Seanachai

How appropriately wretched. Look, the double-widers are trying to sort out if they've achieved enough geographic and genetic seperation to date each other's sisters, while retaining enough regional cohesion to form a 'band of brothers'. How sad. Slapdragon, your pitiful attempts to rally your putative inbred cousins for some sort of CM gathering are...well, are likely to result in your becoming the 'Kingfish' of that crowd who debate whether a dead hound should be buried in honour in the family plot, or put into a stew with taters, turnips, and paprika. "Tell me more, tell me more, tell me more... I mean: was he a heavy doper, Or was he just a loser? He was a friend of yours..." -Neil Young [ 11-03-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: Cest Bon, dear lady, (bolded because NOTHING'S TOO GOOD FOR OUR LORAK Joe<hr></blockquote> SHAW, GODDAMN YOUR EYES! HERE IN THE PENG CHALLENGE THREAD WE WILL ALWAYS, ALWAYS, BOLD THE NAME OF A LADY! YOU PILLOCK! Ahem. While we here in the Peng Challenge Thread are serious proponents of the equality between the sexes, we also acknowledge that many of our constituents are barely repentant knuckle-draggers, and we maintain our own tradition of chivalry. Knights of the Cesspool are still knights, and it is to be noted that the Peng Challenge Thread has had a higher consistent posting by women than the Outer Boards, despite how awful it is in here. On the other hand, we like to think that we know how to treat a Lady. Pissants post to give the manly bits a buff, and pretend they have significance. Grogs post to prove that they've read first hand accounts of 'women in action', and have tables of data regarding 'women in wargames' and 'women as data providers'. But here in the Peng Challenge Thread, we know that 'women are people'. Mind, we don't treat people all that bloody well, so women have to take potluck with the rest of the idjits; but fortunately we have the Knighthood of the Cesspool to grant our approach a little class. Goddamnit, Bauhus, I said 'grant our approach a little class! [ 11-03-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: Cest Bon, dear lady, (bolded because NOTHING'S TOO GOOD FOR OUR LORAK) I feel that we've missed some very vital information regarding the service to our country that Lorak is engaged upon and this post is intended to rectify that omission. You see ... how to put this ... we've seen the tactical prowess of Lorak first hand and well, not to put too fine a point on it, can we be assured that he is not in a tactical or leadership role? I know I'd sleep better at night knowing that. Joe<hr></blockquote> Shaw, you gibbering idjit, did you not see my own spectacular speculation (or is it speculation...) that the Lorak has been sequestered by the governments of the West in order to protect the formula for Guinness against extremist perfidy? Of course, given his ability with languages, the speculation has been that for some reason known only to the gods, Lorak knows Farsi. Personally, I think that he's been called up because the government fellas have realized we need a sharp, well-spoken, and friendly lad who's willing to have a pint with strangers, and try to reason with them as to the errors of their ways, and is willing to have a sing-song with them so that all those messy issues of anger and hatred recede into the background, and working men from vastly different backgrounds, religions, and underdtandings can have a bit of a get together, and realize that we all have too much too lose to risk it on having too much to gain. Either that, or he's rated as a sniper, and he's needed to decap undiplomatic peoples at 500 meters. Personally, I'm holding out hope for a jolly international sing-song.