Lars

What I want to know is why can’t my machinegun team run faster as the ammo is used up, it’s a simple question of airspeed velocity, dammit!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MoatnGator: I don't know what WW2 mortars were like, but now a days we leave them in a small clearing in thick cover to fire on targets where command had visual contact. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Works the same way in CM. If a platoon leader has LOS to the target and the mortar team is in C&C you can target the mortar using the platoon leaders LOS.

He’s either the PM or he’s pulling one of the greatest scams in board history. Good thing he didn’t register as George Bush, Maximus would have a seizure.

MrSpkr, I'm originally from Corpus Christi. I know Texas, and you sir, are no Texan. OU fan indeed. You just like them cuz they cheat better, you, you, you lawyer!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Juardis: He's so...soo...Midwestern. I mean, he hails from a Mound in Minnesota for crying out loud. How much more humiliation must I endure before you show me favor my liege?!?! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh, Janice-O-Cess, Minnesota is located smack-dab in the middle of the continent, so we are also Mid-Eastern, Mid-Southern, and Mid-Northern. I like to think of it as well centered. No wonder you’re humiliated.

{Lars picks himself up and tries to brush off the *BOOT* marks.} My apologies, my Liege, I only offered up the observation that there is no way to cross the river in order to make the following points: Primus) This allows the GROG known as Janice-O-Cess to cower on his side of the river for the entire match. Now I shall only be able to smite him with large splody things. This will have about the same effect as poking an anthill with a stick. The ant’s AI will automatically cause them to mill about with no direction from a somewhat higher intelligence behind them. Janice-O-Cess will no doubt spend the entire game pushing the big GO button while hoping for a lucky break. A) A bridge would have been the ideal place for a newly minted Squire such as he to prove himself an idjit by trying to cross over to MY side of the river. See the lack of intelligence noted above. 1) This scenario will have all the strategic and tactical skill as is required to win a game of Battleship. Janice-O-Cess will have no doubt hidden all his FO’s in the large stone church. It will be a sad day for him when he realizes that not only will large scale arty take down a church, but that I am rat-bastich enough to shell a church into oblivion. Uno) I have no way to get to HIS side of the river (let me at him, I’ll murderize the bastich). This means that by about turn 25 I will be so bored as to be marching my troops up and down the square (Does anybody else want to spend the day marching UP and DOWN the square?) in parade formation just to draw fire and see if he can accidently hit them. It’s nice of you to give me the opportunity to practice for the close order drill trophy, but I think that is also a tournament that Janice-O-Cess has entered. And now Sire, to make further amends, here is your Nestle’s Quick at 108F, no more, no less, just the way you like it. If you could ask Mr. Spkr to get his squire to return the file you shall have his hide in no time. And the scuff marks have been removed from your footwear, Sire. {Lars prostrates himself and backs out of the room groveling, never taking his eyes off the Boots the whole time}

My Liege Joe Shaw, I fear, Sire, that I must register a protest. The scenario that is Arty Fest ’45 is sadly broken. How can I possibly bring Janice-O-Cess the complete and humiliating loss that she so richly deserves when you ommited a bridge across the river? Not even an assault boat in sight. Could there be a ford I did not see? I can only assume that the low-life lawyer type (and is there any other kind, really?) snuck this into the fine print to protect the Virgin Squire’s somewhat sullied reputation. Please fix or do somefink… Your loyal Squire, Lars

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Buzzbuzzbuzz: I'm not heading up that hill until I've stepped on every damn minefield down here, thank you very much.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, I see. Very well then, carry on. Oh, you missed one. That’s right, just a little to the left…

Buzzbuzzbuzz, The “good luck” is traditional at the start of a game. Especially in your case because you really need it. Your poor troops are to be pitied. The incompetent boob that is issuing them orders (YOU, you lackwit) is wasting their time running them around the bottom of the hill machinegunning helpless broken crews. Meanwhile, up on top of the hill, the rest of my Fallschirmgerbils are dying from laughter at the pitiful excuse you call an attack. Even Stalin is already at the top of the hill. Grow a pair and get a move on, even the AI is getting bored. Now, the TTFN is short for “goodbye, no more turns tonight, so SOD OFF”. See how much space you can save with an acronym? And now, I must go make a drink. PanzerLeader made Knigget. Congragulations, PL. This does not call for a celebration, but it certianly calls for a drink. TTFN

