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The Twice A Month Lurker # 8..9? "The Sweet Stench of the CM Forum"

The_Capt

By The_Capt
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

Posted
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bruno Weiss:

Lawnmower for sale: Peng & Stratton. All original parts, blade newly sharpened. If interested call.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Although we of the Peng Challenge Thread admire all attempts at light-heartedness, satire, invective, and putting the metaphorical boot in (and many of our members opt for beyond metaphor) this is not the Peng Challenge Thread.

It was amusing, however. Needs an editor.

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Seanachai Senior Member

Seanachai

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Seanachai I was saying the exact same thing the other day when some GIT did that!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Amazing. I don't imagine you said it as well, which is why you're my former Squire, and I am here to pat you on the head and offer you a biscuit.

Now, lad, as much as I despair at being a patronizing swine, and despite how well fitted I am for the role, you should realize that you will have to live decades more and undergo ceremonies of insult and reality beyond your current level of casual flopping about, to achieve the level of understanding that I stumbled into as a by-product of existence.

Still, don't despair. I think you're preternaturally capable of stumbling.

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Fairbairn-Sykes Senior Member

Fairbairn-Sykes

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The_Capt:

Hey guys give it time,

I expect some response over the weekend.

I am of course open to other suggestions.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

rad.jpg

Bring on the flames, but i'm sure you'll all agree that Hitler Youth groups were a great way to meet young men with similar interests... whilst bare chested.

Hmmmm...potential for a multifaceted tierra del FUEGO.

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The_Capt Senior Member

The_Capt

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ROLF!!

Homo-erotic Nazi propoganda, I think that is a first.

Now all you Peng scum can just move along, I have a special Lurker issue for you coming up.

"Coffee Beans in an Irish Line Dancing Competition"

What's wrong with that?! Ok it might not flow off the tongue but it sounds catchy, kinda like a Summer Blockbuster title.

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Moriarty Senior Member

Moriarty

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The_Capt:

ROLF!!

Now all you Peng scum can just move along, I have a special Lurker issue for you coming up.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Peng scum? Bah, you're nearly one of us save for the self-administered paucity of your posts. You do, however, have that certain air of disdain and savoir faire of Cess about you. So, when you say "Peng scum," mister, you sure you're not looking in the mirror?

And if "what's gamey" isn't sure-fire bait for FTp, how about any topic that starts with Short-75?

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Bruno Weiss Senior Member

Bruno Weiss

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Peng scum is it? Now I don't know that I'd go so far as to cast such aspersions. Personally I don't frequent the Peng threads, it has been a while since I received my vaccinations. But the Pengsters are staunch fighters of the "gameyness" violets who wail against any tactic not pictured in their particular collection of Squadron Signal booklets. And I have to say, that the Peng thread exudes a certain creativity for linguistics not here-to-fore witnessed since the dawn of human migration across the Bearing landbridge. I've joked with them, and I'll toss a cigar butt down once in a while to watch them all scrap over it. All in all, not such a bad bunch o blokes what.

[ 09-09-2001: Message edited by: Bruno Weiss ]

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lcm1947 Senior Member

lcm1947

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Alright this could be fun but I just want to sit on the side lines. Please nobody mention my name. I'll just be watching but as far as a subject how about the American's, British and Canadian armies would have still beaten Germany's butt even without the Eastern Front and the Russian's.

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Andreas Senior Member

Andreas

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lcm1947:

Alright this could be fun but I just want to sit on the side lines. Please nobody mention my name. I'll just be watching but as far as a subject how about the American's, British and Canadian armies would have still beaten Germany's butt even without the Eastern Front and the Russian's.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Who needed the Americans? If memory serves me right, the maginificent string of victories achieved by Commonwealth armies by dint of their tactical superiority and aimed fire up to 1942 (Norway, France, Greece, Crete, desert battles, and in the Pacific Hong-Kong, Malaya, Singapore) is proof that there was no need for the dastardly Americans to come and muck things up. It's just that the British are sporty, so they let them play too.

Red Army, Russians? Weren't they the ones rescued only by lend-lease Valentines, many of which were still in use with 3rd Shock Army in 1985, ready to pounce the Fulda Gap?

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-Havermeyer- Senior Member

-Havermeyer-

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The_Capt:

Yup it is time for the good ol'Capt to blow fresh air into this forum. No offence boys and girls (both of them) but this forum has gotten staler than a bag of Ramses Egyptian Funeral Potato Chips.

I swear I am reading the same posts over and over again. If I was really paranoid I would think that Madmatt is recycling old threads under new titles just to keep the forum "dead sexy", well he is half way there.

OK so how do we liven this party up...Oh look another CMBB thread!! :rolleyes:

Well I am going to put it up right here and now. I have noticed a section of the forum, a dark and nasty section of our society. The Flame Troopers, that is right, not the 70's rock band but the bunch of guys who always come out of the woodwork to argue anypoint to whatever degree just so long as they can spill your blood on the screen. This group usually swims around quietly until some poor bastard actually asks a really dopey question or posts some inflamatory remark.

Then the Flame Troopers (FTps) attack with zeal. I have watched these lads strip a Newbie of all flesh in about 10 seconds. Grown men run away screaming, Grogs say "well screw you Mr poopy head" and head down into Moms basement.

Now don't confuse the Flame Trooper with a Freak. Freaks have no direction and once their hormones level out, they have as much chance at being normal as anybody. No FTps are a special breed who have directiona nd zeal. Sometimes they work in concert and sometimes alone. They will argue black is white and you are under-educated window mold for not agreeing them.

