Badgers?! We Don't Need No Stinking Badgers In the Peng Challenge Thread!

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Boo Radley:

...and am wearing a turban filled with ice cubes that I cunningly fashioned out of one of Joe's unused adult diapers and duct tape.

A turban filled with ice-cubes...now there's a thought. Thank the gods, though, that the only thing Joe ever left here are silverware scars in the linoleum floor...

Originally posted by Boo Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />I may have to strap on the Cyclone Suit.

Is that the one with all the feathers and sequins? </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

You should really try central air you oaf.

Oooh, look. The Suburbanite is going to give us some advice!

Pay close attention, Boo. Next he'll tell us how to end poverty by making the Poor get $50k a year jobs and Country Club memberships...

[Seanachai]

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE HEAT!! THE HEAT!!!!!!!!!!

I can't take it anymore. I'm turning off the fans, and lighting up a great, big, huge sick-making cigar.

OHHHHHOHOHOHHH, SWEET MUSHROOM PALACE! TAKE ME THERE, FRIEND BOOZE...

[Patchy]

Lawrence Welk is on TV right now. I blame the Gnome!

[Seanachai]

Look out of any window, any morning, any evening, any day.

Maybe the sun is shining, birds are singing,

No rain is falling from a heavy sky.

What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?

For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago..

There's Joe! Hi, Joe! Come on with me...this way, Joe. Just around here. There. Isn't that beautiful?

What do you mean, what is it? This is everything, Joe. This is the Center of the Universe. What do you see?

Uhuh. A small lake, almost nothing more than a pond; a lone willow tree. A driftwood log on a crest overlooking the water, and the remains of a fire. Very good. What else do you see?

Look into any eyes you find by you, you can see clear to another day,

Maybe been seen before, through other eyes on other days while going home.

What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?

Its all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago.

Nothing? Endless nothing. In all directions. Except where? Back that way? Where it's all hazy and - what? "Strange looking?" Very good.

Walk into splintered sunlight,

Inch your way through dead dreams to another land.

Maybe you're tired and broken,

Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear

Well seen, Joe. Got it in one.

What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?

A box of rain will ease the pain, and love will see you through.

But, now, step along just here. No, it's not far. What do you mean, what was that place? That was...everything, Joe. It's the only real thing. That's where Berli, Peng and I sit.

Just a box of rain, wind and water,

Sun and shower, wind and rain,

In and out the window like a moth before a flame.

What? Oh, don't be a baby. Of course it's hot. and flat, and empty. It's the Wasteland, you git. Why don't you recite some Rules to it?

And its just a box of rain, I dont know who put it there,

Believe it if you need it, or leave it if you dare.

And its just a box of rain, or a ribbon for your hair;

Such a long long time to be gone, and a short time to be there.

Ah, here we are. Now what do you see?

A bunch of idjits posturing, shouting, declaiming and carrying on? Looks like a shantytown filled with drunken railroad workers, doesn't it?

That's the Peng Challenge Thread. But look around the edges. Do you see what's happening?

A whole world is being created. And that's amazing.

Yes, sorry. It's not a very good world, is it? It used to be better. But it's still pretty damn entertaining. And it's coming up. Most of the problem is simply sub-standard, non-Union help.

What? Over there? Oh, that's the Goodalers' creation. Even a shantytown needs a Waste Management Facility. However primitive.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Patchy:

Lawrence Welk is on TV right now. I blame the Gnome!

Me? Blame Lars and all the other Squareheads who came over here after not having had any sort of Culture since the Seventeenth Century.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

Have you gotten together with Bauhaus and Moriarity lately? I think you lot of sods should get together and have a beer and some food, or somefink.

Oooooooooo a date! Strangely, we haven't conversed much since I left the paper. I think we should still grab a beer and food. I miss the evil one and what's his name. *sniff* Me thinks I'm going to cry. Tito, hand me a tissue. </font>

[37mm]

Ah hah… I have the next 106 hours free… what first, a cool beer or a smooth whiskey?

