Mace Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Boo_Radley: Kind to animals, even Australians.Kitty is quite fond of aussie animals, her favorite is none other than the Roobear. Mace [ July 04, 2002, 04:36 AM: Message edited by: Mace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Kitty: HahahHAahahaha! I'm drunk on Australian/Canadian and New Zealand beer to celebrate the 4th of July!How come I keep missing out on these boozeups? Keep some for the weekend and we'll catch up and get plastered together. Mew! Mace PS. Happy 4th. [ July 04, 2002, 04:37 AM: Message edited by: Mace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapdragon Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 My god, Kitty is back? I sent you an e-mail Kitty asking if you were dead. No answer, assumed the correct answer was yes, and thus bought you a brick in the local community colleges campus right out front of the Vet Science building. Of course then I found out what they do to Kitties there and felt horrible, so I bought a brick in front of the humane shelter and felt better. Glad to see you are back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapdragon Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 By the way, Seanachi is a twirp. I would have more to say, but I am concealing a busted elbow from my wife right now and the pain keeps me from going on indefinately about his lack of character. You will be happy to know that as of September I stop being a Fed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUSSIEJEFF Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Crikey....... bloody flaky silicon...... {poke.....prod} FZZZTTTT!!!! TRANSMISSION STARTS.... AUSTRALIA V THE WORLD Part II Still playing at the MCG.......Tiny Grog's and Bull Leery's commentary courtesy of FUX Studios... Grog: "Well, for my money the game is a total shambles for the WORLD team, what with their star fast bowler Croda having broken down after only one delivery. I mean, with the marvellous Aussies chasing a paltry total of 23, the fans will be screaming for THE WORLD'S blood for offering up such a pathetic, piss-weak batting display." Leery: "Geez, Tiny, I reckon yer right on the money with that comment. Just look at what their sorely injured captain Joe "Blow" Shaw is doing now. He's taken away his fine leg, stuck a man in at silly point, brought mid on into short backward square leg, forced long off and cover back to the fence and ordered his keeper up to the stumps with his fastest bowler "Heaver" Harv coming on to have a go. Now that doesn't look like a captain who knows anything about cricket, does it? Grog: "Bill, for once I've got to agree with you, mate. These fooreners are plain hopeless at this magnificent game." The crowd is chanting "MACE-EY!! MACE-EY!!" as the local master opening batsman settles at the crease, a laconic sneer aimed fair square at "Heaver" who momentarily trips over his mark and falls in a confused heap on the turf, before stumbling ungainly to his feet again. The redoubtable "Unca" Stuka is resting on his bat at the non-strikers end, confident of his Aussie mate's abilities to thrash this feeble WORLD attack to all parts of the ground. "Heaver" begins his ungainly run-up to the wicket... Grog: "Well, Bill, let's see what the Aussies can do here ...... Harvey stumbles up to the wicket and - NO BALL!! Well, can you believe it!! The first ball of the Aussie innings and the opposition have blown their chance to put the WORLD CRICKET CHAMPIONS under any pressure whatsoever." Leery: "Well, Tony, what can I say? This is just proof of the lack of depth in WORLD cricket these days. There's AUSTRALIA and then there's.........??" The hapless "Heaver" retreats back to his mark, turns without falling this time (the parochial crowd ribbing him unmercifully) and stumbles into the crease once more, delivering the ball with a foppish toss of his ball hand. The slow moving cherry hits mid-pitch and bounces nicely for Macey who deftly steps onto the backfoot and with a mighty swipe smacks the ball over the long-off fence for 6! "Heaver" watches despondently as the ball scorches over the fence into the wildly cheering crowd and glances furtively over to his Captain Joe "Blow" Shaw who he sees has his head in both hands, sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of what this humiliation was doing for the image and standing of his WORLD team. The score is 0 for 7 off 2 balls. "Heaver" grabs the slightly flattened ball after it is tossed back to him from his teammate "Loser" Lurker. Painfully, he begins his stagger in to the wicket again and delivers a slow yorker to the stern-faced Mace who steps confidently down the wicket and with an elegant flourish of the bat SMASHES the ball straight back down the pitch towards the stumps. Unfortunately, Stuka has left the crease to back up his mate. He quickly reaches down to deflect the ball away from the stumps before he even has time to think what is to follow. "HOWZAT!!!" squeals Harv in new-found delight. The umpire, Mr E. Everidge thinks for a few seconds then raises the finger to STUKA who retorts "What the bloody hell are ya givin' me out for, ya' rat faced bastard?" - to which the ump says "Sorry, old chap - but you are out handling the ball". "Strewth!" mutters Stuka as he storms off the pitch, not having faced a single delivery. The WORLD team is enraptured at the umps' decision and they gather round Harv hugging, fondling and kissing with gay abandon, especially their Captain who appears to need this "success" to raise his flattened esteem. However, their joy is shortlived, when they see the doughty Aussie No. 3 Noba striding manfully to the crease, bat held aloft like a war club, ready to smite these cricketing infidels... FZZ-TT-TTWWITT!!! Bugger ......... not again........ geez, I hope I can get it fixed before the game ends!! AJ --------------------- <SMALL"On the first day, GAWD created CRICKET..."</SMALL> Wise old Aussie saying...