Peng Challenges Joe Shaw to Present the Next Podcast!

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I'm afraid the verse may have dropped a bit toward the end ...

I bet your wife (poor woman!) could draw some uncomfortable comparisons to other parts of your performance life as well.

Michael

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

I bet your wife (poor woman!) could draw some uncomfortable comparisons to other parts of your performance life as well.

Michael

Well, they look fairly comfortable to me?

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I'm afraid the verse may have dropped a bit toward the end ...

I bet your wife (poor woman!) could draw some uncomfortable comparisons to other parts of your performance life as well.

Michael </font>

[Mace]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Bugged:

Shouldn't somebody be doing something really special for him?

You mean like wiping the vomit off his chin? Pass.</font>

[Seanachai]

Today, on the first day after I became 'really old', I've achieved a milestone. A moment that most people never achieve.

I'm talking about the prestigious 'Secondary Infestation' moment that most complete and utter tossers never achieve in their failure as 'housekeepers'. That's right, folks. I came home today to find that the rats that had taken over my apartment have attracted ferrets.

Do you know how truly huge this is?! I mean, anyone can be the kind of slob that ends up with something like 'ants'. And many can achieve the kind of filth that results in cockroaches. But you move to another level when your cockroach infestation results in internecine vermin wars where rats show up to eat your cockroaches.

But only a fecking Grand Master of Filth glides through that milestone moment to come home and discover that the infestation of rats in the apartment has been overtaken and resolved by a spontaneous infestation of ferrets.

Fifteen minutes with a pellet gun later, and I'm on the way to my next year's pair of winter gloves, and nothing but quietude as far as the eye can see.

It's like a sort of anti-Disney 'Circle of Life'. Instead of the 'Food Chain', you've got the '****e Chain'.

I sit here in the still center of filth, and I know where I am.

I am the Center. I am the Master. Everything proceeds from me. And all roads lead home.

But that's not what I came to talk to you about, tonight.

No, I came to talk to you about Boo Radley. I have, suddenly, in the way of a Society's suddenly pointing out completely obvious and annoying ****e to its members, become old. And Boo sent me a wonderful present. He sent me an 18" tall puppet figure of DEATH (posable), with the hand not clutching a scythe giving me the finger. I laughed until I wept, and vice versa.

I am so old, that, like an Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread, the final infestation of vermin in my apartment is a predator that destroys all other infestations.

I am so old that, should another creature presume to present me with a 45 square foot sheet cake involving both vanilla and chocolate, and with a layer of 1.5 inch deep frosting from the finest bakers in town, I will not only spew it up upon you, but seek you out late at night and **** the consumed, retained, and processed bits out upon your chest.

I am so old my bones ache, my memory wanders, and I have begun the process of desiring 'mercy' more than 'justice'.

I am so old I no longer want a woman who understands me, but two women so inexperienced that they couldn't fathom me if 'Front Line' was explaining me in an expose on "Perversion in America". Mind, I'd want them at least two hours apart. And even then, they'd have to like bagpipes. Really loud. During.

I am so old that I like less than half of humanity half as much as I should, and another third twice as much as they deserve, and the rest I'd beat to death with a cricket bat stolen from some limey bastard, see if I don't.

I am so old that I no longer feel immortal. I am so old that I still behave as if I was immortal. And I am so old that I no longer enjoy behaving as if I was immortal. Worse, I will continue to behave as if I was immortal. I actually enjoy that last bit, a little. On a spiritual level.

I am so old that there are things come due that I always swore I'd give up, other things in place that I swore I'd never take up, and some stuff is coming around again, that I'd made a promise to resume. Anyone out there with access to Hallucinogens (various), the Willingness to Sing Out Loud in Bars, or An Unmitigated Hope in Humanity, my email is in my Profile. Let's get weird.

I am so old that I can take delight in the fact that most of my friends are sincerely evil sons o' bitches, with hearts of gold.

I am so old that a lot of them are here, one way or another, as they say.