Either way I'm dissapointed with my inbox... only two turns and no emails... though what turns they are!

Boo & I on the Somme and Nidan1 's crazy, screaming Russian hordes trying to cross a frozen river... great stuff!

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

This is everything, Joe. This is the Center of the Universe. What do you see?

Hang on a minute. I'm at the centre of the universe and I can't see squat.

Oh wait, *looks out window*, traffic congestion on Lonsdale Street. I'd give that a miss if I was you.

k?

[37mm]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I have to assume that they are both channeling some sort of childish, pre-adult connection to what experts call 'Weird Kid ****e'.

You know when I was a kid I used to fill entire books with seemingly endless number sequences.

My parents, concerned with this apparently obsessive behaviour, eventually got me to stop (IIRC by enticing me to instead draw cartoons… I vaguely remember drawing one about a fish) then threw all the books away.

Decades later I’m now convinced that those numbers were a code that held the very secrets of the universe… although there is an alternative theory that the numbers prove that I’ve always been a small, obsessive lunatic.

[Seanachai]

Okay, when the Outer-Boarders begin to arrive and ask "Is it true you lot of wankers know when The Game is going to be released", I hope that all of you, the Seniour Knights, Knights and Squires will remember your Oaths and Covenants, and tell the feck-wits 'No, of course not.'

The Olde Ones, of course, will tell them the Truth. It is simply unseemly for us to lie, and the arrogance and stupidity of the average Outer-Boarder simply will not allow them to accept the Truth from Us.

Oh, and no unseemly 'whistling', 'rolling of eyes', or 'smirks' that would suggest anything different.

Remember, we're not simply 'better' than the rest of the Board. We're BETTER!

[37mm]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Remember, we're not simply 'better' than the rest of the Board. We're BETTER!

You say that as if you’re proud… I mean, considering most of the board have to wear protective goggles when they go for a piss, I’d be most concerned if even someone of Sturmsebbers (admittedly pitiful) calibre weren’t BETTER than those soddin jackasses!

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

You know when I was a kid I used to fill entire books with seemingly endless number sequences.

My parents, concerned with this apparently obsessive behaviour, eventually got me to stop (IIRC by enticing me to instead draw cartoons… I vaguely remember drawing one about a fish) then threw all the books away.

That's a cute story, Rain Man. What are you trying to tell us? That you were destined by the gods to be a Scientist (In an Adventure with the Peng Challenge!), or that when the Peng Challenge gained a new Knight, a burgeoning Autism was finally laid to rest?

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

Decades later I’m now convinced that those numbers were a code that held the very secrets of the universe…

Numbers do not hold the very secrets of the Universe. Simply their expression.

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

...although there is an alternative theory that the numbers prove that I’ve always been a small, obsessive lunatic.

That's quite dear. But numbers don't enter into it. You're simply a small, obsessive lunatic.

And I rather like that about you. Not enough to refrain from pissing on you from a considerable height. But enough.

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Patchy:

Lawrence Welk is on TV right now. I blame the Gnome!

A onea and a twoa and a threea.....thank you thank you, lets get down and get funky.

[37mm]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

That's a cute story, Rain Man. What are you trying to tell us? That you were destined by the gods to be a Scientist (In an Adventure with the Peng Challenge!), or that when the Peng Challenge gained a new Knight, a burgeoning Autism was finally laid to rest?

You?

You ‘of the endless pontificating verbosity’ are asking ME for a reason for the story?

Numbers do not hold the very secrets of the Universe. Simply their expression.

You know, it is my opinion that Physicists are likelier to be more religious than any other type of Scientist… they tell me it’s all in the numbers

Not enough to refrain from pissing on you from a considerable height. But enough.

Today I was on my knee’s, a torn black bag by my feet, trying to scoop up molten media from the car park floor as the heavens poured down… and in my abject misery one thought crossed my mind.

