I Offer Grog Dorosh the Peng Challenge, And He Be Man Enough

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Noba:

So how are the fingers Sire?

Noba.

My fingers hurt like hell, but you should see the gentlemen who it was my extreme pleasure to jam them on, or rather see him at his court date. Unfortunately, innocent until proven guilty, so I will say no more on Mister 2 meters 200 kilos and bad breath, other than to note that he is indeed an idiot.

Now Noba my squire. I think it is time that you are off on a quest to earn your spurs, the final step in your education. Being a fan of the Uplift War, I like to see us as a mamber of a Clan, the Hell Clan, lead by his Devilishness Berli. However, I am at a loss. What quest could possible be good enough for such an occasion as becoming a full member of the Clan of the Devil himself and his wife? Should I send you off to slay a dragon? But the only three I know were slain by BTS. Rescue a damsel? There are no damsels I know of who need rescuing, although Sean in his idiocy comes damn close.

So I think I will ask a boon of my own liege, the master of the pits of hell and ask him what proof I should require of your worthyness to join the members of clan Hades. Let me warn you, he is the devil, so the task will be hard. Would you like him to place it before you, to win your spurs or forever forget your name on the shores of the river Lethe?

[ March 30, 2002, 07:26 PM: Message edited by: Slapdragon ]

[Joe Shaw]

"Part the first": Yeknod surrendered to Pierre My Trusty FO in the arty-fest that is Sollies-Ville.

: Noba couldn't hold onto Le Camp Crossroads when the flouncing French waiters came to town.

6.6.6: Berli gamily took advantage of my backwards-facing pillboxes in Kogenbroich.

[iv]: Sledge59 (WHERE IS HE NOW, EH? EH?) surrendered to the French before all the bloodletting was done on the Road To Toulon.

<101>: Noba and I undertook a historical reenactment of the Destruction Of The 112th, with him taking the role of said 112th Panzergrenadiers.

Blast, damn and hell but the life of a Justicar is not an easy one. I look on the postings of young Pondscum and my eyes fill with tears (could be the jalapeno I suppose, who ever heard of jalapeno jelly anyway) at the resemblance between him and my own loyal and trusty Agua Perdido, the finest squire that ever was, no offense to Speedbump and Lars but there you have it.

It would give me great pleasure to be able to say "Yes, yes, make him Knight, I agree, Knight he is." And yet I would be shirking my duty were I not to examine this record most closely, oh yes, most closely indeed.

Yes, I see five games between Pondscum and members of the CessPool of the rank of Squire and above ... BUT:

{*] Were they all members of the CessPool WHEN THE MATCH commenced, eh? Berli of course, but what was the status of Noba, Yeknodathon and Sledge59 at the commencement of the matches? This represents a grey area I grant you, much like the underwear section of Hiram's dresser drawer (or at least so I'm told, Peng has met him you know ... hmmmmm). Must the opponent be a member prior to commencement or merely prior to completion? I leave it to the Olde Ones but my thinking (such as is it) is that we could stretch the rule for one such as Pondscum while still retaining our firmness of purpose in the case of, for example, AussieJeff {eeeuuuuoooowww ... nasty}.

<^> BUT ... alas and alack I see no evidence that the five games ... HAVE BEEN COMPLETED! If, in point of fact, the final game between Pondscum and Noba has been completed then I withdraw my questions and agree to the elevation of Pondscum to Knight of the CessPool! If not ... rules are rules lad. You could always surrender ... better than even odds you'll end up doing that anyway. Not that Noba represents more challenge than the AI on a bad day, but we are talking about YOU lad and ... well, no need to belabor the obvious.

Joe

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

I've known the Bard to whore himself out time and again to recruit members into our brotherhood so he may squire and mount them. I, alone was able to squirm out of the requisite mounting.

Okay you lying load of cockswaddle! I for one remember you walking around the castle stalls, rubbing your arse and complaining of some sort of "burning" sensation! Don't try to wiggle out of the truth, lad -- you KNOW you were the only one of Seanachai's squires the old bugger managed to, well, bugger! I was too quick, Mouse was, well, Mouse, and it appears Andrew has simply run away, never to be seen again.

YOU may have found yourself in that position, but don't drag me into your living hell!

Okay, now that I got that off my chest, who's up for some TCPIP?

Send a setup and prepare to die. I shall play the Mordred to your pathetic Arthurian farce.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Send a setup and prepare to die. I shall play the Mordred to your pathetic Arthurian farce.