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OGSF: An' sae Ah daid. At widnae happen agin. An' noo fer tha "parody" tha Ah used tae play tae lighten tha recently sombered mood af'n tha original version...<hr></blockquote> Splendid! Notice, of course, that I was the one with the light and cheery song (what could be more humourous than roadkill songs?), and you, lad, were the one trotting in here with the extremely poignant and lovely, but admittedly sad song, "And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda". That one's one of the first Eric Bogle songs I ever learned to sing. That and "No Man's Land" (which has appeared on the Peng Challenge Thread previously; I believe I posted it the night that that little Nazi pillock 'Joachim Peiper' began posting his spate of venom and offense.) Woot, Mun! You're showing your secret Aussie roots again, OGSF! Well, sort of, given that Bogle is actually Scottish, and emigrated to Australia as a young man.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OGSF: When I was a young man I carried a pack And I lived the free life of a rover. From the Murray's green basin to the dusty Outback I Waltzed my Matilda all over. Then in 1915 the Country said "Son, I'ts time to stop roving there's work to be done" So they gave me a tin hat and they gave me a gun And sent me away to the War. - Eric Bogle "The Band Played Walting Matilda"<hr></blockquote> Here, lad, let's not gloss it over. You've omitted a stanza: so they gathered the wounded, the crippled, the maimed and they took us back home to Australia the armless, the legless, the blind and insane those proud wounded heroes of Suvla and as our shipped docked into Circular quay I looked at the place where me legs used to be and thank Christ, there was nobody waiting for me to grieve, and to mourn, and to pity And the band played Waltzing Matilda as they carried us down the gangway but nobody cheered they just stood and stared then they turned all their faces away.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Cest bon: Hello again scum, That you guys talk a lot. A hell of a lot. Sadly it is pretty much all about nothing.<hr></blockquote> Sigh. It's true, Sara, they often go on at great length without enriching the world in any way. Still, the alternative is the Outer Boards. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Wow, where to begin? Obscure aussie habits: While cricket, roadkill, and dead cats may be the new "in thing" downunder. Cest bon <hr></blockquote> Ah, time for a jolly Aussie sing-song, I think! Somebody's moggy, by the side of the road somebody's pussy who forgot his highway code someone's favourite feline, who ran clean out of luck when he ran into the road and tried to argue with a truck Yesterday he purred and played in his pussy paradise decapitating tweety-birds and masticating mice now he's just six pounds of raw mincemeat that don't smell very niiiiiiice he's nobody's moggy, nowwwwww. Oh, you who love your pussies, be sure to keep them in don't let them argue with a truck: the truck is bound to win and upon the busy road, don't let them play or frolic if you do then I am warning you it could be cat-astrophic If he tries to play on the road, I'm afraid that will be that there will be one last despairing mioaw! and a sort of squelchy splat and your pussy will be slightly dead and very, very flat He's nobody's moggy just red and squashed and soggy he's nobody's moggy nowwwwwww....hummmmm.* *He's Nobody's Moggy Now -Eric Bogle

