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The Once and Awhile Lurker #11; "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?"

The_Capt

By The_Capt
in Combat Mission Archive #4 (2002)

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The_Capt Senior Member

The_Capt

Posted
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Ok the ol' Capt is back. Been away awhile due to a lack of effort but I seem to be recovering quite well.

I swear this board is like the Vishnu God of Purple Elephants and Cycles of Creation. It just keeps going around and around and around and around. After the 5th "MGs and me", "Is it gamey to have sex before marriage" "Does the Tiger make me look fat thread"..oh and let's not forget the Peng crew who continue to catch our eye with snappy titles and lose us on the inside jokes. The CM Forum has really gotten stale, like a beer left under a radiator for a few days. But like that beer, a true addict will slurp it down anyway.

The General Forum isn't much better. The "USA 4FR" & "YANKEE PIGDOGS HAVE BAD ORAL HYGENE" threads seem to have died out and the usual stream of "This piece of software; ROCS!!!", "Hey did you hear blah blah" and "Puppies for sale; Inquire Within" continue to be put out.

In short the ol board is in a bit of a slump. Kinda like one of those afternoons which is hot and humid and nobody really wants to do anything.

The dog just lays on the front porch and can barely muster the effort to scratch away flies. We sit in our sweat stained under-shirts sipping cheap lukewarm beer. We don't shave anymore and CMBO just doesn't get us going like it use to.

Oh there are some new converts which come into town but most of the older crowd has seen em come and go. Even the flamewars are lame and we haven't had a good banning in weeks...

So what does one do in a situation like this? Well the obvious answer is to THROW A PARTY CM STYLE!!!!

That's right folks we need to get up and get moving!! CMBB isn't going to get here anytime soon so we had may as well have some fun.

Now there is nothing which says you can't have fun and still learn something so here is what I have in mind.

I have a theory that being drunk in fact helps ones CM game. So here is an informal test I challenge all members to take. I want you to play any CM game in varying states of "****-facedness". And record your results.

I would recomend TCP games as I think you will develop a serious drinking problem if you try to make sure you are at the same state of drunkeness for all turns of a PBEM game (some of those take a month) BUT if you are game, feel free.

I am looking for everything from;

"A couple of shots to warm my bones"

"A few social drinks to curb my inhibitions"

"A jolly good buzz, send in the Panthers"

"Holy Christ..I am tanked..."tanked"..get it? AHAHAHAHAHAH"

"C'mon honey...letss do iit with the whole freakin baaatalion watching..snicker. I bet those lil bastards quite movin their heads around when they see us...honey?"

"ZZZZZZZZ........"

That's right don't drink and drive but I want to encourage you to Drink and Command.

Now we will call this; The_Capt's Drunkin CM Rampage. The only other rule is that you have to be drunk when you post on this thread. If you are sober right now and have something to say..wait...go down 4 shots of Tequila and then come back and put your ideas down.

So to review..drunkin gaming...sober up...record result...get drunk again...post on the forum.

Now before you post on this thread you also need to state just how much you have had to drink (ie "a couple of beer and a fifth of Wild Turkey...I think my liver just exploded") and then proceed to post.

You also need the same info when you post a game result.

Remember the aim here, beyond promotion of addiction, is to determine if booze does in fact make one a better CM player. My theory is a resounding "YES".

"CM NAKED TILL THEY LOCK YOU AWAY!! AND THEN HIDE THE CD UP YOUR BUTT AND RULE ON THE INSIDE"

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Chosun-few Junior Member

Chosun-few

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Interesting theory, I certainly play faster half cut.

Just out of interest, the quote is :-

When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,

And the women come out to cut up what remains,

Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains

An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.

From the poem "the young british soldier" by Rudyard Kipling

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Iskander Senior Member

Iskander

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As always on the cutting edge of societal evolution ("insulting one idiot at a time"), the Peng Challenge Thread developed this technique almost a year ago.

Affectionately called playing by Lawyer-Iskander Rules... or, more colloquially, Jake & Ike... this involves having at least three drinks (of any kind) before responding to a PBEM turn. Viewing may be done sober, but is strongly commended against. When sober, one can suddenly realize that you have only half the units you thought you did.

Lars and I are playing by these rules in one of Rune's exercises in destruction, Three Ridge Way.

