Go, Mohammed, and seek Peng's Challenge on the mountain

[Roxy]

Well, well, well....The Realm is a better place today I see, and far safer for a Lady. Why? The renegade squire, Papa Khan and his illusionary Panzer Armee have been captured, shackled, and delivered to the doorstep of Sherriff Joe. How delicious!

I sincerely wish you the best of luck, Papa Khan.

Yeknodathon,

Your squire, Athkatla, surprised me yesterday evening with a beautiful sing/song in my honor. I attribute his change of attitude toward Ladies to you, sir. However did you manage it? Did you have to sober up to do it?

I wish to know more about your "cornershop Wal-Mart". Tell me about "the other room". Do you have security cameras installed? Can a Lady In Waiting not be extended some credit?

Mr Spkr,

"Cash on the barrel-head" !? Why you....you....MEANY. We had an agreement, remember? You got to choose the game parameters, and I get FREE lawyering in return. Since you have been so kind to me in the past, I will forgive you this lapse of memory. In fact, I will even meet you half way if you insist. Let me explain.

It was my good fortune, as I watched my Heroes drag Papa Khan through the streets of the village, to see a nice, shiny, MasterCard, slip from his pocket. Not one to pass up an opportunity I quickly snatched it up.

Now, considering the fact that Sherriff Joe has the rebellious git under lock and key, I'm sure the card will not be reported lost anytime soon. This means I'm willing to pay you triple your already outrageous fees IF you take Papa....I mean MY new credit card. Do we have a deal? I thought so.

....and now to some game updates

Herr Oberst, the biggest MEANY in The Land Of Peng, is currently hiding out in a vast forest, a Soldat behind every tree. He seems to find those ridiculous little flags worth fighting for. I don't even want the silly things. I want him to Die-A-Lot Now, and shall direct my loyal armies to "make it so".

Mr Spkr has unleashed his artillery on my forces in the woods. They are suffering greatly. Luckily, they are just ex-members of Papa Khan's Panzer Armee, bought and paid for with his own credit card.

Grog Dorosh has me just the slightest bit worried at this point. We shall see what the 3rd movie reveals.

Thank you for your time, my Heroes. You may proceed with the brawl now.

[ August 15, 2002, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

Sigh

I suppose. Though I'm going on record right this minute that I never desired, don't want, and fully expect to be stripped of this "honor". But it hurts like h*ll when Joe kicks me like that, and I just want him to stop. How does the old geezer do it at his age? (Roughly 2047, near as I can tell... or was that in dog years?)

Here, how's this?

Papa

Hmmm, well that's an improvement of course but still ... no I think we'd best have you bold the name of The Shavian House to show the proper respect and, speaking of that ... ***BOOT ... you might want to rethink the bald spot and knotty wit line ... donchathink?

As to your "desires" ... aren't they just so cute when they're little like this ... desires ... that's a good one.

Don't forget the paper lad, you wouldn't like it if you showed up tomorrow without it ... you REALLY wouldn't like it. Ask Lars or Speedbump or Harv ... don't bother asking Agua Perdido though ... he was the perfect Squire.

Joe

[ August 15, 2002, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by MrPeng:

null. coventry for terrence? por qua? is he a very bad person? what does Berli think? I say the opposite.

In that case, I think we should keep him

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

Here, how's this?

Papa

Hey Papa Smurf, Back in my day, we didn't let our Kaniggets walk al over us like that. Yes, we would pull on our forlock, and politly say "yes my lord," "no my lord" (while we schemed to put a shiv between their ribs), but I would never have given avay my sig line absent losing a blood hamster challenge. You new squires are a spineless and worthless lot.

BTW, your new lord and master likes to be referred to as Commisar Red Jo Xia.

[Speedbump]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Don't forget the paper lad, you wouldn't like it if you showed up tomorrow without it ... you REALLY wouldn't like it. Ask Lars or Speedbump or Harv ... don't bother asking Agua Perdido though ... he was the perfect Squire.

