I Offer Grog Dorosh the Peng Challenge, And He Be Man Enough

[OGSF]

Hae anywun saen mah idjit squire Idjit Yeknod lately? Hae tha wee bugger gwin tae groond? Ah need an oopdate mon. Hae ye completed ye feeve games yet? Are ye noo endevourin' tae persevere laddie?

Bah tha wah, Dalem lost an' Ah didnae.

YK2 *flourishin' sweep o' tha bonnet an' a deep bow tae boot*, Ah've bin searchin' fer tha wee poem o' Rabbie Burns tae di wi' "A Fert". Ah cannae feend at. Didye noo post at here aboots a lang teem agae? Can ye noo post at agin lassie?

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Grog Dorosh:

*SNIP - some words* EDIT - ye Gods, ya git why hasn't my inbox been stuffed yet??????????????????????????????????

Dear Mr Grog,

Please be advised that the Olde One aka the Ubergnome aka the Bard aka Seanachai aka the Evil Gnome (have I missed any?) apparently made a pledge of allegiance long, long, long, long ago to Father Time hisself to never send more than 1 PBEM turn per moon phase.

Note that he is most pernickety regarding this fact. Any misconstrued efforts to pursue him with Hiram's baseball bat and beat another turn out of him BEFORE the alloted and requisite time delay has passed shall be DOOMED TO FAILURE.

Mr Grog, I hope this clarifies your new-found parlous state of affairs and impending nervous disposition.

Discompassionately,

AJ

[Michael Dorosh]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Grog Dorosh:

*SNIP - some words* EDIT - ye Gods, ya git why hasn't my inbox been stuffed yet??????????????????????????????????

Dear Mr Grog,

Please be advised that the Olde One aka the Ubergnome aka the Bard aka Seanachai aka the Evil Gnome (have I missed any?) apparently made a pledge of allegiance long, long, long, long ago to Father Time hisself to never send more than 1 PBEM turn per moon phase.

Note that he is most pernickety regarding this fact. Any misconstrued efforts to pursue him with Hiram's baseball bat and beat another turn out of him BEFORE the alloted and requisite time delay has passed shall be DOOMED TO FAILURE.

Mr Grog, I hope this clarifies your new-found parlous state of affairs and impending nervous disposition.

Discompassionately,

AJ</font>

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Mad Groundskeeper Willy:

Hae anywun saen mah idjit squire Idjit Yeknod lately? Hae tha wee bugger gwin tae groond?

There are Dark Rumors of the donkey having taken A HOLIDAY. I last enjoyed his usual stream of doomed turns two weeks ago - he briefly stuck his head above the trench last weekend, but then disappeared again after getting it shot off.

Bah tha wah, Dalem lost an' Ah didnae.

YK2 *flourishin' sweep o' tha bonnet an' a deep bow tae boot*

...*PondScum sneaks up, delivers a swift boot to OGSF's rear while he's bowing, shouts "Beat my liege would you! You big Scots bully!", and then bravely runs away before Groundskeeper Willy can regain his feet*

Ah've bin searchin' fer tha wee poem o' Rabbie Burns tae di wi' "A Fert". Ah cannae feend at. Didye noo post at here aboots a lang teem agae? Can ye noo post at agin lassie?

Ah'm nae YK2, but the fair sweet lady may currently be getting her beauty sleep, a concept unknown north of Hadrian's Wall. I therefore offer the following "literature" to quieten the barbarians and Save Her The Bother.

TAE A FERT

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie

Just as ye sit doon among yer kin

There sterts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas

stert workin like a gentle breeze

but soon the puddin wi the sauncie face

will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae

a'bodys gonnae have tae pay

even if ye try to stifle

It's like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair

tae try and stop the leakin air

shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek

Prae tae God it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go assunder

oot it comes like a clap a thunder

Ricochets aroon the room

michty me a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks

Hope I huvnae **** ma breeks

tae the bog I better scurry

aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me chokin

wan or two are nearly bokin

I'll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower

alas too late, he's just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare

A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e're ye go let yer wind gan' free

sounds like just the job fur me

whit a fuss at rabbie's perty

ower the sake o' won wee ferty

[ March 29, 2002, 03:10 AM: Message edited by: PondScum ]

[dalem]

Originally posted by PondScum:

...*PondScum sneaks up, delivers a swift boot to OGSF's rear while he's bowing, shouts "Beat my liege would you! You big Scots bully!", and then bravely runs away before Groundskeeper Willy can regain his feet*

Well-placed lad! That is, that is something I would say if I condoned such disrespectful behavior on the part of Squires.

