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One Peng to rule them all, one Peng to challenge them ...

Goanna

By Goanna
in Combat Mission Archive #4 (2002)

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Lawyer Senior Member

Lawyer

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Persephone:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

So, why is...Berli is so nice and cuddly?

Well...furry gophers certainly are nice and cuddly aren't they? Wait a minute! Idjit Yeknod, don't you even think of it...Berli's already taken!

Persephone</font>

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Yeknodathon Senior Member

Yeknodathon

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Persephone:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

So, why is...Berli is so nice and cuddly?

Well...furry gophers certainly are nice and cuddly aren't they? Wait a minute! Idjit Yeknod, don't you even think of it...Berli's already taken!

Persephone</font>

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Although me relationship with Seany-babe is physical...

Idjit Yeknod

Also 'solitary', 'onanistic', and 'unrequited'.

The very thought of the disturbed existence you currently lead saddens me. sigh It is truly a shame, Donkey. I had high hopes for you. I felt that, wound through the stream of gibberish and idiocy you rambled on with, there was yet a thread of wry humour, a brighter note of whimsy and ability.

But now I see that descending into this freakish and unwanted fixation on my person.

And really, it simply makes no sense. Berli's the aggressively butch and sneering one. I'd have thought he'd be the natural focus of your rather oddly masochistic fascination. Whereas I, the Bard of the Peng Challenge Thread, would more normally inspire a quiet, reserved, contemplative, thistle chewing sort of admiration, shorn of baser nature and seasoned by the keen delight in whimsy which I had already noted in you.

So why don't you reconsider, amble across the Cesspool, and budge up with Berli, lad? You know you want to.

Or, at the very least, piss off and stop trying to get behind me. It's making me tense.

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Leeo Senior Member

Leeo

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Elvis:

Dear Jackass,

Stop stealing my format.

Love,

Elvis

P.S. You're a wanker.

Dear Elvis,

Please elucidate,

Love,

Your most hated (ok, somewhat annoyingly persistent) opponent, Leeo.

P.S.- Elvis Sux.

(Man, I like posting in a juvenile manner. What fun!)

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Terence:

If you must call me anything, try "outerborder."

Now, Terence, while I realize you hate and despise Marlow, as do all right thinking folk, I think you've gone over the top in your desire to express it.

Personally, I would rather have rats gnaw out my intestines while I was still alive and using them, then be called an "Outer Boarder".

Be a good lad, and tell everyone you were just over-wrought, and we'll say no more about it.

Reminds me so much of when I was young and upset, and I'd lash out at my Mum and Da' with "I wish I were dead!"

It'd always upset my Mother, who'd shush me and tell me, "You mustn't say such things, Seanachai!"

And me Dad would lean over and quietly say "keep it up, you little bastard, and you'll get your wish..." then smile at me Mum, and we'd all have a jolly sing-song, although I was always a little quavery, given the nervousness and all.

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dalem Senior Member

dalem

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by PondScum:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Croda:

On this day we bury poor Terence,

Upon whose grave we gaily all now dance.

His men gunned down like they were in a trance.

This sad attack was merely happenstance.

Mon petite general, I'm bleeding from the ears again. Can't you make the bad man stop?</font>
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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Slapdragon:

Calmly waiting for Seanachai to speak,

knowing in my heart his reply will be weak.

His continued silence forces me to think,

about how much his playing really does stink,

Still an hour of Seanachai's blather,

is bound to be better than a minute of Chrisl's lather.

That idjit should be locked into a chatroom with

Iron Chief, Brian Ross, and Susan Smith (look her up).

Calmly waiting for Seanachai to speak,

knowing his high brow rhymes wont break his loosing streak.

------------------

Where is the next taunt? Either beat down that sod Chrisl's and get Peng back his name, or come up with some interesting commentary to entertain me!

Taunt the Second and One Half

Oh, God of the Israelites, that was vile bad, and didn't scan for ****e.

I notice, Slapdragon, that you've taken to toadying Berli now, who's rewarding you by actually commending your rather queasy making taunts. I suppose this marks the beginning of your latest approach, as you find a way to stroke various significant Cesspool Knights and Judges in your various posts in an attempt to curry favour on your taunts.

Why not just pull on a short skirt, rouge up those lips (from which poetry, at least as written by yourself, should never, ever again issue), and go for a short stroll down the Cesspool?