I don't send a fecking setup for a TCPIP game, bonehead. Yeesh!

[ March 30, 2002, 08:21 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Send a setup and prepare to die. I shall play the Mordred to your pathetic Arthurian farce.

I don't send a fecking setup for a TCPIP game, bonehead. Yeesh!</font>

[rleete]

Originally posted by Seanachai :

I take R_Leete as Squire.

Uh, is this in written stone? I mean, do I have to? Really? Oh, to abandon the security of anonymous serfdom, to be indebted to such a Knigget. The horrors of the squirely duties. We all can imagine the condition of ol' "Senile Tea's" armor (note obligatory reference to the Thread of all Threads), what with all the outerboard trolling he does. And recently, the shoveling of snow; his mail boots have got to be one big hunk of rust. Not to mention that I may become fair game for that most dastardly of the Grand Dames, Persephone . Oh, the humanity!

Is there no upstanding knight (okay, I realize they're all face down in the gutters. It's a figure of speach, dammit!) that will rescue me from this fate? Isn't there some loophole I can wriggle through? Never any [shyster] lawyers [/shyster] around when you need them.

Originally posted by Joe Shaw :

Fist we have complete and utter idjits elevated to the rank of Squire

Fist of all, (See? I didn't have to edit your post, Joe . You screwed it up all on your lonesome), it was you , the Justicar his own self, that did recognize and elevate me to serfdom. Are you now doubting your own judgement? Did you "elevate an idjit"? Serious charges from the officer of the 'pool.

So, what is it? If you deemed me worthy, than how can you abandon me to such a fate? If not, than you need to press charges on yourself. Quite the sticky dilema here, folks.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I take R_Leete as Squire.

I never know what to do in these kind of situations. Do we throw rice, birdseed or hand grenades?

[rleete]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley :

Do we throw rice, birdseed or hand grenades?

Just the pins, Boo , just the pins.

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

I take R_Leete as Squire.

I never know what to do in these kind of situations. Do we throw rice, birdseed or hand grenades?</font>

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

I take R_Leete as Squire.

I never know what to do in these kind of situations. Do we throw rice, birdseed or hand grenades?</font>

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by AussieJeff:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

I take R_Leete as Squire.

I never know what to do in these kind of situations. Do we throw rice, birdseed or hand grenades?</font>

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by AussieJeff:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

I take R_Leete as Squire.

I never know what to do in these kind of situations. Do we throw rice, birdseed or hand grenades?</font>

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Noba:

Oh yes. Everyone's favourite Aussie, AJ and I are playing a NON POOL GAME !

so it don't count. (We have asked for reinforcements in that game cos otherwise our head is orf again).

Noba.

Good grief Noba, have ye no shame? 'Tis but a ploy in attempting to nullify your impending messy and most miserable defeat. ADMIT IT, thou knavish Squire of Sir Slappy. Yet I see a certain logic in defaulting to another field of military endeavour upon which to defend our honour, for "Grenade" has a timeline of about 35 years at the current rate of progress. Pah!

It will matter not. I shall again take up the cudgels with my Green Volksturm hordes to flay your flimsy forces, thou mewling beetle-headed harpy! When it comes to matters of byte-battle, thou art merely a dull and muddy-mettled rascal.

So, go prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, thou lily-liver'd lad, for Noba Slaughterfest MkII rears it's ugly head towards your visage. Thou art indeed the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Hast thou or word, or wit, or impudence, that can yet do thee office? Alack, I fear thee, NOT.

So, a post wings it's way to your tray as I speaketh, for as the aggrieved party to the aggriever, I demand the right to set the scene of slaughter. Rest assured, 'tis a fair chance for you lad (more's the pity).

To battle then, be joined. Man your ramparts Noba, for they are 'bouts to be breached anew!

AJ

SOB

-------------------------------

<FONT COLOR = WHITE><SMALL>

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.<FONT COLOR = BLACK><BIG>

[Noba]

Originally posted by the PILLOCK

Good grief Noba, SNIP the Waffle

To battle then, be joined. Man your ramparts Noba, for they are 'bouts to be breached anew!

AJ

SOB

Well AJ, nothing in the mail as yet...wait tatatatatata - the noise of incoming mail !

Aaaaahhhh, a file.