Which I obviously do not. Still and all, it was undeniably well-placed.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by PondScum:

<font size="-1">Ah'm nae YK2, but the fair sweet lady may currently be getting her beauty sleep, a concept unknown north of Hadrian's Wall. </font>

No you are not.

Quite possibly she is.

What about that statement is going to get you in a great deal of trouble?

[Mace]

Originally posted by PondScum:

*PondScum sneaks up, delivers a swift boot to OGSF's rear*

The Scots do not wear any underpants under their kilts.

From that, I hope you learn a lesson in not showing any disrespect to your betters (while you have your foot disinfected)!

Mace

[ March 29, 2002, 06:32 AM: Message edited by: Mace ]

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by OGSF:

Hae anywun saen mah idjit squire Idjit Yeknod lately? Hae tha wee bugger gwin tae groond? Ah need an oopdate mon. Hae ye completed ye feeve games yet? Are ye noo endevourin' tae persevere laddie?

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

Not meaning any disrespect in any wave, shape or form, Mr MacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSic etcetere, etcetera, etcetera......, but I would offer the merest, tiniest suggestion (and far from be it that this was MY suggestion - 'twas just a titter a'floating round the pool - mere jetsum, you see) that indeed you may have become (through no fault of your OWN I grant) a new, rare species of the pool.

In short, (and I'm afraid the term "short" may subsequently, inadvertently and without preconception, conjure scurrilous images) you may be described in some quarters as a (please don't think that I am trying to obfuscate the prime tenet of my observation) *gasp*...... *shock*...... *uncalled for mirth*...... Kanigget missing an Ass.

Shame shall be heaped on your braying Squire DonkeyKong for wroughting this disfavour upon your good personage... unfortunately I may have inadvertently played no small part in his latest wanderings, for since wiping out half of the poor lad's herd of miniature mules within the first few rounds of our QB, alack he has been aback in coming forward for more of the same. I fear he has not been feeling himself of late, which might explain a lot. Perhaps if we all gave him a sign, he would return with humility appropos. Let us bray.......

Then again ..............

AJ

[AUSSIEJEFF]

.......which brings another conundrum to mind.

My most knowledgeable and noble Liege Berli, it appears that Squire Noba of the Nobbit Tribe appears to be a-lacking rather significantly in the Liege department, for wherefore art thou, Sir Slappy? Has the lad no mentor, no guiding light as it were? The poor chap is mewling and miffling enough to turn me to tears as I rend his paltry forces on the field of battle.

What is to become of him, as he floats and bobs befuddled and without direction within this dark and murky place? Is he at risk of picking up bad habits that others have left lying about, without strict discipline to steer him through the morass, as you so <BIG>*BOOT!!*<SMALL>... ouch! eloquently prescribe to my humble personage from time to time.

For your wise ponderage, Sire

Your Most Obsequious Squire, AJ

[Berlichtingen]

Aussie*KICK*Jeff,

Attend

Lastly, It is not your *KICK* place to worry about Slapdragon, nor is it your *KICK* place to worry about MY grand-squire (why, oh why am I collecting all the bloody Oztralians?). And *KICK* that's for being another bloody Oztralian

In the first place, WHERE *KICK* ARE *KICK* YOUR *KICK* POST *KICK* DETAILING *KICK* YOUR *KICK* STRUGGLES *KICK* AT *KICK* ARMES *KICK* WITH *KICK* YOUR *KICK* FELLOW *KICK* BLOODY *KICK* SQUIRES?!

*KICK*

Do not expect my continued kindness... this is my last day smoking, so I expect that, starting tomorrow, I may be a bit... cranky

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

<font size="-1">Mr MacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSic etcetere, etcetera, etcetera......, but I would offer the merest, tiniest suggestion (and far from be it that this was MY suggestion - 'twas just a titter a'floating round the pool - mere jetsum, you see) that indeed you may have become (through no fault of your OWN I grant) a new, rare species of the pool.