God knows the sight of that can't be any more loathsome than this Master and Boy routine you're currently working on with the Dark One. I swear, another "how witty, my dear Maurice"/"Oh, how perceptive, my dear Alphonse" exchange by you two would make 'Reality TV' seem a less painful way of spending an evening.

Now, if you and your Liege are done smirking at each other and tallying up imaginary victories in a battle of wits that you couldn't win with a scout axe in either hand, I will retire to prepare my actual Third Taunt.

Which, while due last night, went unsent as my ISP decided, shortly after I posted turns, to see how annoyed I'd become if they denied me access for an hour and a half, or so. I actually attempted to sign on and post the Taunt from work, but found that our company has once again (as of last night, it seems, after a quick check with my IT moles) turned on the Corporate Webpolice screen, and Battlefront is once again locked out by some gang of fascist, paranoia pandering swine called 'Websense'.

Anyone know how to defeat this infringement of our gods given right to slack occassionaly at work and reach the Mother Beautiful Thread?

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Patchy Senior Member

Patchy

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Although me relationship with Seany-babe is physical...

Idjit Yeknod

Also 'solitary', 'onanistic', and 'unrequited'.

The very thought of the disturbed existence you currently lead saddens me. sigh It is truly a shame, Donkey. I had high hopes for you. I felt that, wound through the stream of gibberish and idiocy you rambled on with, there was yet a thread of wry humour, a brighter note of whimsy and ability.

But now I see that descending into this freakish and unwanted fixation on my person.</font>

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Berlichtingen Senior Member

Berlichtingen

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

Taunt the Second and One Half

Oh, God of the Israelites, that was vile bad, and didn't scan for ****e....

The score remains:

Slappy: 2

Sodachai: 0

I had expected better from the Gabby One, but his taunts of late are falling flat. I do believe Yakupafurball has unnerved him.

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
Posted

Taunt the Third

Now, Slapdragon, as you've chosen the ground for our initial taunts, I meet you on that same field. I will grant you a modicum of respect for having chosen the field of verse for your opening attack. I did not reply to your opening round of 'satire', instead choosing to invest my time in my reply to 'original composition'.

By way of a nod to the style of Yeats and Kipling, my third taunt to you.

Within the Wasteland, sits the Bard, and waits upon the folk

whose taunting, wit and irreverence, does often the Board provoke

worn with care, but light of heart, he sits upon his stool

and waits upon the Challenge to Peng, that created the Cesspool

His hair grows white, he's short of height, but his eyes most often dance

for he has taunted many lands, from Australia on to France

from Swedish gits, to Limey twits, he's seen them come and go

and known the joy of belittling fools, that only the Olde Ones know

But word has come unto the 'Pool that the Bard has been challenged at last

by a fool of the South, with grits in his mouth, and an unseemly grogish past

"I curse the Gnome", Slapdragon says, "I call him a fake and a fool"

"I shall posture and pose, and versify vile, and drive him forth from the 'Pool"

Rising in pride, in wisdom clothed, the Bard has left his chair

(after nervously checking behind himself, to make sure that no donkeys are there)

"I take up this challenge" the UberGnome spoke, "I accept it as my own

from a half-witted sod, abandoned by God, and despite it's boorish tone."

Shame only shall be Slapdragon's lot, for here in the Challenge to Peng

when the battle is done, whether he's lost or won, his head he will finally hang

For tactics and knowledge, victory and fire, shall for you lad, prove but a canker

for in a battle of wits, you are shown, at the last, to be nothing more than a wanker.

Now it's 'sod that for a lark', and 'devil take all'

and 'who's for a jolly sing-song?'

For I'd rather be dead

with a ball in me head

than ignore all of Slapdragon's wrongs

For it's 'I know this', and 'I've said that'

and 'No One can prove me wrong'

But I'd rather my wit

than a head full of sh*t

And another of Slapdragon's songs

Yes the Bard shall face boldly the Grog of the South, and glory shall go to the winner

for the one is a wise man given to wit, and the other's a pillocky sinner

And one shall uphold the rule of Taunt, and hold out a light to the folk

and the other shall piss away all his words, and be proved as no more than a joke.

It's 'play up, play up, and taunt like a man'

and lean not on badge nor on gun

For here in the Thread

we'd rather be dead

than post stats and give up our fun

For here in the Cesspool, the Challenge is King

and Slapdragon never shall win

for what Grogs can't abide

is when Pengers turn snide

and show them their pride as a sin

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Lorak Senior Member

Lorak

Posted
Posted

Hey Patch!

Glad that the devil lets you stop over once in a while.

