imported_Hiram Sedai

A musty pub sparsely populated with Irish inhabitants is the setting. Smoke fills the air and some Enya is playing from an old jukebox. In a dark corner sits a man with a misshapen and balding head. Weeping can be heard as bitter tears of despondency fall into his stout ale. His furry fingers grip the glass of beer and his monobrow is shedding upon the table. A brazen waitress comes to the table to ask the patron if he would have another and he shoo’s her away with a glare. It’s only his first, but he feels a bit tipsy. His only thoughts are on the embarrassing loss he suffered at the hands of a Cesspooler. Fionn’s chest shakes as wracking sobs make his flab shake and tremble in a most disgusting manner. “How did he do it?”, the Ubergrog asks no one in particular. “I was an Alpha, Beta, Gamma tester” “It was pre-ordained that I should win against Hiram. I wonder if Dorosh helped him! I bet that Dorosh and Pillar helped that little bastard. No, it was Dorosh, Pillar, Jason C. and then Dorosh again!!!” By now, his tears have refilled the mug and he gently pushes it away from himself. “Need to write AAR on Commode Habits of Kindergartners now.” He then reaches into his Beta Tester coveralls and pulls out some money to slap onto the table. He puts on his “MadMatt for PM” hat and grabs his cane. His rantings are ignored by the other patrons as he shuffles out of the pub by himself. Stay tuned for next episode: “Fionn gets frisky”

Yes, it is torment to be this good looking, talented, and well spoken. The NJ females have healthy hindquarters that jiggle to and fro. How I adore them. They don’t have the hairy pits and halitosis like the Utah females do. Don’t pretend that you care about the females over here or even remember what a female looks like. That nice nurse that changes your colostemy bag is a female, Joe. Granted, she may have one eyebrow and that mole on her lip. Remember when you mistakenly dropped your dentures in that bag and you had brown teeth for a week? What kind of grin is that again? Somebody help me here. It has to do with eating something. This is your lucky day, Joe. Since I’m fond of the elderly, I’ll refrain from playing “got yer nose” because I remember how you wept and begged me to take it out of my pocket before. I had you so fooled. You were so winded after the 16th lap around the sofa when I grabbed your feces stained dentures. I scampered away from you and took your TV guide that day. You can have it back now, Joe. I just wanted to do the crossword puzzle. By the way, the nice men with white lab coats should be by any moment now. Don’t mind the duct tape, it’s just a precaution against further hot air expulsion from your archaic frame.

I find it somewhat disconcerting that even you would steal my line. How can this be? I ask myself. I should have patented it.

Oh, let me post in the egocentric nitpicking spelling thread now!! Does cow have a silent "F"?

Very nice Peng thread. Nice thread…for me to poop on!! I see we have some new SSN’s. How so very precious. I see our resident jackanape is playing with them while spouting rules here and there. I have this idea, maybe some of you could improve on it a bit. How about we send some gentlemen with lab coats to Utah armed with duct tape. They could knock on the Justicar’s door and tape him up good. That way, we won’t have to hear any more rules. Think about it. A wrinkled old incontinent Morman who is securely taped to his recliner. We could make sure he watches nothing but Martha Stewart 24/7. Wait, that might not be punishment for him. We could also steal his toupee and replace his Barry Manilow collection with Godsmack. Yes, I know I owe some turns. Insert excuses here on why I don’t have much time after work but have plenty of time during work. The good news is that I finish my games these days. That's the only good news I have insofar as I still struggle towards mediocrity and fail miserably.

shut up, Joe!! shut up shut up shut up hush up simmer down now! Zip it!

me too Editing one of two words...you know what I blame. [ June 21, 2002, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

So, a horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?"

