Lars

Aaaaaghhh, My God, squire to a Mortgage Banker. I’m well and truly damned now. Weren’t happy with the 30 year note, were you? You just had to call it in. Let’s see if I have this straight: IV Dinner at 6:00. In bed by 8:00. No good the next day. Check. (2-2) Milk at 108F, no more, no less. Strawberry, no wait, Chocolate, and Nestle’s Quick at that, after heating. Check. Sludge on the bottom or well stirred? <=4 Dentures to be cleaned for Okra. I’ll just place them here in the bucket, uh, glass that is. Check. =>4 Watch skies for gamey evilness. Check. <%> No gumping the Hun. Check. Did I miss anything, Sire? I will aim to give the utmost satisfaction, your aim will, of course, help (that’s right, in the bucket, a last shake and you’re done, that’s a good Kanigget). Show me the way of the Cess, my Liege. I understand you will be too busy attending to the soontobeunbolded one’s trial for heresy to expend much time on my apprenticeship. Do not let the chitterings of the Outerboards or the Jury distract you, good Knight, but press on and do your duty. If any disturb your prosecutorial duties, point them out and I will endeavor to act as your personal bailiff. If there is any service, no matter how trivial, I am at your beck and call. Thank you Sir Joe. Your Humble Squire, Lars BTW, may I respectfully suggest that perhaps the apostasy has spread to his Squire, if indeed, he is not prima fascia evidence?. It might bear some investigation…

Lars: I’m sorry Von Shrad, it appears I’m the new piss boy in town. Congrats on making Squire. Please pass the bucket, will you? Von Shrad: Here you go, the damn thing is yours, watch the leaks. Lars (looks in the yellow stained pail): Eew, you could have washed it first. Von Shrad: Oh No, it’s not to be washed. What you have in your hands there is the accumulated wisdom of the Kaniggets of the Cess. Notice the nice crust around the edges. Lars: Is that from The Old Ones? Von Shrad: Yes, a few of them are getting on in years. High amounts of bile leads to that. Watch out, sometimes they get it on your shoes. Lars (looks in the bucket again): And the streaks of red? Von Shrad (whispers): Pancreatitis. A few of the Kaniggets have been known to overindulge in a bit of the grappa. Place the pail at their feet and back away, they almost always miss. Lars: What about the sinkers and floaters? Von Shrad (shrugs): Various Squires struggling to reach the top. Just smash them flat with this ladle and stir them in. You won’t notice them a bit. Lars: Hmm, that one on the bottom looks like a rodent dropping. So what about when the bucket is full? Von Shrad: Your duty is to make sure the bucket is never filled. You’ll know what to do. Lars (a look of comprehension): I see. Well, this job shouldn’t be to bad. Lars (offers ladle): Hey, Stalin’s Organ, being a SSN is thirsty work, can I offer you a bit of refreshment?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mouse: He took me on as squire and gave me my first blade, though it were dull and rusty.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh, this is going to be good. Soontobeunbolded, looks like you’re really stepped in it this time. With a witness like this on your side I wouldn’t give a Canuck nickel for your butt. I’d recommend throwing yourself on the mercy of the court, cuz God knows the jury ain’t gonna have any. Maybe they’ll make you move to… {snicker} Wisconsin. {snicker}

True, but the orchestra still has to eat. It really doesn't matter what music BTS puts in to me as I usually have the stereo going in the background anyway.

But losing is so much fun...

Just a little update: Lars as the besotted Schnapps drinkers - 65 Iskander as the Moonshine blinded hillbillys - 35 Lars men ok - 58 Iskander men ok - 2 15 turns of chasing his damn Jumbo around in the dark, what a waste of good booze. Now that I can sober up a little (after this bottle of course), Mouse's fate is sealed.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: If you want to try something manly, try caving. There's nothing like rappeling into a few hundred feet of darkness to get the blood going. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> By all means, please do. I’ll sit up here on the dozer waiting to fill in the hole…

