Stuka

Boo and soap...never the twain shall meet.

Because it worked so well for the Japanese...

Poor Boo...poor, poor, uneducated Boo. If you had anymore experience with CMBN you might have just a teeny clue that arty barrages take anywhere from 4-6 minutes to land, give or take. It is not possible that I could have ordered the barrage AND have it land within the 20 seconds or so that Speedy's banzai charge took to be decimated and routed. It was more luck that the barrage which was intended to prevent his troops advancing actually caught them in the midst of a wild retreat. But I shouldn't expect you to know that, what with you being more of a CMBD (Combat Mission Beyond Dorset) kind of guy.

Speedy has cleverly removed an entire squad of his by ingeniously running them into the most murderous crossfire from hell that i've seen in this game to date. The 3 or 4 survivors then retreated into my sneeksy 81mm arty barrage and I think I saw one left at turns end...sheer brilliance. This will put me 3-0 in the Cesspool CMBN stakes, no wonder Boo hesitates to send a setup.

meh... Non-CMBN players are un-squirable, by which token you should be un-kanniggetted also. Unless you have managed to out-manhoover those Dorset cows and have skipped, gleeful and giggly onto tutorial #2 by now. Either way, you're still a knob.

...and the gates to Coventry swing slightly open...

Whats that Speedy? The font is a little small for your Olde Unca Stuky's eyes. I think i'll fix and do sumfink... Ahh, thats better. You forgot to mention overlapping fields of fire, supporting forces, envelopment tactics, bravery, intelligence and a snappy dress sense.

Brace yourself Maggie!

"There once was a young Magpie named Oz, Who found duct tape wrapped 'round his schnoz, Left unable to blather, His boots they did quaver, When he spied the donkey with the anal extender"

Wild claims? WILD CLAIMS?? Whats all this about naval artillery? You think my 60mm spit wads were naval artillery? Perhaps you meant navel? They are small enough to be popped out of a belly button I suppose, but the good thing is you were still scared by them. I like the sound of the 'overwhelming force' bit too, seeing as I had maybe 2 or 3 split squads and a couple of ammo bearer teams running hither and yon. Maybe your Ost Truppen were routed by the green question marks? Anyhoos, it seems pointless to play with conscripts, they appear to have all the moral backbone and intestinal fortitude of a fully enraged, fanatical Emrys-beast. No wonder you lost.

Uh-oh, Yeknodathon, a roll of duct tape and a small animal...this doesn't bode well.

Speedy's GIs are playing an odd game of tag where they run from cover at the rear of the town, tag the first building they find then scurry back to the tree line. Many of them must be quite tired as they lay down for naps during this process.

If I was the sharpest knife in the drawer with you around Joe, I expect I'd find myself spilled onto the floor in no time. Lucky for me I'm more of a meat tenderizer kind of guy...I'd be in the 2nd drawer.

It is you who would be committing Stukicide, best you remember your betters and keep your insubordination in check young whipper-snapper, me laddy-o, Mc ankle-biter.

Thingy reference!! Joe, pass the cudgel, this one needs a beating.

We can talk about our feelings.

Well, then there was the time Ugg found the magic fire-stick and chased the Stegasaurus out of the garden...

Ahh, you puree everything. Gotcha.

Your dentures are wooden aren't they Joe?

Looks like Tatty Sore Arse didn't read da rulz...

Good boy Maggie, growl and show'em your teeth.

Given the Rhine is generally a wide river the M36 would look quite small from the other side, are you building the vet a small black dot?

Dear Fred, emotionally distraught as you must be following my departure from your BBQ area I can understand how you are failing to keep track of turns. I sent you #43 yesterday and therefore am waiting with dubious enthusiasm for your response in the form of turn #44. Hop to it!

My requirements for battle? A game of CMBN...jeez, are you thick or wot?

Oh don't worry, Maggie will get his due rewards. I'll put him in charge of Ohio or something, that ought to smarten up his ideas. People, People, People...and Emrys, although I am Uber Overlord of the ex-USA and have now absorbed those territories into the greater UAE it is no '4th Reich' I am creating, there will be no jackboots on Madison avenue let me assure you. Life will go on as normal. King O will remain, old glory will remain...your grey little lives will continue in hut dworg eating competitions and crack-fueled driveby shootings. But the changes will be subtle. When the King O administration does something that makes you wonder, know that the hand on the tiller is mine own. When the foreign policy doesn't quite fit with the traditional 'bomb them until they're our freinds' pattern of yore, know that it is kind old Unca Stukey bestowing his will upon the war-mongerers. The changes will be insidious but unavoidable, as i've mentioned, starting in the schools the curriculum will change to ensure 'Oz-speak' replaces 'merkin-babble. Then one day the jellied peanut butter will disappear from the supermarket shelves but Vegemite will be available and you'll bloody well like it too. Slowly but shirly the integration into the UAE will gather pace until the day comes when the flag over the White House is that of the Southern Cross and most likely no-one will notice that anything has changed. You see how nice an Unca Stukey annexation can be? So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.