“****ing Emrys”

You OR YOUR PISS don’t scare me Olde One… neither does Emrys, of course… but at least HE’S a Horseman of the Apocalypso

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

I’d be most concerned if even someone of Sturmsebbers (admittedly pitiful) calibre weren’t BETTER than those soddin jackasses!

YOU NEED TO GET RIGHT WITH THE ORDER, 37MM! YOU NEED TO SORT OUT THE GOATS FROM THE SHEEP! YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH 'US' FROM 'THEM', AND MAKE IT RING LIKE A BELL, YOU LIMEY FECK!

Sturmy is a pitiful, shat upon Serf. He's a great big Belgian Homosexual. But that bastard is one of Us. He was granted Knight status ages before you were done checking to see if you remembered your password to post on the BFC Board!

But the fecking Justicar, may he never suffer more than is just from the painful, burning itch of hemorrhoids, declared that Sturmsebber simply could not be raised to Knight status. Despite being so raised by the acceptance of all three of the Olde Ones of the Peng Challenge Thread. And the Gentle Approval of our Queen, Emma.

But the Peng Challenge Thread is not simply a Compilation of Rules. We are more than merely an Hierarchy of the Powerful. We are neither the 'by the numbers' idiocy of the Bureaucracy, nor are we the 'the Law is What I Say it Is' brutality of the Olde Ones.

The Peng Challenge Thread is both more, and less, than that. It is what 'WE' say it is.

It is 'Why We Post'. It is 'What We Post'. The only thing that 'Others' can define for us is 'Where We Post'.

And by the gods, Sir 37mm, I'm not above making a post that makes it seem like you were pissing on Sturmsebber for being Homosexual if that's what it takes for me to be able to make a post about your need to accept him as though he was your very own brother.

You big, big fecking limey homophobe.

How do you live with yourself? I mean, as far as all the other nations of the World are concerned, all you English are Homosexuals.

FALL TO YOUR KNEES, SIR 37MM, AND EMBRACE STURMSEBBER AS YOUR BROTHER!

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by bauhaus:

You should really try central air you oaf.

Oooh, look. The Suburbanite is going to give us some advice!

Pay close attention, Boo. Next he'll tell us how to end poverty by making the Poor get $50k a year jobs and Country Club memberships... </font>

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by bauhaus:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

Have you gotten together with Bauhaus and Moriarity lately? I think you lot of sods should get together and have a beer and some food, or somefink.

Oooooooooo a date! Strangely, we haven't conversed much since I left the paper. I think we should still grab a beer and food. I miss the evil one and what's his name. *sniff* Me thinks I'm going to cry. Tito, hand me a tissue. </font>

[37mm]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

He's a great big Belgian Homosexual. But that bastard is one of Us. He was granted Knight status ages before

I couldn’t give a flaming rats arse on ice what you soddin Olde Ones did to Sturmy in ages past!

By my reckoning (and, to his credit, the Justicars also) the dumbass foot-licking freak ain’t worthy of true Knight status… well perhaps in the House of Rune … but here in the House of JD Morse/Rex/No-one really knows what a Knight must have a certain Jey-ney Ser-qua (as the French say).

Sturmy has no fire in his belly… sure he flaps about with his hands like a silly whelk… with hands… a silly whelk with hands… no, that don’t even make sense… whelks don’t have hands…

…

Sure he flaps about with his flippers like a silly whelk from time to time... but flapping don’t do it for me & it don’t do it for Joe either… Sturmy will become a Knight when I say so… ONLY when I say so.

Although I admit HE IS one of US and HE can (at least occasionally) piss without protective eyeware.

[Seanachai]

Bauhaus, you annoying deformity. That is not your email address. Correct it, or I will tell the Justicar.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

Tito, put the gnome back into the woodchip pile so the doggies have somewhere to make their mess. Gnomes love to wallow in ****e.

Stop talking to the Burnt Out, Defective Light Fixture. You're not working at the 'Herald' anymore.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

I couldn’t give a...

flailing around, protesting too much, admitting that he's impotent, etc. etc....