I am so old that, all things considered, I AM INCREDIBLY FREAKING OLD AND WEIRD.

It keeps me young, as they say.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Mace:

Maybe hose him down with a high pressure hose?

Eh, get back to your sheep, sweet-talker!

[Seanachai]

MrPeng sits in his Challenge Home, drinking of the blood-red wine

"Where can I get a bloody fool to sail this mighty Thread of mine?"

Then up there spoke a half-wit lad, sitting at the Peng's right knee

"Old Seanachai is the greatest fool that ever posted unto thee"

The Peng has written a broad letter and sealed it up with his own right hand

Sending word to Seanachai to come to him at his command

Then said the Seanachai with dread, thinking long upon the Thread

I shall take my chances there, though giddy with despair

"A mortal enemy this must be who told this lie concerning me

For I was never a very good poster, nor ever did intend to be"

"Last night I saw the Forum clear, with rampant chaos drawing near

And that is a sign since we were born that means there will be a deadly storm"

They posted not more than a day, and quickly joined by Old Berli

When loud and boisterous grew the crowds, who sought only to be

Then up there came an Australian, a bet and glass all in his hand

"Here's to you my merry young men for my money's on the Peng to stand"*

"Long may the Forum lads all wait for that far off future date

When Peng shall finally pass at last, and empty shall be his glass"

When the Peng Challenge shall die at last

And all of this shall finally pass

Let nothing more of me be said

than here is where I made my bed.

SING, YOU SACKS OF IMPROPERLY METABOLIZED ALCOHOL, SING!

*Said by Speedy, that Australian Git.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

Oh, and I would wish Seanachai a happy birthday, but the lazy bastard doesn't seem to bother reading his e-mail.

Michael

I do read it, and I do love you like my own brother. If I had one, which I don't. I shall respond to you, in glorious technicolour, as soon as I become coherent.

Which I never bother to be, here. Pearls before swine, and all that.

[_UXcva]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

AM INCREDIBLY FREAKING OLD AND WEIRD.

That I don't deny. But on similar topic I could swear this is the Justicarrot in this pic:

Caption reads: A stowaway on the North West is none other than the Grand Army Man paddling to Toledo, OH. He's attending the 42nd Annual convention of the Grand Army of the Republic (Civil War veterans)in Aug. 1908.

{_UX notes: The North West was a car ferry on the Great Lakes. Among other things, " The boilers were so dangerous that it was hard to keep engine room crews"}.

[Lars]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

And Boo sent me a wonderful present. He sent me an 18" tall puppet figure of DEATH (posable), with the hand not clutching a scythe giving me the finger. I laughed until I wept, and vice versa.

Damn, and all I gave you was the finger.

Boo, you toady.

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Well now I'M challenging you, but not to chess, but instead to CMAK ... I'll need a smallish fight, evenly balanced between both sides. Who'd like to volunteer to provide something suitable?

Prepare to be thrashed Michael, your comeuppance is overdue.

Ha! Dream on, Justicarrot. Never shall you get a turn from me! Never, I say!

Besides, I no longer have CM on my HD. So there.

Michael

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

...a spontaneous infestation of ferrets.

Were they feral ferrets, or did some friend take pity on you and lend you a couple of his pets without telling you? Where would ferrets come from in that ghost town you live in?

I am so old my bones ache, my memory wanders, and I have begun the process of desiring 'mercy' more than 'justice'.

Boy, this younger generation has no stamina at all. Why, when I was your age, I could engage in every vice for days on end and still be asking for more. Oh well, further evidence that the human race is in an irreversible decline, I guess...

Michael

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Well now I'M challenging you, but not to chess, but instead to CMAK ... I'll need a smallish fight, evenly balanced between both sides. Who'd like to volunteer to provide something suitable?

Prepare to be thrashed Michael, your comeuppance is overdue.

Ha! Dream on, Justicarrot. Never shall you get a turn from me! Never, I say!

Besides, I no longer have CM on my HD. So there.