Joe

Argghhh...always with the "Perfect Squire" thing...kicks a rock...hits a passed out Iskander in the head...I would have been his favorite if I could've got an extra 5 pages out of "Jabos!, the most sinister scenario ever?"

Speedbump

[Lars]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Ask Lars or Speedbump or Harv ... don't bother asking Agua Perdido though ... he was the perfect Squire.

Speedbump, Harv, blanket party for Agua tonight.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Lars:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Ask Lars or Speedbump or Harv ... don't bother asking Agua Perdido though ... he was the perfect Squire.

Speedbump, Harv, blanket party for Agua tonight.</font>

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I'd invite myself to the party but I wouldn't want to be ... wait for it ... a wet blanket!

Joe

Stop punning and send me a goddam turn you drooling old crone.

And the rest of you disappointments who followed me (I'm looking at you, Lars, you girly-drink drunk... we will exchange some Die-a-lot next month and I will have my revenge!) are just jealous that I cheat well enough to beat Jabos! as Axis.

Agua Perdido

[Terence]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrPeng:

null. coventry for terrence? por qua? is he a very bad person? what does Berli think? I say the opposite.

In that case, I think we should keep him</font>

[Geier]

Originally posted by Terence:

Screwed either way, it seems.

Oh yes indeedy.

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Hmmm, well that's an improvement of course but still ... no I think we'd best have you bold the name of The Shavian House to show the proper respect and, speaking of that ... ***BOOT ... you might want to rethink the bald spot and knotty wit line ... donchathink?

Try to look at it this way, Joe. No, not that way. Standing on your head isn't going to help. Here, this way...

Sure, I mention your bald spot, but I do refer to it as Herculean. And if you get drunk enough, that almost makes it sound like a good thing.

And sure, I mention your overall lack of anything resembling wit, even going so far as to call it knotty. But again, if you get drunk enough, knotty sounds kind of like naughty, which makes it sound almost like a good thing.

Papa

[athkatla]

Originally posted by Terence:<HR>

Screwed either way, it seems.<HR>

Is that possible or even acceptable?

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

Try to look at it this way, Joe. No, not that way. Standing on your head isn't going to help. Here, this way...

Sure, I mention your bald spot, but I do refer to it as Herculean. And if you get drunk enough, that almost makes it sound like a good thing.

And sure, I mention your overall lack of anything resembling wit, even going so far as to call it knotty. But again, if you get drunk enough, knotty sounds kind of like naughty, which makes it sound almost like a good thing.

Papa

Hmmm, well yes, I can see the logic of that if I look at it in a very illogical manner so that should work ... HOWEVER ... I do NOT see The Shavian House properly bolded!

You know what that means ...

***BOOT***

{just a note to the other Knights out there trying to raise a pesky Squire, got to keep after them all the time. Raise them right from the very start, no slack, no leeway and they'll turn out right in the end ... sorry, Papa Khann not THAT end ... still sore eh?}

Joe

[ August 15, 2002, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Roxy:

It was my good fortune, as I watched my Heroes drag Papa Khan through the streets of the village, to see a nice, shiny, MasterCard, slip from his pocket. Not one to pass up an opportunity I quickly snatched it up.

Now, considering the fact that Sherriff Joe has the rebellious git under lock and key, I'm sure the card will not be reported lost anytime soon.

Roxy... may I call you Roxy, Roxy? Good. I thought so. Roxy, I've only a moment before Joe and the other miscreants of House Shave-My-Head realize that I've slipped out again, and come running and bleating at me, ready to resume their infernal game of "Kick the Khann", so I'll be brief.

Please feel free to use that card in my absence. I note that you appear to have failed to read the name on the card. No matter. You see, that card came into my possession while I was still a member of House Persiflage... Oh how I long for those aimless days spent rummaging through dalem's drawers.

Papa

[dalem]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

Please feel free to use that card in my absence. I note that you appear to have failed to read the name on the card. No matter. You see, that card came into my possession while I was still a member of House Persiflage... Oh how I long for those aimless days spent rummaging through dalem's drawers.

