Go, Mohammed, and seek Peng's Challenge on the mountain

[Berlichtingen]

Welcome! Herein you will find the latest incarnation of the Mutha Beautiful Thread.

Some things you will need to know before you go any further...

We do not like you. We have never liked you, and the chances are rather high that we will never like you. In fact, it would probably be best if you left now. Bye.

Still here? Then sound of like ya got a pair! What does that mean you ask? We can sense weakness like a shark senses blood in the water. By all means, post about how mean we are to you... we always want a good reason to go for the throat. If your gonna run with the big dogs...

Do NOT sound off about your pair! Translation: Keep your playground humor to yourself. If you want to be treated like an idiot, we are more than willing to do that for you... all you have to do is show us that you are one. What? You think that's unfair? You're in our world now, boy-o.

Chivalry ain't dead. Want to taunt the Ladies of the Pool? Go for it... but remember, there are lines which may NOT be crossed. If you are unsure of where those lines are then stick to being respectful. But she taunted you, you say? Fine, a taunt deserves a taunt, but keep it respectful. Not fair you say? Tough. This is one rule that will get the combined Cesspool down on you if you break it.

Who can you challenge? Anyone that will accept it. Want to challenge the Justicar? Go ahead, but don't expect him to accept. Want to challenge an Olde One? Knock yourself out, one of them may take you up on it.

Justicar? Olde Ones? Knights? Squires? Ladies of the Pool? What the...

Ok, so there is a strange hierarchy here:

In the beginning, there was nothing but an empty wasteland until the Old Ones gave it form (see, alchohol induced dreams can be made real). They are MrPeng, Seanachai and I (Seanachai is the nice one, Peng would hate you if he noticed you at all and I hate everyone).

The Justicar (Joe Shaw) is our keeper of tradition. He IS John Law. Don't cross him, for he loaths SSNs (that's you, btw).

Senoir Knights... these are the ones that have not only gain acceptance here, but are your role model for what it is to be ein Cesspooler. To my mind, this is one of the two titles that has any real meaning. Their ranks include some of our oldest members (eg Goanna) to some of our newest (eg Yeknod). Read their posts... from that you may learn the true secret to being one of us.

Knights... Those that have gained acceptance. They have paid their dues. The knights on up do NOT need to prove themselves to anyone.

Squires... These poor souls have been taken under the wing of one of the Knights. They have shown some spark of what it takes... they may almost understand what it takes

Serfs... Those that have shown some indication that they might have a clue. The first step on the road to damna... er... acceptance.

SSN's That's you boy-o, and what you will remain if you prove you ain't got what it takes

Ladies of the Pool... Our cherished fair ladies. They include YK2 (aka Emma), Kitty, Persephone (aka Patch), Roxy and C'est Bon. This is the second title that has real meaning.

Now, ya gonna stay or ya gonna SOD OFF!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Nestor:

Burly, your number screams seniority, but your posts suggest inferior underwear of Eastern European origin lurks beneath that well-groomed husk. Send me a setup sir – I demand satisfaction.

Not now, old man, but you have been added to the LIST

[Hakko Ichiu]

Wow, things must be gettin' real desperate when Berli has to start the 'Pool incarnatio hisself. Was Mohammed one of yours, or did he belong to the other fella'?

[Andreas]

Wankers.

With apologies to The King.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

Wow, things must be gettin' real desperate when Berli has to start the 'Pool incarnatio hisself. Was Mohammed one of yours, or did he belong to the other fella'?

To be honest, the last thread had gotten to... serious. Oh, and Mohammed is a creation of Seanachai and I... and the message I got from Peng was something about driving to Chi-Town and pulling my spleen out through my ears

[rune]

Peng could never make it this far sober....

Rune

[Gaylord Focker]

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Originally posted by MrSpkr:

quote:

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Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

quote:

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Now then, what say you?

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No, nay, never.

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Thank you for reaffirming my hopes for huma. . . err, whatever it is you are.

Roxy, don't forget we're on the 2:30 docket tomorrow with Judge Winters. Wear something slinky, and be sure to lean forward a lot -- the old codger likes that quite a bit.

And remember -- cash on the barrelhead, please.

