Mark IV

That sounds like a one year commitment (52 turns is not unreasonable for battalion size, and represents less than an hour of battle)! I think for something of that size you need to commit to a turn per day... interesting idea, though.

Ill tidings to you all. I am back from my week of Purgatorio, and an entire week without the internet. Among my many and unpleasant Herculean tasks, I had to actually speak face to face with foreigners to a great degree, and may I say that y'all should stick to e-mail. Or at least discover barbers and breath mints. I have reviewed the contents of this and the "other" thread and concluded that there is more wit, humor, and insight inscribed on the side of a No. 2 pencil. Therefore, I am now entering a permanent state of hostilities with everyone, which is probably indistinguishable from our previous arrangements. Those of you clever enough to have sent turns will get them back shortly, and will be damned sorry you did. Among the rest of you, Geier is easily the most reprehensible and should begin watching his icebox for the Narwhal of Doom to appear.

On the original CD: Move It or Lose It First Clash at Cambes

...and strike Moriarty sharply at the base of the neck. His troops, gruntled by my exorable advance, are whelmed by my battlefield finesse. They are shooting guns at me. Big ones. Advancing steadily at the rate of one meter per minute, I nonetheless promise him six feet of German snow, and no more. But I swear, he's been reading them books.

This links works: http://www.geocities.com/Pentagon/Quarters/8662/panzerl.htm The single verse MP3 is 740k.

I didn't see anything. Test=Failed

Get the markings- any of them- from the binos and lemme know. I used to dabble in such things and have a friend who would qualify as "expert". Still have a few things about, but I was more of an accumulator than a collector. Attention span issues and all that, plus I sidetracked into things that shoot.

Originally posted by Berlichtingen: Ah, PzKw IV ausf A (you are in no way good enough to be better than ausf A) Why must you Saugists always drag a theoretical discussion into a personal flame war? I will attempt to keep this discussion on the impersonal and constructive level, as khrisl has done. Anyway, better Ausf. A than a mere soft target, and your mutti was a kubelwagen... you forget the third method which is expounded in the excellent books Ich sauge: Angriff und Verteidigung and Fehlertaktik by Feldmausmarschal Bauhaus. Surely, even you can see that this does not fall into your two methods Had Bauhaus lived, it is possible that his theories might have evolved into a synthesis of the two philosophies, but it cannot be seen as a legitimate third alternative. The uniqueness of his approach was in deceiving the enemy into Killing Them All. While novel, even radical, this notion is hardly opposed to the Maneuverist and Attritionist philosophies, but merely redirects those energies. Sadly, both Bauhaus and his adherents (most notably Krodskii, of 1st Shocked Army fame) perished in battle (usually in the first 10 minutes) before his theories could be fully developed and understood.

I would agree that CM2 can wait another two years while all of these suggestions are incorporated, except that that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard, excepting the combined works of Meeks, Croda, & mensch. However, whenever the chrisl stumbles near a valid hypothesis, one should immediately reach out to steady it. In this case, note the canine teeth (on cats? hey, it was his link). Early biological mines? Could DNA and natural selection have drawn the same inevitable tactical conclusion before man even evolved?

