My MG's Can't Run Fast Enough for the Peng Challenge

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moriarty:

PawBroon, you git, where the freak is the setup? Or did you get lost triyng to work the scenario editor?

You know, this is like trying to speak Scottish, you bastarrd ... and OGSF is a bastarrrd too!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am not one to spam BTS on the Forum like Cpt Pinard is doing about now.

But it's tempting to insult every single guy who'd try to help me if I was to post the nature of my predicament.

Now let's pretend I had installed the latest NVidia drivers (that would be 12.90) and that CMBO would never launch either past the point of showing me the movie (Charles is a gamey bastard BTW, have you seen all that arty?!) or to the point of asking me my screen rez and then froze.

Because I know some of you are Techies, YES I tried to get back to my previous setup but it's not working.

In fewer words, ME STUCK, NO TURN, ME OFF 3 WEEKS ANYWAY STARTING NEXT SAT!

Thanks for your concern and feel free to offer advice.

I feel like Geier now.

I'm soiled...

[ 08-04-2001: Message edited by: PawBroon ]

[Mace]

76-2-1) are the other games working (do you play other games)?

Sqrt(alpha^x) ) did you delete your old 'combat mission bynd Ovr Pref' file?

woot) aren't we glad we're not you!

Mace (at bday+1)

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

Mace (at bday+1)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

One year and one day closer to death

[Stalin's Organ]

Which is fortunate for us all when you think about it!

[Lawyer]

Perhaps Mace is already dead and has been consigned to MBT Hell for eternity. From the smell he emits, that seems more logical.

I take that back, he should be consigned to the SMG thread for real Hell.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Perhaps Mace is already dead and has been consigned to MBT Hell for eternity. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My dear Lawyer, I am totally in agreement.

I believe that once I descend to its very depths, hanging a left at the river Styx, and bidding a hi to Minos on the way through - "yes Minos i'd prefer the quick sin processing if you dont mind: I have sinned, coveted the neighbour's wife, blasphemed, committed adultery, stole, etc etc etc yadda yadda yadda - can we get a move on with this, I want to check out the debauchery on the 12th level of hell and Parrrrty"

I am convinced that he will look at my list of sins, and he will note, with a tear of compassion running down his cheek: "Mace..Macey...mate! You have come to blows with Peng and lost your signature to him; you have been subjected to the posts of Seanachai; you have had to put up with the inane discussions of the various SSNs; you have had to decipher the musings of OGBFABCD; you have worshipped at the catlitter of Kitty; and most importantly you have wallowed in the MBT!!!

In all its eternity, there is no punishment here in Hell that can match that amount of self-inflicted suffering...Hell would seemeth liketh a holiday to you! Move along, there is nothing for you here"!

So yes I am in hell, and you are the Evil-one's (hi Berli) council!!!

Edited to forwarn Berli I am about to retire for the night. He can remind me I am another day closer to my demise tomorrow!

Mace

[ 08-04-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[Hakko Ichiu]

Bah! And again I say, Bah! (no, Mace, that's not baaa don't get ewer hopes (or anything else) up)

On all sides, Swedes arise to vex me, like nostril-boring flies on a mighty reindeer. Geier practically begs me to send him a turn. I graciously condescend to do so, and what happens? He waits two-election cycles before replying and for what? Two measly scouting parties, that's what. Meanwhile, on the dreaded Outer Boards™, I find myself forced to give lessons in basic economics to a certain Dr. Alimantado, whose medical credentials I frankly have to question.

And what do I get for all my troubles? A nice piece of Lutfisk? A bottle of hallucinogenic reindeer urine? A night of passion with Miss Erotic Sweden 2001? Not a bit of it, not a sausage. If you ask me, the whole bloody country should be taken over by the Norwegians, or better yet, the Danes.

I shall have to ask Professor Doktor Hamster X to see what he can do. Buwahaha.

[Mark IV]

I don't know how many of you were logging on yesterday afternoon, but the board was down briefly for maintenance. Since the lot of you have the cognitive skills of cave fish, here is what it said:

"The forum is temporarily closed for maintenance, and no, it is not the fault of the Peng Thread." Or something, I paraphrase.

I think this was a very nice touch. I vote that for the rest of the weekend, we pretend that Matt has hair. All in favor? Ah, carried unanimously. The Madd One will have virtual flowing locks until midnight Sunday PST. Least we can do.

