Peng, I challenge you to Tag Team Thumb Wrestling

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Although a little "brown nosing" can never hurt a squire's career and in some ways may actually benefit it, be careful! This is what it looks like from inside.

Picture omitted due to the possibility that minors could accidentally enter this thread... case in point, R_Leete.

From the lips of the master apple-polisher himself.

Papa</font>

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Berli, please, PLEASE don't expect us to believe that the actual TEXT was the whole message! The decoded version will come out in time Berli you may count on that. And, of course, this is just ONE of the messages that the Official Committee on Un-CessPudlian Activities has unearthed.

Clearly ANY communication with the GB is simply not on, but a coded message Berli ... I'll give you this much, it's certainly evil.

Joe

Right then. You gonna run the message through your Capt. Crunch decoder ring and see if you get somefink? Well, they say that 1000 Senate Investigators with decoder rings can decode Shakespeare from the phone book. Really Joe, do you really believe anyone is going to buy into your tale after the papers have been filled with pictures of you with GB?

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Lurkur:

I thought Berli's office *is* abuse.

Not necessarily... I do not condone abuse for a good cause

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted Boo_Radley:

Dear Pippu {It really sticks in my craw to have to bold that},

"Apple polisher"? I don't even know where you get something like that. No basis for it, nothing to back it up,

Oh dear me. Oh my. Whats that you say? I've gone and uttered something Boot-Radley claims is unsubstantiated! And I've done it in, of all places, the CessPool! Call the CIA (Coalition of Idiots in Akron) immediately, Boo, I'm sure they'll want to get right on this. Oh thats right, you're the Coalition spokesthing, aren't you?

it's like you've run out of material and like the hack writer that you are, you're just flailing away blindly.

Reading the meandering hashish dreams that are your posts is so unpleasant as to make me want to vomit, just so I can leave a better taste in my mouth.

Reading your last post, I was under the impression you had vomited. All over your keyboard. If so, it might explain the torrent of effluvium you've issued.

Quick, it's the first of the month, I'll bet the new Archie comics are out. Your prime source of cribbed material for the thread! Hurry, before the other low-browed hooligans and rake-hells make off with them! Hoist your Michelin Man-like torso out of your stressed-to-the-limit task chair,

It's a nice comfy recliner, thankyou very much.

...wipe the Cheetos shrapnel off those dew flaps that pass for cheeks on you and fly like the wind, boy! Fly like the wind! Right into traffic.

Sigh.

I had hoped to resolve our little differences amiably, dear Boo-Hoo, but now I see I'm wasting my time trading posts with a dunderpate like you. You leave me no choice but to rise up in righteous wrath and unleash the merciless minions of Panzer Armee Khann upon your unfortunate Akronite butt. You will learn to fear the not-so-tender ministrations of my superior tactical awareness, Boo-Rattly, you shall learn indeed.

If you are up to this CHALLENGE (which I very much doubt), I shall grant you a moment to collect your thought (singular) and consider what terms you should like to observe for our duel.

Papa

[ July 01, 2002, 03:01 PM: Message edited by: Papa Khann ]

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

I had hoped to resolve our little differences amiably,

(You probably should have used amicably here, but whatever.)

dear Boo-Hoo, but now I see I'm wasting my time trading posts with a dunderpate like you. You leave me no choice but to rise up in righteous wrath and unleash the merciless minions of Panzer Armee Khann (Sounds like a half hearted attempt at a porn name)

upon your unfortunate Akronite butt. You will learn to fear the not-so-tender ministrations of my superior tactical awareness, Boo-Rattly, you shall learn indeed.

(Yawn...yeah, right, sure...ZZzzzzzz)

If you are up to this CHALLENGE (which I very much doubt), I shall grant you a moment to collect your thought (singular) and consider what terms you should like to observe for our duel.

Papa

Tell ya whut, Pippi Longstockings, to show you what a fair-minded gent I am, I'll defend and let you attack. 1500 sounds about right. I'll pick my own forces, thank you. And since you keep blathering on about Amy Tan's Panties, or whatever, I guess that means you want to be Germans. Makes no never mind to me, buck. Send it along and I'll sort you out by and by.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Berli, please, PLEASE don't expect us to believe that the actual TEXT was the whole message! The decoded version will come out in time Berli you may count on that. And, of course, this is just ONE of the messages that the Official Committee on Un-CessPudlian Activities has unearthed.

Clearly ANY communication with the GB is simply not on, but a coded message Berli ... I'll give you this much, it's certainly evil.

