Mace Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Originally posted by Boo Radley: The Aussies and the Brits are baiting each other.Trust Boo Radley to once again NOT NOTICE what goes on frequently in the world! Pom bashing* is a favorite sport of we aussies. So....get your head out of the development tank, go out, and smell the roses (or whatever passes for roses at your neck of the woods). Mace Footnote: * metaphorically speaking of course. I abhor physical violence unless I know I can win! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yeknodathon Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Originally posted by Mace: ... and smell the roses (or whatever passes for roses at your neck of the woods). Potatoes. He smells potatoes. Yeknod 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aces_and_8's Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Excerpts from the log of Her Majesty's Bireme (formerly Trireme) Terribilius Est Rex: 1630 The mystery has been solved. The gentleman on the quay was intimating that the starboard oars had yet to be loaded. As I watch the point pass for the third time to the port, I cant help but think, Lucius will have to be fired as first mate. There are rumblings of discontent below decks as the port side continues to pull through and the starboard plays dominoes. To think that its come to this, no sails, one bank of oars to port, and that idiot Quintus plotting tighter and tighter circles on the back of his hand. Watching him leap up and down repeatedly, so as to peer over the gunwales just to get his bearings, is really annoying. At least the Assyrians are behaving. Gawd save the Queen! 1730 Langsdorff had a way out, why not me? Its bad enough turning circles for the last 2 hours, but to be towed back to port by Pete and Bernice Fowler's glass bottomed paddle boat is the height of embarrasing. Receiving Commodore Berli's carrier Sturgeon calling off the pursuit, followed shortly by the carrier Blow Fish authenticating the orders, in no way lessens the feelings of extreme disappointment I am currently experiencing. We hope to reach port within the next day or so. This of course is predicated upon Pete's heart continuing to function and Bernice's supply of Depends lasting. I think I shall have the Rex broken up and sold as toothpicks to the local crab houses. Recouping some of the expenditures for this voyage should shine a brighter light on an otherwise dismal display, and hopefully hold the Queen's comptroller and investigators at bay for a while. That, or I'll just blame Seanachai. I wonder if the Assyrians will loan me one of their bows and a single arrow? Log Closed this 9th Day in the year of the Monkey by Aces_and_8's Captain and Master of Her Majesty's Bireme (formally Trireme) Terribilius Est Rex 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Originally posted by Mace: So....get your head out of the development tank, go out, and smell the roses (or whatever passes for roses at your neck of the woods). Mace It's -10C here, you antipodean anthropoid. Aint no flowers growing outside. You should come up sometime. I'll introduce you to a hallowed northern tradition. It's not difficult. All you have to do is touch your tongue to the railroad track for one second. Really. That's all. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Boo Radley: It's -10C here, you antipodean anthropoid. Aint no flowers growing outside. You should come up sometime. I'll introduce you to a hallowed northern tradition. It's not difficult. All you have to do is touch your tongue to the railroad track for one second. Really. That's all. So someone was nice enough to move a laptop onto the track ties for you then? Are we playing a game? Isn't it time for you to get your hand out of your pants and fire up some sort of setup for me? And where the hell is that Lt. Hortlund fella? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Boo Radley: It's -10C here, you antipodean anthropoid. Aint no flowers growing outside. You should come up sometime. I'll introduce you to a hallowed northern tradition. It's not difficult. All you have to do is touch your tongue to the railroad track for one second. Really. That's all. -10C? Oh that's ...too... bad. It's a brisk 22C (71.6F) here! *rugs up* Regardless, the rose smelling's out. At least you're well practised in the hallowed railway track licking tradition to keep you and yours amused? Mace 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aces_and_8's Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Mace: *rugs up* Mace I hear they have adhesive nowadays to keep those annoying toupees in place...Perhaps an investment on your part might be in order? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 A thunderous crashing of guns, plumes of smoke, and cheers, as, with all sails set, La Grenouille Frenetique sails gloriously onto the screen! Amidst many cries of 'Alors', and 'Mordieu', and 'Zoot!' we see Seanachai, white plume tugged by the breeze, sword rigidly erect, stride into sight. Seanachai: calls out My Queen! Fair Emma! I am here! Here to rescue you! ...Hallo? Commoder Berli? Dalem? Meeks? Where the hell is everyone? My Queen? Look, I know there's been a bit of a delay, but first we had to re-mast the ship. And then, well, the crew is French, you know, so there was a bit of a national strike. And then there was a, well, perhaps a bit of a lengthy delay at the duty free on Martinique...which, of course, led to a bit of delay while we sorted out certain, errr...well, matters of rowdy behaviour. But here I am! Ready to battle that bastard Meeks, flay that treacherous dog Dalem, and generally show up that ponce Berli! Anyone? Bugger. Last French crew for me, to be damn sure! I mean, what's a heroic chap like me doing surrounded by French seamen? I knew I should have stuck with Boo and my various Squires and ex-Squires. I would have, but they're such a shower of gits. Ah, well. Time to get a new crew, and begin the trip back to my beloved homeland, across the wine dark seas, where I know that all await my return, patient as the hills! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Aces_and_8's: I hear they have adhesive nowadays to keep those annoying toupees in place...Perhaps an investment on your part might be in order? I still have my hair - my long flowing locks! *flicks hair to and fro in slow motion* As for an investment. Are there any jarheads willing to arrange the fratricide of a junior officer for a reasonable commission? Mace PS 'Rug up' down here means to put more clothes on to get warmer. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Aces_and_8's: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mace: *rugs up* Mace I hear they have adhesive nowadays to keep those annoying toupees in place...Perhaps an investment on your part might be in order? </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Posted by the sequined Ornament: Anyone? Bugger. Last French crew for me, to be damn sure! I mean, what's a heroic chap like me doing surrounded by French seamen? I'd look around your motley crue, for clues...if I were you. If you see a scurvied, mangey looking ex-waiter with dirty fingernails and crumpled cigarette stuck in his gap-toothed face, you were doomed from the start. Pondscum has been screwing things up from waaaaay back. Noba. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Seanachai: Bugger. Last French crew for me, to be damn sure! I mean, what's a heroic chap like me doing surrounded by French seamen?Good lord, dear. "Bugger" and references to French semen in the same post? I don't know, what IS a heroic chap like you doing surrounded by French semen. Care to explain it to us? =) Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Posted by Boo-Radley: Oh look. The Aussies and the Brits are baiting each other. There's something you don't see every day. Maybe if we're lucky, they'll go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about Cricket until our heads, in a Howard Dean-like way, literally explode. Or at least one can hope. Ha ! That's not baiting. They are so bad at cricket we don't bother talking about it any more. But that's typical of you self-centred Yanks, always turning world events back to simple things that you can try and understand, like American politics. It's really quite simple, if you have the most money in that race, you win - no matter how smart you be ! Why don't you take time out to stop licking the end of that green icicle hanging from your nose hairs, and send a turn. Noba. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Noba: But that's typical of you self-centred Yanks, always turning world events back to simple things that you can try and understand, like American politics. It's really quite simple, if you have the most money in that race, you win - no matter how smart you be !Hey, bugger off with the anti-yank comments. I'm the best friend your country's ever had. Don't make me change my mind. Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Noba: Heeeeeeey, I know a lot of American's who aren't self-centred, and I demand that you cease this provocation immediately! But then again, if you're being more direct and meaning Boo directly, please don't let me stand in your way. In fact, hit him in the shins with a cricket bat for me will ya? Mace 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Mace: But then again, if you're being more direct and meaning Boo directly, please don't let me stand in your way. In fact, hit him in the shins with a cricket bat for me will ya?Better still, we could shove an angry TNT slathered bangalore torpedo up his arse. Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Kitty: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mace: But then again, if you're being more direct and meaning Boo directly, please don't let me stand in your way. In fact, hit him in the shins with a cricket bat for me will ya?Better still, we could shove an angry TNT slathered bangalore torpedo up his arse. Kitty </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Noba: Do I have to "lubricate it" first ?Bloody 'ell, yes! We don't want to cause Boo any discomfort! Mace 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Noba: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Kitty: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mace: But then again, if you're being more direct and meaning Boo directly, please don't let me stand in your way. In fact, hit him in the shins with a cricket bat for me will ya?Better still, we could shove an angry TNT slathered bangalore torpedo up his arse. Kitty </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 A Pirate Joke: A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel jammed in your crotch." And the pirate says, "Arrrr, it's drivin' me nuts." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 A Pirate Lawyer Joke: A big wig in organized crime found out that his bookkeeper had cheated him out of $10 million bucks. The bookkeeper was deaf -- it > was considered an occupational benefit and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything so he'd never have to testify in court. When the mob boss went to shake down the bookkeeper about the missing money, he brought along his attorney, who knew sign language. The mob boss asked the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asked the bookkeeper. The bookkeeper signed back: "I don't know what you're talking about." The attorney repeated the bookkeeper's response back to the mob boss. So, the mob boss pulled out a 9 mm pistol, put it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocked it and said: "Ask him again!" The attorney signed to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signed back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzio's backyard in Queens!" The mob boss asked the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replied: "He says 'you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!' " Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Stop that! Stop that, all of you lot! (Kitty, carry on; you will anyways... ) I specifically posted that remark about Sailors Francaise to see who'd rise to take the bait. Kitty, I never had any doubts about you. I knew you'd always...well, we're not going there. NOR WILL ANY OF THE REST OF YOU, BY GOD! Now, I'm deeply concerned by the rather blatant outbreak of 'Bauhausismus' that I've seen here lately. Yes, I blame Kitty, but you've all been getting...well, a bit 'randy' lately. A bit too deep into the 'double entendre'. A bit long in the pants and short in the head. I want it to stop. I didn't get to where I am today by making off-colour...wait one...actually, yes I did. I got where I am today by a veritable snowstorm of low, vulgar, silly humour. And where am I? Unemployed, broke, with a partially stripped automobile sitting in a body-shop yard. Aging, alone, living in a threatened rental property, quoted by Dorosh, and with Emrys's poetry on my hard drive. Oh, and Berli calls me 1-2 hours after he knows I've gone to sleep almost every weekend. And I post here with you lot. Not many men achieve their dreams. Not many have what it takes. I'm proud to find that, despite all the temptations, the illusionary 'shortcuts', and social pressures to 'achieve', that I've had what it takes to hold on to my dreams. I'm exactly where I always knew I would be. I blame Hunter S. Thompson. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Seanachai: Yes, I blame KittyFine. I blame the poms. Who died and left you in charge anyway? Kitty 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Seanachai: I blame Hunter S. Thompson. *checks guidelines for finding someone else to blame to avoid strife* I blame Seanachai. Mace 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Mace: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai: I blame Hunter S. Thompson. *checks guidelines for finding someone else to blame to avoid strife* I blame Seanachai. Mace </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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