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gilligan: After you've been swimming in it I'm sure it will be plenty cessy. Now why don't you send me the setup, so I can drown you in that pool like a blind puppy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Why, Gilligan, do I detect a little spleen in this post? What happened to the jolly fat Swede we were all just beginning to despise? Your lutefisk go bad on you today or what?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Originally posted by Jar-O-P*ss: Well slap my head and call me Polish<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No problem! WHACK! You're Polish. no offense to any real Poles of course, I mean, having this guy in your gene pool, really, Sheesh...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: edited to add the following: I don't give a rip WHAT you play, but if Berli can forward something that would be a GOOD thing. And I absolutely forbid you to play more than one game with this SimPlayer thing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> {meekly} Yes, Sire, as you command. And oh, Sire? You forgot the Boot.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gilligan: Actually, Lasse, it's just Lasse. That's the normal Sw. nickname for 'Lars'. 'Lars' in Sw. is about as cool of a name as being called 'Hubert' is in the USA, so I was trying to revamp your image to the better.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And I'm Danish so why would I give a raggedy rats rear end about a Swede nickname? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>forget an operation dreamed up and tweaked by your cronies to humiliate noobs! I'm already undergoing that sort of treatment at the hands of Snacho Panza.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If you could possibly learn to read before replying you would have noticed the "balanced" part, idjit! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>If you want to up the stakes, make it a best 3/5, 1000 pt 20-turn meeting engages. You pick your gamey toys, but the comp picks weather and time of day. You can be whatever nationality suits you. Is this a reasonable compromise?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So sorry, but SSN scum such as yourself do not set the rules. You'll live or die with what you get. [ 08-17-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MikeyD: Shall we speculate what'd happen if BTS included a phone # with their disc? .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> They'd get one call - from JasonC, and the line would forevermore be busy.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Originally posted by Gilligan: Laugh all you want, Lasse, but I finally broke 100 at bowling today, so nothing is gonna bring me down off my cloud. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You broke 100 at bowling? Gosh, you are good. Were you using the gutter bumpers too? And are you calling me a girl or a border collie? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Now, here's a wager. If you can beat me at a plain old vanilla ME, random time, weather and troop quality, at around, say 700-1000 points, pbem or tcp.... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmm, I’m tired of cutting toilet seats in two for half-a$$ed lackwits like yourself… <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> ...as I said, if you win I wll change my name to gilligan, for the duration of my life on this board! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> …but this is intriguing. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> If however, as is much more likely, I whup you upside yo elongated nordic cranium, you will go by the name of 'LASSIE' for as many days as the difference in our scores. Comprende pardner? Du FšrstŒr, kompis? SŒ...hit med pengarna svennis! I call yo sad sack a** down! --Gilligan <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, it’s the border collie then. Very well, Gilligan, I accept. However, it will not be some paltry ME, Oh No!, that just will not do. For such high stakes only a Operation would be acceptable. And do try to sound off like you have something other than a pair of Swedish meatballs. My Liege Shaw, could you consult with the Old Ones and direct me to a nice balanced Operation suitable for this Blood Hamster? Failing that, a balanced Rune or Berli scenario will suffice. I leave it in your capable hands, Sire. P.S. Could you please, please, please start the next MBT before Sancho does?

