The Peng Challenge - you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy...

[Stuka]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

(imalittleteapot) An immediate recall and execution of said Paul Hogan.

Bad luck! He's all yours now, we don't want him back.

Same thing goes for that 'Kiwi pretending to be an Aussie pretending to be a Yank', Russell fecking Crowe! Tosser!

[dalem]

Originally posted by Stuka:

Same thing goes for that 'Kiwi pretending to be an Aussie pretending to be a Yank', Russell fecking Crowe! Tosser!

I thought Kiwis and Aussies and Poms were all the same; I can't tell any of them from the Irish or the Scots anyway.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Lars:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Have you ever had rental properties in Ohio?

No, I like to actually collect the rent.</font>

[Lars]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Ohio cannot compare with Minnesota (State Motto: Your First Line of Defense Against Canada.)

Dang straight, Skippy!

But, in the interest of gouging lower class Midwesterners and getting paid in returnable bottles, used bus ticket stubs and false teeth, I did a brief search.

Ohio: State Motto “At Least We're Not Michigan”

It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Peng would not approve)

Breast feeding is not allowed in public. (Lars does not approve)

Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed. (Peng would not approve)

It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. (Panzer Leader likes this one, hence, we don’t)

Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear. (Peng would not approve)

It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance. (All right thinking Cesspoolers would not approve)

It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house. (Peng would not approve)

No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July. (This one, we approve of)

The installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses is prohibited. (Croda would not approve)

It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. (Peng most certainly not approve)

And worst of all, this damning law in Strongsville (nice name, painted pink for sure):

Catch 22 is banned.

Grog State! Grog State! Grog State! Grog State!

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Point of ORDER, Mr Spruiker. This side of the house wishes to clarify that the said international encumberance known colloquially as "Foster's" is in fact made from pregnant ewe's piss. May I suggest you import the more civilised West Australian brew called "Emu Bitters". You may guess where THAT comes from.

WHAT???? You mean you lot are still <U>WATCHING</U> re-runs of that crap? You mean, Oz exported the ultimate joke on the world to the good ol' 'Merkins and they FELL FOR IT??? I feel for you.......

Actually, MrSqkr you 'Merkins currently have the laws in place to carry out this proposed "cleansing" of the said geriatric A/V terrorist - one "P. Hogan" - from the world stage. So, <U>do us a favour will ya??</U>

Alternatively, failing the likelihood of the above eventuality occuring within the next 50 million years or so, you could <U>pretend</U> that you can play CM (fat chance) and meet me on the field of battle to fight for the inalienable right to figuratively dispose of said <SMALL><SMALL>Hoges.<BIG><BIG> But then again, given your pathetic, grovelling and inept display of CM battlefield strategies to date, I suspect I shall be the one to proudly proclaim Hoges as "non digne de la piscine de cess"

Awaiting your no doubt loath response to engage in mortal byte-battle,

AJ

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by dalem:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Stuka:

Same thing goes for that 'Kiwi pretending to be an Aussie pretending to be a Yank', Russell fecking Crowe! Tosser!

I thought Kiwis and Aussies and Poms were all the same; I can't tell any of them from the Irish or the Scots anyway.</font>

[Stuka]

AJ, your set-up is in my pbem folder and awaiting the next ice-age whereupon I may find the time to actually place some forces.

*Sigh* There are just so many encumberances on your old Unca Stukey's time these days.... {girls...stop it.... GIRLS..I'm talking...giggle ..ok then but quietly}

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Stuka:

AJ, your set-up is in my pbem folder and awaiting the next ice-age whereupon I may find the time to actually place some forces.

*Sigh* There are just so many encumberances on your old Unca Stukey's time these days.... {girls...stop it.... GIRLS..I'm talking...giggle ..ok then but quietly}

What??? You mean them, them ....... girly-thingies cum before our God and Master, CM???

Tsk, tsk... oh, alright then ....if you MUST dilly-dally, don't stop on MY account!

AJ

[Edited to insert gratuitous and totally unnecessary Winking Smilie]<BIG>

<small>[ April 16, 2002, 11:18 PM: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]

[Joe Shaw]

Ah my, this well and truly sucks ... well, yes, the THREAD of course ALWAYS sucks but having to read page after page of this drivel just to get caught up is an infamy. I was unaware of how truly awful this placed is without my prose to spice it up. The drivel here, without me to leaven it with that touch of class that only I possess, is almost CLASSIC. One almost hates to come back for fear of raising the level of discussion and ruining the stark, simple majesty of it's appalling dreadfulness. Were there to be a Pulitzer awarded for drivel, surely this thread, without me, would win hands down. Still, one must soldier on, here especially.