In short, (and I'm afraid the term "short" may subsequently, inadvertently and without preconception, conjure scurrilous images) you may be described in some quarters as a (please don't think that I am trying to obfuscate the prime tenet of my observation) *gasp*...... *shock*...... *uncalled for mirth*...... Kanigget missing an Ass.</font>

While I do NOT condone squires showing disrespect to Senior Knights, that one just bought you ONE useful unit in your squirely joust

[Noba]

....The poor chap is mewling and miffling enough to turn me to tears as I rend his paltry forces on the field of battle.

Nick off AJ...you havn't found them yet.

Two whole turns and all you can do is pick on a poor unloved pillbox.

Noba.

[Noba]

Posted by the Evil one

Do not expect my continued kindness... this is my last day smoking, so I expect that, starting tomorrow, I may be a bit... cranky

You forgot, insubstantial, whiney, inconsequential, shallow, slow witted, but I am sure others will add to the list.

Noba.

[Patchy]

Originally posted by YK2:

Ohhhhh Patch you understood his post!!

Obviously I missed something somewhere along the line. Care to point me in the right direction?

I think Croda needs the baseball bat...where's Hiram when you need him.

Persephone

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

His Nefariousness deigns to stuff my box.

Oh, come on! Not even any of the SSNs are going to take a crack (hhhhuuhuhuh... I said, "crack") at that one? Even if he is a grog who obviously left it out there on purpose in some misguided... well, something. I can't believe some of you have suddenly developed standards, so I'll take it as further proof you're all a lot of useless, sodding idjits.

Speaking of useless, sodding idjits, they feature prominently in this thread's

UPDATES!

Let me start by noting that Goanna is a scaly, fork-tongued pillock with a sandbag for a brain. This, however, is plenty more in the brain department that many of you lackwits, and his gritty CMBO scenario adaptation of the classic war documentary Where Eagles Dare is top-notch fun vs. the AI if you've got an hour or so where you should be working. I'll note in the way of an AAR that dalem ruined my stealthy approach march by shooting at everything he saw, and chrisl surrendered. Never trust an all-lower-case username.

Lars, Terence and Croda are sharing top position on the loathing list this morning, as they've all sent or returned setups that make me wail with despair (even the ones I gamily rigged in my own favor). I'm planning to exit all my forces in these games by turn 5 except for one unit, which I will hide in an obscure corner of the map and make 'em spend 40 turns looking for it, while I just press "GO" and giggle maniacally.

First on the loathing list, however, is stevetherat, who is stalling even more effectively than I ever did. Bastard's killing me, too, and has shrugged off something like 25 "gun hits" on his armor with no drop in fire power.

That leaves jdmorse above all others on the loathing list. This particular gamey bastage has been graced with several turns this week alone by yours truly (even twice in one day), and how does he repay my generosity? Rickets! Makes me wish I had some mines. Or some limes. Barring that, it's out of the "pending turns" folder for him and back into the "languishing turns" folder.

And speaking of mines, j'accuse Seanachai of said abominable practice, and I fully intend to sic that fanatic granola gal who won the Nobel Peace Prize a few years back on his pasty midwestern ass as his reward for leaping to the head of the loathing list. I've already spanked his other TD and the human wave assaults have begun!

And last but certainly least, Joe Shaw is number one [too-obvious 'number two' reference omitted] on the loathing list and dangerously close to collecting some Wuss points for his blatant stalling. "Ooh, the file's corrputed... Duh, I can't load it..." I re-sent it days ago, you semi-animate lump! Get the lead out! You only have to flip a movie file!

As for the rest of you unworthy catamites, I've saved a place at the top of the loathing list.

Agua Perdido

[Edited because I should never post before I've had my morning bourbon--er, that is, coffee.]

[ March 29, 2002, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Joe Shaw]

The Good news is that I'm home from Kansas City, the REALLY Good news is that I wasn't contacted by Panzer Leader and thus was spared the indignity of having to explain to my co-workers that I actually KNEW him, the Bad news is that I had posted a withering response to AussieJeff's {uuggghhhh} supposed completion of his Quest but the damned net ate it apparently and it didn't show, the other Bad news is that I'm off to Des Moines on Monday, the Good news is that I have a company laptop that does talk to the net so I MAY be able to keep up on things here better and finally the REALLY Good news is that I hate you all still.

