situations in history. Many people believe that today’s art does not meet the aesthetic or creative levels of the Impressionistic era. Others believe that the beauty of Opera and Classical music is lost on today’s generation. Yet let me point out that Van Gogh died penniless (and earless). Mozart died without the full benefit of his work. And Beethoven died deaf. The point? Not sure yet, but it may have something to do with old farts never believing that their work is appreciated. After my mind emerged from this cul-de-sac, I considered Mensch’s second post deriding a lack of response and his natural assumption that no one cared or listened. Actually, no one does care what Mensch thinks or says, and frankly I tend to scan his posts anyway. But the one critical nugget in his post was a threat to the Pool’s raison d’être. Were it not for the Pool, I might get something done during the day at work. Were it not for the Pool, I might actually speak to my wife in the evenings. Were it not for the Pool, I might be driven to play PBEM’s against a number of garden-variety slugs whose concept of proper in-game communications is “Hey, nice move, that PzXXX sure is tough to take out! zzzzzzzzz” Should I be concerned that the Pool does not reach the heights of faded memory? Should I worry that the Pool will dry up and blow away? Should I be concerned that Mad Matt will suddenly not find the Pool entertaining? Only if the freaking trolls keep getting invited and fed!!! After this distorted, and contradictory train of logic, it came to me in a flash. Nay, an epiphany! You all suck. I detest the air you breath. You are not fit to be the gum that finds itself wedged between the treads of my soles. An over-amorous cat would reject your advances. Finally, to quote one of my favorites (and especially applicable to the Pool): You hide when you hear water running in the tub, you stinking, ordure savouring, harp seal torturing, misbegotten offspring of a malodorous pervert. Except you Kitty, I think your kinda neat! Everyone else, drop ‘em, bend over, and cough! Mensch, thank you, I feel much better now. Speedbump

Game Updates: MrSpkr has completed the destruction of my brave troops. I am not proud of this result, but cannot be blamed as he is obviously a gamey bastiche. dalem appears to be pursuing a alternate version of the gamey tactic of edge hugging. However, the idgit is doing it on the defense. So far, I have casually advanced up the center of the map to take the high ground and the victory locations. I suppose I should wait for the obligatory flag rush... Mace has in his inbox a setup of a Wild Bill scenario. It will be interesting whether Mace's scout cars can take out my Super Kitties, errr I should say broken down 20mm Halftracks! armornut is still AWOL, and my troops are still picnicking by the river! The rest of you are beneath my notice. Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch: Lawyers are worse <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Lawyers are much like prostitutes in many ways. They are only acceptable in public when they are really, really needed. Other times, they are relegated to the dark alleys of society. Thank goodness that I have not had the need of either's services. Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: Question for the Ages: "Why do witless losers have so much time to post?"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Simple, because they don't steal (bill) by the hour! Or conversely, they only work 20 minutes, but charge for the full hour. Speedbump [ 05-30-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

Testing today, but trying to figure out if this is the program with the one step start to the game. When I start a game from the window, it starts CMBO, but goes no farther, should it? I entered password. Still good program. Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: I look forward to the usual amount of abuse and loathing directed at my person in the morning...til then night all, Mace is going to bed to count ...err... never mind! Mace<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sir Mace let me count the ways I detest you: 1) Your simpering "squire", armornut, being intimidated by my wit and tactics, has stopped sending me turns. He claims computer problems; I wonder... 2) Your picture at Lorak's CessPool website reminds me of the prototypical 1970's pornstar look. 3) Your continued virtual infatuation with Ms. Kitty is juvenile, thereby demeaning the mature environment of the Pool {remove tongue from cheek}. 4) Starz! Nothing more needs to be said. Mace there is only one way for you to remove the stain of dishonor these issues raise! Accept my challenge and send me terms for your eventual demise! I loathe the rest of you even more than Mace, but don't have time to list out my grievances. Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan: The French people were funny. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Tuesday May 29 8:34 AM ET Man Burns Bottom in Flame Prank PARIS (Reuters) - A man who tried to extinguish the ''eternal flame'' burning under the Arc de Triomphe by sitting on it has been treated in hospital for burns to his bottom. The Paris daily Liberation said the unnamed prankster struck Sunday night and was promptly pulled off the illustrious flame, which honors the French who died during World War One. His injuries were not serious, said the doctors who treated him at the capital's Bichat hospital.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Anyone heard from Pawbroom lately?? Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Jabo! and its illegitimate half-sister Jabos! should be stricken from the cesspool's playlist<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> First of all, you Plains monkey, Jabo! (designed by the esteemed Knight Mr. Joe Shaw) is meant to test the commitment of the Pool wannabe. You were not supposed to enjoy it, but endure it. Otherwise, we would simply be letting anyone in here! Second, Jabos! is a legitimate scenario, which I am currently winning as Germans against a non-Pool opponent. So I leave you with a simple thought: Quit your bitchin'! You are lucky to have received games at all, let alone taking advantage of someone to which English is a second language! Speedbump