So if you are a FTp, you can skip to the end where I will have something which you can strike on but for the rest of the uneducated masses the following is a brief guide, ignore at your own risk.

FTps tactics 101

Ok first thing is that no one thread will ensure the arrival of the FTps, often benign threads will escilate to the point where the blood in the water will attract them. So beware at all times. You may be discussing the merits of the PIAT and next thing you wake up on the General Forum, slathered in virtual vasoline with a PIAT in a place which God never wanted it to be (you know that because PIATs are neither chewy or particularly nutritious). You will look up and see bare chested painted lunatics dancing over your prone form. My friend, you will pray for a padlock to deliver you from this hell but no padlock will come...it is nightmare time. Your only hope will be to abandon all dignity and run from the forum, your clothes in tatters and you know will be jumping like a shaved cat when someone says anything that sounds like PIAT for the rest of your (God be merciful) short life.

So rule #1 Trust No One. Do not be baited into a tangent discussion and watch for "the glove", it will be the trigger for the firefight. It may be an off handed remark like "Well what do you think about the Churchill...the man" and whammo the **** will start to fly. Remember the CM Forum is like the freakin Mob, the guy you may be talkin to may be your best PBEM buddy but when the call comes he may be the one who "does" you.

Rule #2. "Your Momma has left the building". Madmatt and his admin choirboys are not here to take care of you. Hell they don't even like you, all day, everyday they have to stick their noses in this place and put up with your crap SO SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP!!!! Sorry I think I was channelling (sp? whatever nevermind) there for a minute. Anyway, if you expect Madmatt to come on board and stop the schoolyard fight for anything less than someone posting:

"****ITY **** ****, GODDAMN STINKY CHEESEDICK SON OF A BITCH, FARTSNIFFIN DOGWATER DRINKIN STENCHQUEEN FRITO SON OF FRANKO, CHEETO SNORTING PIPE BUNNEY!!! I HOPE YOU DIE SCREAMING THRU A MOUTHFULL OF BLOOD!!!! PRAISE SATAN AND MY NAZI OVERLORDS!!!!!"

You are quite mistaken, you see they don't care if you are being torn to pieces in front of 1000 spectators so long as it is kept clean. So be forewarned you are on you own. Once Mommy drops you off at the curb you are protected by your own keyboard and (God help us) wits.

Rule #3. "Long Post only drain your strength". So you have dismissed rules 1 & 2 and you have gotten into a forum fight with a FTpr. OK well I guess you are here may I suggest you at least put up a struggle, it makes the whole thing last longer for the entertainment of the rest of us. Now when answering a Hot Post, don't start pulling out facts or historical links or any long winded argument. I'll tell you a little secret...NOBODY READS EM! Especially not the sharks circling, they get as far as "Oh ya well let me just tell you about this HISTORY OF PIATS I read". At which point they will unlease at length about your literacy and the doubtful veracity of that previous statement followed by a re-hash of why they are in fact totally right and that you are so wrong that your are in fact risking your eternal soul by even contradicting them.

Rule #4. "Don't stay on topic." Trust me a moving target is harder to hit. If you stick to your guns expect to have them blown out from under you. You may be totally right but 15 obscure and questionable sources can't be wrong, again God hates you and your mother is sleeping with a bull in hell. Have a nice day.

Rule#5. "When you get bumped to the General Forum...run." OK at the Main CM forum there exists some sense of law and order (stress on the quantitative) but the General Forum is the Outer Wastes. Hell Madmatt doesn't even like going out there. Strange creatures who want to talk about Evolution, Politics and "Other Games" live out there. The FTpr is a veteran of the Wastes and is quite comfortable there, especially if he can get the "mouth breathers" out there worked up in his favour. You, my young and new friend, are screw--id at this point. There is a prophecy that one day a Chosen One will come and make the Wastes and civilized place but you aren't him.

Rule #6. "When in doubt be from somewhere else" Ya you are Joe Kansas but once it starts getting ugly you are now Kilthazar Jithbathsnub from Outer Yemen...You English is not goot but You very happy to play CM. It is shallow but it may just allow someone else from Outer Yemen to pipe up and take the heat off.

Rule #7. "CM Rules" Even if you are pointing out an obvious flaw in the game, remember IT RULEZ. So long as you have that as your shield you may survive. Even FTps know better than to come out on the bad side of CM. The only thing worse than an FTpr experience is a CM Zombie Mob attack...damn I just wet myself typing it...

OK seven little rules to live by..

Now for the Flame Troopers and you know who you are, I would like to invite you to The_Capts first Open CM Flame War. Let's settle once and for all who is the baddest "mutha" in the Valley. I will start it up in the General Forum but for now I am taking topic suggestions, so think up your hottest and post it here, the winner will get a wonderful plate of cheese from the bottom of my fridge.

[ 09-07-2001: Message edited by: The_Capt ]

[ 09-07-2001: Message edited by: The_Capt ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What's the bloody, freakin point of quoting something like this then saying absolutely nothing about any particular piece of it in your reply!!??!?!?? I mean I read the damnable thing the first time and was busily scouring the inane responses for a glimmer of insightfulness-- and I get some dinkumnabob quoting TheCapt's entire post and saying nothing about any single piece of it!!!!

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Bruno Weiss Senior Member

Bruno Weiss

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Havermeyer wrote:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What's the bloody, freakin point of quoting something like this then saying absolutely nothing about any particular piece of it in your reply!!??!?!?? I mean I read the damnable thing the first time and was busily scouring the inane responses for a glimmer of insightfulness-- and I get some dinkumnabob quoting TheCapt's entire post and saying nothing about any single piece of it!!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think you mispelled dinkumnabob.

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