Joe

Right then. You gonna run the message through your Capt. Crunch decoder ring and see if you get somefink? Well, they say that 1000 Senate Investigators with decoder rings can decode Shakespeare from the phone book. Really Joe, do you really believe anyone is going to buy into your tale after the papers have been filled with pictures of you with GB?</font>

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Berli lives in the lake of fire where the worm dieth not

Justicar prattles on about nothing of consequence

Berli sends his minions to do harm to others and cause pain

Justicar emits gaseous vapors thus causing pain

Berli makes posts that are easy on the eyes and have a point

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Papers which are patently falsified unlike the DOCUMENTED proof which YOU DO NOT REFUTE Berli.

Let's look at the facts shall we Berli?

Justicar unearths evidence of Noba consorting with GB.

Justicar demands a simple answer from Noba as to the scope of the consortation (whatever)

Seanachai (one of the two remaining Olde Ones) rightfully sees the consequences of the situation and calls for an answer from Noba

Berli, inexplicably and nervously tells Noba that he needn't answer

Justicar reasonably comes to the conclusion that Berli has something to hide

Berli, in a transparent attempt to shift blame, uses Patch's log in to post an obviously faked photo

Justicar and reasonable men everywhere see the clear fabrication as yet more evidence of Berli's complicity

Seanachi once again calls for a full investigation

Justicar publishes DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE of Berli and GB in conversation in the last two weeks

Berli weakly tries to explain conversation as an attack on GB (a pitiful attempt to justify the unjustifiable) AND repeats the completly discredited photo lie

As you can see Berli the TRUTH will out.

Joe

Joe, quit picking on Berli. You are just a big bully Justiciar!

Persephone

(Secret Code: Joe Loves GB)

P.S. Joe, I used the secret code so you know it is really me.

[Buzzsaw]

I haven’t posted here is quite awhile. Not since I was subjected to the nightmare that is Crodaburg. The scenario itself was bad enough, but worse still was Lars’ masterful manipulation of the final outcome. Throughout the game he tantalized me with false hopes of victory, at one point sacrificing a whole platoon of Tigers in 27 seconds just the have me believe that victory was within my reach. But victory, in and of itself, is not what I most craved. What I needed most was resolution – an ending that justified the carnage left on the plain below Crodaburg. Even a defeat would have allowed an epitaph that spoke of the heroic, but doomed assault on Crodaburg. But Lars denied me even the honor of a noble defeat. Months of toil, and all I had to show for it was a shameful draw!

I still get pretty nervous in traffic jams on mountain roads, but my therapist says that I am finally ready for another CMBO game. How about it Lars? Maybe something that requires a little more skill than defending Crodaburg? (Did you ever do anything but blindly press the Go button?) I see you’ve been promoted to the esteemed position of Knight of the Cesspool. Does that mean that you now have some lack-wit to fight your battles for you?

[dalem]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Also, it's unbearably hot and humid here in Minnesota, I have no air-conditioning,

Joe, I have here a task for your devious and complex sensibilities, you old gum-masher you.

This weekend the general climate of the Twin Cities was comparable to that of Venus. I refuse to believe that anyone completely bereft of the luscious caresses of freon-kissed air of the conditioned type could survive except as an annoying smell that the neighbors are eventually forced to call the police about.

Therefore and to whit:

T) Seanachai is not Seanachai, i.e. the postings from said Olde One are in fact those of an -gasp- imposter!

H) Seanachai is now one of the undead.

X) Seanachai was never remotely humanoid (Gnomes are silly and loud, but they are still humanoids) in the first place. Perhaps he is some sort of cyborg or hologram or jabbering plant sent to steal something. or someone.

1138) Seanachai was not, in fact, in Minneapolis this weekend, but was instead at a secret meeting in Milan (the one in Italy, not the one in Michigan) where he is known only as "Cedric".

Joe, I leave it to you to release the dogs of conspiracy and ferret out the truth.

Papa Khann!

I am slacking off in my duties. Welcome to House Persiflage! Get in the box while I whip these game updates into shape and figger out a quest that's appropriate for you.

[Joe Shaw]

Joe, quit picking on Berli. You are just a big bully Justiciar!

Persephone

(Secret Code: Joe Loves GB)

P.S. Joe, I used the secret code so you know it is really me.

Ah yes PATCH, how nice of you to write PATCH, always nice to hear from you PATCH.