[Joe Shaw]

Mark IV I noticed the same thing and I concur with your reward system. The only question now is what KIND of hair. Not for our Bald, Angry friend the locks of, say, some blond beach god with more pecs than brains. No, I'm thinking of something black, greasy and down to his shoulders, perhaps with a bandana, something along the Hell's Angels line perhaps?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Goanna continues to dwell in the land of Oz where everything is upside down, including logic. He suggests:

Meanwhile, Pshaw is having delusions of tactical adequacy for putting several creaky, noisy M4s (that were leaking oil anyway) out of action. He will nonetheless be brought to account, oh yes, he will.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now it is WELL known by this time that winning at CM is immaterial to me, BUT when needs must I will defend my TROOPS, note you the difference.

In this case the green, scaly and primitive lifeform has lost three (3) Shermans and one (1) M-8 to my one loss of a Mk IV (not to be confused with the Mark IV mentioned above which we simply WISH we could lose). This doesn't include the numerous infantry losses he's incurred to virtually none for me. I have the position, the troops and he knows he has to try to take it from me as the points are in my favor. Wake up and smell the Goanna guano, lad, it's all but history now.

Joe

[Hakko Ichiu]

Nah, mahn. De Bald One he wahn de natty dreadlocks. Irie, mahn, no problem. Jah love.

[Panzer Leader]

And so it came to pass that I have once again led my brave troops to an unlikely victory. This time the untrained and unkempt troops of JDmorse have been routed back whence they came.

Truly, it was a beautiful sight to see. I, who have made my mission in Combat Mission to study the art of defending against the assault, have thrown back the lawyer's forces in a staggering defensive victory. Not one to normally mentione such obtuse facors as score, I must in this case make an exception.

I beat him with a final score of 89-11! A TOTAL victory!

Lorak, note thusly:

(and everyone else, take note)

Panzer leader, stunning victory against all odds.

jdmorse, cringing, tail-between legs defeat.

I retained all flags, had no serious casualties, and maintained the integrity of my entire line. Some highlights include destroying a churchill with 50 shots from a 20mm; taking prisoner two almost full British Infantry squads; taking down his (gamey) fighter bomber; destroying his over-abundance of fireflies with everything from infantry to HMGs, to even one destroyed by the CREW of that self-same 20mm after the firefly caused them to abandon it -- obviously they abandoned the gun in order to deal with the firefly in a more personal way.

Never before have I thrown back the enemy with such complete success, and my head has swelled in proportion to the victory gained. I seem to be undefeatable, except for that curious win by Lars (italicized out of grudging respect.)

I would also like to take this opportunity to mention that Gaieour has reached new levels of utterly boring and uninteresting posts. Even his absence is felt as a sort of ominous forboding of future boring tripe. How I would like to soundly spank you where Swedes so rarely feel the courage to go: to wit, battle.

CMPlayer: you are right. I dislike you greatly for the injury you have done me. That injury consists of mental and spiritual anguish caused by having to read the complet senseless garbage you post. You remind me of the sunday school teacher I had as a child, the one whom children (rightly) FEARED having to go help "light the candles." ((shudder))

Please leave now, or if you must stay, then do it by lurking. At least that way I can pretend you are gone for good, even if the creepy feeling of being stalked remains.

[ 08-04-2001: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[Berlichtingen]

Mace

No further count down. Just remember, each day of your remaining life will bring you closer to perpetual SMG discussions and queries as to why MGs can't run (why anyone would question why an inanimate object can't run is still beyond me)

[Seanachai]

Let me just say good luck to Shrad fella, sorry for the lateness of this well wishing, but I missed your original post in my hurry to get caugh up and just stumbled across it a few minutes ago.

Also, a rousing Happy Birthday to Mace, who has the enviable name of being the only Australian I have so far defeated. All the other Aussies are very, very bad at this business of being crushed; in fact, they suck at it. But Mace seemed to get the idea and went down to defeat, although it was clear that he is , in fact, Australian, because I only narrowly defeated him, I didn't actually crush him.

As I look around my house, I realize I have bought a great deal of new computer equipment lately, so I must be happy. Temperatures, however remain above 90º with high humidity , which allows Minnesotans to have fun with something called the 'heat index', which adjusts 'how hot it is' by means of the humidity and such ratings to determine 'how hot it feels'. This is a means of gauging misery that we amuse ourselves with in the summer. In the winter, of course, we have the 'wind chill factor'. We have developed a great many tools for measuring our discomfort.

And Lorak, it is indeed true that Agua Perdido defeated me.

[Mace]

Lorak?! Lorak, get your face out of your dinner and pay attention!

Mace: Draw (50 points)

Speedbump: Draw (50 points)

It has shown that I am as capable as the Brits in getting most of my Armour shot away from underneath me, but still pressing on regardless in the face of adversity (and two Tigers placed to best advantage on top of a hill commanding almost the entire battlefield).