Wilkommen! Now this is more like it. Pity the header is immune to spell-checking. Wo ist der Schnell Imbiss? I really miss Germany and would go back for 3 more years, if I didn’t have to get a job. Of course I’d go to Ohio for 3 years if I didn’t have to get a job, but I would never miss it. In the spirit of our new host Kountry’s proud military traditions, and seeking to share the more profound experiences of the Outer Board, I have decided to prepare a Cesspool tactics primer which explains the intricacies of offense, defense, attrition, and maneuver (Brits insert random vowels & consonants at will), in simple terms, for the benefit of those unable or unwilling to master simple pronoun usage. In preparing this I have drawn heavily on Guderian’s Grundlagen der septische Taktik as well as the US Army FM 11-18 Tactical Field Sanitation Manual, Rev. B, and related them to the CM environment. I believe this may spark an interesting philosophical discussion and further advance the cesspudlian art of war, which is already close to the level of grease ants battling over a roach corpse under the kitchen stove. The Cesspool Initiative: A Tactical Paradigm There are 2 possible tactical stances available to the CM player: Offense and Defense. (Meeting Engagements are a combination of the two and hence, for girls and toddlers.) Initial deployment and subsequent maneuver are completely different. In the Offense, one should Kill Them All. Conversely, in the Defense, one must Kill Them All. On the surface these two approaches seem diametrically opposed. A closer examination, however, will reveal subtle similarities. As the defender, one uses mines, traps, and pointy things to Kill Them. Note that successful attackers also use guns and pointy things to Kill Them. Think of artillery as large flying mines, and you’ll get the idea. All warfare may be interpreted in terms of mines, if you try hard enough. The ancient Greeks and Romans fashioned early mines from pointed bits of iron, fastened them to sticks, and jabbed one another with them. The early mines were called pila, known to the modern unwashed (i.e., You, Dear Reader) as spears (they were called Javelins until American Motors went under, but that’s a different war). Later they used elephants, but the principle is identical. The attacker may choose one of two styles of warfare: Attrition, in which he tries to Kill Them All, or Maneuver, in which he tries to Kill Them All. These two schools of thought are, not surprisingly, bitterly opposed and often hotly debated. Attritionists argue quite sensibly that you should buy a bunch of guns and tanks and explosives, find the Bad Guys, and Kill Them All. Maneuverists, on the other hand, advocate buying a bunch of guns and tanks and explosives and Killing Them All. Attritionists list conserving our precious and non-renewable fossil fuels as a secondary goal. Maneuverists exhibit a profound interest in nature and take “time to smell the roses”. Both are deserving of our respect as military theorists. In CM terms: The Attritionist drives headlong into the Defender’s ambush. The Maneuverist drives off to one side, into the Defender’s ambush. The Defender, in either case, seeks to cover his opponent with the various types of mines. Next Week: Turret Rotation- Fact or Myth?

We? A breath or two of methane and you got some kind of ownership here?

They weren't rules. They were choices for Hiram, who wondered what he was still allowed to say. And I most certainly have forgotten them; that was a couple pages ago! They don't appear to have helped him, and it is my fervent hope that they haven't helped the rest of you in any way, either. Now please go back to injecting petrol into mensch's table fruit and offering him smokes. I'm busy.

I see there has been some difficulty here, amongst our less-refined membership, on how Gentlemen handle a Draw outcome. The esteemed Hakko Ichiu-sama and I entered into a state of hostilities on or about Septemer 10, 2000 (the actual declaration was received shortly after, after his usual practice). This war has now been concluded. Once again, I lead by example: Lorak! Register a disgusting Draw for me, and the E. coli-siphoning, hamster-loving, gamey paramecium, Hakko Ichiu, who would indeed sound like a sneeze to the ethno-centric. How does some snowbound Maine-brain tap out an algorithm that equates an ass-whuppin' 52-45 with a Draw? That makes 7 to the good in my book, and Mr. FixYourElection-san is dead as a lugnut where I come from, but No-o-o, it's a bloody Draw in CMBOville. Please fix or do somefink!!! In a certain historical scenario which commences with the OK Corral on turn 1 and quickly escalates into real violence, this TD hugging, jeep-racing jabo slut hurled cannons, planes, bullets, missiles, planets, subpoenae, pointy things, and assorted vegetables for 30 straight turns against my valorous IVtruppen (except for two slimeballs who surrendered), called me everything but a primate, and dared me to cross that bridge. Well, I dast. And a mere half year later, that bridge is mine, and so much more. Oh, yes, his little Ami chateaux now waft sauerkraut out the chimneys and echo to "Wacht am Rhein". Actually there aren't many chimneys left and the chorus is a mite thin. No matter, flags are the right color and all is well. How he will explain the loss of 22 vehicles and 259 men to the American taxpayer is his problem. His Crews alone outnumbered my infantry. He did manage to park near the smaller and much less attractive bridge, where he was held to a complete standstill by a 2-man squad remnant and half a CO unit. And a blowed-up Puma with no bullets. At least two squadrons of jabos darkened my sky, immobilizing the heroic StuH which continued to pour vengeance on the invader to the end, and disabling the gun on the last of my mighty Mark IV state-of-the-art MBTs, after killing one of its brethren (sniff). My men quailed not. They did cower for about 10 minutes, but bounced right back when they were sure the planes were gone. And went on to achieve glories reminiscent of Meggido and Ulm. So, while deficient bookkeeping may rob me of the victory which is rightfully and mathematically mine, I am not bitter. I seek only to heal, not to divide. One people, one village, one river, I always say. Let me know when you have another 140th of a lifetime available, as I am still very unhappy with that MG in the church. [This message has been edited by Mark IV (edited 02-07-2001).]