Now Berli, if you've nothing better to do perhaps you could step away from your wife's computer and go ... wash dishes or something.

Joe

[Joe Shaw]

Joe, I leave it to you to release the dogs of conspiracy and ferret out the truth.

What a silly person you are dalem, as if anyone but Seanachai could come up with the Suit of Fans ... brings a whole 'nother meaning to Fan Dance don't it?

Joe

[Lars]

Originally posted by Buzzsaw:

I haven’t posted here is quite awhile. Not since I was subjected to the nightmare that is Crodaburg. The scenario itself was bad enough, but worse still was Lars’ masterful manipulation of the final outcome. Throughout the game he tantalized me with false hopes of victory, at one point sacrificing a whole platoon of Tigers in 27 seconds just the have me believe that victory was within my reach. But victory, in and of itself, is not what I most craved. What I needed most was resolution – an ending that justified the carnage left on the plain below Crodaburg. Even a defeat would have allowed an epitaph that spoke of the heroic, but doomed assault on Crodaburg. But Lars denied me even the honor of a noble defeat. Months of toil, and all I had to show for it was a shameful draw!

I still get pretty nervous in traffic jams on mountain roads, but my therapist says that I am finally ready for another CMBO game. How about it Lars? Maybe something that requires a little more skill than defending Crodaburg? (Did you ever do anything but blindly press the Go button?) I see you’ve been promoted to the esteemed position of Knight of the Cesspool. Does that mean that you now have some lack-wit to fight your battles for you?

Nah, the lack-wit was smart enough to sod off. Let that be a lesson to you new Squires. It's not too late.

Send a setup Buzz. Whatever, whenever (no French). I too am still trying to get rid of the memories of Crodaburg.

[Panzer Leader]

I once read a book called the "Fan Man" about a weirdo who had an obsession with fans and choirs. It was given to me by a weirdo named George Head. Is that a weird name or what??

Anyway, anyone ever heard of that freaky novel? Seanachai could very well be the man upon which book that was based.

[dalem]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Joe, I leave it to you to release the dogs of conspiracy and ferret out the truth.

What a silly person you are dalem, as if anyone but Seanachai could come up with the Suit of Fans ... brings a whole 'nother meaning to Fan Dance don't it?

Joe</font>

[Boo Radley]

Our scene opens in the back booth of an alternative lifestyle biker bar in a shady section of Salt Lake City.

The booth is already occupied by one man, a lanky sort with thinning greyish hair.

He sips his Banana Daquiri as he nervously looks toward the front door. It's obvious that he's waiting for someone.

Suddenly, as if appearing out of the shadows, a man wearing faded fatigues and oversize bunny ears slides into the booth across from him.

Joe: "Good Grief! Where did you come from?"

GB: "Back door. You should always check your escape routes, Joe."

Joe: "I've told you before, I'm not cut out for intrigue! I'm an investment banker! Our idea of excitement is finding out we can pirate the Disney channel."

GB: "Calm down, Tiger. Don't have an episode. I've seen your 'Scarlett O'Hara schtick, and frankly, my dear, I'm not impressed. Have you done as I've asked?"

Joe: "Yes, yes, yes...I've muddied the waters at every turn. I've begun a systematic slandering of random people, just as you told me to."

GB: "Good boy. As long as you accuse randomly, no pattern will emerge. Everyone will suspect each other. The houses will be divided. Chaos will reign!"

Joe: "My God, you're suggesting bringing down the MBT!"

GB: "No, not bring it down. Just, shall we say, make a few minor alterations? Think of me as a tailor and I'm changing the inseam on the fabric of the thread."

Joe: (This oddly mixed metaphor confuses Joe and he, not for the first time, wonders about the sanity of his partner. Wearily rubbing his eyes, he whispers,)"I only wanted to play a few games of CM."

GB: "I know, Joe. That's the way it always starts."

Joe:( Angered by his remark, stands, turns on his heal, lets it run for a minute and then turns it off.) "What's the use...I'm in too deep."

GB: "Don't worry, Ducky, when all's said and done, you shall be high among my lieutenants."

Joe: (With a look of horror) "YOU DON'T MEAN...

GB: "Shhh. We'll talk later. Wait five minutes, then leave by the front door."

He rises and with an impertinent wink, slides into the shadows.

Joe sits abjectly, his head in his hands, sobbing quietly. Meanwhile, at the other end of the bar, a tall middle aged man rewinds the film in his Minox camera. He drops a buck by his empty mug and walks unobtrusively out into the hot, dry air.