Hirsute Hiram’s Gamey Update JDMorse I would like to meet whoever created this scenario and kick him in the butt repeatedly. I’m just hitting Go until it autosurrenders. He sure is taking his sweet time with his hoardes of Merkins. Bad barrister. Elvis Second verse, same as the first. This guy is much more aggressive with his armor and his infantry. His band of car salesmen are pummeling my brave troops and this one should be over much sooner than my fight with the ambulance chaser. Speedbump Things don’t look to good for the home team. He is sitting on the flags waiting for my conscript troops to do something. I’m waiting for an act of providence from above. Three PBEM’s so far, won’t win a single one. Fionn Kelly He is dropping artillery on where he thinks I am. It is to laugh. *Snort* I wave my hirsute heiney in his direction and whimsically pass gas. I await his gamey rush of scoutey dudes so I might pummel him. I will capture his recon and make them dance for me. They will then be indoctrinated into the Feeble Forces of Hiram’s Mediocre Militia. Goanna The reptilian engineer dude and I are starting a scenario created by Marlow called “Opportunity Knocks". I am actually Allies on this one. I will hang his carcass with my collection of gecko’s who were too slow. I promise to review this one after I lose pitifully…uh, I mean…spank that Lizard booty. Croda & Slapdragon sitting in a tree. Both still owe turns to me. Edited because heaven and earth will pass away but I will continue to be a product of the American School system. I will now call my 3rd grade teacher and verbally berate her for contributing to my glaring intellectual ineptitude. [ June 21, 2002, 11:04 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

I've always said that my opponent is favored over me whether he is Axis or Allies. It doesn't seem to matter.

This Friday has now transcended any Monday I may have experienced before. The stress of this day is not doing me the decency of lube or a reach around. Rancid entrails for everyone!!

I thought that “Nice Matt” was the gentleman who alerted us to new and interesting mods, thus providing a valuable service to our community. His philanthropic endeavors have helped many a newbie time and again. He also moderates an oddly enticing and exciting chat room while providing little nuggets of wisdom and the occasional epithet. I remember being labeled as a “Dork” by the bald one and immediately called all of my family members to share the news. It’s not every day that such a nice guy deigns to notice me.

I can't imagine it could get nicer at The Scenario Zone. Isn't CMHQ where Nice Matt hangs out?

"Where did I put my map said the Captain? Where the hell am I said the Liue? None so fair that they can't compare to the Airborne Infantry, uh huh!

"Small caliber amateurs" Now, that was funny!! I'm a 5.56 MM amateur, myself. "No brass, no ammo!!"

…the misshapen skull of a myopic denizen of Utah. His flabby jowls shook too and fro as he huffed and puffed on the way to the fridge for some more Justicar juice. Joe had fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. His one redeeming quality was… [ June 19, 2002, 08:37 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

I usually stay away from discussions (let’s just call it a discussion, gentlemen) like this because of how quickly I get overwhelmed by the verbosity. Yes, I’m still surprised and a bit confused by how subjective the terminology is. I had thought that there was one standard and everyone but me used them with proficiency. Thanks to those of you who allowed me to step in and ask questions. The personality clashes aren’t really my business inasmuch as I am here to glean some knowledge from those in the know. What I will take away from this discussion is that there are separate elements in a defense with interesting roles. I had never thought of my defense being quite like this. I thank Fionn for explaining how to be aggressive and for clarifying some points that were raised. This thread does well to remind me that I’ve been operating at a kindergarten level in my PBEM’s. I won’t be shy about asking even more questions even if it does cause arguments. See? I actually typed all of that without being self-deprecating. Who would have thought?

Wrong again, Joe. I'll be his second. He did show a modicum of compassion when I entered into this thread two years ago. His expectoration upon my unworthy head wasn't as tough to clean up as some others.

Congrats, Moriarty!! You beat somebody. ain't I a stinka?

That's odd. I understand FFE. I think it's a cool idea. Like when you are defending, you may want your troops to have a little more ammo than usual. A pull down menu with ammo amounts would be interesting. You can keep your varifiers, I don't need to know what happens behind the scenes.

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There are, however, people on the board who snipe.

Just an addition, if I may. The discipline of hiding is also dependent upon if that unit is Conscript, Green, Regular etc. I've been frustrated time and again by having raw troops suddenly firing when I didn't want them to. As for LOS of troops when hiding, I usually have a Sharpshooter/Sniper/Taker of Potshots not hidden to be my eyes.

Dude, I get it now. Thanks. I've done the same thing before with having the rear forces engage the enemy and having the enemy move forward to be suprised by forces that were nearby and hiding. I'm just a bit unused to the terminology being used. Thanks for the replies.

I thought I understood and now I don't. What is really the point of having a "rear screen"? I thought that the MRL was in the rear of your forces with the FSE in the front. Hiram's confused once more.