4

Whoopsie-daisy! I had given you credit for an Eastern education and at least 3rd grade reading skills. To spare you the inconvenience of re-reading and comprehending: ME PLAY HIRAM AT XMAS. XMAS OVER NOW. ME PLAY MORIARTY. MORIARTY NO PLAY ME. HE DRUNK AGAIN. The correct answer, of course, is "IV". Britney is confused about the contribution she was intended to make to my war effort. For details of the custom voice therapy regimen I am recommending, see the Other Pool. Have Elvis read this to you slowly except for that last bit. You and all others (including Elvis, who will soon need a little cart for that ego of his) will die soon enough. I selected Moriarty, as the circling jackals will single out the weak and sickly from the herd when they are not really very hungry, but would like a snack. Or you could say that he selected me, the way an indeterminate bug selects your windshield out of all the cars on the freeway.

I may have to get into this mod thing now, with the new 'chine and all. These are really excellent.

No, that guy was drunk (hey, it was Christmas), and achieved a draw against you as Germans in the set-up fiasco known as "10 Minute Break", which is like some kind of CavScout fantasy shooter. You will recall (from p. 6 of this unfortunate thread) that your idol Germanboy suffered catastrophically as the Germans in this same wildly unbalanced scenario. I know nothing of Major Tom's abilities, but it is safe to say that Germanboy has more tactical acumen in his dandruff than you could acquire by grafting Fionn's head onto your own shrivelled torso. This allows me to consider my Draw a Major Victory, according to the modified curve standard in use by the World Massacre Association. I should also point out that accusing G'boy of looking Japanese is extremely insensitive and very close to the line, young man. Many people (most notably in Asia) look Japanese, but go on to make important contributions and live healthy, normal lives. Many other people look like dissipated white trash, yet in spite of their superficial advantage, never rise above the level of Eagles fan. So we should be very careful about making judgements about people based on how they look. I will continue to work with you to improve your sensitivity and cultural awareness. We take care of our own, here in the Peng Thread.

1. I surrender. 2. Mark IV is a CM god. All others are his playthings. 3. Red Wings rule. 4. You [annoy, vex, irritate] me. 5. You think you're going to beat me but you're not, haha. 6. You are otherly-abled and should play easier games. 7. Do a search. 8. Hamster, gerbil, wombat, nutria, chinchilla, porcupine. 9. Your [tank, truck, head] exploded real good. 10. I suck at this game. Hope this helps. Let me know if you need more. This approved list should get you through the weekend. Edited to caution you regarding #10, above. This could be misinterpreted. Please substitute "could use some help with" for "suck at". Taunting's fun, but safety first! [This message has been edited by Mark IV (edited 02-04-2001).]

Could someone explain the deal with the muzzle brake on the T10 Mine Exploder pictured above? That is very curious.

Lorak! Scribe thusly: Mark IV: WIN (65) Croda: loss (35) Two ragtag companies and 3 support vehicles assaulted uphill, without benefit of cover or light, against a village held by the evil Crodentruppen, and evicted his arse (can I say that here? Is this thing on?). Losses were heavy. This was mostly fought with the beta patch, and my Veterans panicked at the opening shots, whereas my Regulars fought like demons spit from the bowels of Hell, despite stumbling into a minefield. A crodische counterattack posed a minor inconvenience and killed a CO, to no avail, and Justice prevailed in the end. As though there were any doubt. Sadly, the one and only time I ever bought a Croc, it got blasted before I could indulge any cool pyros. So he is still a punk.

...Johnny, and it might be a sin, "But I'll take your bet - your gonna regret 'cause i'm the best that's ever been!" he said, adding, "Well, you're pretty good ol' son, "But set right in that chair right there and let me show you how it's done!" ...and he took a platoon of Easy-Eights and...

Scharfuss "S"? What drove me nuts with German was gender. Why would the world's most logical, methodical language suddenly go bonkers over gender? I mean, more than the rest of us... Having to memorize the artikel with the noun is an imposition I bitterly resent (not that I sent them in the first place). Latin, Spanish, Froggisch, Russki, whatever, you tell the gender by the ending, but Germisch, you gotta know or guess. No wonder they call them nemyetski. Schlaff gut, Y2Kchen.

Couple dots over a letter, no biggie really, but they make Germanophiles feel at home. They also save "e"s which are protected here in Kalifornia. For instance, you can write überthread, or ueberthread. Which looks cooler and more menacing? Which wastes the precious "e", without which English would be impossible? Quod erat demonstrandüm.