Well you will have to Sod off by yourself for a while Us EAGLES members have a date with the old HEAVE-HO scum.

Noba.

{We're the Eagles, West Coast Eagles, and we're here to show you why...}

[Joe Shaw]

Fist of all, (See? I didn't have to edit your post, Joe . You screwed it up all on your lonesome), it was you , the Justicar his own self, that did recognize and elevate me to serfdom. Are you now doubting your own judgement? Did you "elevate an idjit"? Serious charges from the officer of the 'pool.

I may well have made a mistake in your case lad, I would have thought that you'd not have stooped to using the odd spelling error as an indictment of a man's post, but apparently I was wrong in that as well.

FIST, as you have so kindly pointed out, there is a world of difference between acknowledging potential, as is done when an SSN is made Serf, and taking the final and potentially lethal step of making that Serf a Squire. For see you, he then only must complete five games in the CessPool to be made Knight and then nothing can be done!

SEGUND, not all elevations to Squiredom are without merit, though the recent crop is greatly disappointing.

TURD, my indictment was not so much against those who make a mistake in judgement, for who amongst us has not done that, but rather against those who will not admit their error and make efforts to rectify the mistake.

FORT Apache is a pretty good John Wayne cavalry movie but can't compare to She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.

Joe

[rleete]

{sigh} I suppose the Justicar is not going to save me from this one. So much for bureaucratic officials. I at least expected some red tape to tie things up.

My leige, I await your command. Or, upon sobering, your dismissal as another error in judgement. You have been strangely silent of late. Has the well of words gone dry?

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Noba:

Us EAGLES members have a date with the old HEAVE-HO scum. *snip - brag, brag, brag*

Whew! When I first scanned that line it mis-read as "scrum" and we know what THAT means, don't we Stukey?

AJ

[Moriarty]

Originally posted by R_Leete:

{sigh} I suppose the Justicar is not going to save me from this one. So much for bureaucratic officials. I at least expected some red tape to tie things up.

My leige, I await your command. Or, upon sobering, your dismissal as another error in judgement. You have been strangely silent of late. Has the well of words gone dry?

Nah, he's either refilling his enema bag to get ready for his next post or he's selecting his troops for a pending battle against the carrion-eating Lizard King of Swing.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

<^> BUT ... alas and alack I see no evidence that the five games ... HAVE BEEN COMPLETED! If, in point of fact, the final game between Pondscum and Noba has been completed then I withdraw my questions and agree to the elevation of Pondscum to Knight of the CessPool!

What part of "undertook a historical reenactment" did you not understand, oh bloated and litigious knigget? Had it been in progress I would have said "are currently undertaking a historical reenactment". Or indeed, I would have mentioned it in the list of "my current opponents". Had you the memory of an elephant to match those ears, you would have remembered the little slap-fest on these boards betwixt Noba and myself, in which he whined that his green Panther crews were unexpectedly the frog in the barrel, while my veteran French Stuarts were the fat boy with the big stick. And all this to explain away the fact that he lost 41 vehicles to my 4, a whipping good and proper.

As to the SSN's I have battled, they were barely worth mentioning, so I didn't. But the battlefield on which I fought Abn_Ranger87 remains frozen in time, his Daimler about to meet eternal doom at the hands of my StuG, if ever he chooses to show his face round these parts again.

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by PondScum:

whine . . . whine . . . whine . . . moan . . . "I is TO good enough to be kanigget!" . . moan . . . wail . . . "Pick me! Pick me!"

Sycophant. I haven't seen that much whining since AL Gore was CONVINCED he won the state of Florida a couple of years back. You disgusting pile of maggot droppings, the only redeeming thing about you is your all-too-appropriate name, signifying not only your appearance but also your station in life.

Instead of stamping about to and fro, wailing and gnashing your teeth about the injustice of life, send me a setup, 2000 pt QB, you evil british scum, me ubergermans, random weather, time of day, small map with village, moderate trees, modest hills. I promise to quickly wipe the floor with your putrid body, completing your fifth game for elevation to (ugh) kaniggethood.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Nobrain:

{We're the Eagles, West Coast Eagles, and we're here to show you why...}

Shuttup!

I hate you!

Your friendly Aussie Kiniggit, Mace

[Guest PondScum]

Dear MrSpkr,

I'll be glad to eviscerate your ubermenschen, just as soon as you learn to count to five.