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Elwen Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Ooh more cricket excellent , 'settles down on old leather armchair in front of ancient wireless set with several dozen tins of beer , and copy of Wisden' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Ok, is it just me or does Cricket sound awfully queer? I mean, is AJ (an expert on the curious and queer) making this up, or is it for real? The crease, the silly point, heavers and wickets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 "Heaver" watches despondently as the ball scorches over the fence into the wildly cheering crowd and glances furtively over to his Captain Joe "Blow" Shaw who he sees has his head in both hands, sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of what this humiliation was doing for the image and standing of his WORLD team.But then Joe Shaw realized that only 1/10th of 1% of the world's population even KNEW about cricket and half of them thought it was really stupid so he felt better ordered a beer and wondered if anyone in the cricket world had given any thought to skimpily dressed cheerleaders with incomplete moral educations. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Elwen Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 'stops vigorously polishing balls' Dear Panzer Leader cricket is not queer at all . There's nothing quite like hearing the smack of leather upon willow , seeing the umpire stick his finger up , backing up your fellow batsman etc etc . You will never understand . Anyhow its time to oil my bat now . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMplayer Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Let it be known that Panzer Leader, author of Defending Against the Assault, has ONCE AGAIN been assaulted and overwhelmed by lil ol moi. And furthermore, let it be recorded in the annals that he lost to the bloody poms. And let it not be overlooked that he set the 2000 point assault at 20 turns the gamey doof. And furthermore, this one was for blood, that's right BLOOD. It was a blood hamster match. I hereby claim ownership and titulatory rights over Snacho's .sig for the next month. Pom Paras (with 200+ casualties) 48 Fanatic pea pattern wearing SS goofballs (200++ casualties) 35 Allied minor victory. [ July 04, 2002, 02:13 PM: Message edited by: CMplayer ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Joe Shaw: ...and wondered if anyone in the cricket world had given any thought to skimpily dressed cheerleaders with incomplete moral educations. JoeI'm sorry, but I realize that you mean well Joe, but I just closed my eyes and visualized a cricket match (very difficult to do when all I've ever seen of Cricket has been flipping through the channels and by accident, stumbling across something on BBC America, but I think I got it fairly close, complete with the circus clowns and Monty Python Pepper Pot Ladies.)and I added some cheerleaders. You did say "incomplete moral educations", so I visualized the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, by the way. I ended up with a scene far beyond merely "Fellini-esque". It was something that would have given Dante a new, nifty idea for one of the levels of hell. Had Heironymus Bosch painted it, he would have immediately put torch to canvas, realizing that any right thinking person would have been reduced to a gibbering idiot...or an Australian...or Papa Kahn. No, Joe. This is not a place we willingly would ever wish to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Boo_Radley: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw: ...and wondered if anyone in the cricket world had given any thought to skimpily dressed cheerleaders with incomplete moral educations. JoeI'm sorry, but I realize that you mean well Joe, but I just closed my eyes and visualized a cricket match (very difficult to do when all I've ever seen of Cricket has been flipping through the channels and by accident, stumbling across something on BBC America, but I think I got it fairly close, complete with the circus clowns and Monty Python Pepper Pot Ladies.)and I added some cheerleaders. You did say "incomplete moral educations", so I visualized the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, by the way. I ended up with a scene far beyond merely "Fellini-esque". It was something that would have given Dante a new, nifty idea for one of the levels of hell. Had Heironymus Bosch painted it, he would have immediately put torch to canvas, realizing that any right thinking person would have been reduced to a gibbering idiot...or an Australian...or Papa Kahn. No, Joe. This is not a place we willingly would ever wish to go.</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Khann Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by AussieJeff: bit of snippage ... He's taken away his fine leg, stuck a man in at silly point, brought mid on into short backward square leg, forced long off and cover back to the fence and ordered his keeper up to the stumps with his fastest bowler "Heaver" Harv coming on to have a go. Now that doesn't look like a captain who knows anything about cricket, does it? lots more snippage AussieJeff, I used to tease you about those popping and clicking noises you use in lieu of speech. Now I long for the popping and clicking. At least with the popping and clicking, I didn't feel as if I should try to understand you. Perhaps one of the other Australians can tell me if the strings of unintelligle syllables AJ is spewing actually describe the game of cricket? Or has AJ finally parted ways with the tiny bit of sanity he had? Papa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Joe Shaw: Ah Patch one does SO hate to give you encouragement ... especially when one has been the target of your ... Art in the past...Joe, you're my favorite target. The Justiciar's Army Persephone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Khann Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Boo_Radley: And in our little game, I'm going to be all over you like a cheap suit. But you're probably used to that. My dear Boo-Hoo, in my eyes you are indeed akin to a cheap suit. It's such an excellent similarity, in fact, that I curse myself for not thinking of it personally. Like