I have been ill and haven’t posted here lately. Reading the tripe you lot have posted lately may have something to do with it. Especially the posts from the infected communist reproductive device. I suppose some of you morons will edited the above to read: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I have been ill…from the infected communist reproductive device.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This proves that not only am I quicker than you immature mental midgets, and that his emissions are sickening, but that prophylactics may be in order to guard against the tiny red menace spreading. Any chance of Mace sewing up a couple of his old used-up girlfriends for use? On second thought, now I feel ill again… In other news, Mouse, a tip for you. Next time you decide to attack over open ground consider doing something a little different like, oh, I don’t know, maybe… SMOKE! Ahh, I feel much better now. Iskander, you drunken loon, I hold all the flags and I don’t even care. I’m going to get that damn Jumbo. For all of my opponents who are awaiting turns I will be out on the lake this weekend consuming large quantities of adult beverages until the liquor store closes, I run out of cash, or the boat sinks. Files will be sent as sobriety comes and goes…or not. For those of you who are not my opponents, you may go back to your juice boxes and fruit rollups.

Hope you didn't have any weekend plans.

I believe the “combined arms” setting is more to force you to divide your choices as opposed to taking all MG Jeeps and FO’s. This makes for a more balanced game. With six different armies in the game I don’t think it adjusts according to their doctrine but I could be wrong. And if you think American artillery is overmodeled, just wait until you get sent to Russia.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dr. Brian: I have a captured enema unit.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Execute Them!!! These units are blatent violation of the Geneva Convention and should be considered war criminals.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DasBaron: Although it is my opinion that the CM depicted Allies grossly outclass the Germans in this area, both in point cost and firing times.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> That's because they did outclass the Germans in artillery. Superior organization of batteries and FO's compared to the Germans.

How about Timed Flags? Imagine the possibilities with that. You are just about to your assigned objectives when orders come down from above directing you to the other side of the map! Would also take care of some of what you are trying to do as you could work the flags around the map to direct the AI.

Why don’t you send a offer of surrender if your options have run out instead of just sending the surrender file? Your Opponent can then decide if he would rather move on to the next game or continue to inflict a little more pain. Just because it is no longer fun for you doesn’t mean he isn’t having fun. Most people will chose to move on but some may have a tactical problem they would still like to work out in your game. You can always just sit there and hit the “GO” button.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka: or are you all still hung over from the half empty Bud light you found in the dumpster behind the 7-11 after the fireworks yesterday?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Landsmann! I see you are from...Mound. How appropriate. Another wanker from one of the Twin Cities' most appropriately named suburbs.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I like living in a Indian graveyard. Now that they are all dead, I have the lake to myself. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> You have posted several times now, in that 'well I guess I'm as good as the next streak of piss, but don't wish to make any issue out of it' way that all self-effacing but stubbornly-determined-to kill-all-enemies-out-of-hand Minnesota Scandos have. Decided to turn off Garrison Keillor for an afternoon or two and post a few quasi-rude remarks on the Peng Challenge Thread, have you? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Are you suggesting that all enemies shouldn’t be killed out of hand? I would like to start with that bore Garrison Keillor. Can we send him back to New York? Please? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>From your chosen appelative I assume you're another of those stolid, low-affect, 'eyes on the ground, head-shaking' Squareheads with which our otherwise fair State is completely overrun; maintaining with clenched jaw that 'you know a thing or two about a thing or two', and that you're not sure if you should be posting here because, 'hey, I don't know what the Minister would say. These Peng Challengers, I don't think they are church folk, you know? I don't know as how I should be posting with them. I think they're a little too fancy in their thinking and rough speaking for honest folk.' <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I have never been called a “Squarehead” before. The correct derogatory term is “Roundhead”. Moreover, I already know what the Minister would say. The same damn thing he said last week. And the week before. And the week before that… <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Let me just make you most welcome. I always have a wink and a nod for another Minnesotan, especially for you hardinger fiddle, nickleharpe listening Scandinavian sociopaths who are still working through whether Luther or Calvin was hard enough on the sinners, and brooding about what was said to your Grandfather when he first married, and whether it was finally time to avenge the insult, if it was an insult, although the family's been rehashing it for 40 years and are pretty damn sure it wasn't meant as a compliment, you know. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, thank you very much for the welcome Seanachai. If you’re ever at Lord Fletcher’s drop me a line and I’ll buy you a drink. Bring your squire. We’ll use him for the anchor. Now about my grandfather “Lars Larsen” (yes, that really was his name), this topic has caused a great deal of discord at the family reunions. The Olsen wing insists the Andersens were just joshing. However, as a good Dane, I would like to point out that the Andersens are Norwegians and therefore not to be trusted. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now that, you lack-witted swine, is at least the beginnings of the way to insult a Minnesotan. Note to Lars: Most of these idjits are still wound up with some kind of mental aberration that makes them swing between 'Little House on the Prairie' and the Cohen Brothers movie 'Fargo' when dealing with us. Don't expect too much when it comes to 'regional' abuse.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If you really wish to insult a Minnesotan, just suggest (in a roundabout way, no need to be rude) they might like to consider relocating to Iowa, or Wisconsin, or anywhere else really. Note: You forgot “Grumpy Old Men”. Ice Shanties indeed. The producers should have been forced-marched to the Eelpout Festival and used for bait. Your remarks have been quoted in full and commented upon in order to cause a certain “Seniour Knight” a few dozen nights of disturbed dreams and uneasy stomachs. Oh, lest this turn into a Minnesota lovefest, Mouse, I hates you too.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mr. Johnson-<THC>-: I can assure you Lars that I am not a fan of wrestling, unless it involes women covered in Redhook ESB. And I'm no child molester even though I do spend all of my days of recent dreaming of burning down your house and farm, raping your horses and pillaging your women.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Jeezus Christ on a crutch, Mr. Johnson, can't you read you idjit! NO BOLDING FOR SSN'S. When did you decide to move up to beastiality? Did the treatment work and you're just looking for a fellow gelding? Stay with Stalin's soon to fall off Organ.

