imported_Hiram Sedai

I am beginning to hate people. I used to just tolerate them, but now I abhor them. They think too slowly and move too slowly. When will HR institute the kicking of underlings as positive reinforcement? We all know that a good kick in the seat of the pants should help them along there way. Silly peons. I am currently attempting to charm the pants off a honey with a fine booty. She has that plump rump that I desire to sneak up behind and unleash some of my patented Hiram-lovin. It appears that she comes equipped with a mind. This may be difficult. She is built for lovin’ and I wish to be her love slinky. But, she wants romance and affection instead of intense and mind blowing copulatory man-hoovers. I want to capture her flag and get a major victory over that healthy heinie. (Sit down Andreas) I’m sure much of this is a mystery for the inhabitants of the Mutha Beautiful Thread (and she’ll always be there) what with me talking about a real, live female instead of a hairy palm. (sit down Moriarty) So, you can all toss your nuggets of advice on how I might pimp the ho. Or perhaps how I might delve into the crevasse of one who is so bootylicious. Anyone? crickets chirping Ahhh…nevermind.

Do you have any available with hair?</font>

One byproduct of playing with the “Big Dogs” is that it takes forever to process turns. It took me an hour and a half to process these puppies, so enjoy the update. JDMorse He cheats with big splody things that make my brave men run and hide. He is currently running through the town collecting watches, lugers, and women’s underthings. The count-down to autosurrender has begun. Elvis Same scenario different tactics. Elvis is much more of an “in your face” kind of guy with his infantry. I respect that. He isn’t a lawyer. He doesn’t do underhanded things. Now, if my tanks needed a better warrantee, then I’d suspect him. Speedbump Haven’t seen him posting in a while, but our game is still going. My conscript forces are taking turns weeping and soiling themselves. I do hope the fetid stench doesn’t offend his brave American troops. Goanna He is a clever lizard. His forked tongue takes odors from the air and he knows where I will attack and how. I am intrigued. I wonder if I chop off his tail if it will grow back. I also wonder how long he will wriggle when I stomp on his head. Fionn He hasn’t beaten me yet. I’ve gotten past 5 turns and am still waiting for the slaughter. Any day now. The Old Firm The setup is atrocious. The forces are beyond repair already. I like it. It’s the first really creative scenario I’ve seen in a while. Not that I usually look, mind you. No need to warn me about the Mad Swede. I know. Slapdragon, Croda, Seanachai All owe me turns and are hermaphroditic by nature.

That is acceptable. I would humbly ask a representative from The Old Firm (may their breath never stink of fish) send this this scenario my way or a setup my way insofar as I am so busy with things other than CM. So many luscious booty's to tap, so little time.

I move to make Joe shut up by any means necessary. Do I have a second?

Why after reading page after page of drivel, does one reply actually make me smile? It was Berli that made me laugh. Am I becoming evil? Have my more base desires come to the fore? I gladly acknowledge that I wallow in carnality with my chewy carnal center. My hedonistic activities demand constant intoxication coupled with foods that are bad for me. I now require a female with long finger nails to scratch my back.

MEMORANDUM FOR: Bard RE: Game vs Hiram Sir, The Offices of Hiram & Lackwit have sent you a setup per our previous arrangement. Please acknowledge receipt of said setup. Dances with Mail, Hiram

Ha!! I wish that Fionn would tutor me! Six turns of boredom against him and he just says things like "Oh, there you are" or "Oh, where's me gold?" I guess I have to wait for the autosurrender before he imparts some wisdom. As for subtle...it took me close to two years before the Old Firm (may their flaccidity never be mocked) even deemed me worthy of a game. No offense, Moriarty, but I cannot judge how good someone is if they beat you. It's like the secret the family has about Uncle Ernie. We don't like to talk about it. [ July 09, 2002, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

It's good to see the Old Firm posting once more. This insignificant speck of offal knows that he cannot gain the attention of said Firm and is merely the same as a buzzing gnat.