Joe

p.s. This employment thing is vastly over-rated, I'd forgotten that employers have all these silly rules about 8 hours of work, no naps during the day, no golf during the day, 5 days a week of work etc ... all in all I'd have preferred to be paid and NOT have to work.

p.p.s. Agua Perdido if you wouldn't send corrupted files and then take FOREVER to fix the problem you'd have your file by now. As it is I'm insulted and sulking so you may NEVER get it.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

Very well, then, I'll just Sod Off and Die until such time as His Nefariousness deigns to stuff my box.

You rang?

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Oh, come on! Not even any of the SSNs are going to take a crack (hhhhuuhuhuh... I said, "crack") at that one? Even if he is a grog who obviously left it out there on purpose in some misguided... well, something. I can't believe some of you have suddenly developed standards, so I'll take it as further proof you're all a lot of useless, sodding idjits.

Sorry, but some things are just WAY too easy.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen of the vague but unsettling threats: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by PondScum:

<font size="-1">Ah'm nae YK2, but the fair sweet lady may currently be getting her beauty sleep, a concept unknown north of Hadrian's Wall. </font>

No you are not.

Quite possibly she is.

What about that statement is going to get you in a great deal of trouble?</font>

[jdmorse]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

That leaves jdmorse above all others on the loathing list. This particular gamey bastage has been graced with several turns this week alone by yours truly (even twice in one day), and how does he repay my generosity? Rickets! Makes me wish I had some mines. Or some limes. Barring that, it's out of the "pending turns" folder for him and back into the "languishing turns" folder.

Oh pul-eze Mr Dirty Smelly Water , lets forget to mention how rune *genuflect* gives and takes away. Yes I have rickets and you don't. But in his runish delight the battle is at night, they are as much a hazard to me as you......

Other bleeting updates....Hiram my neo nephew upon voicing grand words demanding a turn has been slow in returning same....I shall have to punish him for it......

crisl is he still around?, hasn't been heard of in a while, but since he is commanding XXX Corps, like Monty he must be taking his time while the Boys at Arnheim are brewing up a cuppa.

Justicar and the Gnome of the Northlands bleated in the past about games but like the sheep-lets they are nothing has developed......

[ March 29, 2002, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: jdmorse ]

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

I'm sitting here in front of my computer (obviously) looking at an old stock photo of the Cleaver family. There's Ward, the patriarch, June, always smiling. Wally, trying so hard to be an adult and the Beav, a bundle of trouble just waiting to happen. As I sit and ponder the photo, I come to the realization that June Cleaver is a babe.

Hey Boo Hoo...just some friendly advice...maybe you're the one who really needs to cut back on the medication.

Persephone

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Persephone:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

I'm sitting here in front of my computer (obviously) looking at an old stock photo of the Cleaver family. There's Ward, the patriarch, June, always smiling. Wally, trying so hard to be an adult and the Beav, a bundle of trouble just waiting to happen. As I sit and ponder the photo, I come to the realization that June Cleaver is a babe.

Hey Boo Hoo...just some friendly advice...maybe you're the one who really needs to cut back on the medication.

Persephone</font>

[Patchy]

Bauhaus is getting all ready for Easter.

Persephone

[Patchy]

Hello Yeknod

Hello, Yeknod, well, hello, Yeknod.

It'd be nice to have you back where you belong.

You're looking swell, Yeknod,

we can tell, Yeknod,

you're still lurkin', you're still brayin',

you're still gnomin' strong.

We feel the Cess swayin

for the Donkey's brayin'

one of his old fav-rite brays from way back when.

So, take his wrap, fellas,

find him an empty lap, fellas.

Yeknod'll never go away again.

Hello, Yeknod, well, hello, Yeknod.

It'd be nice to have you back where you belong.

You're looking swell, Yeknod,

we can tell, Yeknod,

you're still lurkin', you're still brayin',

you're still gnomin' strong.

We feel the Cess swayin

for the Donkey's brayin'

one of his old fav-rite brays from way back when.

So, golly gee, fellas,

find him a vacant knee, fellas.

Yeknod'll never go away,

Yeknod'll never go away,

Yeknod'll never go away again.

[Slapdragon]

Noba. I have been dealing with some busted fingers. How many games have you won against members of the pool? I think there is some rewards for hard work coming if you have beaten some of the silly buggers here.

[ March 29, 2002, 02:50 PM: Message edited by: Slapdragon ]