Didn't take Gilligan long to prove me correct!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mouse: Hey, I would like to mention that last thread I came up with a nom de keyboard for our CMPlayer. I thought we should call him My Buddy because he is just like that cuddly doll that used to be marketed for BOYS! Of course, My Buddy didn't go over too well, but neither is THIS Buddy then, is he? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, Sancho, you’re so close. My Buddy is almost it. Who was the most famous My Little Buddy? That’s right, Gilligan! Now look at the benefits here: Gilligan is a complete idjit, so it fits. The Skipper (i.e. any Knigget who feels like it, and they all do) can repeatedly whack him over the head with his hat. Coconuts!, fresh pina coladas for the Kniggets, fresh coconut halves for the Squires (these old ones are getting a little worn). Ginger and MaryAnn might start posting here. And most importantly of all, Gilligan is stuck on a deserted island.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lord Joe Shaw: Lars come here a moment. Yes my liege, you require something, more okra perhaps, chocoate or something stronger? No, just this ... **Kick** {tears well in Lars eyes} ... thank you Sir, may I have another? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Quite right, Sire, I must write that down, never forget the Boot, never forget the Boot. I didn’t mean to grant Jar-O-P*ss any acknowledgement of his existence, it was late, Sire, I was drunk, the dog was chewing on the mouse, I didn’t know she was only 16, she looked 18, hell, said she was 21, why is everyone always talking about my record, I’ve paid my debts to society…err, never mind. And now for something completely different, a man with a tape recorder up his nose. No, No, stop that, stop that. Ahem, Game Updates: Geier: We have just exchanged the setup files so I’m still winning. Buzzbuzzbuzz: The reinforcements arrived in “Crodaburg”. The scream of anguish from this lad was really rather gratifying. My compliments to Croda, as if the location wasn’t enough, the Kingtiger was a very nice extra touch. True, they showed up next to a ‘zook infestation, (elapsed time to elimination – 23 seconds) but they served their purpose, i.e. making me laugh. Don’t worry, Buzz, there’s plenty more gameyness where they came from. Stinky Winky: Seeing as he has advanced much farther than Buzz, the reinforcements in “Crodaburg” will have a even better time buggering his armor. Our other game is too close to call so I’m sure I’m winning that one as well. Poopoowiper4/2: Hasn’t been heard from since the Jabos wiped him from front to rear. I keep replaying the last turn whenever I need a good laugh. The Pool initiation scenarios are once again proving their value. Stinky, you might only get a theoretical win in this match up, as theoretically, you could still lose. We’ll never know, and I kinda like it that way. I’m also winning in all my non-Pool games, not that they matter, and Sancho has even dropped out of the thread he started. The stars must be in alignment this month. [ 08-16-2001: Message edited by: Lars ]

Ju ar dissed, that was sooo lame.

Hey Maximus, he said he tried the search. Cut him some slack or post something useful.

Oh, go buy a video card for your daughter, Sancho. Or are you too cheap to come off the $20?

Only light resistance expected.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: Mormon Wives...will...NOT be part of your education.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thank you, my liege, thank you. You are too good to me. Your loyal Squire, Lars

Aaaarrgghhh! I think she was on the boat this weekend! I’ll get you for this Shaw. I’m heating your milk to 109F! Ha, take that! Mormon Wives, this must be why Berli invented darkness. Just when I was starting to be able to keep down solid food again too!

And since you all are hiding from Juardis and R_Leet in here, PARTY ALERT! Yes, Dames and Gentlewyrms, it’s time again to celebrate “The Day The World Became A Better Place”. To wit, my Birthday. By this time tomorrow I will be as drunk as Iskander and making about as much sense as Pawbroon and OSGF combined. The SS Boating While Intoxicated will be leaving the dock and setting sail upon the surface of Lake Minnetonka loaded beyond the Plimsol Line with a variety of spirits. She is sure to founder under the load but that is O.K. as I intend to return to shore on a raft constructed of empty Champagne bottles and a sail made from bikini tops. In keeping with the spirit of making the world a better place, none of you are invited. Excepting, of course, my liege Joe Shaw (always have to invite the boss, hopefully he’ll go home early!) and the lovely Ladies YK2 and Kitty (Woo Hoo!, chicks with feathers! hopefully they’re boa’s and they stay late). Signed, “Old enough to know Better, Young enough to do it Anyway” Lars P.S. If any of my opponents should happen to receive turns this weekend, feel free to act like you’re a underpayed nursing home employee and victimize the elderly.