Let it hereby be known that Panzer Leader has completed the first stage of initiation. He has completed the scenario JABO! Be it remembered that said Panzer Leader was able to score a total of 11 points, exiting the map with a single flak truck and the broken remnants of a PanzerGrenadier company (around 6 men). For the second stage, I call forward Bauhaus and Mace to deliver the traditional welcome! Speedbump

Upon finally emerging from my catatonia, stemming from the brutal BBS collapse, I feel I must respond to several of my opponents game updates: dalem, you back-of-the-map-hugging, bunny-slope skiing bastiche. You claim to be dying-not-a-lot, but then again that is because you are hiding like a little girl (my apologies to Kitty & YK2). Seems those victory flags I am taking are confusing you! MrSpkr, you clearly hacked the game in order to purchase an overwhelming number of infantry units, but while I may not prevail in our current soiree, I shall be able to go to sleep with a clear conscience, knowing that I am not so gamey as you. Panzer Leader, you may have 7 points, but that is only because I am not paying any attention to you, and by extension our game. Of all my contests, yours takes the least amount of effort - Hit Go. armornut claims to have "computer problems" in order to avoid by brilliant tactical moves... The rest of you can bend over and cough! Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: I think we can all save a bunch of time if we just post a question and then determine who's right by the member number! Joe[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Right, well Joe, mines bigger than yours! I guess that makes me the Knight and you the Squire? {Speedbump ducks, attempting to dodge the inevitable blow from his liege lord} Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: do a service for the good of all <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Good on you! Git him Bauhaus. Wait your turn Mace. Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: I am in no way involved with Peng nor his brethren<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I am sure that Bauhause will be please to hear this! HI MOM! No really, I sent the card in time for Mother's day, its just those darned civil servants at the Post Office... Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Open-Air Urinals to Help Rescue Landmark LONDON (Reuters) - London is to set up open-air urinals to stop the rot that is threatening one of the city's most famous tourist attractions. Westminster City Council, which runs the center of the British capital, has acted on evidence that urine was eroding the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. ``Night-time revelers, waiting at a bus stop outside the gallery, have been relieving themselves against the new wing,'' the council said in a statement. ``The gallery now fears that the stone of the building is being affected by uric acid.'' ``Much of the West End is now blighted by this type of...anti-social behavior,'' the council said. ``The urinals will be placed in problem areas where 'wetspots' {editorial: Down Bauhaus} have been identified or where residents and businesses have raised concerns.''<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Anyone seen PeterNZer or David Aitken lately? Hmmmm. Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: Escape to the other side of the planet to get away from the Teletubbies and Anne Robinson, and what do you get? The Teletubbies and Anne Robinson. Resistance is futile...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Aye, I have sworn off TV. If its not for the stinkin' English game shows, its Swedish reality TV, and my beloved Saturday morning cartoons are overrun with Japanese Pokemon...thank goodness for CM! Speedbump

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: in which case you're spineless. Your choice. Joe [/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh boy, Joe's gonna get some! (Wait, Bauhaus I didn't mean it that way!) Spank him Joe! (errr, Bauhaus, maybe I did?!?!?) Speedbump [ 05-09-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> VIENNA (Reuters) - Austrian police will be paid more cash for undressing weighty corpses and sifting through human excrement for evidence, according to the interior ministry's new guidelines. An officer is also now able to claim 338 schillings for the unpleasant job of searching through human feces for evidence of drugs. Smugglers are given a laxative upon arrest to flush out any swallowed drugs. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Couldn't read this without thinking of all the denizens of the Pool. Course, I can't figure out which you all are: Police (if so the job is clearly at the level of most of the residents in cess), corpses (some play like one), or drug smugglers (after reading some of these posts, it seems to me a balloon burst)! Game Updates: Iskander and I decided to run our main forces to the same place at the same time. Glorious hand-to-hand combat! Problem is he also brought a quad-20mm. Meanwhile, my remaining spotter is gleefully dropping rounds all around himself for no apparent reason. armornut, still MIA, but ETA sometime this PM. dalem has sent a set up that has my troops waiting at the bottom of a ski-lift, while his troops hang out in the ski chalet at the top of the mountain. MrSpkr (still not clear on bolding of Serfs) has threatened me with a downpour of HE, and has only delivered a slight drizzle. As usual, overpromising & underdelivering. One Platoon size action taking place at close-range. He seems to think that all those rifle teams will make me feel outnumbered. That's it for now. Now go away and play in traffic. What is this, a Chinese fire-drill? - Sun Tzu Speedbump