[rleete]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Especially as I've just seen a spectacular bit of ingratitude from my own Squire,...{snipped, as even squires have their limits}

Okay, so maybe it was a bit of a cheap shot. Opportunity knocking, and all that. The email ruse was wearing thin, and I needed to see if you had succumbed to heat stroke yet. But it did do the trick, and bring you back. Think of it as waking you from your nap in time for tea.

Continued rambling by Seanachai:

I have, of course, shown nothing but a loving, if stern and fatherly face to young Roger.

Yeah, you sent me the list of T. Pratchett's (bolded out of respect for someone who should be [at least an honorary] cesspooler) fine works. And then went back to ignoring the MBT. Just the occasional trolling on the outerbords. Not even a mention of our game at all. And "young"? I'm damn near as old as that decrepit old fool, Papa Khann. Granted, I don't fart dust like Shaw, but I'll get there in another 60 years or so.

Proclaimed by my leige, Seanachai:

I require that my Squire, R Leete, assume as his signature until I shall release him from this burden, the following:

Yes, {all properly contrite} Master. A Bow, banging of the head on flagstones. Okay, it's been done. Does that mend your bruised ego? You really should put some salve on that. Otherwise, it might fester, and get all bloated like Joe's. Nobody wants that.

Still more by Seanachai:

Now, with a signature like that, I imagine he'll stay out of trouble until I release him from this observance.

Yeah, right. Like that'll ever happen. I have the uncanny ability to stick my foot in it. Gotta stick with your strengths, doncha know. And this part: "How I hate you, you sodding awful old man." Well, not really hate. It's difficult to loath those who are only living on past glories. But you wrote it, so I'm not the one to change it.

And, from the outerboard thread Seanachai wrote:

And haven't I treated you with uncommon restraint? Haven't I shown an almost saintly forbearance towards you?

Have I imposed humiliating 'joke' scenarios on you, such as the utterly horrifying 'Jabo', or the ridiculous 'Crodaburg'?

Have I forced you to play as the French, or made you post portions of your AARs in the Thread using cobbled together bits of whatever it is the Poles keeping yelling during gameplay?

Have I, in fact, forced you to humiliate yourself in any way in the Peng Challenge Thread, by displaying a stupid signature line, or made you pull a quacking toy about for a week, or forced you to do a 'puppet show of cruelty' routine?

No. You have been a good Squire to me, R Leete, and the fact that you are, in fact, a member of that portion of humanity over whom I have been given the right of High, Middle, and Low Justice, by benefit of your obscenely high and worthless Member Number, does not change the fact that you are a member of the Bardic House.

Sadly, however, I've found your lack of faith...disturbing.

No, not forbearance. More like bloody well ignored. Croda himself foisted that evil, neverending scenario on me before you ever got the chance. I'd already played Jabos!, even losing as the Allies.

I'll give you the part about the French. Nobody deserves that. Well, most of the Oztrailians do, but that's another story.

However, now you do humiliate me, with the latest sig. Lord, even if it was written in Greek, the entire world would know it was from you, because of it's length. I wear it proudly, proclaiming to all the MBT my defiance at your neglect. My lack of faith should serve to remind you to vigilance.

[i could have just stapled post-it notes to your monitor, but that would mean traveling to Minneapolis, and I'm not that masochistic.]

[ July 01, 2002, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: R_Leete ]

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

{snipped because, after all, this is a serious matter and not the place for CHILDREN to practice creative writing!}

Boo_Radley, after granting you the boon of a game with the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread I would have thought you'd show a LITTLE gratitude and not go about creating fabrications from the thin air! And frankly Boo, you're not cut out for it. Allow me to illustrate the clear and outrageous falsehoods in your fiction:

Our scene opens in the back booth of an alternative lifestyle biker bar in a shady section of Salt Lake City.

It's clear from this alone that you've never been to Salt Lake City ... they don't allow alternative lifestyles here.

a lanky sort with thinning greyish hair.

It's silverish, damnit, silverish.

I'm an investment banker!

MORTGAGE Banker you idiot, MORTGAGE Banker. Read the profile before you work on your NEXT piece of fiction.

I've begun a systematic slandering of random people

Random? Random? I think not my young novelist. Noba was clearly identified in GB's own site. Berli was clearly identified in the newsgroup. Neither have denied it. And there are others, Boo, oh yes, there are others. But unlike SOME, my accusations are backed up by firm, solid evidence and not some made up fantasy.