Michael </font>

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Well now I'M challenging you, but not to chess, but instead to CMAK ... I'll need a smallish fight, evenly balanced between both sides. Who'd like to volunteer to provide something suitable?

Prepare to be thrashed Michael, your comeuppance is overdue.

Ha! Dream on, Justicarrot. Never shall you get a turn from me! Never, I say!

Besides, I no longer have CM on my HD. So there.

Michael </font>

[Lars]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

Besides, I no longer have CM on my HD. So there.

Coventr...er, Central Illinois.

[Patchy]

I have an infestation of raccoons in my attic. I don't expect a secondary infestation since there is nothing that eats raccoons.

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Patchy:

I have an infestation of raccoons in my attic. I don't expect a secondary infestation since there is nothing that eats raccoons.

Redneck Dollar probably does. Why don't you give him a call?

Michael

[Boo Radley]

I demand to know what is going on with this young wastrel Stoat?

Are Seanachai and that nimrod, rleete actually fighting for ownership, or the right to take him to Squire, or whatever? Or has their lack of short term memory caused them both to wander off as is their usual want and custom?

What's the story, Joe?

You know he's (Meaning Stoat, that is) not getting any younger.

(If he were, he'd have to change his name to Zygote or somefink.)

[Noba]

Originally posted by Boo Radley:

I demand to know what is going on with this young wastrel Stoat?

Are Seanachai and that nimrod, rleete actually fighting for ownership, or the right to take him to Squire, or whatever? Or has their lack of short term memory caused them both to wander off as is their usual want and custom?

What's the story, Joe?

You know he's (Meaning Stoat, that is) not getting any younger.

(If he were, he'd have to change his name to Zygote or somefink.)

I think our Legendry Stand-in Elder Australian, Mace, should offer the young lad Australian Citizenship. WE knows he needs some direction in his poor young life. "This way to the pub, Stoat!"

That way he will be clear of all the clutchings going on around here. (Some would suggest the clutchings are simply because he, (Stoat), is so young... not to cast nast-ertions, or anyfink.

Noba.

ps. You deserve to be kicked for "zygote".

[juan_gigante]

Originally posted by Boo Radley:

I demand to know what is going on with this young wastrel Stoat?

Are Seanachai and that nimrod, rleete actually fighting for ownership, or the right to take him to Squire, or whatever? Or has their lack of short term memory caused them both to wander off as is their usual want and custom?

What's the story, Joe?

You know he's (Meaning Stoat, that is) not getting any younger.

(If he were, he'd have to change his name to Zygote or somefink.)

Ahem. I asked the very same question just recently, and received no answer. If we can get the Justicar on board, we will have the full weight and power of the Justicariate working to unconver this mystery. Which is... something, I guess? I've had far too many beers now to undertake the sort of investigation that the Justicariate would consider worthy, but I think that at least a status report is long warranted.

And yet another apology to my long-suffering PBEM opponents. You will receive e-mails soon enough.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Noba:

I think our Legendry Stand-in Elder Australian, Mace, should offer the young lad Australian Citizenship. WE knows he needs some direction in his poor young life. "This way to the pub, Stoat!"

My gawd but that's clever thinking there. That your quota done for the year?

Yeh give him to us, we'll make a dinky di true blue Man of him (besides we need someone to fetch the beers from the bar for us).

[Mace]

Originally posted by Patchy:

I have an infestation of raccoons in my attic. I don't expect a secondary infestation since there is nothing that eats raccoons.

I had a few roos loose in my top paddock once.

Actually still do. *shrugs*

[Lars]

Could just stuff a coyote up there.

I mean, in Patchy's attic, not Mace's top paddock.

For Mace, I think a dingo up the billabong would be the correct milieu.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Noba:

ps. You deserve to be kicked for "zygote".

Why? Because you had to go look it up?

[stikkypixie]

Does any of you buggers still have a scenario lying around. I'm looking for one.

The circle of life continues.

[ May 12, 2006, 09:13 AM: Message edited by: stikkypixie ]