Here, let me help. Hold out your right hand... good guess... now open up that little clenched fist... oh dear. Bite that naughty finger off ourself, did we? Ok, left hand... THE OTHER HAND... ah, that looks better. Now, count with me... ONE game against Berli, TWO games against Noba, ONE game against Sledge59, and last but definitely least, ONE game against Yeknodathon.

See, that wasn't so hard, was it? Was it the concept of "two" that confused you? Never mind, I'll give you a lesson on "two" that you'll never forget. Just extend your first two fingers... one more... good... look very closely at their tips, yesss, closer, a little closer, so they're mere inches from your eyeballs. Now, on my word, THRUST that hand forwards. Think Bauhaus. Think Mace. THRUST as if your very life depended on it.

Ready?

GO!

<font size=-2>Oooooh, messy</font>

[ March 31, 2002, 03:03 AM: Message edited by: PondScum ]

[dalem]

Okay, so I went ahead and bought a bottle of 15 year old Laphroaig to help stock the cabinet in my home. Fine. Now what? Do I hide it in the basement under a rotten burlap sack without ever opening it, as the self-important label seems to suggest I ought, or do I just make a cheese sandwich and pull through it while watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 tapes?

Anyway,

Leeo should lose to me,

Seanachai still hasn't gotten any flags and he's running out of buildings to hide in,

MrSpkr and I are just starting to dance, and...

and.... and........

I think those are all the Pool games I'm soaking in right now. I still owe setups to Goanna and Agua, I think, and Croda is conjuring up some awfulness for us again.

Oh! OBSF! Roight! Forgot you were there. Setup back to you tonight or tomorrow or something.

[Seanachai]

The wind blows, and sand sifts, twists, and moves like a snake over a landscape bereft of anything other than browns, grays, and blacks, with only a leaping, warm red glow of spotted flame on the edge of the empty plain.

Three figures sit in the empty darkness. One is cloaked in writhing smoke deeper than the local darkness, red-eyed and brooding. One is a straight backed figure, staring at nothing in particular, and occassionally raising a tall clay mug to its lips. The last figure is hunched over, with whitening hair, drawing in the shifting sand with a stick, and singing softly to itself. From the figure of fire and smoke a resonant voice proceeds.

Berli: They mock you, and you allow it. It is not fitting.

Seanachai (distracted): Yes. They mock me.

Peng: Even those you speak up for, they belittle you.

Seanachai: Oh, yes, those most of all.

A silence descends over the shifting drabness of the wasteland. The fire just visible on the horizon leaps up, brightening, and the sound of laughter and loud voices drifts across the Wasteland.

Berli: Do you hear? They are laughing at you even now.

Seanachai looks up, one eyebrow raised, and cocks his head to the sound, with a half-smile

Seanachai: I hear. And they are. I can make out every voice, bless 'em. There's Hiram, ridiculing me and casting his own fears at my life. And there's R Leete, sneering at me and belittling my offer of patronage.

Berli: You are weak.

Seanachai: I am tolerant.

Peng: You are foolish.

Seanachai: I am amused.

Berli: You are useless.

Seanachai: I am...useless, yes.

The silence extends on, save for the hollow sound of the wind, and the hiss of shifting sand.

Berli: Why do you insist on playing the fool to those we're waiting on?

Peng: Why do you keep us here, waiting on these fools?

Seanachai: They'll be here, you know. And we're their best chance to show themselves, do ya' see. We open the path, and make the way clear. And we give them the chance to make their mark. And they will shine.

Berli: They are still laughing at you.

Seanachai: Of course they are, Berli. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Peng: Bah! Where's the whiskey?

The Figure of Smoke and Flame reaches to one side, and brings forth a bottle of green glass, and pours round.

Seanachai: Who's for a bit of an Olde One sing-song?

See you sparkle in the mud

Like a diamond in the rough

Ready for the cut

Some stay dull, some stay blunt

But you will shine

Stand and say I am, the lion and the lamb I am

Part of the plan I am, the lion and the lamb

-Pete Morton

[Noba]

Dear Mr. Leete,

Uh, is this in written stone? I mean, do I have to? Really?

Just bend over, you'll love it. ( He has gentle hands )

Now, count with me... ONE game against Berli, TWO games against Noba, ONE game against Sledge59, and last but definitely least, ONE game against Yeknodathon.

Joe. He is correct. Take your abacus to the carpenters shop and get it fixed. Peanut brain. Sigh.

Noba.