Juju Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 Just a little something I ran across. With tongue planted firmly in cheek; the list of ten Combat Axioms: 1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2.Never draw fire on purpose; it irritates your neighbours. 3. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo. 4. Tracers work both ways. 5. When in doubt, empty the magazine. 6. Incoming fire has the right of way. 7. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy more people to shoot at. 8. Nothing is more accurate than friendly fire directed at your positions by mistake. 9. The most dangerous thing you can put in the hands of a lieutenant is a map. 10. If you've got all the food, fuel and ammo you need, something bad is about to happen... Know some more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullethead Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 11. Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 12. The easy way is always mined. ------------------ -Bullethead jtweller@delphi.com WW2 AFV Photos: people.delphi.com/jtweller/tanks/tanks.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PeterDwyer Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 13. Once the pin has been removed, Mr grenade is not our friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted May 21, 2000 Author Share Posted May 21, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterDwyer: 13. Once the pin has been removed, Mr grenade is not our friend.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, wow, that one is hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L4Pilot Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 14. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack. 15. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hundminen Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 LOL - funniest thread I've seen in a long while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rook Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 Remember that if you make a position hard to get into, it is also hard to get out of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allan Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 A true quote from a US ranger on D-day: "...a terrible mistake has been made. The enemy has been issued live amunition". Allan ------------------ What do chickens think WE taste like? [This message has been edited by Allan (edited 05-20-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L4Pilot Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 (Stealing liberally) 18. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take. 19. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Michael emrys Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 One of my favorites: 20. If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid. Runner up: 21. Friendly fire isn't. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darwin Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 Someone posted about how the different branches would handle a snake in their path. That cracked me up. Stuff like special forces befriend the snake and teach it to kill other snakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Schuggerbaby Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 This is one of my favourites; I've made a copy of this threat from Babra and sended it to some friends via E-Mail. All of them laugh their a$$ off! But nothing tops the "Tanks in the basement" threat, IMO. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Darwin: Someone posted about how the different branches would handle a snake in their path. That cracked me up. Stuff like special forces befriend the snake and teach it to kill other snakes <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Germanboy Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 22. The expendability of your unit is inversely related to the average IQ of its officers. (US) 22a. The expendability of your unit is inversely related to the length of the list of battle honours it was awarded (UK) 22b. The expendability of your unit is inversely related to the number of mechanical engineering graduates in it. (Axis) 23.However deep you dig, a Panzergrenadier will be there already. (I was in the Air Force) 24.Peace will only be achieved through the application of superior fire-power. 25.Whereever your CO sends you, that's where you will get into trouble. 26. The Force may be with you, but everybody else isn't. 27. It is not who you are, it is how much ammo you can bring. 28. It is okay to panic if you are up s**tcreek. 29. The louder you scream, the more fire you draw. 30. A tank-fight should not be like the OK corral. (Dr. Alimantado will understand) 31. A battlefield is not a good place to be. 32. Work on your famous last words now, you might not have much time later. 33. Heroism is reserved for heros. 34. Only take point if you like catching bullets. 35. If at first you don't succeed, leave it to the artillery. 35a. If at first you don't succeed, find some combat engineers to do it for you. 36. The desire of the brass to take that hill is directly related to the number of enemies dug in there. 36a. The desire of the infantry to take that hill is inversely related to the number of enemies dug in there. 37. The better reading it is, the worse the reality it was. Shouldn't 18 be 'fair share of objectives to hold'? Bullethead, 11. is absolutely the best! Take it from an economist! ------------------ Andreas It is amazing what you can learn from a good book... [This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 05-21-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Babra Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 I hereby officially dub this list the "Dicta JuJu." (smiley inserted only to piss off Peng). My brain has 5 a.m. fog. Will add a few later... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Germanboy Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 Whoopdoodle... [This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 05-21-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawk Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 38. Supressive fire won't. (21.b really) 39. If you are low on everything except enemies, you are in combat. 40. No plan will survive enemy contact. Hawk ------------------ Our's is not to reason "why", our's is but to do and die! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Babra Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 41: If you are planning a static defence, plan it where you want your graveyard to be. 42: Jabos are hell. 43: A good LOS means everyone can see you. 44: The likelihood a machinegun will jam is inversely proportional to the distance to the nearest enemy troops. 45: The target priority for an infantry gun is inversely proportional to the number of degrees it must rotate to acquire it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 Bullethead, As a Jarhead, I'm suprised you forgot: Hot chow... isn't If you're in the field, it will rain If you're finished digging in, its time to move out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted May 21, 2000 Author Share Posted May 21, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Babra: I hereby officially dub this list the "Dicta JuJu." (smiley inserted only to piss off Peng). My brain has 5 a.m. fog. Will add a few later...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Heheheh, thanks Babra! What's a sweathog,anyway? 46. Do unto others, before they do unto you. 47. I came, I saw and I tripped and fell. 48. Progress only makes bad things happen faster. 49. It could be worse. It could be me. [This message has been edited by Juju (edited 05-21-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Babra Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Juju: What's a sweathog,anyway?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> In my case, unskilled labourer. I just can't seem to find a civilian application for infantry training... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullethead Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 Berli said: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As a Jarhead, I'm suprised you forgot...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn you, Berli, I paid a shrink $25k to forget that stuff and now you've brought it all back!!! (Whoops, just committed another war crime) Anyway... 50. Prisoners haven't actually surrendered until you report them to your boss. 51. Even then, remember your prisoners' Code of Conduct requires them to attempt escape. 52. No matter how you lay your comm wire, some passing AFV will find a way to break it. 53. Repairs of comm wire are always required during enemy bombardments. ------------------ -Bullethead jtweller@delphi.com WW2 AFV Photos: people.delphi.com/jtweller/tanks/tanks.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrAlimantado Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 54. Having Ray Charles as a tank driver might be good if you like his music, but it is problems if you want to spot enemy tanks. (Germanboy can explain what I mean) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Germanboy Posted May 21, 2000 Share Posted May 21, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DrAlimantado: 54. Having Ray Charles as a tank driver might be good if you like his music, but it is problems if you want to spot enemy tanks. (Germanboy can explain what I mean)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn Unt. Lensing in his Tiger! The guy thought he was figgin invincible. Continued to butcher the US infantry in LD while hit three times by a Hellcat, before succumbing to the fourth round. He did not even attempt to engage the TD. ------------------ Andreas It is amazing what you can learn from a good book... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tosmart Posted May 22, 2000 Share Posted May 22, 2000 | M U R P H Y'S L A W S | | of combat operations | -------------------------- 1. You are not Superman. 2. Keep it simple, stupid. 3. Automatic weapons - aren't. 4. Recoilless weapons - aren't. 5. Suppressive fire - won't. 6. Incoming fire has right af way. 7. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 8. Dont look conspicious, it draws fire. 9. Newer draw fire, it irritates everyone around you. 10. If its studid and it works, it ain't stupid. 11. When in doubt, empty yuor magazine. 12. The easy way is always mined. 13. Try to look unimportend. They may be low on ammo. 14. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. 15. Teamwork is essential, it gives them somebody else to shoot at. 16. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing. 17. No combat ready unit ever passed inspection. 18. No inspection ready unit ever passed combat. 19. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you. 20. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. 21. No battle plan survives contact with the enemy. 22. Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 23. The enemy diversion you are ignoring will turn out to be the main attack. 24. The only thing more accurate than enemy incoming fire is friendly incoming fire. 25. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. 26. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out. 27. A sucking chestwound is nature's way of telling you it's time to slow down. 28. If you're shot on everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone. 29. The enemy invariably attacks on only two occations - when you're ready for them, and when you're not. --- RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tss Posted May 22, 2000 Share Posted May 22, 2000 The following rule applies only if you are in a war movie: If you dream about your future, you will die in the next combat scene. - Tommi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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