However, my "Sh*t, the game's almost over and I haven't done a thing" last 5 minute attack on the 3 VLs resulted in me wresting 2 under my total control, and a combined team of 1 bren gun carrier and M3 h/t were in the prossess of storming the last one when time ran out (oh for 1 minute more).

Anyhow, anyone interested in purchasing scrap metal?

Mace

[Leeo]

LORAK!

I feel shame that must only be equal to that experienced by Mace when he meets the mother ewe of his latest lamb acquisition.

In a 25 turn debacle created amongst fire and brimstone by that (dare we type his name aloud?) Berli, I regret to request that the following be scribed in The Tome of Bickering;

Leeo: Draw.

jd: Draw.

He scored 48, and I scored 39. I was the defending Germans, and he, now get this, the icky part to which I'm so reticent to admit, was the French. (*gag*) You see, a draw against the French (*gag*) is as good as a defeat, and were I not a denizen of the pool, and had I a shred of honor, I would ask that you chalk it up as a loss. However, BTS made those levels of victory for a reason, so I must stick with tradition, and ask you to mark the draw.

So, my status as "pool-boy" is apparently still up in the air, and I will meet that snake jd in his choice of battle once again, as long as it does not involve the French (*gag*).

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

I vote that for the rest of the weekend, we pretend that Matt has hair. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I believe a nice perm would be more suitable for the eight ball.

Perhaps short at the sides and long at the back?

Yes, thats the ticket. An 80's fashion, rock star Mullett cut will do nicely.

Why, we could call him 'Matt dirt' or somefink.

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

Lorak?! Lorak, get your face out of your dinner and pay attention!

Mace: Draw (50 points)

Speedbump: Draw (50 points)

It has shown that I am as capable as the Brits in getting most of my Armour shot away from underneath me, but still pressing on regardless in the face of adversity (and two Tigers placed to best advantage on top of a hill commanding almost the entire battlefield).

However, my "Sh*t, the game's almost over and I haven't done a thing" last 5 minute attack on the 3 VLs resulted in me wresting 2 under my total control, and a combined team of 1 bren gun carrier and M3 h/t were in the prossess of storming the last one when time ran out (oh for 1 minute more).

Anyhow, anyone interested in purchasing scrap metal?

Mace<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Macey, macey, let me point out that the bren carrier was actually destroyed by your own arty! With that being said, every single splode maker on my side was smoking by the end. Yet I still controlled the last VL with several scared drivers and loaders. Mace lost 27 armored vehicles, while I lost all my Kitties (4 Tigers & 3 Panthers). Had I not sent my Prime Movers off the map, I am sure I would have lost those also.

Well, Shag-Sheeper, I realize that you posted earlier in the MBT that you had too many games going, but you cannot let our animosity lie with a 50-50 draw. I will await you setup forthwith!!

Speedbump

PS DekeFentle and I are 4 turns into a new game and he still doesn't know whether I am Speedy or Speedbump...

[Leeo]

Updates because I'm liquored-up and RRRREAAADDYyy to RRRuummble(it almost made me ill saying that).

Deke Fentle and I are mired in a kill-fest where he appears to have a myriad, nay, infinite, number of PSW's with 75 mm. The only comment worth saying is, All together now, GameyBastiche! He is soon to learn his lesson at the hands of the Jumbo Sherman of Justice, not to mention the M8 HMC of Annoyance.

MrSpkr is slow to return files. Methinks he was less than pleased with the results of the last turn I sent. He has been diligently shelling his own troops who rushed to the river to see where all those fording Pioneers were coming from.

Aitken is still incommunicado, due to vagaries of the e-mail system on his end. It must have something to do with British Efficiency (hee, hee, hee). I can get his e-mails, but apparently, I can't get there from here.

jd has sent a wave of French, and achieved a draw (as previously detailed with great disdain by myself).

Elvis has been re-visited by the historical Toilet-O-Death. I will leave it to him to post the sordid details.

Lawyer, the City Rat, will soon learn the justice that can be meted out by us country mice. I've set-up, and await his pathetic response. Really, just surrender now, Lawyer, and save us all a good bit of trouble.

In other news, I am on the loosing end of a meeting engagement with a non-pooler.

I will soon taunt one of you Bastiches, as I seem to be somewhat low on games at the moment (even with the pending re-matches).

So, Sodd Off, sniff the pile, and fade away. A lot.