My, my. Where to begin? I ask myself. So much to relate, to so many, who are so unworthy. Well, of course, we have to take 'unworthy' as being a relative concept. Because, after all, there are the Outer Boards, and Grogs, and general sodding idjits, after all. My emails, lately, are filled with breathless, starry-eyed fanzine questions like: "Ooh, Seanachai! What are Berli and Peng really like?! Is it true that Peng is ten feet tall and as recondite as a casual reading of Revelations?! Is Berli truly evil, and is it true that he's just Rasputin reborn?! Is it actually so that you're every maiden's heartfelt sigh of longing made flesh, and can post without reverting to references to bowels, thingies, and American football?" Lads and Ladies, I'm here to give you the Truth. As everyone knows, you will be constantly, laughingly, and eternally lied to in the Peng Challenge Thread, but it is still one of the few places on the whole Combat Mission Forum where you will actually be told the Truth. If you can see beyond the lines. If you can read between the trees. If you can take your pinch of snuff, and cast it over your shoulder for good luck. In short: if you're not a complete and utter goddamn pillock. Peng is, in fact, rather oddly tall. But he has a rather friendly, lantern-jawed look of meek psychosis that will fool the casual observer. Meeting Peng reminds me of an interview with a British journalist that I watched some years ago. The journalist was one of the few in the West who'd been granted an interview with Libya's Quaddafi. When asked if he'd found Quaddafi 'unstable', he replied: "Oh, no, he's not merely unstable. The man is barking mad!" For those who haven't experienced it, I recommend a 'networked' game with Peng. Berli, the Evil One, networked his laptop with Peng's on my dining room table, and we proceeded to play a number of TCP/IP game in my apartment. Peng carries on a running commentary during these games, all somewhat muttered and broken by laughter, non-sequitars, and ramblings that would make a hashshashin feel the need to clarify his position. If you can focus long enough to garner meaning, Peng will constantly give away unit/positional/mission intelligence. Mind, you'll suffer horrible spiritual dislocations trying to keep up with his general gibberish. Gods, I'm tired again. Tomorrow night: Berli.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mark IV: How sad to see our Lawyer emoting for free, though hardly pro bono. Several folks have mentioned the Win 98 Compatibility mode of XP. Perhaps the sky was really an acorn? Normal humans, and Joe, objected to the shrill, unreasonable, demanding, whiney, cajoling, threatening, and trolly tone of the delicate young thing, who ended up flouncing out of the room in a huff anyway, after his/her/it's demands weren't met in 24 hours. <hr></blockquote> Also, as a final note on the whole 'Linda Warchest' episode, that garnered Joe Shaw a public and rather showy triumph, it should be noted that the mythical 'Linda Warchest' was later confirmed by Madmatt and Kwazydog to be just another incarnation of the unbelievably assholish and repeatedly banned Gunny Bunny. This lad, for anyone who never encountered his posts, was rather like a half-witted version of Lewis (a frightening concept to begin with), who went out of his way to post inflammatory, stupid, and inane things whenever he chose to inflict his presence on the Board, and who posted for the sole purpose of beginning arguments, denigrating BTS, or as an exercise in stirring the little puddle of piss that sat festering between his ears. Sadly, BTS will never, of course, make public his real name and the city that he litters with his 'life', or I'm sure some friendly Combat Missionaries would make a late night hospitality call and introduce his lips to his arse. I only wish they could persuade whatever porn-driven ISP that's willing to grant him an account to pull the plug on his access. On the other hand, he did provide Lawyer with a stage on which to pose as Lear. Having foolishly given all his wealth to Microsoft and nVidia, he then rails against the cruelty of the world, that has left him bereft of fortune and security, and fears that he will be unable to play Combat Mission in his old age (next week).

