Joe Shaw Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 The surface of the ocean roils with angry, white capped swells ... no one knows why so many swells would be in the ocean, why they're mad or why they're wearing white caps, but there you are. A veritable fleet of ships is upon the waves, but they seem in opposition and all but one seem to be chasing the one. But deep BENEATH the waves a sound is heard ... ta-pock-KA-ta, ta-pock-KA-ta, ta-POCK-KA-ta, ta-POCK-KA-TA and so on and so forth. Emerging from the gloom of the depths is seen a large fish, no ... a whale surely ... no, it's, it's ... A SUBMERSIBLE VESSEL ... a man made SUB-MARINE and the sound ... the sound is from the screw at the after end of the vessel which propels it through the water. At each turn of the screw ... damn, that might make a good book title ... the sound is heard again, ta-pock-KA-ta, ta-pock-KA-ta, ta-POCK-KA-ta, ta-POCK-KA-TA and so on and so forth again. We look into the dimly lit porthole in the protrusion atop the vessel that will someday, not today surely but someday, be called the conning tower ... presumably that's where the commander of the vessel "cons" the crew into continuing this mad endeavor. We see a face and a mop of silvery hair. The face is stern but fair, honest but tired, shaved but not spritzed because this face, this face that sets the hearts of women beating to a different drummer ... well okay to a different tambourine player, is that of the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread and he is, above all else ... actually in THIS context he isn't because he's actually BELOW all else but you get the point, he is a MAN! A man of parts, of substance and such a man does NOT spritz! Let us slip inside the vessel, taking care to remain incorporeal so we don't sink the flimsy craft, and see the goings on ... going ons ... goi ... stuff happening. The Justicar sits atop a small seat, it might be called a stool but it won't be since SOME READERS OF THIS TALE WOULD TAKE IT WRONG. He is stern but forgiving, tired but ... sorry, we did that didn't we, well he's a hell of a man let me tell you. Beneath his feet are his crew, picked men from the Shavian House, men of grit, men of courage, men of loyalty unsurpassed ... except for that bone idle, layabout, good for nothing former Squire Papa Khann of course. At the pointy end of the vessel sits that most loyal and trustworthy of former Squires Agua Perdido, just aft of him sits Lars, followed by Speedbump, Harv, SirReal and others but they're in the back of the boat and can't really be seen. All of the men toil upon a large crankshaft, turning it endlessly to power the great screw. And ceaselessly, over and over, we hear ... ta-pock-KA-ta, ta-pock-KA-ta, ta-POCK-KA-ta, ta-POCK-KA-TA and so on and so forth again and again. Papa Khann: Sir Joe, Sir Joe, Sir Joe ... I have to go. Justicar: Did I not TELL everyone to go BEFORE we launched? Did I not make it clear that we would not be able to stop? Well you'll just have to hold it lad. There is a sound, a sudden sound, a sudden ripping, tearing and above all WET sound ... Lars: My GOD are we sinking? Will I never see Lake Manytonkatoys again? Will I never … His cries are hushed as the incredible stench reaches him … a stench of cabbage, beans and beer all mooshed together and fermented in … ah yes, that would explain the sound too. Lars: My GOD man are you trying to kill us all? There’s precious little air in here as it is without you fouling it. Papa Khann: Oh you're the fine one to talk, all covered with fox pee. Besides I couldn't hold it. Justicar: ENOUGH! Let’s be true Knights of the Shavian House, men, one for all and all for one … except for SOME who clearly are all for ONE … never mind. Keep turning the crank men, we’re gaining on the pirate vessel. By GAWD Meeks will rue the day he came athwart MY hawse, fouled MY jibsailsheet, belayed MY anchor watch so he will. Harv: Beggin’ your pardon Sir but I never heard nobody could speak the nautical like you sir. Justicar: It’s a gift Harv, a gift. Harv: Beggin’ your pardon again Sir but … why the submarine again … I’m not really clear on that yet. Justicar: Why Harv I should think it would be apparent … the LAST thing Meeks will expect is an attack … FROM BELOW! He’ll be bracing the mainbrace for surface action you see, never expecting us to launch an attack from beneath the waves. Why his weather yardarms will be all adrift and he’ll be forced to … uh … haul his keel to us. SirReal: Sir Joe … I have to go too. To Be Continued … 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Joe Shaw: The surface of the ocean roils with angry, white capped swells ... To Be Continued … Good god. If I see one more of these sailing posts (because I have no idea what they're about and what they have to do with hate) I'm going to puke. I take it back. *pukes* Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aces_and_8's Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Excerpts