"I only wanted to play a few games of CM."

And again you PROVE that you don't know me at all. I have frequently refused games of CM (just ask OGSF ... well, no, not a good choice ... you wouldn't be able to understand him. But anyone can testify that I HARDLY go out of my way for games and, until recently, was notorious for my late return of files.

"Don't worry, Ducky, when all's said and done, you shall be high among my lieutenants."

And here, finally, you display the ignorance that brands your work as nothing but whimsy. There is NO ONE, NO ONE, who would follow GB even into a brothel ... if he were paying.

No lad, you are obviously in the pay of the conspiracy ... pity they couldn't have found someone competent ... I do LOVE a good fight.

Joe

[ July 01, 2002, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I'm a littler teapot, short and stout........

As you can see Berli the TRUTH will out.

Oooh!! I can rhyme too!!!

Joe

Ummm..... you mean, Joe Xia, the AWFUL but COMPLETELY UN-EXPURGATED TRUTH that you have finally gone completely and evidently starkly raving MAD?? And may Gawd help all who sail in yer brown stained wake......

AJ

{Proudly sponsored by BScE<SUP>tm</SUP>}

[Boo Radley]

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, if that's REALLY your name.

I admit to...how should I say, embellishing the facts a tiny bit. I did that because the reality of the situation was just too drab, too monochromatic, too...Utahian, for my tastes.

So it didn't happen in an alternative lifestyle biker bar. Isn't that a bit more colorful than a laundromat? Hmmmmm? I think so.

But as for the rest... the truth shall out. I know more than I've let on. I know about your brother and his dealings in the Spanish horse trade. AND I know about his dark secret.

Walk carefully, Joe. Walk very carefully. Very, very carefully. Carefully is the way I should walk if I were you. Carefully.

Skipping is not something I would advise.

Just.

Walk.

.

.

.

Carefully.

[Gyrene]

I usually try to stay away from the cesspool, but this is an emergency that requires the attention of the Evil One

In this thread Combat General has claimed to be a Marine (A "marine" no less, lower case and all)

I thought Berli would like to know.

Gyrene

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, if that's REALLY your name.

I admit to...how should I say, embellishing the facts a tiny bit. I did that because the reality of the situation was just too drab, too monochromatic, too...Utahian, for my tastes.

So it didn't happen in an alternative lifestyle biker bar. Isn't that a bit more colorful than a laundromat? Hmmmmm? I think so.

But as for the rest... the truth shall out. I know more than I've let on. I know about your brother and his dealings in the Spanish horse trade. AND I know about his dark secret.

Walk carefully, Joe. Walk very carefully. Very, very carefully. Carefully is the way I should walk if I were you. Carefully.

Skipping is not something I would advise.

Just.

Walk.

.

.

.

Carefully.

Hah! I can provide EVIDENCE my good man (well, okay I lied about the GOOD part ... probably the MAN part isn't really up to close scrutiny either but let it go for now), DOCUMENTED EVIDENCE ... all you have are the fevered imaginings of your drug infused brain cells.

I ... have the TRUTH!

You, apparently, have had a TOOT!

Joe

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Gyrene:

I usually try to stay away from the cesspool, but this is an emergency that requires the attention of the Evil One

In this thread Combat General has claimed to be a Marine (A "marine" no less, lower case and all)

I thought Berli would like to know.

Gyrene

COOL! So this would be in ADDITION to his being a Harvard graduate? Ah the fun we'll have.

Joe

[Gyrene]

Yes Joe, it is so.

Faking a Harvard shingle is forgivable, but claiming to be one of the Misguided Children is a very serious matter.

Gyrene

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, if that's REALLY your name.

I admit to...how should I say, embellishing the facts a tiny bit. I did that because the reality of the situation was just too drab, too monochromatic, too...Utahian, for my tastes.

mass snippage of whacking Joe about a bit, which is well and good, but hey, I wanted to save a bit of space...

Now lord knows I'm not going to stick up for Joe here. The bastiche owes me a turn. Plus, he is Joe. But I just have to say it...

Now we have the guy from Akron calling the guy from Utah boring? Because of where he lives!?!

What's next? Cockroaches calling mosquitoes pests? Pots calling kettles black? Australians calling Canadians degenerates?

Papa

P.S.

Boo-Rattly, I've concluded the setup for the tutorial Panzer Armee Khann will be giving you on "How to Spend Tonight In Ami's Clean Sheets". The file is on its way to you.