I am a mystery no longer. Berli has posted my picture. Mind, I look much worse in person. I wish we had a photo of Lars, because Peng is right. He does look like Gary Shandling. Oh, and Lars actually got some blonde's phone number while we were at the bar that featured a pregnant goat, some bearded freak done up like a pirate advertising the loathsome Capt. Morgan rum and having his picture taken with drunken 35 year old secretaries, a drunken nail hammering contest, a beautiful waitress in pigtails, a table full of drunken German tourists, and karaoke performed by Woody Allen. On the strange side, Lars admitted to having his picture taken with the goat.

We of the Peng Challenge Thread are all about Madmatt having a happy birthday. Happy Birthday, Mad Bald One.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Slapdragon: Yep, I am sitting around, reading more profane bible passages...<hr></blockquote> If Iskander and the egregious Slapdragon have any more go-arounds regarding the Bible, I will throw-up. Here in the Peng Challenge Thread, we are all about abuse, humour, taunting, and the jolly sing-song. Iskander has proven his ability to cope. Slapdragon, if you ever pontificate in anything other than Hebrew, Aramaic, or biblical Greek again, I'll put the Boot in to an extent that even your massive and unrepentant ego cannot survive. If you follow these requirements, at least the rest of us will be spared your horrendous and unrelieved drooling over texts that no one here will ever be found spouting at 2 AM in a bar. Selah.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by CMplayer: That's okay. Goodbye.<hr></blockquote> Oh, don't be a baby! A ladder? A ladder?! A Goddamn Ladder?!! Lad, I've posted enough to make Shaw look like a Trappist Monk. I've written explanations, analyses, and histories of the Peng Challenge Thread (Part II out soon!). I've posted essays abusing England, Australia, and sneered at Finland. I've extended my significant powers of satire and dismissal over Grogs, tournaments, and individuals. I have written story posts for the Peng Challenge Thread in the idiom of Aboriginal myth, Native American stories, Icelandic sagas, and Shakespeare. I have parodied popular songs, the poetry of Kipling, Blake, and Yeats, and even quoted bits of my own work. I have posted the lyrics of apropos songs, and humourously adapted the lyrics of songs to reveal the true Peng Challenge Thread. I have, without fail, used every aspect of written, spoken, and sung culture to reveal the glory of the Peng Challenge Thread. And, in the process, I have had a great deal of fun, and mocked any number of people, from cabbages to kings. To to be told that the immense amount of joyous gibberish I've created, propagated, and embraced should be dismissed as 'a ladder, pure and simple', is like being told that Santa Claus is a pederast and cannibal. Mend your ways, lad, and grow a thicker skin. Do you know that I had played 3 games against Berli, and exchanged tens and tens of emails with him before he ever bothered to tell me that he hoped that I wouldn't someday have a large, venomous reptile shoved up my bum? That to this day Peng begins all phone conversations with: "Seanachai, you short, loathsome, (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted), useless (unbelievably foul and disturbing expletive deleted) (obscene gerund), piece of ****e, why don't you go (unnatural act) (physically impossible unnatural act), and the mule you rode in on", and then he asks me how work is going? They, like myself, have only ever asked one thing of those who come here. SOUND OFF LIKE YOU'VE GOT A PAIR, AND MORE THAN HALF A BRAIN! Entertain us, CMPlayer. That's all we require. Give us a reason to click on the Mother Beautiful Thread each day, and sip our morning coffee (laced with the venom of each man's choice), and have a chuckle. Can you really imagine that any of us give a rat's arse over how your games are going, whether you're happy and fulfilled, or whether your dog is having problems with his bowel movements? Play. Don't Play. Win. Lose. Sod Off. What have you done lately to make me chuckle, you pointless accretion of human genetic material? Answer that, and you've answered the only question I'll ever pose to you. You pillock. [ 10-27-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Cest bon: Hello scum, Lorak's wife here. He ask me to stop by once and a while to keep you guys updated and make sure you guys are not making bigger fools of yourselves than usual. I have had a lot of fun in the past reading some of your post as he points them out to me. Hope you guys don't mind if I stop in from time to time. I find you guys interesting to say the least. Oh, and Larry said that I should throw in some Python stuff to fit in. So, Since I am an SSN and I should "sod off". I'll ask. How shall I sod off oh lord? Later guys Cest Bon<hr></blockquote> Sigh. Were my (parfait, gentle knight) affections not already committed to The Fair Emma, I would be in love, again. Here, Lass, do us one favour. Don't refer to the Lorak as 'Larry'. It's completely disturbing. Call him Lorak. I know that's not that man you married, but that's the lad we're committed to, and it would help us all cope if we continue to hear his title, and will comfort us in this time of dislocation. May he return to us, as well as yourself, soon. Give him my regards, and tell him he's always got a place to stay here in the Twin Cities. There was much speculation during the recent meeting of the Old Ones as to why Lorak had been reactivated for service. The final consensus was that he is one of 13 'sleeper' agent repositories who holds within his brain the ultimate formulae for Guinness. Rumours have abounded for years that there are individuals scattered across the globe who have the know-how to recreate the Stout of the Gods should it ever become necessary. And during this period of uncertainty and fear, it isn't to be wondered at that one of these paladins would be taken back into service, and moved to a point of safety. All hail the Lorak! Should the current battle result in the collapse of all we hold dear, he has within his mind the means by which Civilization may be restored. Crack tubes!