from the log of Her Majesty's Trireme Terribilius Est Rex: Day 1 0300: They laughed at me, all of them, silly wankers. Said a Trireme doesnt have a snowballs chance in hell of making it that far much less catching up with the vermin...Meeks. Well, we'll see. The ram has been recast in iron vice bronze, had a hell of a time getting im to sit still when we poured it over him. Greek fire tanks are topped off and the Assyrian Archers are safely stowed below decks until needed. I am concerned, they seem a little under dressed for the weather we are currently experiencing. Time will tell. If they still have fingers with which to draw the strings of their bows, the better for us. If they lose them all to frostbite, frozen fingers will keep, so we may have extra stores available in case the trip takes longer than expected. My first mate, Lucius Vagus Bondus has just reported the press gan...er...recruiters have managed to fill all vacancies on the banks and we are ready to make way. The word is given. Gawd save the Queen! 0500: Underway watch is set and we let slip the quay. Wind is to our backs, a good sign considering we would run the risk of breaking the oars against the shoals. She runs a shallow draft but the oars do not. We are able to sail vice row out of port. One odd event, as we were pulling away, a stranger was yelling some drivel about forgetting something. I couldnt hear what he was saying over the damn kettle drummer. Why on earth he was drumming is beyond me. There are no oars in the water, guess he was just practicing. Good man that one, I will have to mark him out for special recognition by going above and beyond. I did query Lucius as to what the stranger said, in return I received a blank stare and a shrug. Seems his hearing is no better than mine. We are making good time at 3 kts. We should see the headland by noon. At that time we will put oars in the water and ratchet it up to LUDICROUS SPEED...excuse my excitement...be able to make 6 kts, nothing to sniff at I assure you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Aces_and_8's: Excerpts from the log of Her Majesty's Trireme Terribilius Est Rex: Day 1 0300: They laughed at me, all of them, silly wankers. Said a Trireme doesnt have a snowballs chance in hell of making it that far much less catching up with the vermin... So this is a race or something then? Ok. *jumps in the Budweiser racing boat and beats you all* What do I win? =) Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Oh there's a rescue involved too? *boards the USS Nimitz and takes off in an F-14 to find Meeks. Finds him. Lands back on the Nimitz and sends in a boarding party of Marines to kill Meeks as I go waterskiing behind the Nimitz. The Marines kill Meeks, free the Queen, and throw a huge party for her! Everyone else is invited too (except Meeks, of course 'cause he's dead) and we all get drunk and eat lots of shrimp cocktails.* There. Why do you guys always have to make everything so hard? Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamstersss Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Kitty: What do I win? =) Alas, poor desperate, jealous one, if only yours was the boustierre, er, boustier, er, boustiaye, um, bosom that could launch a thousand ships... Aye, Smythe, we've passed, yes, Dalem, you're Smythe, didn't you get it? Well who else would I have been talking to all this time? Oh, lord, man, Bauhaus is over in the Waffle thread! Wha??? Elvis? Like I'm going to have a long-running dialog directed toward a man with a one word vocabulary? No, there's no 'Smythe' registered user, tis a monikor, for you! A monikor! A nomme de guerre. A nickname. Yeeesss. For you. Yes. Now, as I was saying, Smythe, we've passed the... Because Captain Hook's first mate was Smythe. No, that's just how you pronounce it. Well, because if I wrote Smeeee, it'd look dumb, and I'd forget the number of 'e's that I wrote and have to look it up each time. Okay? You sure? So I can continue? No, because, if you still don't get it, I suppose I could draw up some charts. No, not really. I'm gonna keep going now, a'right? Aye, passing the Straits of Wild-Eyed Boredom was perilous. We nearly veered into Focker's limitless chasm of banality when the Queen ran her laundry out on the mizzenmast. Arr, can't blame the men, though, seeing as she ran all her laundry out and left naught but her birthday suit. Not a mangy seadog on the deck could tell how that trollop keeps those tan lines in such fine shape given the conditions... But we'd overcorrected, and were ready to be annihilated by the 16" coastal guns of the Grogs of Dooooom. Thank the Gnome they'd got to arguing about the penetration value of 16" anti-armor on an 18th century sailing vessel or we'd never had survived... Ah, Smythe, ye've never been to Cess Island, such an impenetrable fortress has never been conceived, except in the most twisted minds of the ones