Offered? OFFERED? There's no challenge in 'offered' me old laddy-o. Oh no...oh no, no, no, no, no...this will never do. For you to receive the royal blessing of a CMBN lesson by mine own good hand you will have to eeaarrn it. Just being olde and gaseous won't cut it with me, SIRRAH.
You may cut the cheese both frequently and serupticiously but you DO NOT sir, cut the mustard.