Where to begin ... perhaps the beginning would do nicely? It was a dark and stormy night in Kerrville, Texas in the year of our Lord 1949 as a hush fell over the pool room and ... no wait, that's not right, is it.

Oh right, the meeting of two thirds of the Olde Ones, the Justicar, a Justicariate Squire and some clown with a dog with no ears. I do NOT include the fine lady Patch in that list as I would never do that to a lady even though she does tend to take liberties with her camera and photo editor.

It was ... interesting. Seanachai saved my own good self from starvation with a loverly beef stew, loaves of bread, mounds of salad and multiple bottles of Guinness ... he I shall NOT ask to be slain. It did occur to me as I was walking up to his apartment that it would be just like him and the rest to send me to some bordello but my apprehensions were false and was I met at the door by Berli ... damned near turned right around again but what can you do. Luckily the fair and gracious Patch was my next acquaintance so that dulled the shock somewhat. Lars was sitting on the couch and didn't offer so much as a single bow or "My Liege" ... former squires these days you know. And then there was Dalem ... less said the better don't you think?

After the preliminaries, "Gawd, you're a LOT uglier than I thought you were." and "Right then, where's the booze?" we settled down to defaming each and every one you to within an inch of your worthless lives and it was, may I say, far more discussion than any of you deserves either individually or collectively.

Patch brought out her camera and caught a few shots of the highlights but somehow missed the opportunity when I, attempting to smuggle silverware, managed to drop Seanachai's ENTIRE drawer of same onto the floor after only ONE bottle of Guinness mind you. Hilarity ensued for hours before I had to leave when the party broke up for lack of any semblance of remaining wit. My one regret (well, alright, technically going in the first place would be one all by itself) was that my Grandsquire Hanns wasn't able to break free (probably in the literal sense of the word) and join us.

In other news we see that Fionn has returned and is being given the rock star treatment by those most resembling adolescent schoolgirls, "Oh PLEASE, Mr. Fionn sir, MAY I be granted the orgasmic joy of playing a game of CM with you?" … and they call themselves CessPoolers!

Finally I am most gratified to see that my ***BOOT*** Squire Diceman ***BOOT*** has returned ***BOOT*** and is presumably ***BOOT*** ready to take up his ***BOOT*** Squirely duties again ***BOOT***. He has not, however, ***BOOT*** seen fit to post WORD BLOODY ONE ***BOOT*** to his liege and master ***BOOT*** explaining his absence ***BOOT*** or even begging forgiveness ***BOOT*** or even acknowledging my presence ***BOOT*** ***BOOT*** ***BOOT***! As I said, Squires These Days! I tell you it wasn't like this when Agua Perdido was my Squire, now THERE was a likely lad {sniff}.

GAME UPDATES … haven't played a single turn in forever, wonder if I remember how, not that it'll make much difference in the final outcome of course.

Joe

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Seanachai saved my own good self from starvation with a loverly beef stew.

Should have been lamb, its Berli's favourite don't you know.

[Seanachai]

A height, somewhat elevated, above a gray and brown landscape without other features. A gray, sourceless light exposes, rather than illuminates, the land. Three figures sit on the height. One is a dark figure, wreathed in smoke, with a hint of crackling flame, and eyes that glow red from the shifting mass. Another is a stern, disgruntled looking figure with crossed arms who seems to be mumbling something about an 'Alison'. The last is a short, grinning, half-mad figure singing a song about 'waltzing with matilda'. When they are looked at in one way, they seem to be sitting cross-legged atop termite mounds. But another look presents them on folding lawn chairs. It's hard to get a hook on this one.

Peng: I'll be damned—

Berli: And you are.

Peng: They're starting up the 'Bren Tripod' thread again.

Seanachai: up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred...that can't be right, Peng. That annoying piece of ****e was put to sleep weeks ago.

Peng: Have a look out there, if you don't believe me. There's bloody useless Slapdragon off the block even as we've been talking.

Berli: He's right. I can see Kettler chortling to himself and having a beer.

Seanachai: Unbelievable! It's like the very antithesis to evolution! Who'd have posited a system where the most would battle over the least for all the most stupid reasons?

Berli: I'd believe it.