I think the problem is that the graphics were originally posted in jpeg.

jpeg is bad about losing detail.

If you could/would.

Send the files to me in a .gif .bmp or photoshop format I'll try those. I know they are larger in size due to the higher detail.

Thanks

Lorak

------------------

Cess_Patrol: It isn't just our flying that stinks!

P.S.

I am not ignoring this thread. Problem is that I am so damn behind at work from being away that it isn't even funny.

That and the sorry bastards have blocked battlefronts forum. So.. until I get around that (again) I be kind of sparse here.

Lorak

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chrisl Senior Member

chrisl

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Gates-slut:

What's all this jibber jabber about this Peng guy anyway? Who is he?

Stupid SSN. Do a search.

There used to be this Peng guy, see, and he was a royal pain. He posted mean things to people whenever they said anything silly, and rather than just being mean, he waxed on and on, in rather colorful language involving cabbages, kings, and other fancy things. He hated smileys. He inflicted special pain on people who used smileys, and once, way back before there was even a CMBO, just a beta demo, posted a diatribe on smileys and the death of the ability to use written language.

One day some cheesehead in Minnesota who thinks he's an englishman who thinks he's french and writes way too much about nothing challenged this Peng character to a game of CM. This was back in the 1.01 days, before all sorts of bugs were fixed, and you couldn't just post an IP address and get some rube into a quick and dirty private game with no audience. CM was new then, the skies were blue (except in LA, where they were yellow and brown), and life was good, except for the speed of network access. There were only 300 baud modems in those days. People also pretended they still had lives.

Because net access was slow, and days would go between turns, this cheesehead named Seanachai decided that his match with this Peng character would make for a good spectator sport. Taunts were quite common all over the board then--there had only been three scenarios for so long that everyone had utterly lost their minds, and didn't recover them when the full game appeared. So instead of quietly trading emails, sitting and waiting by the modem for encrypted files to come in, this Seanachai fellow announced to the known universe (at least the universe known to the creatures with no lives who infested a board for a game that didn't even quite exist yet) that he was taking his challenge of this Peng thing public. This generated a peanut gallery composed of the denizens of the rest of the board who egged them on, and inadvertantly created their own challenges. The thread took on a life of its own, much like a demon possessed bulldozer on an isolated island. Peng came and went, and all that was important was that he was full of bile and vitriol. Others developed their own bilious styles, perhaps the viles of them the famed Meeks who disappeared into antarctica, returned, and then vanished again.

Eventually the thread self destructed, nearly taking the universe with it in some near-violation of known physics. The universe was saved by BTS, who allowed the slime that infested the so called Peng thread to start a new one, but they started two, in the first of many schisms. The cycle repeated itself many times. Peng twice tried to destroy the thread, declaring it closed and worthless, and disclaiming that he had anything to do with it. It went on without him. After many threads, he showed up one day, declaring CM dead with the release of the xbox by the great satan in Redmond, WA. He rambled on about this fantastic new piece of electronic wizardry. He bowed down before the false idol of this xbox thingy (Bauhaus, please remain seated) and announced it to be the sole gameware of his affection. Another resident of the cesspool, with base and ulterior motives (and who destroyed the original thread while in the process of revealing that Meeks and Meeks' sister were the same person (if it could be called that), challenged this Peng to a CM match in which their very BTS forum handles would be at stake. The conniving Just-a-car of the pool acted as second for Peng and set up him the bomb. Peng had no chance to survive to make his time, and was defeated in just a few turns. Now all his base, along with his name, are belong to us, and he's condemned to a life of bill-worship at the altar of the xbox.

Some of the other foul things that infest this place are trying to win his name back, just so they can rub it in, but so far their chances of success seem rather slim.

Peng is dead, and in his place there is only the Gates-slut

[ February 09, 2002, 03:44 AM: Message edited by: chrisl ]

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Yeknodathon Senior Member

Yeknodathon

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

Although me relationship with Seany-babe is physical...

I had high hopes for you. I felt that, wound through the stream of gibberish and idiocy you rambled on with, there was yet a thread of wry humour, a brighter note of whimsy and ability.</font>
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Mace Senior Member

Mace

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by chrisl:

Some of the other foul things that infest this place are trying to win his name back, just so they can rub it in, but so far their chances of success seem rather slim.

Peng is dead, and in his place there is only the Gates-slut

The Old Ones could just by decree get it back but that would probably leave Gristle a broken, bitter man.

Seems like a great idea to me! :D

Mace

PS I love to see absolute power yielded absolutely.

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