Turns will be going out tonight when I get home from work to: Elvis JDMorse Speedbump Fionn Seanachai (setup) Goanna These people owe me turns: Croda Slapdragon I hope these people die of Syphallis: HR Dimwitted, butt kissing sycophants of my manager

Oh, I also look forward to being totally inebriated. Sad, huh? [ July 05, 2002, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

Have to work today. Know that I hate you all, but that isn't even close to my own self loathing as I wallow in the mediocrity of my mundane existance. I owe turns to everybody and their brother. I owe more than I'm worth to credit card companies.

It has come to my attention that the Bard has decided to take a poke at me in the General Forum. For this affrontery, I demand a game. I will be Polish and he will be light in the shorts. I will be the attacker and he will be gay as the day is long. I will start my opening bid at 800 points, random weather, and regular troops, while he will be sitting on this front porch in a sun dress and sporting a parasol. The only poetry I will accept will be from Dante. Here is the requisite taunting: Seanachai, your dastardly deeds have not gone unnoticed. Your sycophantic attitude towards your Grog deity won’t help you. Offer up sacrifices and create poems for him, it just won’t help. I will slap you around like your ex-boyfriend did whenever you got mouthy. A setup is forthcoming upon your verbal acceptance of this challenge. Know that if you do not accept this challenge, then you are cowardly and should be made to do manly things like bowling. If by some small chance, you do accept this challenge, then you will still be a bit fruity, but okay (if you like that sort of thing)

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy old justicar. You see, the justicar had been napping after a busy day of bumping his gums. As he napped he dreamed of the time before he was the justicar. He remembered his favorite bike (it was a girl’s bike but nobody had the heart to tell Joe) and his fellow missionaries. In Joe’s dream, he was 50 years younger and still had his hair. How he loved to share the news of Brigham Young’s beliefs. Joe was quite the hit at the temple. He would create rules for them and almost got in the Doctrine and Covenants book. His nickname there was “The Adjudicator”. He had tee shirts that said “Why join? Adjudicator Says So!" Little did Joe realize that 50 years and 30 pounds later, he’d be leading a sad existence as a Justicar.

Ex Navy people are punks Oh, did I just type that? Whoops!!

I would humbly remind the Bard not to mess with the Evil One too much. Since I’ve started whining about Monday’s, my work week has become much worse. What I thought was difficult before is now child’s play. My intellectually inept underlings barely have enough brain power to respirate, let alone do their jobs. The most insignificant and trivial matters stop them dead in their tracks. I’ve had three solid months of consecutive Monday’s. Since I’m working a 6 day work week, I see no end in sight regarding the misery that has been heaped upon my unworthy head. Like a man who has burning coals in his boxer shorts, I dance and wriggle with excruciating pain under the unrelenting workload and the everpresent issues. Always the issues. How can people who are 10-15 years older than me act as if puberty never happened to them? When does the maturity and common sense kick in? Of course, I can’t inform them that they are worthless bags of skin and should end their senseless lives. No, that would offend HR. I gladly acknowledge that I am the chief of the spawning pool of idiocy. Little potential and no talent coupled with a total lack of motivation makes each day a struggle. Maybe a suggestion in the suggestion box regarding permission to kick underlings would help. So, I would close this group of pedantic mewling with this admonishment to the Bard: However difficult you think your situation is now, it can get worse. You could be the justicar. Now that is a sad story of ineffectual machinations.

Berli lives in the lake of fire where the worm dieth not Justicar prattles on about nothing of consequence Berli sends his minions to do harm to others and cause pain Justicar emits gaseous vapors thus causing pain Berli makes posts that are easy on the eyes and have a point

Monday sodomizes my sense of normalcy and decency. Oh, how it hurts. It cheats as it pokes me in the eyes. It kicks me in the edited and laughs as I writhe on the ground screaming. Monday reminds me of my ex-wife with her nefarious machinations. It is as subtle as a sledgehammer to the kidneys. I Should have called out sick and watched tv all day.