Steve

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Sounds more like Mr. Spork is more pimp then a lawyer.

I assume he sent away for his degree off the very pack of matches in wich he burned his bocage esque eyebrows to a crisp while attempting to illumintate the lightbulb he was holding over his head to illustrate he had a realy good idea in rehab.

Roxy, O.J would have taken a public defender over Mr. Sparker, you'd be better off with one of CmPlayer's Lobo's defending you. Oh and about the dinner and the movie, i'm taken sorry. Oh don't cry, you seem nice enough, here have an autograph to remember me by. We'll always have Calcuta!

I can only imagine what the judge says when he shows up to court wearing a Bicycle helmet.

Stay tuned, later on Cooking with Focker we'll see him try to fry eggs in the hot studio parking lot on Paul Shafer's head.

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There are only two things i hate, people who are intolerant of other people and their cultures, and the Dutch! -Nigel Powers

[ August 15, 2002, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: Gaylord Focker ]

[Goanna]

...something about driving to Chi-Town and pulling my spleen out through my ears

but he remains full of sensible and practical ideas

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by rune:

Peng could never make it this far sober....

Rune

Who said anything about sober? If I thought he'd be sober, I might be afraid

[Leeo]

<big>*Plop*</big> <big><big>*SPLASH*</big></big>

Ahhh, Home.

There's no place like cess, there's no place like cess...

Updates!

That Right SSM fondling bastige Wildman and I have have fizzled to a draw. It was a night meeting engagement. I pulled a student body right. He killed all my pioneer truppen, leaving nothing but a couple of flamethrowers furtivley trying to hide in the rubble. However, I consider this victory, as it has irked him to no end that I K.O.'d his AVRE before it could ever fire a shot. Oh, and I executed a perfectly (though futile) last turn flag rush. Good time, good times....

After giving his Tommies an initial bloody nose (and perhaps even a sprained wrist), OGSF is now proceeding to roll up my flank. I'd call him a name, but I don't think he can understand our language.

dalem is busy dying futiley as he tries to get off the beach at Dunkirk. I seem to keep getting more reinforcements. I suspect, however, that he has bored a Chunnel and is exiting faster than than an SSN with Berli on his tail. Time will tell.

I've come to the realization that it is much more fun to post in the evening, with a belly full of ethanol. That way, I can be surprised the next morning by what I've written. Posting from work is like, well, like, near-beer.

[Lars]

originally posted by athkatla:

Bad luck to every game keeper that will not sell his deer

Oh, tis my delight on a shiny night in the season of the year.

If you bring a flashlight and don't buy a license they're always in season.

idjit.

[Nestor]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Nestor:

Burly, your number screams seniority, but your posts suggest inferior underwear of Eastern European origin lurks beneath that well-groomed husk. Send me a setup sir – I demand satisfaction.

Not now, old man, but you have been added to the LIST</font>

[rune]

To the SSNs that visit this MBT. I present my case:

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards.

Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U.S.

Following are this year's candidates:

1. January 2000:

Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms.Robertson's son.

2. June 1998:

A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.

Mr.Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when He was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

3. October 1998:

A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation.

r.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.

4. October 1999:

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at! the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

5. May 2000:

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

6. December 1997:

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

And the winner is:

Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the basis of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles)

What is the point here you ask? That these people compared to you, the SSN, are Einsteins. It also marks why I hate Lawyer and Marlow, and will put either on my List for CM:BB.

Rune

[MrSpkr]

Seanachai, for causing me to waiver on my stance (and I see subsequent events are proving me correct, as usual), you've been added to the Hit List.

Doddering Olde Foole.

Steve

[Goanna]

Damn, and I thought that focker would remain in the old thread posting to himself ad infinitum.

BTW YOU ARE ALL STILL A PACK OF MEWLING SURRENDER MONKEYS AND AS OF THIS MORNING AT 0630 MST (in the Great Satan) YOU ALL STILL OWE ME A TURN.

I ask one thing of my vict... uh opponents and that is promptness. You wanna have a go at the Army of Scaliness? Then keep em coming sweetheart. Otherwise I'm likely to show up in your hometown, pull off your arm and beat you with the wet end like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. Think I won't? Ask the denizens of deep southern Wisconsin if it was pretty. They had to abort three cats, do thousands in renovations and get one lawyer reinstated to the bar after my last visit. So, ON YOUR BICYCLE!