Papa

Oh that card. Specially issued by the Bank of Mistress Belinda's Spanktronika, DSM. By all means use it. But it only works in "special machine slots", if you know what I mean.

[Roxy]

Why thank you, Squire Khan of The Shavian House. I would certainly not want to forge the wrong name. Dalem's card will do nicely.

Sherriff Joe,

Note the kindness your new squire has shown a Lady. You're doing a wonderful job with him already.

[Boo Radley]

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen and all the ships at sea. I'd like to entertain you all with my uncanny impersonation of M'Lud, the beloved Croda.

Ready?

OK, here goes...ahem,

"Hiram! Dumb you are, like a bag of hammers, yes." Hate you, I do!"

Oh wait. I'm sorry. That was my Yoda doing Croda impersonation.

Never mind.

[Leeo]

Boo,

Is it just me, or are you particularly dense and woody?

Discuss.

[Buzzsaw]

Rune, my wayward liege, it is good to see that you have returned. I was worried that you had once again invited the soiled masses to your home, and were being held captive by ingrates demanding that post June 1943 Fallschirmjäger units include toenail clippers in their TO&E. Even now, I cannot be sure that your captors are not forcing you to post to the MBT so that I will not become suspicious. Was there some sort of secret signal you were supposed to tell me?

Actually there seems to be a lot that I don’t know about House Rune. Secret handshake, house colors, sworn enemies, etc….

As for my missions, I believe that I was supposed to provide an AAR, an essay on Swedes, and a piccy to Patch.

For the AAR, I have been publishing an account of my victory over Athkatla in installments. It has been taking some time because the game was about as interesting as watching the Denver Broncos play against a local Pee-Wee team, so I need to dress it up a bit. I could have just said that Athkatla’s men ran around the map like a bunch of mindless lemmings until I mowed down enough of them to force a surrender, but that seemed like a cop out. Imagine trying to write a novel where half of the characters are mute, drooling halfwits and you will understand why this is taking some time.

I am also playing Lars, but, seeing as how I am the one scurrying around like a rodent, I am not to anxious to give an update.

I have never met any Swedes, and pray that I never do, so you are going to have to excuse me from that quest.

I will also not send a picture to Patch. You know, the aborigines believe that when your picture is taken, your soul is captured. Taking my picture and then sending it to Berli’s bride just seems like a really bad idea.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Boo,

Is it just me, or are you particularly dense and woody?

Discuss.

No, it's you.

[Buzzsaw]

Lars, just so there is no confusion like last time: I am waiting on a turn from you, you knucklehead. Last time you failed to promptly reply, you were punished with a lashing windstorm, and perilous seas. Don’t tempt the fates again.

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

No, it's you.

You never heard the part of English class explaining rhetorical questions, did you?

Come to think of it, you never attended school, did you?

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

I am off tomorrow. I am deep in my cups, confused by the person of Roxy (bolded because of that person's short attention span and hermaphroditic nature), and am itching for some TCPIP. Suggestions?

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Leeo:

You never heard the part of English class explaining rhetorical questions, did you?

Come to think of it, you never attended school, did you?

QED) Of course I recognize rhetorical questions, you ill smelling stain. You just don't understand smart-a$$ed replies.

LSMFT) You know I graduated with honors from the Ohio Institute of Photography and Screen Door Repair, you git.]

Man's got the attention span of hummingbird just taken off Ritalin.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

You see, that card came into my possession while I was still a member of House Persiflage... Oh how I long for those aimless days spent rummaging through dalem's drawers.

Papa Khann, since our motto is Once a Persiflager, always a Pain in the Posterior, I shall offer you this little bit of knowledge to enhance your pain: you could have turned Joe down.

Oh yes.

Back in days of yore, when I was moaning to an Olde One about the injustice of having been plucked from the pool by dalem, I was told that refusal was always an option.

Plus, if you'd become a ronin squire you'd have really gotten Joe's flashbacks going, and that's always fun to watch.