Well, that was a bit of fun, and no mistake. I don't know what was more entertaining: When Peng broke his tooth, when he and Berli climbed the tree in my backyard and started shouting suggestive things at the elderly woman across the alley, or when we all began mercilessly taunting Shandorf for being young and foolish. Mind, Shandorf's a prince, as he actually agreed to take the agrieved and extremely drunk Peng into his automobile and drive him into downtown Minneapolis. That they continued to drink after that fills me with both wonder and loathing. I, of course, woke up with only the slightest feeling of fatigue and went in and put in a good solid day's work. Before leaving for work, of course, I was greeted by the sight of Berli passed out on my couch. Actually, what I could see of Berli were his feet, which were protruding from the open end of his sleeping bag. His head seemed to be at the bottom of it. It was all too apparent that he'd crawled headfirst into the bag, quite contrary to the normal procedure. How he avoided suffocation, I'll never know. Possibly because at that point he was no longer actually breathing. I have since been out to dinner at a very fine Indian restaurant with both of them. After many cries of 'Oh, Lord, I will never behave that way again', they both ordered 25 oz. beers. Then they proceeded to eat enough to feed a small Third World nation. I no longer believe them to be even remotely human, nor descended from humans. More later, and yes, we shall indeed meet in downtown Minneapolis with the infamous degenerate, Hanns, for drinks. Oh, Lars, we've debated inviting you and then going to another bar all together, but even Peng agreed that that would be just too sodding cruel. Glad to hear the Guinness's helped. Consider your luck, man. If we'd had a Scandinavian here, there is no way that Peng would not have puked. Your loss was a gain for my floor, furniture, walls, ceiling, lawn, cabinets, and quite probably, a very small patch underneath my bed. If Peng had thrown up, it would have gone on for some considerable time and to devastating effect. It was all to clear to me yesterday that Peng was attempting to dissolve the old Peng, and create a new being completely made from scotch. Berli might have actually achieved this, but a little voice in his head kicked in and told him that he would be happier passed out on the couch than upright and shouting at Peng in some language that sounded like the sort of things that twins make up to talk to each other in. So far, things have been fairly under control. But we are all looking forward to a drink at Hanns's expense.

Shandorf Rioght! This is Shandorf here! I am surrounded by mid-life crises balding baaaaastards. Not only have I crushed Berli in a QB which he never struggled for I have been subjected to the worst form fo scottish penis envy that one could be subjected to. needless to say i will be in need of hours of therapy and paxtil to overcome these horrific memories. Well, it looks like two of the old ones have left in search of a spot of vietnamese lovin. or as we put it in my world.... havin' lunch at the Y. Needless to say i feel they will be unsuccessful in their endeavors and I fear the local police will be in for a spot of their company. This is shandorf reporting live here at the old one gathering. Seanachai Well, this is actually Seanachai himself reporting here, and Shandorf has the roight of it. We've been hearing sirens ever since Peng and Berli went off to the Vietnamese restaurant. Hopefully they're currently under arrest. Even more importantly, they won't remember which building they came from. Peng and Berli are now shouting (yes, they've returned, and are not currently under arrest) that Lars is a miserable pillock. He never showed up here today. We called him many, many times, and he never replied. You who know what we suffer here, pray for us. [ 10-21-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ] [ 10-21-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: Weell, if ye hafn't gueesed yet, Peeeng is a wee bit gassed.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well. I guess we always knew this could happen. Peng and Berli are completely in the bag, and arguing over who's turn it is, and both of the bastards have the hiccups, and both of them are affecting a strange mixture of Brit, Irish, and Scottish accents. It's truly awful. Never have I expected to be in a room where Shandorf was the most sober man present. I can only hope that sometime during the night, I will pass from this vale of tears. Hopefully not at the hands of either Berli or Peng, as I'd hate to die at the hands of people that sodding drunk. For one thing, they'd make a hideous job of it at this point. I'd rather die clean. Secondly, I'd hate to have someone who was in the act of killing me hurl on me at the same damn time. As I said, I'd rather die clean.