[Seanachai]

Now as some members of this is ill-esteemed body probably know, I have, over the years, been working on a compilation of my essays. Mark IV, I think myself right in saying, will doubtless remember one of my previous essays (it did not appear in the Peng Challenge Thread, because I don't believe that there was a Peng Challenge Thread when it was written) entitled: England in Film: History's Greatest Monster. I discovered another of these efforts recently while cleaning out files. It was originally submitted to National Geographic, Foreign Affairs, and Punch. The first rejected my essay on the basis of the accompanying photos, deemed 'too graphic' for mature audiences, the second rejected it on the basis that we were not currently at war with Australia, so there seemed no reason for my 'think piece', and I never actually heard from the last, which was disappointing as I thought them a natural for a work of this sort.

Without further ado, then, and in the spirit of my ongoing campaign to 'Crush All Australians', I give you:

AUSTRALIA: Bloody Flux at the Bottom of the World

Many years ago, I remember being completely ****faced in a bar with a man who claimed to come from the 'nation' of Australia. He even stood me to several rounds of 'Australian' beers, which, he told me, since they were of 'export quality', were complete piss. I have paid top dollar to drink fine, imported French wines, to wear Irish woolens, and, in general, to acquire the very finest products of the world from the source. And, if one was to question not only most members of the World Community, but Australians themselves, as to what treasures or wonders their nation had produced, pretty much everyone would answer: Well, beer. If they were Australian, they'd elaborate with 'Yehr, Beer, not a single other bloody thing worth a ****e, really.'

Now, this is perhaps the first step on the road to understanding the 'nation' of Australia. When the time came for proud, mercantile Australians to export the one product on which their nation's international reputation would be built, they gathered together and decided: 'here, we're not actually talking about sending good, drinkable beer to foreigners, are we? Won't that mean less for us? Let's send them the barely drinkable piss.'

An Australian export industry was born, and their assault on the sensibilities of the rest of the planet had begun.

Yes, gentle readers, it is time to confront another of those rogue Commonwealth nations, famed in song and story as 'A Nation of Criminals'.

It has long been a maintained myth of history that the nation of Australia was settled by 'convicts, criminals, and the gutter sweepings' of the so-called 'British' Isles. The English achieved their 'Quick Response Colonization Force' by rounding up social undesirables and sentencing them to 'Transportation' for their crimes. A quick look-see at those who currently inhabit the said 'British' Isles will reveal the fallacy inherent in this vision of 'history'. Who could look upon the average Tory MP and concur with the idea that the 'undesirables' had been deported? Who could look at England under Margaret Thatcher and her cronies and delude themselves into believing that it was a nation that had identified and deported those prone to 'criminality'?

The truth behind Transportation is that the most worthless element of British society had finally achieved an ascedancy, rounded up everyone who threatened their status or made them uncomfortable, and sent them off to 'the New World', there to impose the same sort of top-down arse kicking to aboriginal peoples that had finally been achieved in the 'British' Isles.

Of course, the first place they used for Transportation was America. The result? A strong, enterprenurial nation of angry, self-reliant and touchy bastards who eventually showed up in two world wars with no sense of history or gratitude, a very bad attitude, and a desire to acquire postcards of the Royal Family naked.

The second place they used for deportation was Australia.

When the first settlers arrived in Australia, they were no more than victims of England's desire to rid themselves of anyone who might disturb their peace of mind, or question the right of an oligarchical and wealth-based society to suppress all dissension. But unlike America, which had a largely temperate climate, Australia was a dry, hot, inhospitable landscape.

And that, gentle readers, is when the wallaby dung hit the windmill. For the people who were deported from England were no more than trouble-makers and misfits. After they arrived in Australia, of course, they became Australians. Having arrived, clawed out a living from the land, and come to grips with the climate, they began a national brewing industry that would rival the impact of Politics, Religion and Sex on their nation's history. The reality of Australia is not that they are a nation of 'criminals'. The reality is that they are a nation of 'drunkards'. And loud, opinionated, and rather boisterous drunkards, at that.

Now, here in the developed world, we have a vision of Australia that is completely at odds with the reality. Many people in the western, 'developed' nations have seen the 'Mad Max' movies. What most do not realize is that these are not, in fact, 'movies' but rather live video feeds from Australia's heartlands. The reality of Australia is that there are half a dozen 'tourist cities' on the coast, where foreigners come and are given the illusion of a Commonweatlh nation, and allowed carefully supervised trips into 'Australia'. The reality of everything outside those enforced and forcibly maintained coastal enclaves (places like Melbourne and Sydney are no more real than Disney World, and slightly less lucrative), is what the viewer sees in 'Road Warriour'.

In short, Australia is a vicious, brutal place, overrun by anarchy, and whose entire History, Religion, and Culture is derived from the nation's brewing industry. I know, every one of us would have assumed that that sort of genesis would have produced a utopian society. But, there is another aspect of Australia that must be factored into the mix.