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by rune:

Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the basis of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles.

Rune

rune, this man is not merely a "complete moron", as you put it -- he and others like him are "complete morons who will put my kids through college".

Sheesh. Get it right.

Steve

[Goanna]

Rune you nincowpoop. First, how can these "annual" award nominations all come from years prior to 2001? this should be the first thing to tip you off that the Stella awards are total BS. Second, the Stella awards always show up as e-mail spam after each and every new "frivolous" lawsuit in any country in the western world. The last time I saw it was in Sydney when some dumbass on ecstasy and piss decided to dive into the ankle deep surf at Bondi and broke his freaking neck then successfully sued the local council for failing to warn him. I think the appeal is centred on whether they should have warned him about the surf, the shifting sea floor (which of course council has full control of) or if the local hospital failed to tattoo "I'm a total dumbass" on his forhead at birth.

Anyhoo, while I am always ready for a good beat up of the legal profession, any of the Cesspool ambulance chasers with a Westlaw connection could tell you quite easily that each and every one of the cases cited above other than Stella's case above is complete and utter bollocks. Sure, let's line up all the attorneys and knee cap the rat bastards, but lets do it with actual facts rather than made up ones. Otherwise they might sue us after.

[Terence]

Originally posted by rune:

That these people compared to you, the SSN, are Einsteins.

And yet, compared to YOU our intellects, or particularly mine, stand forth like a grand edifice.

I am a great blazing sun of knowlege and perception, compared to which the tiny flickering match of your mind is a pale weak thing ineed.

To put it more vulgarly, lackwit, none of these lawsuits are true, and none of these people are real.

Toddle off back to the sandpit.

[Marlow]

Originally posted by rune:

To the SSNs that visit this MBT. I present my case:

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards.

[snipped proof that one is born every minute]

Brave sir rune, my former liege, it pains me to tell you this (not really, but I do try to show some respect), but this "Stella" stuff is an Urban Legend. Try not to be too disapointed. BTW, I have I nice bridge in Brookland for sale. Interested?

[Terence]

Originally posted by Marlow:

Tell me, oh drooling one, would that be the Brookland Bridge just south of the Manhattanland Bridge in New York City Land?

*snicker*

[Gaylord Focker]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Seanachai, for causing me to waiver on my stance (and I see subsequent events are proving me correct, as usual), you've been added to the Hit List.

Doddering Olde Foole.

Steve

Oh why don't you go blow it out your arse. Anything proving you correect is an oxymoron you blithering satchel of regurgitated oatmeal.

The only stance your capable of waivering on is the defense of one of your clients you incompetent tick infested baboon of the jungle.

You Sir are an abomination, a slinger of thy own wretched bowel movements, a bather in a filthy puddle of urine, a messenger of filth, the mangiest of the mange, and a compassionate conservative. If you had any legs to stand on you insipid ever shedding snake you would kick yourself in your own bloated rear end.

On the next episode of Cooking with Focker we have as a guest Mace to host our first edition of Stupid Pet Tricks.

[Poobear]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Welcome! Herein you will find the latest incarnation of the Mutha Beautiful Thread.

Some things you will need to know before you go any further...

We do not like you. We have never liked you, and the chances are rather high that we will never like you. In fact, it would probably be best if you left now. Bye.

Still here? Then sound of like ya got a pair!

You spelled "off" wrong, you tosser.

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Terence:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Marlow:

Tell me, oh drooling one, would that be the Brookland Bridge just south of the Manhattanland Bridge in New York City Land?

*snicker*</font>

Away with you, foul spelling grog.

[Terence]

Well, its nicer than "foul-smelling grog," I suppose.

[ August 15, 2002, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: Terence ]

[Marlow]

Originally posted by rune:

. It also marks why I hate Lawyer and Marlow, and will put either on my List for CM:BB.

Rune

I’ll be happy to accept, and get even for my suffering in “Caen Mutiny,” and “Night of the Engineers.” PS, we could get started right away, if you just send me a little old copy of the beta (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).