Hello, all, from the gathering of the Old Ones. We are sending a quick tribute to Moriarity, who, although as loathsome as any man who's ever lived, is now quite favoured by the Old Ones of the Peng Challenge Thread, for he sent along a rather nice bottle of ambrosia. Which is now gone. This will become more apparent, as you read Peng and Berli's additions: [berli].... I must say that that Lagavulin went down my throat well. Sean and I treated her like a lady, but Peng has been arrested for statutary rape (bit young that one... only 16 years old). Must say that I really enjoyed the 'Elixir', but that doesn't change the fact that I loath you. Die a lot Now, but before you do, send more Lagavulin Peng... it isnt fair tha I ha such a nasty case a te hiccups because I am about to rip Sheanachai a nw patooooootie GAH! Shaggy is on;ly 29 ffeh my god I have enough 20mm guns oh hell

Not only am I useless wank,l am not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. I left my computer on, with my login set via cookie, and (and this is the really bright part) I left the Immoral Peng and Berli (lovely fellow) unattended. Not my finest hour

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: Wait, I have just had another flash... Yes, that's it a hetzer beast.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sadly, this is the sort of thing that occurs when one leaves the house to buy food for ungrateful swine, who then log on to the Thread using your sign on and villify you using your own identity. A tip of the hat to Berli and Peng, who are sitting in my home, drinking my beer, eating my food, and laughing like loons because they've posted in my name. I'm afraid to go out on to the Outer Boards and see what else "I" might have posted...

Wait, I have just had another flash...not only am I a worthless wank, but It has come to my attention that I should be eaten alive by rabid wolvrines. Illiterate, rabid wolverines that have one hind leg shorter than the other. No on second thought it should be the forelimbs that are out of whack, and the hind quarters should resemble those of a fancified surrealistic hetzer beast. Yes, that's it a hetzer beast.

In a flash on brilliance, I have come to realize that I truly am a worthless wank. There really cannot be anything more useless than a seanachai (delibrately unbolded). I feel much better now that that knowledge has come my way.

Happy Birthday, Peng, you sod. Would you prefer a set of the Mouse Ears, or a Pooh doll? I tried to convince the young woman who plays 'Alice in Wonderland' at the Disney Character Breakfasts to come north to meet you, but she demurred. Also, I'm now barred from the Magic Kingdom for the rest of our visit, and all Disney Character meals for life. Disney World is horribly historically inaccurate. I suggested nothing to her that Lewis Carroll hadn't contemplated at great length, and I was escorted off the premises.

Alroight! Glad to see that interest is beginning to manifest in the Twin Cities. Minnesota CMers: Berli and Peng will be in town Sunday 10/20, and around until Thursday or so. I return from the hell that is the American South on Saturday, 10/19. Dalem, Lars, Shandorf, etc. Contact Berli and Peng about meeting. Also, I can be reached via my work email, which I will send you toads so we can make some arrangements.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars: Isn’t that just down the street from Brit’s? Or am I thinking of the Local? I remember the Murphy’s but I don’t remember the bar.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually, isn't Donovan's over on Hennepin? Hello, all. I am now able to reach you without the threat of the interrogation chambers underneath Cinderella's Castle. It turns out one of my Brother's-in-law has his laptop along, and I now have access to the web again. Originally my family was unwilling to let me know this, for fear I'd blow off the 'family vacation' for my CM addiction. But, after I involved two of my nephews in a plot with several Argentinian teens they'd made friends with to distract the Epcot staff by pretending to get into a punch up, they decided to make the internet available to me again. I must away to dinner with my family now, but I will be returning. Don't fall all over yourselves with happiness and anticipation.

Another illicit post from the 1,000 year magic kingdom. Seems I'm not supposed to log in to anything but the Disney/family sites, but I've gotten around it again. My nephews are keeping staff busy while I tell you that although I cannot reach you to tell you how loathsome you all are, you are. I long to return to the freedom of the Peng Challenge Thread. Disney World is a very strange place.