That is: Biology

Now, Australia is the biggest goddamn island in all the world. As such, it is biologically unique. It is the home of unique species. It is the bastion of lifeforms who are reduced to mere pockets of 'wannabes' on other continents. In short, it is the homeland of 'marsupials'.

Why is this significant? Because, as mammals, marsupials are a more 'primitive' family. The young are born largely stupid, incompetent, and under-developed. Could the significance of this to Australia's human culture be ignored? I think not. Australians, like their wildlife, arrive on the scene almost completely unfitted to deal with life or reality. But, because their only competition is from other Australians, they actually manage to compete. The isolated aspect of their Island Nation preserves their 'unique' evolution as a people. And, not to raise too many political hackles, it would explain their nation's long standing 'immigration' policies.

Now, although I could go on all day long describing what a sorry, dung-covered stick history and biology have given the Australians to lick, I will sum up a few aspects of contemporary Australian society for those lucky theme-park visitors who can shell out huge sums of money to visit the coastal enclaves.

Firstly, Australians are unutterably unique in their ability to use spoken English in a way that conveys absolutely no goddamn information whatsoever. They have the most exclusive form of slang going. An examination of 'Aussie' colloquial slang reveals that it has absolutely no basis in anything other than one Australian's willingness to use it, and another Australian's williingness to accept it. In other words, one Australian, deep in the throws of alcoholic poisoning brought on by national pride, reels off a series of near-nonsense words, and another Australian says, 'Oh, aye' and the uttermost, stupid, and incomprehensible word usages immediately become a fixture of the nation's entire speech pattern. How they can communicate this drunken acceptance of gibberish as an evolution of language patterns is unknown, as The Hague won't allow us to vivisect Aussie's while they're speaking. It may be some sort of 'pheromone transmital' mechanism that is triggered by things like Vic Bitter.

Also, just as the Inuit have hundreds of ways of describing 'snow', and the English have hundreds of ways of defining 'their social inferiors', the Australians have hundreds of ways, based on their national religion of beer consumption, of describing the act of vomiting. When an Australian converses with you and uses such terms as 'technicolour yawn', 'singing lunch', and 'pushing the VB river to the coast', it means his rather limited intelligence and ecological imperative have accepted you as an equal. Don't be offended, as he means it in the best way, and doesn't comprehend that he's just another beer-drinking marsupial.

Finally, let me just say this. Many foreign visitors have commented favourably on the willingness of even the most stupid Australian to welcome in a foreign visitor willing to drink, and especially buy a round of beers. They have commented on the Australian national acceptance of the debasement of the Anglican concept that 'wherever two or more of you are drinking in my name, there is love.' And they have spread the word that many Australian women are quite lovely, and starved for anything like attention from men not 'nationally' affected by 'whiskey droop'.

Gentle readers, I hope to visit Australia before I die.

[ 08-04-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Gentle readers, I hope to visit Australia before I die.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Do us all a favor and go tomorrow... we want this process to speed up

[Mace]

Correction:

It's brewer's droop, not whisky droop, ya nong!

Mace

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leeo:

MrSpkr is slow to return files. Methinks he was less than pleased with the results of the last turn I sent. He has been diligently shelling his own troops who rushed to the river to see where all those fording Pioneers were coming from.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Not at all -- shells were hardly touching me. I noticed you Ran-Away-Fast though, so they must have been somewhat effective.

Now, on to the serious business at hand:

ATTENTION:

Since those pillocks at AT&T can't seem to figure out how to install the digital wireless at our new home, turns will be late. How late? Well, First I have to wait the requisite 48 hours for their 'engineers' to figure out that the dish is not installed correctly, then an additional 5 - 7 working days for them to get some feeb out to the house to take care of it. In the mean time, I might see if I can dig up one of my old coffee coasters, er, AOL Free disks and get back on temporarily. Until then, sod off.

[Panzer Leader]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

...(drivel)...feeb...(more of the same)...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What's a "feeb"?

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> the bard:Of course, the first place they used for Transportation was America. The result? A strong, entrepreneurial nation of angry, self-reliant and touchy bastards who eventually showed up in two world wars with no sense of history or gratitude, a very bad attitude, and a desire to acquire postcards of the Royal Family naked.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Amongst this steaming pile of detritus, a gem, obviously swallowed and forgotten about ages ago from someone wiser, since it could not have been the result of independent thought on the part of someone this insipid. I do not think I have ever heard a more apt definition of yourselves when trying to define others.

BTW, my personal favourite is "yelling at the ground"

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>sancho: What's a "feeb"?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, you could be, but you'd have to practice and take some night courses.