Mr. Johnson, There is no bolding of names for SSN's such as ourselves. Especially not for one who is in dire need of a visit to the Red Door clinic and a shot of penicillin. You know who I mean. As I see by your profile that you are from Oregon and a wrestling fan this lack of intelligence is understandable. Please do not repeat the error of your ways. P.S. Good luck with the child molester thing. I hear castration can be considered a cure in desperate cases like yours.

A few recent quotes: Iskander: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I do have a better stocked bar than you... probably than anyone here, actually... that's my Cesspuglian job: town drunk.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And they certainly picked an overqualified individual. Now I know why you are a Kniggit. Since allowing booze to age one day longer than necessary would be pointless, I just finish the bottle the same day. I must learn patience. The following people are trying to help. Mr. Johnson: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I feel … like a child molester.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Mr. Johnson, see below. Joe Shaw: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I've always felt it was best to start with the obvious and work up from there<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> At least you know where to start. Please see Mr. Johnson. Stalin’s Infected Pecker: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Drip. Drip. Drip.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> [ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: You have sex on top of bankers? Isn't that a bit . . . disconcerting?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Many retorts come to mind, but in the interest of more class, less crass, I’m not even going there.

As opposed to a Mortgage Banker? As my dear old Dad says “If you ever get a chance to screw over a Banker, DO IT!” [ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: early forties and a virgin. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Who’d a thunk it. MrSpkr, if your going to post pictures like that here, give us a little heads-up and please proceed them with a ”Blind Date Spoiler Alert”. In other matters, Mouse has not even come close to living up to his chosen nickname of “Panzer Leader”. He has, however, lived up to his reputation for incompetence. Three AFV’s in flames in one turn (One a King Tiger – neener, neener, neener). The fourth is currently being boresighted in a totally gamey, cheating bastard way and will join the rest real soon now. Maybe “Panzer Deleter” would be a better moniker? As his assault hasn’t even started, it is to laugh. Now as for Iskander, I hates him. I hates him lots. Not only is he doing to me what I’m doing to Mouse, but he seems to have a better stocked bar.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: Lars: Discarding the single advantage of the defender (foxholes) Lars has conveniently bunched all his troops into the single story wooden buildings of the village. Oh good! "Arty!"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It’s called a fall back position, something I recommend you do immediately before it’s too late…

Hmm, Stalin’s Organ, Mr. Johnson. Why does the phrase “piss boys” come to mind? No, that would be a step up in life for them, they belong in the bucket.

West Point Military History Series is apparently out of print. If you can find a used copy, buy it. These were the books used at West Point to give an overview. The Military Campaign Atlas is worth the price alone.