Seanachai: Oh, but Berli, you're always after enjoying the worst in everyone. I mean, really, here's some of the best—

Peng: And worst

Seanachai: —of the Forum out there arguing about whether 'nose hair tweezers' were a significant factor in combat in Commonwealth units.

Peng: Bloody pitiful.

Berli: Indeed.

Seanachai: Sad, just sad.

the soughing of the wind winds past their lonely elevation, stirring up dust devils and carrrying with it the sound of high pitched bickering, like a group of camp followers arguing.

Peng: 2 to 1 Brian shows up.

Berli: No money there. 3 will get you 2 Grog Dorosh will show up and be reasonable and polite.

Seanachai: That's not a bet, that's a given.

silence

Berli: Okay, how 'bout 2 to 1 that Slapdragon will go 'Grog Heavy' and piss off half a dozen people?

Peng & Seanachai: That's not a bet, that's a prophecy fulfilled! both laugh. It echoes over the Wasteland

Peng: What about Simon getting cautioned for hating Slapdragon?

Seanachai: Hmm. What odds? I think Foxibus is above that.

Peng: 2 to 1.

Berli: Better, I'll give you 3 to 1 on $20 US.

Seanachai: Done!

They watch the Grayland beyond even the Wasteland for a while

Seanchai: Bugger.

Berli: Told you.

Seanachai: Here's your money.

The sound of distant bickering fades, and the wind rises

Seanachai: Do you suppose it's wrong, standing off and mocking like this?

Peng: Dog fights are wrong. Cockfighting is wrong. Grog fights are nature's purest form of amusement.

Berli: True. A dead dog is a sorrow for everyone. A dead rooster is too tough to eat, and so a total waste of life. But a brutalized Grog...well, that's a laugh that even God won't forego. And believe me, I know.

Seanachai: I suppose. Anyone for a jolly sing-song

Peng: Shh! I think that Britisher John Salt is about to start whinging again!

[ April 17, 2002, 12:45 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Seanachai]

Well, and no surprise. The 'Bren Tripod Redux' thread has already turned nasty. Hell, it's like post 46!

Anyone want to get some money down on when it gets locked, and which Grog or Grog-wannabe gets cautioned most strongly by BTS? Which is the first to go completely over the top? I mean, the possibilities are endless!

My categories for a 'Cesspool' award for stupidity are:

A) Grog who becomes the most belligerent

2) Grog who is the most provoking

@) Idjit who becomes almost insufferable in their chest-clutching, eyes cast up to heaven participation while maintaining their innocense and persecution by 'the mob' (alternately, the BTS supporters 'mob')

Zeta) The Poster most likely to take any attempt to caution them on their acidic posting as 'Censorship'.

Dogsleg Left) How many posters who should know better will post their opinions (again) before this annoying piece of ****e is closed down (again)?

[Slapdragon]

If anyone wants to handicap their bets, contact me off line....

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Slapdragon:

If anyone wants to handicap their bets, contact me off line....

Goddamn it to hell, Slapdragon, what are you doing in here?! You were favoured to take 'Grog Most Likely To Provoke Others'! You pillock! You've just invalidated about $450 worth of betting, you idjit! Isn't it enough that you repeatedly turn up in these insufferrable 'Grog Fights' without attempting to influence the betting?!

[ April 17, 2002, 01:49 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Guest PondScum]

When all is dead, and broken, and a chill wind sweeps across the empty land...

When there is nothing but wailing, and the gnashing of teeth, and the distant chuckles of Berli...

When the squires have their heads sawn off, and the knights have their lips sewn shut, and even the Old Ones are reprimanded by librarians into silence...

When the MBT itself falls silent...

...still there will be The Bren Tripod Thread.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by PondScum:

When all is dead, and broken, and a chill wind sweeps across the empty land...

When there is nothing but wailing, and the gnashing of teeth, and the distant chuckles of Berli...

When the squires have their heads sawn off, and the knights have their lips sewn shut, and even the Old Ones are reprimanded by librarians into silence...

When the MBT itself falls silent...

...still there will be The Bren Tripod Thread.

O for a voice like thunder, and a tongue

To drown the throat of [Grog] war!—When the senses

Are shaken, and the soul is driven to madness,

Who can stand? When the souls of the oppressed

Fight in the troubled air that rages, who can stand?

When the whirlwind of fury comes from the

Throne of God, when the frowns of his countenance

Drive the nations together, who can stand?

When Sin claps his broad wings over the battle,

And sails rejoicing in the flood of Death;

When souls are torn to everlasting fire,

And fiends of Hell rejoice upon the slain,

O who can stand? O who hath caused this?