Similarly, I for one have never engaged in any TCP/IP match wherein I was not drinking before the match began, and unsure where the rest of my house was by the time the match ended.

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Conscript Bagger Senior Member

Conscript Bagger

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Originally posted by Iskander:

As always on the cutting edge of societal evolution ("insulting one idiot at a time)

I thought this was the bailiwick of that immortal alien in the Hitchhiker's Guide series... don't tell me the 'pudlians are stooping to Ambrosian (as in Stephen, not the food of the gods) methods of credit-taking? :D
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imported_Hiram Sedai Senior Member

imported_Hiram Sedai

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Gentlemen, I played every single TCPIP game drunk as a skunk. I played most of my PBEM turns quite snockered. My opponents can attest to my suckitude. I can barely remember most of the games. I never really tried for a win, I just wanted a draw. Why? Draws are infuriating to the elite snobs of the Peng thread.

When the twelve pack of beer is gone and the cat is gently mounting the monitor, that's when I give up and call it a night.

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Lawyer Senior Member

Lawyer

Posted
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Originally posted by Iskander:

As always on the cutting edge of societal evolution ("insulting one idiot at a time"), the Peng Challenge Thread developed this technique almost a year ago.

Affectionately called playing by Lawyer-Iskander Rules... or, more colloquially, Jake & Ike... this involves having at least three drinks (of any kind) before responding to a PBEM turn.

Ike is quite correct. (BTW, be sure to check out his UpPericope thread in his sig line)

To be sure, CM cannot be played authentically without drinking drinks that cause trouble. Let's be real here, WWII was about BIG trouble and short lifespans. Most participants at the individual level tried to get zonked to get through it and have their pain killed. Fortunately, the Western Front was fought in excellent wine and beer country. No 7-11 selections there and then.

Historical accuracy is everything when playing CM and other WWII games. I've NEVER played a CM turn without excessive alcohol consumption being involved. (okay, I did play a game with jdmorse back when I returned game files in the morning before the cocktail flag was up)

Ike and I agree that most commanders in WWII were buzzed out at the time of the important battle engagements. Hell, half of them were lawyers in civilian life. So we play according to historical accuracy that grogs often forget. What good does 15000 ft/sec muzzle veclocity mean unless you experience the buzz that went along with it? I mean, what about the altitude and attitude of the folks who (literally) called the shots?

Now, let me address the starting of this thread. The_Capt is either a prima donna or a JV team wannabee who won't go out for the Big Team of MBT. His observations and deductions deserve scrutiny in the Cesspool, yet like young girls at a Britney Spears concert, he squeals but fails to experience the reality. The_Capt obviously fears the Cesspool. Like death, he should just the Hand of Fate (and true loathing) in the Mutha Beautiful Thread.

Ah well, it's His Thread, so let it be.

-------------

Certified

This post is authentically done under the influence. Don't drive cars under the influence, Drive Tiger tanks instead!!! And shoot the hell out of anybody who gets in the way.

[ February 13, 2002, 08:28 PM: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

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Gates-slut Member

Gates-slut

Posted
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K, I'll bite

{three colonila style (oak aged) Woodchuck ciders and three Anchor Brewing Co. Liberty Ales}

what was the topic again?

Hell, I'd play a game if there was someone on line.

Good post moncapitant.last beer is empty, damn damn blast and damn, mbay bed is the best thing then

g'night gracie

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Lopaka Member

Lopaka

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While I usually spend most of my CM time in one state of inebriation or another and will therefore join in the merriment by upping the ante on my intake, I can't help but point out the obvious problem with your study, Cap't.

If both combatants are equally intoxicated, how will you be able to prove that there has been an improvement in the ability to command. To truly study the effects you would need half the participants to stay sober, or at least at a lesser state of intoxication. After a battle, and a little time to have the effects wear off the drunker of the two, the sides could switch intake levels and see how that changes things. Of course, this could lead to the inference that one of the combatants can handle his/her liquor better.

As an option to the above test, you might allow for equal levels of intoxication with varying substances - please no mixing for this will really skew the test results.

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GreenGriffon Senior Member

GreenGriffon

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The last time I played a CM game drunk, my troops were outflanked by 3 germans pushing a 20mm flakgun by hand across completely open terrain. Must have taken them 15 turns to push the thing 100 meters, then they opened up and chewed up several of my squads on that side.

So, I would say that alcohol does inhibit my tactical awareness a bit.

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