what built it, the mad Croda. They'll never catch us before we get there and to breach the walls would require both arms and cunning that not even the suddenly urbane and quite humorous (Not humerus, stick to the sexual innuendo, let's not bring orthopedics into it. Yes, I know surgery's supposed to be the new porn, that's not the point) Justicar could even manage. We'll be safe and, me dear Dalem, once I can find a priest (Of the Gnome, preferably, too bad it's such a piddling religion) to marry ya to the beautiful Queen, then my plot will have succeeded! Arrrrrrrrrr 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: You can't talk. I killed you last post. I mean I had you killed. =) Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Smythe? Smith? Oh okay, my mom's side of the family is Smith. Down from the Mayflower Tilley's y'know. No, not the respectable Tilley either, the other one. So anyway, I'm Tilley. No I'm Smith. Or Smythe. Someone pushed me off the boat thingie and I dropped my rum and then I climbed up a net thingie and there was some cleavage. That's all I remember. It's all so diciffult when my rum is gone. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: Alas, poor desperate, jealous one, if only yours was the boustierre, er, boustier, er, boustiaye, um, bosom that could launch a thousand ships...If you could still talk, this is how I'd respond though: LOL What the hell are you talking about? Thou who's weenie sealed a thousand men's rectums? Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted January 29, 2004 Author Share Posted January 29, 2004 Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Captain, be s'good as t'signal the squadron t'come about t'a headin' of nor' nor' east. Captain Mace van Scheepschagger Beggin' yer lordship's pardon, but that'll take us in ta the Straights Dyre. Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Damn y'eyes man! D'ya think me a midshipman that can't read a chart? I'm well aware of where that course'll take us. B'going through the Straights Dyre, we'll be at Il de Cess a full day ahead of that dem'd pirate Meeks. Captain Mace van Scheepschagger But sir! Ne're has a ship made that passage! 't would take th' devil's own luck to make it! Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Aye, an' there ya have it! M'dear captain, I can guarentee we'll be sailin' with the devil's own luck. Now bring us about. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamstersss Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Death can't stop twoo wuv! Course, I'm not in wuv, er, love, but neither is me mate, ee's just me willing dupe, er, dupe, um, dupe, uh, heroic warrior. Me, I can't be killed, ask Berli. Even with the Budweiser racing boat (It's an endurance raise, anyway, ya silly sot, now you'll have to be towed to Cess Island by a bleemin' trireme). Blimey, a whole wedding and not a thought given to it till now. Well, we know the bride ain't wearing white, but the bigger problem's gonna be getting Dalem to wear some pants. Keep drinking, lad!!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: Me, I can't be killed, ask Berli. Even with the Budweiser racing boat (It's an endurance raise, anyway, ya silly sot, now you'll have to be towed to Cess Island by a bleemin' trireme). So no aircraft carriers, huh? Fine. =( Throws a line up to Berli's ship. He says you have to tow me. Or can I board? Kitty [ January 29, 2004, 02:42 AM: Message edited by: Kitty ] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamstersss Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Berlichtingen: I'm well aware of where that course'll take us. B'going through the Straights Dyre, we'll be at Il de Cess a full day ahead of that dem'd pirate Meeks. Avast, that boot neck admiral has gained on us, but how! We're scuppered, we is! Smythe! Throw that damned caulker over the side and cut loose the stores! Aye, even the midgets, small good they'll do us if'n we're overran by that swab and his fleet! At least this mess o' midgets, rum, ivory and deadly explosives outta put off that ugly whale what's been followin' us fer the last fortnight! And fer good measure fire off some of that black market manure at its ugly stalk the next time ya sees it! Cut the anchors! Throw out the jolly fat men every unessential thing, sniff, even me special friend. No, not the queen, ya boob, and not hers, neither! But everything else, lest we all be fitted to a dead man's chest before the night is up! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Kitty: Throws a line up to Berli's ship. He says you have to tow me. Or can I board?*blows a gumleaf* Kitty on deck! Mace 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Mace: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Kitty: Throws a line up to Berli's ship. He says you have to tow me. Or can I board?