The Rules This is infamous Peng thread your parents warned you about. Don’t touch anything and certainly don’t pull the Justicar’s finger. Wait your turn for your verbal abuse because although you are insignificant, you aren’t quite as worthless as a member of the Peng thread. What’s it all about Alfie? Challenge someone!! Pick One (1) opponent and use the bestest and most clever venom your stubby fingers can exude. Let him/her/bard really have it. Don’t hold back and don’t give into hokey little phrases like our Justicar does. Whatever you do, don’t mention anything about religion in here because we have Dante’s big brother as a member. He is the maker of Monday’s. When you gain his attention, you are just begging for a world of pain. If you do decide to post…and this is quite important: Do it with class. You can allude and insinuate certain things, but don’t just come out with expletives. We have little patience with those who enjoy talking like they are nine (9) once more. We respect the fact that our maker has given us naughty bits, but don’t mention them in your posts. Type from the diaphragm. That is to say…don’t be meek about your speak. Oh, I rhymed again. If you apologize, you will be pummeled, eviscerated, and then be forced to live with the justicar to be his love slinky. The bard tells me that he has clammy hands and bad breath. If you don’t have the stamina/intellect/verbal ability to understand these posts, then leave. Since you are all just insignificant worms beneath the intellectual might of a certain grog who’s name rhymes with Morosh, you can just end your worthless lives now and forget about posting. Oh, did you think I was welcoming you to the Peng thread? Wrong!! You may have wandered into the Combat Mission Outhouse that we keep packed with malodorous fecal matter, but you are not welcome here. Go back to creating your threads about the upcoming Combat Mission. Our communal commode can only fit so many logs that float. Be sure to wipe on your way out. [ June 29, 2002, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

I respectfully disagree, Fionn. I think that we shouldn't be fearful of posting just because some bonehead might steal our words and pretend that they are their own. We sort of have a gentleman's agreement on our messageboard here that quotes are attributed to the original source. Lord knows, I'd sooner stick steak knives in my eyes and dance like a chicken on hot coals than agree with Mister Dorosh, but I do understand where he is coming from on this subject. As a disclaimer, this is my oh so humble and self deprecating opinion.

How can I possibly respond to that with my teeny brain?

Joe, you Geriatric, Geritol munching Gigalo. I like to say “shut up” because I don’t give into peer pressure. Just because all of you boneheads say “sod off” repeatedly, that doesn’t mean I should do it too. Just say “no” Joe. When you get the urge to expectorate some of your verbal flatulence, just say “no”. When the nurse offers you your daily high colonic and your meds to keep you happy, just say “no”. When Mrs. Worthington stops by your room to play some gin and reminisce about the good old days before the great depression, put your teeth back in and say “no”. Use the new teeth your great grandchildren gave you Joe.

Dude, shut up and go away. Shoo!!

Thanks for the laugh, Michael. That was pretty good. My age is in my profile and I live alone. Thanks for the concern though. I think I'll refrain from posting pictures of my personal hovel. I still think it's odd that you would do what you do, but that is...my opinion. I still have the right/privelage on this board to post my opinion. It's your choice on how you react to my opinion. Your reaction was enjoyable though. Regarding passion, much of mine is for large hipped ladies. [ June 26, 2002, 11:06 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

The question that nags at my mind is how this thread could stay in the regular forum. If a man has a propensity to have life sized dolls in his house as opposed to human contact that is truly his business. When he decides to share his odd fascination with mannequins, that is disturbing, but still his business. When he creates a thread and calls out his friend who is equally disturbed, then I find myself taken aback. What saddens me is that I have taken the time to respond to a thread that contains a life-sized doll of a person who enjoys friends who are inanimate. Perhaps an intellect of such magnitude cannot stand for anything less than something made of plastic. Theses cannot be refuted because the uniformed individual sharing one's living space is not alive. Maybe this is the way of our northern neighbors and I am ignorant of their ways. If so, please don’t mind me.