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

whelks don’t have hands…

Rare moment of insight that remains pointless...

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

Sturmy will become a Knight when I say so… ONLY when I say so.

Oh good God...were you appointed to be his...Pitcher? No, that's not right. What would the Limey equivalent be? His 'Bowler'?

I'm so sorry! I would normally never step into the (rather sordid) space that separates a Knight from his Squire. But, in this case, apparently I have done so.

I would, of course, abase myself in my contrition, except for the fact that it's extremely hot, I'm almost poleaxed with alcohol, and it doesn't change the fact that you should be seeing if you can get the lake sand off my instep with your tongue.

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

Although I admit HE IS one of US and HE can (at least occasionally) piss without protective eyeware.

Oh, get on with it. Make him turn some cartwheels, play some games, or send him on some 'Hi, I'm Joe the Justicar' sort of Quest.

Jesus to Jesus and eight hands around, make him a peer.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

YOU NEED TO GET RIGHT WITH THE ORDER, 37MM! YOU NEED TO SORT OUT THE GOATS FROM THE SHEEP! YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH 'US' FROM 'THEM', AND MAKE IT RING LIKE A BELL, YOU LIMEY FECK!

YOU NEED TO SHAKE YOUR MONEY-MAKER! YOU NEED TO CRAWL ON YOUR BELLY LIKE A REPTILE! YOU NEED TO BEAUTIFY YOUR HOME! YOU NEED TO TURN OFF LIGHTS IN UNOCCUPIED ROOMS! ...AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF, TOO!!!

But that's not really what I came here to talk about.

Just a few minutes ago, as I was returning some moves (something Nidan, Joe, Stoat, Lars, Shandorf and Moriarty should think about sometime), when my ears were assaulted by the same 8 bars of "Turkey in the Straw"being played over and over again. I knew that the Ice Cream Man was coming up the street for about the 5th time today.

I thought to myself, "Man, if he sold pizza, I'd be right down there." and I realized what an excellent idea that was. A true epiphany. I was triumphant. A choir sang. Cherubs circled my head, scattering petals. Shafts of golden light fanned out from behind me. It was an intoxicating three seconds.

Wouldn't that be great?

I can imagine kids playing in their yards, when, softy at first, but then growing in volume, "Stairway to Heaven" comes wafting along the breeze and all the kids yell, PIZZA DUDE! PIZZA DUDE!!!"

I mean, ignoring for the moment, the assured cases of botulism from poorly sealed containers and the possibility of lawsuits from burned mouths and the fact that you can get a whole pizza delivered to your house, anytime you want, for probably a lot cheaper than this would be... it's not a bad idea, eh?

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Boo Radley:

Wouldn't that be great?

I can imagine kids playing in their yards, when, softy at first, but then growing in volume, "Stairway to Heaven" comes wafting along the breeze and all the kids yell, PIZZA DUDE! PIZZA DUDE!!!"

I mean, ignoring for the moment, the assured cases of botulism from poorly sealed containers and the possibility of lawsuits from burned mouths and the fact that you can get a whole pizza delivered to your house, anytime you want, for probably a lot cheaper than this would be... it's not a bad idea, eh?

My eyes filled with tears. That was indeed a great moment.

[37mm]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

and it doesn't change the fact that you should be seeing if you can get the lake sand off my instep with your tongue.

I’m getting slightly irritated by this foot fetish nonsense of yours… I WILL NOT lick your stilettos you disgusting little weirdo... well, not for free anyway

Jesus to Jesus and eight hands around, make him a peer.

You cannot rush these things… I rushed into raising Sturmy in the first place & have regretted it ever since.

Sturmy will only ever get a chance at being a Knight (and quite possibly the ‘Pools first official Spam Sandwich ) when either…

(i) He PLEASES ME!

(ii) or I next get totally soaked

[ July 30, 2006, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: Sir 37mm ]