*blows a gumleaf* Kitty on deck! Mace </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Berlichtingen: *translated to Australian*Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Captain, be s'good as t'signal the squadron t'come about t'a headin' of nor' nor' east. Captain Mace van Scheepschagger Got any beer?. Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Damn y'eyes man! D'ya think me a midshipman that can't read a chart? I'm well aware of where that course'll take us. B'going through the Straights Dyre, we'll be at Il de Cess a full day ahead of that dem'd pirate Meeks. Captain Mace van Scheepschagger Whatever. Now about this beer? Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Aye, an' there ya have it! M'dear captain, I can guarentee we'll be sailin' with the devil's own luck. Now bring us about. Captain Mace van Scheepschagger BEER!!! WHAT ABOUT THE BEER?!!!! Mace [ January 29, 2004, 02:53 AM: Message edited by: Mace ] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Kitty: *cuts loose the Budweiser Racing Boat and glares at Mace. Where's the bar?The bar's wherever the keg is. I'm waiting for Berli to go get it. MAce 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Mace: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Kitty: *cuts loose the Budweiser Racing Boat and glares at Mace. Where's the bar?The bar's wherever the keg is. I'm waiting for Berli to go get it. MAce </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Kitty: Arrr! I can't wait that long. *goes below decks to sit by the keg never to be seen again*Oh that's where he hid it? *follows* Mace 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: Death can't stop twoo wuv! Course, I'm not in wuv, er, love, but neither is me mate, ee's just me willing dupe, er, dupe, um, dupe, uh, heroic warrior. Me, I can't be killed, ask Berli. Even with the Budweiser racing boat (It's an endurance raise, anyway, ya silly sot, now you'll have to be towed to Cess Island by a bleemin' trireme). Blimey, a whole wedding and not a thought given to it till now. Well, we know the bride ain't wearing white, but the bigger problem's gonna be getting Dalem to wear some pants. Keep drinking, lad!!! Sinks into a deep depression for fear she may never see Jack again *Thinks* Hmmmmmmm a wedding eh... If I can't marry Jack then I won't be marrying anyone... unless of course he has the means to keep me in the manner I have become accustomed... He must be brave and as good a lover as Jack be.... Actually, I'm warming to the thought already... It will give me a chance to wear by Christian La Croix Gown. Of course it's not white, but a lovely champagne colour.., aye.. me mood is lifting already... I shall go prepare the wedding quarters and make sure my new husband and I have everything we need... Rushes of to visit the Ann Summers Store... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Umm, Queen? I think you might want to go check out the new thread in the Fiefdom Forum. :eek: Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Just did Kitty .. just did...*smiles* That should sort out mistress waltz .. You know she was Queen Waltz? She screamed at me... HEY THERE IS ONLY ONE QUEEN HERE..... Of course.. I had to reply.... next thing I see. nPawn has changed her name.. ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLL When I saw that..I could have married the guy... She now wants to kick my ass!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I CAN'T WAIT.. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Arghhhhhhhhhhh Lan Lubbers.. what be happening!!!!!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rune Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 This confirms something I had always suspected. Berli always wanted to be the THE Navy, the Marine thing was a passing phase. Rune Originally posted by Berlichtingen: Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Captain, be s'good as t'signal the squadron t'come about t'a headin' of nor' nor' east. Captain Mace van Scheepschagger Beggin' yer lordship's pardon, but that'll take us in ta the Straights Dyre. Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Damn y'eyes man! D'ya think me a midshipman that can't read a chart? I'm well aware of where that course'll take us. B'going through the Straights Dyre, we'll be at Il de Cess a full day ahead of that dem'd pirate Meeks. Captain Mace van Scheepschagger But sir! Ne're has a ship made that passage! 't would take th' devil's own luck to make it! Commadore, Sir Berli Notworthadamn Aye, an' there ya have it! M'dear captain, I can guarentee we'll be sailin' with the devil's own luck. Now bring us about. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 we lost a whole page.... Strange 'appenings be afoot.... I think we hit the Bermuda Triangle or somefink.... and Meeks be asleep and dalem be drunk on the last bottle of rum!!!! There's only one thing for it........ 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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