a cheap suit, you have the ability to make me (along with the rest of the human inhabitants of this planet... note how deftly I excluded the Australians there) feel profoundly uncomfortable. Like a cheap suit, I think you should be handed down to the redheaded stepchild of a distant relative. Preferably one that lives in the most remote, desolate section of a wilderness far from my beloved home. Say for instance, Akron. And lets not forget that, like a cheap suit, I fully expect that redheaded stepchild to cast you away from itself in disgust. So that years later a complete and unwitting stranger (someone like R_Leete or Pantless Leader... yes probably Pantless Leader) will find you hanging on a rack in the back wall of a Salvation Army outlet store and consider buying you. Not to wear in public, mind you, but to wear while changing the oil in their car, etc. And so, Boo-Boo, I hearby christen our fledgling CM game the match of "Panzer Armee Khann versus Boo-Rattly's Salvation Army Wanna-Bes". Papa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PondScum Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Persephone: Joe, you're my favorite target. The Justiciar's ArmyArrghhh! Wherever one looks... no matter where the eye darts in that picture... there is such HIDEOUSNESS. I've started bleeding from the eyes again. Oh, the horror, the horror... PS I think Berli looks most surprised at being in uniform Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Pond Scum do say: PS I think Berli looks most surprised at being in uniformHe's cranky because it ain't the official togs of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children. Well, he's cranky anyway, but especially so because of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Papa Khann: My dear Boo-Hoo, in my eyes you are indeed akin to a cheap suit. An unbelievable amount of pompous pontificating SNIPPED because continued exposure to the mindless pap that continues to pour like some loathful effluvium from your fingertips is enough to make me believe that there is no goodness or beauty left in the world today. And when I mentioned that I was "going to be all over you like a cheap suit", I was thinking in more direct terms. I meant that like a "cheap suit" I would bind you in all of your naughty bits. That I would drape you like a shroud. That I would be a cause to have you mocked in public. That's all. And so, Boo-Boo, I hearby christen our fledgling CM game the match of "Panzer Armee Khann versus Boo-Rattly's Salvation Army Wanna-Bes". PapaMy dear Poppy-cock. You have a strange and annoying habit (more than one, actually. I think it's safe to assume that you are annoying habits made flesh...or lard. Whatever.) of naming inanimate objects around you. Do you live in a Peewee Herman sort of universe? Just curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by Persephone: The Justiciar's Army"Fighting soldiers from the skies. These are men with unzipped flies. Men who fight by night or day, And wash their hair...in a bidet." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted July 5, 2002 Share Posted July 5, 2002 Dear Persephone, Thank you for not putting either bauhaus or Mace behind me in that photograph and for not including Pondscum at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUSSIEJEFF Posted July 5, 2002 Share Posted July 5, 2002 Originally posted by Persephone: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw: Ah Patch one does SO hate to give you encouragement ... especially when one has been the target of your ... Art in the past...Joe, you're my favorite target. The Justiciar's Army Persephone</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Elwen Posted July 5, 2002 Share Posted July 5, 2002 I like the flower , I see it comes with a donkay on it . As for the rest of the picture , the ugly stick was well busy . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUSSIEJEFF Posted July 5, 2002 Share Posted July 5, 2002 Oh dear!! It may come as a complete shock to you lot to discover that the forces of Floss have YET AGAIN succumbed to the temptation of winning a game of CMBO. A massive Minor Victory to boot, against no lesser opponent (well, in his case, maybe LESS is MORE) than the verboselly succinct Elvis hisself. Yup. The King of Wankers. Note closely in the following piccy how his pathetic Hamstertruppen, now bereft of all manner of AFV or gun, are all waving their well-used hankies at my stout, brave and dominant Brits, who have surrounded and thus LIBERATED the Port town of Laghouat from the cowardly Hun. By GAWD it was an horrendous battle to get there, evidenced by the many BBQ's flaming in the distance, but the hot cuppas in the Lag officers mess after the stoush were enjoyed by us all. See, Noba - skill and determination WILL get you there - eventually! Except for Boobaloo who lacks any such qualities and will therefore suffer a reverse fate in our current lashing of Lag. Oh, did I mention that this stunningly superb scenario was designed by my evilself?? I didn't?? WELL I DID!! A typical Aussie design - full of panache, pathos, parochial paradigms and a healthy dose of BS to balance it all up. I thoroughly recommend it to any of yer suffering from CM ennui. AJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUSSIEJEFF Posted July 5, 2002 Share Posted July 5, 2002 Whats that I hear, trudging down the Cess-corridor? Ahh! The locksmith cometh. I'll slip this one in afore he can do his deed. Let it not be said that I, AJ would ever begrudge Merkins the chance to have their cake and eat it too - from time to time. So, <BIG>HAPPY 4TH JULY</BIG> ya' nongs!!! AJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted July 5, 2002 Share Posted July 5, 2002 Originally posted by Kitty: What if you had a birthday and nobody came? I did. June 6. NO ONE here except Mace and Lorak even mumbled a "glad to see you're still alive." I beg your pardon, my snookered Kitty, I most certainly wished you a happy BD right here in this very forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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