O who can answer at the throne of God?

The Kings and Nobles of the Land have done it!

Hear it not, Heaven, thy Ministers have done it!

-William Blake

This Pondscum lad. He's got his head in the classics, whether he knows it or nought. I'm glad we made the silly ****e a Knight. I'm after noticing the similarities between his post and Blake. Not a bad connection drawn, and to the idjit's credit.

More credit than can be given to the Forum's Grogs, just now. One of them throws out a coin with a laugh, and the rest fight like whores over it. Is that the sort of behaviour that makes them the Forum's 'elite'? Better a member of the Peng Challenge Thread, thank you very much, than that sort of 'contribution'.

[Noba]

Quoted by the Dark Person.

Noba, sorry to disappoint you but Mace would never lower himself to keep company with a bovine like yourself.

Madam. We are not bovine. We would be classed more as original marsupial types. Sometimes the tail comes in handy.

Noba.

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Persephone, dear Lady, the young R Leete is quite mad. Like myself, he currently seeks gainful employment after unworthy treatment by the Financial Powers That Be (the bastards). His current personal project, by which we may judge his overweening insanity, is that he is trying to build a scale model Tiger tank that he can actually sit in and drive around the neighbourhood. One can only hope that he has no plans to add working armament (except, perhaps, Nahverteidigungswaffe to keep the neighbourhood dogs respectful).

Other than that, he's just another poor fool sucked by life into the Cesspool, and doing his best to keep his chin up (as are we all).

I have disovered that besides building a huge Tiger tank to ride around the neighborhood in, the crazy R_Leete is also known to run around the neighborhood dressed up as a gladiator.

Persephone

[RootDog]

Silence often is something not well appreciated.

[Marlow]

First a public service announcement: my e-mail troubles have been sorted out, and various and sundry topplements will be resumed this eve.

Now to other matters. For shame Seana-troll. Taking bets on the grogfight in the running bren tripod thread is one thing, but then to go and announce to the thread participants that they are being mocked. Once again you are coming dangerously close to the unacceptable practice of inviting grogs to the inner sanctum of the MBT. I think it is high time we upped your tranquilizer dose. You also fail to note that in that very thread I managed to give the boot to not one, but two Grogs, and humble them in their grogginess. That should count for something.

Slappy, I felt bad about correcting you on machine gun matters, but I had little choice. You should stick to talking about firearms with which you are personally familiar. I believe that would be a .38 revolver with one round in your shirt pocket.

[Boo Radley]

Sadly, the marketing concept for "CRAZY LEETE'S"Gladiator Style Diner A-Go-Go, was deemed a bit too outre for the reticent and skittish denizens of the little burg of Rochester, NY.

Bitter tears were indeed wept.

[rleete]

At least Boo has the picture oriented correctly. After all, I am left handed.

Oh, that I were in reality so well muscled, except 'tween the ears.

[Lars]

Originally posted by RootDog:

Silence often is something not well appreciated.

Try it.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Lars:

But, in the interest of gouging lower class Midwesterners and getting paid in returnable bottles, used bus ticket stubs and false teeth, I did a brief search.

Ohio: State Motto “At Least We're Not Michigan”

<big>"SNIPPED for brevity"</big>

Grog State! Grog State! Grog State! Grog State!

Alas, tis all too true. I admit it, but with some justification. When we were just a young state, still with down on our dew-bespecked cheeks, we fell in with older, more jaded states that led us astray.

The chief perpetrator of this callous and heinous act was the state immediately to our left, Pennsyltoonia, or something like that. A raw, rough-housing state with a monstrous belly that hangs precariously over a belt buckle the size of a serving tray. A state where men and women both engage in all sorts of jiggery-pokery late into the night by the dim green, radioactive glow of Three Mile Island.

So, if we did enact some laws that would only seem to fit into the Bizarro universe of Superman comics, I lay the blame at the door of our lowbrow neighbors.

[ April 17, 2002, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: Boo_Radley ]

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Originally posted by Lars:

really snipped for brevity

First, I must point out that I came up with the "Snipped for brevity" thingy. Once again, I see the newbies stealing my stuff. Second, I had the extreme displeasure of living in Ohio for two years. I was married then. We lived in Cleveland, Ohio. Huge amounts of pollution, crime and people with canuck accents really left a sour taste in my mouth. I can say with much veracity and not a small amount of pride that Ohio is not fit to launder the jockstrap of Pennsyltucky.